From Hollywood, Colgate Toothpoudre for A Breath That's Sweet and Teeth That's Sparkle presents The Mel Blank Show with Mary Jane Croft, Joe Kearns, Hans Conrad, Earl Ross, the sportsman, Victor Miller and his orchestra, and Mel Blank, the creator of The Voice of Bugs Bunny. What's up, Jack? Playing his new character, Zookie. Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody. Hi. And starring, starring himself in person, Mel Blank. Good evening, folks. Gee, it's all fine and dandy, sugar candy when I've got you. When I only see the sunny side, even trouble has its funny side. When you're gone, sugar candy, I get lonesome, I get so blue. When you're handy, it's fine and dandy, but when you're gone, what can I do? I get lonesome, kind of blue. When you're gone, what can I do? Thank you, sportsman and Victor Miller. Well, last night was date night in Mel Blank's little town, and in almost every house, prospective father-in-laws were bidding cheery goodbyes to courting swings. In the Anderson house, Mr. Anderson was saying, good night, Joe. Good night, Mr. Anderson. And in the Brown household, Mr. Brown was saying, good night, Sam. Good night, Mr. Brown. And in the Colby house, where Mel Blank spent the evening courting his girl, Betty, Betty's father, Mr. Colby, was saying, get out of here and never come back again. Good night, Mr. Colby. So the next morning, we find Mel sitting, or standing in his fix-it shop, talking to Betty's kid brother, Tommy. You know, Tommy, I can't figure your father out. What do you mean, Mel? Well, I don't know whether he likes me or not. Last night, he threw me out of the house, and yet the night before, he said, Mel, go out and take my car. He even escorted me to the driver's seat and started the motor, waved goodbye, and said, Mel, run her all night. Well, what's wrong with that? In a locked garage? It doesn't look right. Well, it's your own fault, Mel. You act too much like a weakling. I'm a weakling? Your father's the one who's a weakling. Why, yesterday, he was strangling me for 10 minutes before he finally let go of my throat. Well, that's because he thought you were dead. Well, I fooled him. Blue is my natural color. Mel, why don't you use a different approach to my old man? Stop walking in on your hands and knees. Why don't you be pleasant, crack a few jokes? Say that's a great idea, Tommy. After all, I'm a natural born comedian. Listen to this great joke, kid. It seems George Washington's father bought him a little hatchet, and that night, little George, instead of chopping down a cherry tree, sneaked into his father's room and tried to take a chip off the old block. You get a chip off the old block. Hatchet, hatchet. Hatchet yourself. You laid it. It's a fine way to talk to your prospective brother-in-law. Don't forget, someday, I'll marry your sister, Betty, and then, who knows, you may even have a little nephew that looks just like me. So I'll be a monkey's uncle. Oh, now, stop kidding yourself, Mel. You'll never marry my sister, as long as my father hates you like he does. Yeah, that's what you think. Oh, you better go, Tommy. Here comes my lodge president, Mr. Cushing. He's a very important guy. Oh, is that the lodge Pop is trying to get into? The loyal order of benevolent zebras? Yeah. Well, greetings, brother zebra. Uggah, uggah, boo, uggah, boo, boo, uggah. Greetings, mighty potentate. Uggah, uggah, boo, uggah, boo, boo, uggah. So long, Tommy. This is all secret lodge business. Yeah, I get it. Uggah, uggah, boo. What such a secret? I said that before I could talk. Well, I just came around to remind you about the important meeting tonight, Mel. Looks like we're about to get that priority to build a new lodge auditorium. Gee, I thought there were a lot of people ahead of us. Well, the top priority went to the pool hall. Then came the saloon and then the bowling alley. We're ahead of only one person. Who's that? A veteran who wants to build a house. And another thing, Mel, we are voting on Colby's application for membership. I thought Betty's father was voted in last year. Well, he didn't get quite enough votes. So we declared him a zebra without stripes. Well, what's that? A jackass. Well, I sure would like to be there to vote for him, but I've got something more important. I got to go up to Mr. Colby's house and square myself with him. Are you in trouble with Colby again? What'd you do this time to make him mad? Well, last night, Mr. Colby