from Hollywood Colgate juice powder presents the Mel Blank show written by Mac Benoff with Mary Jane Cross Joe Kerns Lance Connery Alan Reed the sportsman Victor Miller in his orchestra and starring the creator of the voice of Bugs Bunny yes Colgate juice powder for a breath of sweet and teeth of sparkle brings you the Mel Blank show with Mel playing his new character Zookie hello everybody hello everybody hi and starring himself in person Mel Blank hiya folks conclusive proof that a young Swain has fallen in love with his lady bear is when he begins to see in her the close features of his family for instance in the little town where Mel Blank lives we hear Henry Adams saying to his girlfriend Susan gosh Susan you're awfully pretty you look just like my sister and in another part of town Roy Davis is saying to his girl you know Shirley you're lovely you look just as my mother did when she was your age and in the Colby house where Mel Blank is sitting with his girlfriend Betty Mel is saying gosh Betty you're very pretty you look just like my uncle last week Mel in an attempt to save the Colby family from eviction pretended he was a Viennese doctor however the plan didn't work and now we find Mel and Betty and Mel fix-it shop talking about the incident gosh everything was going fine too until the other doctor asked you where you studied yeah and all I could think of was Prineavite and gluten gluten gluten gluten Salzburg imagine that guy never heard of a place called Salzburg oh by the way Betty I got a circular in the mail that your father might be interested in here it is oh prefabricated housing what does it say by the crackerjack prefabricated house small inconvenient and poorly constructed this is the ideal type of housing for veterans sorry for you to joke but father and I'll be living out in the street if something doesn't happen or maybe even a seller oh that's wonderful that's wonderful living in a cellar sure your father's always throwing me down the steps now let's try and throw me up stop talking like that you know father's beginning to like me why does that not I heard him say now you can hang around the house all you want to yeah but you didn't see him pointing to the rafter speaking of the here comes your father now hello Betty Mel blank you idiot hello mr. Colby I gave you a cash register to fix my supermarket and what did you boo oh I meant to ask you mr. Colby I'm missing a few parts from an old slot machine I know that's an income book morning my cashier tried to ring up a dollar 20 what happened got three cherries straight across that's too bad that's terrible the next customer hit the jackpot oh but I can't be angry today the bank is giving me a big loan I'll be able to buy our house and we won't be evicted that is if everything goes well when banker Grimes comes to the house tonight I think I can impress banker Grimes and Betty can make a good impression on him and you Mel can make a good impression too you really think so mr. Colby yes on the sidewalk if you don't stay away from my house all right mr. Colby I can take a hint and I won't hey wait a minute banker Grimes is a very social man he'd be very impressed if you had some rich foreign relatives I don't have any rich foreign relatives you do now I'm a good actor I can do it I'll be your rich foreign relative you mean you want the house yeah you want to live in the street that's the deal well now that's what I call quick thinking I'll do anything to get that oh oh wait a minute here comes professor Potschnik hello professor Potschnik hello hello well if it ain't my four best friends Mel Bessie and mr. Colby professor Potschnik that's only three what am I an enemy we have to go professor Potschnik nice to see you come on Betty see you at nine cousin Mel why are you looking so down face for wife no I'm always talking out of turn professor I'm afraid I promised mr. Colby the impossible now there is no such word in the dictionary like impossible impossible that's a bad word forget it could be that is a word could be oh but this is really impossible I just told you there is no such word you couldn't use it don't even think about the impossible now what is the problem well I'm gonna help mr. Colby get a loan from banker Grimes so I gotta make believe I'm some foreign relative who was rich in high class that is impossible however under professor Potschnik dramatic course the impossible becomes could be now I have two courses of teaching the first is in Sam easy lesson and the other course one hard lesson we try the hard one now first we are impersonating a tough guy you listen wise guy see from whom you get in your vodka from home now you do it okay give a listen wise guy say from whom you're getting your vodka from home from home now we try another type the bastard side what coming here you all I'm a record of the hanker to fixing up that whole corral even if the high a and a home on the gas train thank you Bob a pot Mel but you a pod is Western talk for Rosler oh all right coming here thank you all that oh wait a minute professor this is all American well frankly Mel and farmers I am not too good but for you I am trying now make believe you are account the first thing you do is bow from the way bow from the way bow from the way I hope I do all right now from the way I can't like you tonight a while from the base you go get to power you did it morning and you did it don't take a chance with your own use cold gate to powder girls won't go out with a certain chap a breath of trouble his handicapped and as so often happens the victim does not suspect that he has this breath of trouble I mean unpleasing