From Hollywood, Colgate Toothpawder presents the Mel Black Show written by Mack Venoff with Mary Jane Croft, Joe Kearns, Hans Conrad, Alan Reed, Joe Walker, the sportsman Victor Miller and his orchestra and starring the creator of the voice of Wonderbunners Bug Bunny. What's up, Jack? Yes, Colgate Toothpawder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you the Mel Blank Show with Mel playing his new character, Zookie. Hello everybody. Hello everybody. Hi. And starring himself in person, Mel Blank. Hi folks. Ugga boo, ugga boo, boo, ugga. Throughout the pages of history, heroes have been depicted as men of great force and iron will. However, even great men are human and it is their little human characteristics that prove their greatness. For instance, in 1491, Queen Isabella said, Christopher, will you put down that globe and pay some attention to me? Nothing doing, not until I find a new route to the Indies. And in 1775, on a cold, bleak day, Martha Washington said, George, come into the house, it's cold. Nothing doing, not until I win this battle of Valley Forge. And today in the home of Betty Colby, Betty speaks to another great man, her boyfriend, Mel Blank and says, Mel, come down off that chandelier. Nothing doing, not until that mouse is gone. Well, the mouse got tired of waiting, so he left. Mel came down and just before he and his girlfriend, Betty left for the picture show at the Bijou, Betty said, Oh, Mel, you're such a coward, afraid of a mouse. I am not a coward. I never told you about the time I was held up in my fix-it shop. I said to that crook, all right, put your gun on the table and scram. And what did he do? He told me to go jump in the lake. Well, what happened? I don't know. When I got back, he was gone. Now you're just a weakling. Oh, is that so? I'm tired of all this talk. The next one who calls me on the telephone is going to get it from me. I'm going to tell him off. I don't care who it is. I answer that, Betty. Oh, all right, I'll answer it. Hello, Betty Colby's house. What? Now listen, fathead, I don't want to be bothered with you. If you call up again, I'll beat your brains out to you here. I'll come over there and mop up the floor with you. Goodbye. Who was it? I don't know. She didn't say. And that's only the beginning, Betty. I'm going to be big, get my name in the papers. How? Working in your fix-it shop, you'll never get your name in the papers by fixing things. Oh, no? What about those New York gamblers? Betty, I'm going to do big things in this town. I'm going to get in who's who. And everybody in town will say, there's Mel Blank, who's who. We knew him when he was what's that? Well, you're certainly talking differently, Mel. Maybe now father will begin to respect you. And as far as your father's concerned, Betty, there's going to be a new deal. From now on, I'll show him who's boss. Hello, Betty. Hello, Mel. Hello, father. Hello, boss. Mel Blank, what are you doing here in the parlor with my daughter, Betty? Well, as a matter of fact, Mr. Colby, we were just leaving for the movies. Now listen, you giggling idiot. Before you go, I wanted to talk to you about that electric fan you fixed. I put it up in my supermarket this afternoon. Did it go fast enough? Fast enough? I hung it up right over the apples, pears, bananas and plums. Well, what happened? I got a market full of fruit salad. Gosh, Mr. Colby, I'm sorry. I meant to do well. Oh, father, this loaf of sliced bread you brought home, you know something, there's a slice missing. Slice missing? That's funny. I had a few complaints at the store about the same thing today. Oh, well, it's probably nothing. Nothing? A slice of bread missing from every loaf and you call it nothing? Betty, keep your hands off that wrapper. What's the matter? We'll leave it for fingerprints. The bread maniac is on the loose again. Oh. Oh, blank, you idiot, keep out of this. Mr. Colby, stealing bread is serious. You're not dealing with an ordinary criminal. This man's a bread napper. Well, who knows how far he may go? What do you mean? Why, tomorrow we may be siphoning the custard out of your chocolate eclairs. Now, stop being so silly. It's only a slice of bread. Betty, you think I'm a coward. Well, I'm going to show the both of you what a big man I really am. Oh, you idiot, forget it. You hear me? Yeah, we've got to hit him off. This thing is too big for the local police. I'll go to the FBI. I'll go to the Army. I'll go to the Navy. I'll go to the President. Oh, blank. I'll go. I'll tell you. You're coming? No, no, you go on ahead. I'll meet you at the movies. Go on alone. She thinks I'm afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm going to