finally got delivery on his new 1946 console radio. You should have seen it. They delivered it in a beautiful plastic crate. In fact, it was so beautiful, it got me all confused. Well, what did you do? I threw out the radio and plugged in the crate. So that's why he tossed you out of the house again, huh? Yeah. I've been tossed on the lawn so much, I'm beginning to feel like the afternoon paper. Gee, if I only knew what to do to make Mr. Colby like me, I can't even get near him. Mel, why don't you send your assistant, Zookie, over? You let him deliver a box of candy and attach a personal note. Nothing better. Hey, that's a good idea. Thank you, mighty potent, eh? Well, anything to help a brother zebra, you know. So long, Mel. Ugga ugga boo, ugga boo boo, ugga. Ugga boo boo, ugga ugga boo boo. Oh, careful, Mel. You slipped up on my password. Well, what do you mean? You uggered when you should have booed. Now, to get a box of candy and write a little note. Boy, this is great. I can just see Zookie giving it to Mr. Colby now. Oh, hello, Zookie. What brings you here? Oh, hello, Mr. Colby. Mel sent me over with this box of candy. Oh, huh. That nincompoop Mel is trying to get in good with me. Oh, two pounds of assorted fruits and nuts. And a note from him, too. Yeah, it's a poem. I'll read it to you. Ibribi, ibribi, ibribi, ibribi, ibribi, ibribi, ibribi. Roses are red. Violets are blue. That's why I send these fruits and enemy, enemy, enemy, enemy, enemy, enemy, and nuts to you. Oh, Betty, Betty. Look what Mel sent over. Oh, gee. Oh, that's nice. Oh, hello, Zookie. Hello, ibribi, ibribi, ibribi, ibribi, ibribi. Betty. Thanks. Zookie, Mel must have spent a lot of money on this candy. Well, he took it out of the badang, badang. You see, he traded it in as a, in as a cordy. He, he, he collected some money, money, money, money, money. He cut my salary. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Well, the candy's nice, but I don't know whether I ought to forgive Mel for what he did to my new radio. I got a repairman coming in to fix the radio, and it's costing me $50. Daddy, why don't you give Mel another chance? I don't want him near that radio. Tonight, my favorite program is on, and I want to hear it. Oh, but Mel could fix your radio. He, he fixed the Anderson radio, and now it brings in all the prog, prog, prog, you can get African, African, you can get, you can get, you can get, you can get Russian, Russian, every, every, every, it's dead as a doornail. However, I can't overlook the fact that Mel did make a peace offering. So, Zookie, you may tell Mel he can come over here tonight to see Betty, but he's got to keep his hands off the radio. Oh, I'll promise for Mel, Father. Zookie, now you run back to the fix-it shop and tell Mel. Oh, okay. Oh, this is swell. When I tell Mel why, he'll be so happy, he'll take me in his arms, and he'll hug, and he'll kiss, kiss, kiss. Hey, Betty, you better go. A girl who has a breath of trouble is seldom asked to date up double. Don't let a breath of trouble, I mean, unpleasing breath, hurt your popularity. Thousands who don't even suspect it are victims of unpleasing breath. So be on your guard. Do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder, for Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifers at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it, first thing, and remember the name, Colgate Tooth Powder, with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. Now back to Victor Miller and the sportsman doing Five Minutes More. Give me five minutes more, only five minutes more. Let me stay, let me stay in your arms. Here am I begging for only five minutes more. Only five minutes more of your charm. All week long I dreamed about our Saturday dates. Don't you know that Sunday morning you can sleep late? Give me five minutes more, only five minutes more. Let me stay, let me stay forever in your arms. Well, with a gift of a two pound box of nuts and fruits, Mel had made Mr. Colby forget the fact that he almost ruined Mr. Colby's brand new 1946 console radio. So what was a scene of terror last night has turned into a meeting of jolly fellowship tonight, as we once again find Mel in the Colby home. Try this one, Mr. Colby, it's a liquid cherry. Oh, no, Mel, I know a caramel when I see one. Uh-uh, it's a liquid cherry, Mr. Colby. Oh, tell me, I know it's a caramel. Here, I'll squeeze it. Well, with a little whipped cream on