breath don't let it happen to you make it a daily must to do this brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate tooth powder for Colgate tooth powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth yes scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten Colgate tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth what's more no dentiflux of any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate tooth powder remember to buy it first thing and remember the name Colgate tooth powder with the accent on powder don't take a chance with your own use Colgate tooth powder now the fourth one Victor Miller in his orchestra with my pretty girl you there's a young love sick lad so in love with a pretty miss when his arms hold her charms he begins to sing words my party girl my head the world your leader then laughs you well back to Mel blank again to help mr. Colby obtain a loan Mel has promised to impersonate some rich foreign relevance thereby hoping to impress banker grime Mel has left the fix-it shop to get the costumes you'll need meanwhile the shop is in charge of his assistant Zuckey who is now fixing a radio what a big radio I knew true burn oh boy yeah it's not an automatic wicket we're gonna do it if there plays one record at a time I'm a little malinicious. Sukey, stay away from that radio. Look Sukey, help me get into this costume. I got, uh oh, Mr. Cushing, my large president. Hello there, Uggah, Uggah, Uggah, boo, boo, Uggah. Well greetings, mighty potentate. Uggah, Uggah, boo, boo, Uggah. What's the matter, mighty potentate? You look like you haven't slept a wink. Well Mel, last night I had a terrible nightmare for four hours, and then you woke up. No, then I went to sleep. My wife turned on the other side. Yeah, the way that woman snores. Sounds like the last dregs of a seltzer bottle. Now I know why Richard won't open that door. Why don't you try using a clothespin? I did, Mel, but I couldn't squeeze her neck into that little opening. Say, how'd you ever come to meet your wife, mighty potentate? Well, I'll tell you, Mel, it was a blind date. I'll never forget the first thing I said when I first saw her. What was that? Uggah. I get it, she was a screamer. Well, wasn't she insulted when you did that? Oh, no, no, she'd been out on blind dates before. And thanks with her, a groan was a compliment. You still didn't have to marry her, did you? Well, Mel, it was a rebound thing. You think? I've been going out with another girl. Oh, I'll never forget her. Every night I used to whisper in her ear, Gwendolyn, I adore you. Gwendolyn, you're my dream girl. Gwendolyn, I'm mad about you. But you left me because of one slight mistake. What was that? Her name was Emma. Well, I don't know why I'm standing here telling you all this. It shows that I'm not a woman's dog. I know just how you feel, mighty potentate. If I don't help Mr. Colby in press banker drives tonight, the Colbys may move and I may lose Betty. Lucky boy. Don't joke, Mr. Cushing, would you want to be single all your life? Ha! Well, I've got to be going, Mel. I hope everything turns out all right at the Colby house. Well, thanks. Where are you going? Well, I can do one or two things. I can go to the movies and see Duel in the Sun, or I can go home and fight in the shade. Well, have a good time at the movies. Well, good-bye, mighty potentate. So long, Mel. Well, now to get over to the Colby house with these costumes. Gosh, it's going to be quite a job impersonating a bunch of rich foreign relatives. Well, Betty, everything's going along fine. Yes, Father, Mel should be here any minute. And if he does a good job with that foreign relative stuff, it should sense the deal. Oh, leave it to Mel, Father. Well, Mr. Gryde, did you enjoy the dinner? Ah, it was delicious. Of course, you didn't have to go to the trouble of baking a cake and having the icing fell out $8,000. I got the point when the alphabet soup fell out Polly. How about the loan, Mr. Gryde? Oh, have a cigar. Well, now, Mr. Colby, I think the loan will go through. A cigar? I'd take the whole box. Well, there's just one point that we have to clear up. Well, go on, have a cigar. But I think we can overcome the point and get your hands off that bottle. Ah, the question I want to ask you, Mr. Colby, is do you intend to take a trip outside the country? Why, no, what makes you ask that? Well, now, we had an unfortunate experience. We made a $10,000 loan to a handkerchief manufacturer. Now, we don't know whether or not it was the nature of the business. Why, what happened? In six months, he blew. He blew? Oh, it's a big joke. He said he had a cousin in Ecuador, and now that's where he absconded. Now, I hope you don't have any relatives outside the country? Oh, why, no, of course not. Ah, bonsoir, bonsoir, cousin Colby. Just the French dry cleaners. Now, about the loan, Mr. Gryde. I'll open at this time. I give you an old chief. You stop that. Oh, excuse me. What's going on here? I am Mr. Colby's cousin. His cousin? Oui, oui, oui. Cousin Colby, when are you coming to visit with us? We are dying to see you. Eh, Cousin Colby, talk to me. Cousin Colby, stop sharpening that razor. Pardon me, what part of France are you from? London. London is in England. Madrid. Madrid is in Spain. Where is Pomona? Are you sure that you are a Frenchman? Oh, you do not believe me, I show you. I roll up my pant leg. Voila, what you see. A garter. What it says on the garter? Paris. That's the truth, I'm a Frenchman. Well, in that case, you'll surely understand what I'm saying. Jenny, c'est quoi, vous voulez-vous parler, vous, vous, France? Well, goodbye, Cousin