solve that bread case. Guy may be very tough to catch. By now, he may be sticking the white bread under a sun lamp and selling it as pumpernickel. Uh-oh, there's Professor Potsnick, piano teacher. Hey, Professor Potsnick, wait for me. Hello, Mel. Professor, what are you laughing at? I just came from the movies where I'm seeing that bog's body. He's funny. The way he says, eh, what's up, comrade? Professor, don't tell me about the picture. I'm going to see it with my girl Betty. Besides, right now, I've got to find the bread thief. Please allow me to interrupt. Then I saw another picture, Do-Yo in the Sun. So many actors. There's that fellow, that not 100% wool. Not 100% wool? Yeah, Joe Cotton. And then there's that Jennifer Jones. Her part, I can't remember. All through the picture, she is wearing a blanket. So help me, never once went to sleep. But what love scenes I saw. Even in the balcony. But in the picture, first, Gregory Pack kisses Jennifer Jones. Then she's kissing him. Then he's kissing her. Then she's kissing him. Do they go on kissing all through the picture? Why not? You should see the muscles in Gregory Pack's lips. So long, now. Well, goodbye. Hmm, that's funny. I wasn't even interested in the case of the missing bread slice. I wonder, maybe he took it. Mr. Colby threw me out. Maybe he has a reason. Even Betty. But love mustn't stand in the way. He's a suspect. Wait a minute. Mel Blank, where were you on the night of February the 18th? What am I talking about? I can't even eat bread. I'm on a diet. Use Colgate Tooth Powder, keep smiling just fine. Keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. It cleans your teeth, makes breath so sweet. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. Want teeth that sparkle and dazzle? A breath that's fresh and sweet? Then try Colgate Tooth Powder. For the new all-purpose Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your teeth and sweetens your breath. Yes, this new all-purpose Tooth Powder produces an amazingly rich, active foam that's marvelously effective. Every time you brush your teeth with this new all-purpose Colgate Tooth Powder, your whole mouth feels clean, sweet, fresh. Your teeth regain their natural sparkle. It's been proved in seven cases out of ten that Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. And as for cleaning, you can depend on Colgate Tooth Powder revealing the natural brilliance of your teeth, giving them that pearly, polished feeling. Yes, Colgate Tooth Powder, the new all-purpose Tooth Powder, does everything you can expect or ask of a dentifrice and does it beautifully. Try Colgate Tooth Powder today for teeth that sparkle and a breath that's sweet. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. Now the sportsman Victor Miller, the orchestra, and blue skies. Blue sky, smiling at me. Nothing but blue sky. Do I see no nothing but blue sky? With blue birds singing a song. Nothing but blue sky. With blue birds singing a song. Nothing but blue birds all day long. Never saw the sun shining so bright. Never saw things that were going so right. Noticing the days are hurrying by. When you're in love, my mind they fly high. Blue day, troubles, all of them gone. Blue sky, blue skies from now on. Blue sky, smiling at me. Blue birds, red birds, all. Never saw the sun shining so bright. Never saw things that were going so right. Noticing the days are hurrying by. When you're really in love, my mind they fly high. Blue day, troubles, all of them gone. Nothing but blue sky. Blue skies from now on. Applause And now back to Mel Blank. Betty has spurned Mel because of his lack of courage. And Mel, trying to redeem himself, is hot on the trail of the bread thief. The person responsible for the mysterious disappearance of a slice out of every loaf of sliced bread in Colton Supermarket. Right now he's walking down toward the movie house when he's accosted by Hartley Benson, the town bo-brummo. Hello, hello Mel, oh boy. Hello Hartley, nice seeing you. Yes, it usually is quite a treat. Say, Hartley, who do you know who would want a steel slice bread? Oh, probably someone with a lot of crunk. Can't you help me out? They stole one slice out of each loaf. Yes, well let me think now, one slice out of each loaf. Lana Turner, Betty Greyball, Rita Hayworth. What's Lana Turner and Rita Hayworth got to do with it? Well, as long as I'm thinking, I might as well enjoy myself. Oh, by the by, you needn't bother waiting for Betty outside the theater. You see, I am taking her. You're taking her? I'm supposed to meet her at the theater. Well, she evidently changed her mind. You know, old boy, while we look at Bugs Bunny, I'll snuggle up to your