your head, you'd look just like a sundae. You know, Mr. Colby, that's a wonderful radio you got there. Yes, and I've waited five years for it. I can hardly wait for the repairman to come and hook it up. Gosh, it's a beauty. Eight push buttons and all you have to do is press it like little... Mr. Colby, get your hands off my throat. Well, you keep your hands off that radio. Oh, but Mr. Colby, I'm the handiest man in this town. Even when I was a kid, they called me Kid Fix-It. I'll never forget when I was 10, there was a gas leak in my neighbor's house. Right away, they called me, so I went down the cellar looking for that gas leak with a candle, a box of matches, and a cigarette lighter. I'll bet they threw you out of the house. What house? But no kidding, I can really fix that radio. Oh, hello, Mel. Hi, Betty. Daddy, are you getting angry again? No, but your boyfriend had better stop his stupid bragging. He's just proving what I've always said, his head is full of hot air. Father, that's not fair. Everyone in town is saying that his head is full of hot air. But believe me, there's nothing in it. Father, Mel is never going to get anywhere unless someone gives him a chance. And who else should give him a chance but those closest to him? That's right, Mr. Colby, and after all, I'm going to marry your daughter. You're going to marry my daughter? You ever thought about me? Yes, but Betty's much prettier. But, Betty, Mel can't support you. You need the necessities of life. How will you get them? We'll charge them. All right, all right, you charge. One month, two months, three months. And then what do you do? We'll move to another neighborhood and start all over again. Doesn't everybody? Why? I'd have to be an idiot to let you marry my daughter. Thank you for your consent. I've had enough of this. I'm going to... Oh, look, Mr. Colby, I've taken all I can from you. Oh, really? What are you going to do about it? How would you like to step outside? That suits me fine. Come on. Oh, my God. Well, Betty, now that we're alone... I think that I ought to... What did you say, Mr. Colby? Father, control yourself. You can't strike Mel. After all, he soon may be your own lodge brother. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I was supposed to run down to the meeting and see if they'd voted me in. I'm late already. All right, Betty, you stay here and watch Mel. Now, don't you let him touch that radio. The repairman ought to be here any minute now. Don't worry about it. Goodbye, Father. Well, goodbye, Betty. Aren't you going to say goodbye to Mel? You know, there's one thing that worries me, Betty. With your father hating me so much, you're liable to begin to hate me, too. Oh, no, darling, I'll always love you. Even though I don't know exactly why. After all, you're not handsome. You're not intelligent. You're not successful. Please, Betty, this could go on all night. Well, let's forget about your father for a minute, darling. We're all alone now, and I have a much more important question to ask you. Oh, Mel. Well, this is so sudden. Oh, Betty. Yes, Mel? Betty, I... Go on, Mel. Ask me that question. All right. Betty, can I fix your father's radio? Mel, you stay away from that radio. No, this is my big chance to show off to your father. But, Mel, are you sure you know what you're doing? Betty, how can I go wrong? Here's the book of instructions. I'll start right from the beginning. It says, follow the instructions in this booklet very carefully, as this radio represents the result of 102 years of extensive electronic research, and can be ruined in five minutes by a jerk like you. Betty, your father wrote in this book. Ah, who needs this book anyway? Betty, bring me a hammer and a corkscrew. Oh, just a minute. Oh, Mel, it's the repair man. Oh, we don't need him. Send him away. Bops. The radio's all fixed. I'm sorry. You had to come. Bops. Is everything all right now? Sure, Betty. We're all set. But, Mel, there's a tube left over. Oh, let's not waste it. Screw it into the chandelier. Well, let's go. Turn the knob, Betty. Nothing's happening. Well, you've got to give the set a chance to warm up. See, the tubes are beginning to light up. See, it's getting nice and warm. Now the wires are beginning to light up. And now the set is beginning to light up. Shall I call the mechanic? Call the fire department. Oh, don't be silly. I'll pull out the plug. Oh, gosh, you've ruined the radio. Oh, Betty, this is the