Colby, the boat is leaving. Ah, Miss Colby, I don't like this. I thought you had no relatives outside the country. Now, Mr. Grymes, I can explain everything. Please excuse me just a minute. Oh, Betty, Betty. Yes, father? Betty, we can't tell Mr. Grymes. We've tried to deceive him, but we must stop now. Oh, I'll try to. Is this where Senor Colby lives? Well, uh... I have no relatives in South America. Oh, but Cousin Colby, remember what we made of? I mean, how our families made of. Pardon me, are you one of Mr. Colby's South American relatives? Gee, I am a very rich bullfighter. I remember the last fight. We were in the middle of the arena. I look at the bull. The bull looked at me. I look at the bull. The bull looked at me. I look at the bull. The bull looked at me. You want to know something? The bull is better looking than me. What part of South America are you from? Uh, Columbia. What part of Columbia? Uh, eastern Columbia. Where about? Broadway at night. Oh, Cousin Colby. Cousin Colby, I know you haven't seen me in ten years, but put me down. All right. Before you take me back inside the window. Colby, is that a way to treat a relative of yours? Now I want to talk to him. Sit him down, wine him, and dine him. I think I go now. Why? You said wine me, dine me. Cousin Colby looks like he wants to shave me so long. Colby, there's something highly irregular about this. Now, please, Mr. Grime, have a cigar. I never saw these relatives before. What did you say, Miss Colby? You did have a relative. I never saw these cigars before. Comrade Colby, the border gives us a bottle of peace, prosperity, and regards from Uncle Patrick. Another relative? That's right, Kirov. I haven't seen Uncle Colby for ten years. Let's eat. You haven't seen him for ten years, and the first thing you want to do is eat? That's right. Borscht is thicker than blood. Now you interest me very much. I've always wanted to... I've always wanted to obtain the first-hand information about the USSR. USSR? Oh, oh, I get it. That's Russia spelled backwards. Ah! Now, I have always... I've always been very interested in the Russian experiment. What do you mean, experiment? I had a mother and father just like you did. Yes, now, what did you do in Russia? Me? I'm the greatest actor in Moscow. I play gangster part, leader. Give a listen, you wise guy, see? From whom you get me a vodka, from whom, huh? See, whom, huh? Whom? I was wonderful. Our great critic, Yasha Siddler, he gave me the highest award. Four boulders and a boatman. That's right. Now, listen, this has gone far enough, Mr. Colby. What I've seen tonight is enough. You're not getting any loans from my bank. Oh, then give me back my cigar. And for making a fool out of me, I'm going to break every cigar in this box. Did you hear that, Mr. Colby? Yes, and for making a fool out of me, Mel Blanc, I'm going to break every bone in your box. So, banker Grimes gave Mr. Colby the loan, and now your girl, Bethy, won't have to leave town. Mel, that's wonderful. Yes, Professor Pachnik, for a minute I thought I was going to be killed. Well, what saved you? Well, Mr. Grimes turned out to be an amateur actor himself, and he enjoyed my performance. A Pachnik pupil pleases people. And now I'm going to be a good friend of yours. I'm going to be a good friend of yours. I'm going to be a good friend of yours. I'm going to be a good friend of yours. But Pachnik pupil pleases people. And now you want that I should act out the gangster again, huh? Yeah. All right. Give a listen, wise guy, see? From who you're getting your vodka from, hoo-ha! See? Fine. Well, is that what you wanted to learn, Mr. Grimes? Yes, Mel. I'll see if I have it right. Give a listen, wise guy, see? From who you're getting your vodka from, hoo-ha! Now, Blank, we'll be back in just a minute. Now, Blank, we'll be back in just a minute. It's tragic, but true, that a little breath of trouble, I mean, unpleasing breath, deprives many a girl of romance. Anyone can be a victim of unpleasing breath, even you. So it's important always to be on your guard against this social handicap. That's why we recommend this daily practice. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder, for Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifrice at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing. And remember the name, Colgate Tooth Powder, with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Powder! This is Mel Blank saying thanks for listening. Good night, Andy. That's all, folks. And this is Bud Easton reminding you that Colgate Tooth Powder for breathless, clean, and teeth that sparkle brings you the Mel Blank Show every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blank's Fix It shop. Say hello to Halo Shampoo for naturally bright and beautiful hair. Remember even finest soaps and soap shampoos hide the natural lustre of the skin. And even finest soaps and soap shampoos hide the natural lustre of your hair with Dulling Soap Films. But Halo Shampoo contains no soap, therefore leaves no Dulling Soap Films. Even in hardest water, Halo makes oceans of rich, fragrant lather. Quickly banishes loose dandruff and dirt. Halo needs no lemon or vinegar rinse. Say hello to Halo and goodbye to Dulling Soap Films. Get Halo Shampoo at any cosmetic counter. Ladies, now more and more fats and oils are needed to make more and more of the things we need so badly. Your butcher pays you a high price for every pound of waste fat you take to him. So do fill it in and turn it in. Remember, Mel Blank at the same time every Tuesday night. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. Thank you.