honey. Bugs Bunny? Well, Betty isn't going with me because she thinks I'm a coward. Just a second, Mel. If you want to know why she's not going with you, look at your suit. Who made it? Schaffner and Marx? Hart Schaffner and Marx. Come now, old boy, nobody's heart was in that job. Oh, yeah? Well, this jacket happens to be a Hollywood model. Oh, yes, yes, so it is. The shoulders are built for Mickey Rooney and the sleeves for Gary Cooper. Well, goodbye, goodbye, old boy, and don't worry about Betty. She'll be in Betty Goodhand's hands. Yeah, what a character. He thinks he's handsome. Take off those shoulder pads, let his stomach out, get him off those elevator shoes. I bet he looks just like me. I wonder if he's the bread thief. No, he's more of a lady finger type. Oh, here comes my lodge president, Mr. Cushing. Hello, Mel. Greetings, mighty potentate, Ugga, Ugga Boo, Ugga Boo, Boo, Ugga. Say, I saw your wife, she looked awfully mad. Well, she was a little peeved. I got home at one in the morning, Friday. One in the morning, Friday? What's so terrible about that? I left the house on Tuesday. Well, as a matter of fact, Mel, she's very nice about it. She sat me down in the easy chair, gave me my slippers and pipe. Your eye looks a little swollen. Yeah, it was a lead pipe. Gosh, mighty potentate, why don't you tell your wife to stop beating you? Well, I did, Mel. We had a terrible argument last night, and when we were through, she said, John, you burned me up. Dad, what a temptation. Well, at least I won the argument. I can leave the house whenever I want to. I can go to the laundry, the grocery store, the tailor. Well, that's fine. You want to go with me to the movies? Well, I'm sorry, Mel, I can't. The chain won't reach that far. Well, stop making up those things, mighty potentate. Say, how did you ever come to marry your wife? Well, I'll tell you, Mel, I was young and idealistic. I wanted to marry for youth, love, and beauty. And my wife came along with all that money, so I compromised. Was she pretty? Ha! Mel, yesterday she spent 12 hours in the beauty parlor and five minutes in the fish market, and believe me, the lobster she brought home looked better than she did. Oh, your wife isn't that ugly. No, Mel, they say that some people have a face that'll stop a clock. Well, the other day, my wife looked at our cuckoo clock. Did the clock stop? No, the cuckoo dropped dead. Say, just a second, mighty potentate. Do you know someone who would be stealing bread in this town? No, Mel, I don't. But if you ever find him, send him to me. Maybe I can interest him in the crumb I'm living with. But no, mighty potentate. I'm serious. I'm looking for a bread thief. No, stop being ridiculous, Mel. Well, maybe you're right. I got off on a wild goose chase for a hunk of bread, and on account of it, Hartley Benson is taking Betty to the movies. Well, don't take it so hard, Mel. I was only doing it to show them I wasn't a coward. Watch out for that lamppost. I'd like to make them sit up and take notice. Mel, look out! Oh, slice of bread. Colby, Betty, Bugs Bunny, missing slice of bread. Bugs Bunny, slice of bread. Hear ye, hear ye. The quarter fry, white and whole wheat will now come to order. Court will rise in general session. The missing slice of bread will now begin. Learned judges now enter the court for seat to the bench and will now speak up. What's up, prosecutor? Here's the affidavit, your honor. The plaintiff Colby contends that the defendant, Mel Blank, dispatched to Fom's errand boy, Juan Zucchi, with 12 cents to purchase one loaf of sliced bread. The aforementioned Zucchi returned with the aforementioned bread and one slice was missing. The aforementioned defendant, Mel Blank, was not refunded the aforementioned 12 cents, although he made an aforementioned big stink about it. Where's your place, witness, Doc? Here I am, your honor. Your honor, have you examined the witness? Certainly, Doc. What is your opinion? Stand up, miss. Put your right hand on this white bread. Swear to tell the loaf, the whole loaf, and nothing but the loaf, so help you right, Fred. I do. Cross your knee and hope to die. Cross my knee? Oh, your honor, doesn't he mean cross my heart? Uh-uh, Judge, the prosecutor knows what he's talking about. Well, I object, your honor. I want to cross-examine the defendant's assistant, Zucchi. Okay, Zucchi, take a stand. Now, young man, tell us, what's your name? Is the, is the, is the, is the, uh... John Doe. What's your occupation? Well, see, I'm a, I'm a radio announcer. A radio announcer? Yeah, listen, uh, uh, uh, uh, doctor, I have a lady in the... Uh, uh, uh, uh, doctor, I have a lady in the... Uh, uh, uh, uh, I have a lady in the... Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, never mind, she went home. Is that all you announce? No, I also give the time. How do you do that? Like this. It's five o'clock! It's six o'clock! Are you still working as an announcer? Oh, yes, sir, um, absolutely, uh... I was fired. For what reason? Uh, uh, dirty politics! You're on the bug's bunny. This is getting us nowhere. Eh, just a second, Doc. I have the name of the guilty party. What? Who is it? Mr. Colby. That's a lie. How do you know he's guilty? We discovered this ad he placed in the paper, and it supplies the motive for the missing bread. Here, I'll read it to the court. Handsome man with lots of bread desires attractive young lady with lots of baloney. Object sandwiches. Mr. Colby, let me see your hand. Just as I taught. Ketchup. Caught you red-handed. Colby, there's only one question I want to ask you. What's that? If you was Nora Prentice, would you keep your mouth shut? Well? I'm willing to pay the fine, Your Honor. Fine's mine. Colby, I'm sentencing you to solitary confinement. I'm placing you in a little cell, two feet wide and four feet long, with nothing in it but a little table. Is that for me? Not so fast. Of course you have to pay me 400 carats bonus. Well, I won't pay it. You're not Bugs Bunny. You're Mel Blanc. Hey, stop shaking me, Doc. Stop shaking me. Stop shaking me. Stop shaking me. Stop shaking me. Mel, Mel, wake up. What happened? You walked into the lamppost. We had to drag you into the theater and revive you. You were out for so long, we missed the picture. We did? Yes, but we're just in time for your favorite cartoon. My favorite cartoon? Yes, listen. Eh, what's up, Doc? Oh, no. Not that. Oh Mel, stop talking about Hartley Benson. I just made him say that to get you jealous. And besides, you're home with me, aren't you? Oh, Betty, I made a mess of everything with that bread thief business. I wonder what you see in me. Oh, I don't know. I guess I love you for the little things about you. The little things? Yes, put your head on my shoulder. No, Betty, let's dance. I'll turn on the radio. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Ace Bread Company's program. Today, some of you lucky listeners must have been starved to find a loaf of bread with one slice missing. Betty, do you hear that? Ha ha ha, we planned it that way. If any of you people are listening to this program, Yes? and you can get to the studio in ten minutes, we will give him or her absolutely free Yes? the missing slice of bread. Is that all? What else? Music Bill Blank will be back in just a minute. Music Use cold cake to flour, keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. It cleans your teeth, makes breath so sweet. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. Lively, active, marvelously effective. That's Colgate Tooth Powder, the new all-purpose Colgate Tooth Powder. It cleans your teeth and sweetens your breath. Yes, every time you brush your teeth with this new all-purpose tooth powder, your whole mouth feels wonderfully fresh, sweet. That lively, active foam swirls around your mouth, cleans in all the corners. In seven cases out of ten, it's been proved Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. And when it comes to cleaning your teeth, why Colgate Tooth Powder does a thrilling job. For it leaves teeth gloriously clean, reveals their natural brilliance. Try Colgate Tooth Powder, the new all-purpose Colgate Tooth Powder today. For teeth that sparkle and a breath that's sweet. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. This is Mel Blank saying thanks for listening. Good night and that's all, folks. And this is Bud Heath, reminding you that Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you The Mel Blank Show every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blank's Fix It Shop. Say hello to halo shampoo for naturally bright and beautiful hair. Remember even finest soaps and soap shampoos hide the natural lustre of your hair with Dulling Soap Film. But halo shampoo contains no soap, therefore leaves no Dulling Soap Film. Even in hardest water, halo makes oceans of rich fragment ladder, quickly banishes loose dandruff and dirt. Halo needs no lemon or vinegar rinse. Say hello to halo and goodbye to Dulling Soap Film. Get halo shampoo at any cosmetic company. Ladies, right now there is a worldwide shortage of fats and oils. That is why the women of America are asked to keep on saving used fats. Keep on selling it to your butcher. Your butcher is now paying more for your waste cooking fat. Remember, Mel Blank at the same time every Tuesday night. This is PBS Columbia Broadcasting, this is.