darkest moment of my life. Well, it's the same for me, Mel. Well, you're a little better off. I left my life insurance policy in your name. Oh, Mel, here comes father. Why don't you try to get away? Oh, it's too late. Wait a minute. Why should I die without a struggle? I got an idea. I'm a born actor. What are you thinking of, Mel? I'll get in back of the radio set and act. Whatever your father tunes in, I'll do. Oh, Mel, that's ridiculous. Oh, sure, I could do it. I'll hop in back of the set right now. Oh, father, I didn't expect you back so soon. Well, I haven't finished voting at the lodge yet, so I came back. Where's Mel? Well, he's in back of the... he went back. Oh, went back. That's good. Well, Betty, I just saw the mechanic's truck fall away from the house. Now I can listen to my radio. Oh, but daddy... Step aside, Betty. It's time for my favorite program, the movie guild playhouse. And tonight they have two big stars. I'll turn it on. Oh, chérie, I love you. I love you. I love you. Oh, Pepe, do you rally? Rally, do you? Do you rally? Oh, chérie, you know I do. I do. I do. Rally, I'm so glad you do. Rally, I am. Rally. This is dreadful. I'm going to write to the movie guild playhouse people. Address all letters to 160 South Vista St. Lucille. This is unbelievable. I've got to get some music. Oh, yes, the Philharmonic is on. The Philharmonic? Oh, but daddy, he can. I'll just push the button here. And now the house lights dim in Carnegie Hall. The spotlight picks up the conductor as he mounts the podium. And now the orchestra plays the overture from Tristan and Asoley. Oh, dear. I've never heard the Philharmonic play like that. And now the Philharmonic continues with Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Oh, well, maybe this will be a little better. This is impossible. I'll switch back to the movie guild. Peppy, I do love you. Rally. I do. Rally. And I do too. Do too. Do too. Oh, it's getting worse all the time. I'll turn back to the Philharmonic. Oh, no! Oh, there's something wrong with this radio. Oh, maybe I'll have better luck on the short way. I love it. I've never heard anything like this in my life. There's nothing wrong with this radio. I'll just feel around in the back of the set. Now, let me... Betty. Yes, boss? One of these tubes has hair on it. Wait just a minute. I looked behind the set. Mel Blanc, what have you got to say for yourself? Mel Blanc, I'm going to take you a break every morning. Oh, it's Mr. Cushing. Oh, come in. Sit down. I'll be through in just a minute. Greetings, Mel. Mr. Colby, why are you standing on Mel's head? I'm not standing on his head. I'm jumping up and down. Well, you'd better stop, because the lodge is deadlocked. 12 for you and 12 against you. And Mel has the deciding vote. He has? I mean, he has? Well, Mel, my son, come on, get up off the floor. Are you going to vote for me? Well, get your foot out of my mouth first, Mr. Colby. Mel, my boy, tell me, am I in the lodge? Mr. Cushing, let me whisper my decision in your ear. Well, am I in? Mr. Colby, allow me to be the first to say... Aga aga boo aga boo boo aga. Mel, my boy! Aga aga boo aga boo boo aga. Mel Black will be back in just a minute. Use coal, get tooth powder, keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use coal, get tooth powder. A breath of trouble, I mean, unpleasing breath, can lose you friends and alienate people. So ask yourself if you could have this social handicap. Best thing to do is to guard against it. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with coal, get tooth powder. For coal, get tooth powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, coal, get tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifers at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than coal, get tooth powder. Remember to buy it first thing. And remember the name, coal, get tooth powder, with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use coal, get tooth powder. And this is Mel Blank saying thanks for listening. Good night and that's all, folks. This is Bud Easton reminding you that coal, get tooth powder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you the Mel Blank Show every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blank's Fix-It Shop. And goodbye to dulling soap film. Get halo shampoo at any cosmetic counter. Remember, Mel Blank every Tuesday night at this time. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
