from Hollywood go gate to powder for that the now blank show written by Mac Benoff with Barry James cost yo Kearns Hans Connery to Alan Reed Joe Walker the sportsman Victor Miller in his orchestra and starring the creator of the voice of Bug Bunny for a breath of sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you the Mel Blank show with Mel playing his new character Zookie and starring himself in person now playing tonight is a big night in Mel Blanks little town for its evening of the annual masquerade ball given by the loyal order of benevolent deep red all over town young swains are displaying their costumes and getting reactions from their girlfriends in the Adams house Henry Adams is saying Susan this is the best costume they had at the shop and in the Davis household Roy Davis is saying surely this is the best costume money can buy and in the Colby house where Mel's girl Betty is looking at him in this costume Mel is saying but Betty that's the best costume I could afford I don't care I won't have you going as Mahatma Gandhi well Betty persuaded Mel to wear another costume and now we find Mel looking at Betty in the costume she intends to wear well Mel how do you like it Betty one dot where's the polka besides what kind of a masquerade costume is it anyway well if you wear that thing I better go as mr. Anthony I'll have plenty of problems I can't understand your sudden modesty now last year I came to the ball in the suit of armor and what did you do you went right home and got a can open well I was afraid you you weren't getting enough air what are you complaining about this year well I don't want you to die from overexposure oh gosh Betty why should we argue remember the fun we had last year when the ball was over you took me riding on that cute little horse and buggy yeah and it didn't cost me a penny why did you keep stopping and getting out all the time well I had to deliver milk on the way and you remember that you joking made up oh it was not oh come on say it again all right we had a great a time now Betty will you wear some other costumes no I'm not but I won't go with you in it off I'll go with you without it I mean with it I mean with it if you were in it oh what am I saying well if that's the way you feel no blanks and I'll go by myself well that suits me fine here's your ticket and about the money now blank you wouldn't I insist take the money I'm paying for my own ticket goodbye gosh my first fight with Betty we may never get married no blank single what a life no steady girl going out every night with a different girl to party dancing with new faces movie good time hey what's so bad about that maybe hello now hello hello where are you going oh hello professor pochnik I'm just walking back to my fix-it shop what's the matter man you look like the last rose of summer professor this is winter in either case you ain't no American beauty oh professor I'm so sad I could cry Betty and I have broken up oh no no put yourself together professor after all it's my girl who's crying about your girl I was thinking of my own I was once in love with a beautiful girl what a romance but we have to break up on account of Sonia who was Sonia my wife now take my advice never leave a double life in a single room besides you can't trust a woman oh not my Betty I trust her with any fellow in town with the oh was was getting a little worried already well the only way you could really find out about your girl is by testing her testing her that's right once I was going with the girl for six years then to test her love I am introducing her to a friend of mine and telling him to make love to her and then in two weeks I am positive she came back to you huh no she is marrying my friend all right all right sure instead of me being worried about him he's worried about me I know just the fellow who can test Betty for you Hartley Benson he's gonna be at the masquerade tonight too well I don't know I don't have to test Betty she loves me I'm sure of it you're sure of it well let's go to Hartley's house hello Hartley you know Mel don't you? Oh of course I do hello hello excuse me a moment I just want to finish writing this letter sure Hartley you know that there is no one more wonderful in the entire world I have the greatest admiration for you and will continuously go on feeling that way you'd admire Hartley Benson you want me to mail that letter for you Hartley? that won't be necessary Mel old boy you see it's addressed to me and every word is the truth now Mel and Professor Plotnik what is your pleasure? well I want you to test my girl Betty at the ball tonight by making love to her we want to see if she can resist you that's hardly sporting to your girl Mel you know I'm irresistible besides I don't know if she's my type what is she like? well she's my type she's a she but as it happens Mel old boy I can't do it I happen to be engaged to Lucille Grimes what that sad ugly old maid? yes the one with a big nose and awful disposition? yes the daughter of banker Grimes a rich old tightwad? now just be careful how you speak of my future father-in-law goodbye well professor Plotnik what am I gonna do? wait I got brilliant idea Mel you are good actor why don't you be all the other fellows who make love to Betty? well you mean put on different costumes at the masquerade and find out if she goes for me do it all myself? that's right Mel do it yourself it reminds me of the time in Russia when the machinery that milked the cows broke down you think I went without milk? no of course not I took matters in my own hands use Colgate's tooth powder it's silent just right use it each morning and use it each night it cleans your teeth make breath so clean use Colgate's tooth powder a breath trouble I must confide keeps many a girl from being a bride you think you could be a victim of this breath of trouble I mean unpleasing breath it happens to thousands without their knowing so be on your guard follow this sensible plan brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate tooth powder for Colgate tooth powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth yes scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten Colgate tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth what's more no dentifers of any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate tooth powder remember to buy it first thing and remember the name Colgate tooth powder with the accent on powder use Colgate tooth powder well back to now blank again the loyal order of benevolent zebras is holding its annual masquerade ball and Mel has chosen it as the ideal opportunity to test the love of his girl Betty right now we find him as he enters the party in the lodge hall with Professor Potschman gosh everybody's here there's mr. Ross and his wife there's mr. green and his wife there's mr. Brown and his his wife must be out of town oh you see she doesn't even recognize me I sent Zuki over to tell her I wasn't coming at all gosh I wonder how it'll turn out oh look look mr. Cushing the large president is climbing up on the stage good evening ladies and gentlemen and fellow zebra I welcome you all to our fest and wish you a happy and now to start the festivity Victor Miller and the orchestra with the sportsman lead off with a new novelty number which they have dedicated to our large and titles Oh can't get it off my mind if you're in a conversation and you need a quick reply just say oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh Oh Oh Oh oh oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh When Beniko went to Russia, yes, they asked him what was new. He said, aga aga boo, aga boo boo, that means how do you do? Excuse me, Professor Potschnick, I think Mr. Cushing wants to talk to me. Hello there, aga aga boo, aga boo boo, aga. Greetings, mighty potentate, aga aga boo, aga boo boo, aga. Mighty potentate, what kind of costume is that? A housemaid's cap, apron, duster, dust mop? Well, that's not a costume, Mel. I left the house in such a hurry, I didn't have time to change. Gosh, I thought you would hire the new maid, it was very beautiful. Why should you be in the kitchen? Ha! Well, now the kitchen is more crowded than ever. I'm there with the maid, and after dinner my wife comes in. What does your wife do? She watches and I wipe. Well, but I'm happy anyway, I've got a little cold. And you're happy? Yes. The doctor told me to stay out of draft, so my wife hasn't been able to open her mouth for two days. I'm sorry for that, Mel. Every time she opens it, I think I hear Jonah screaming, let me out! Well, Mel, I think I'll go over to the bar and drown my sorrow. Mel, loan me a dollar. What do you want a dollar for? Why don't you find your wife and dance with her? Mel, look over there, there she is. She's taking off her mask. You see? Here's the dollar. Thanks, Mel, and so long. Where are you going? Well, Mel, I can do one or two things. I can go to the bar and get a Singapore sling, or I can go to my wife and get Shanghai. So long, Mel. Agaboo, agaboo, agaboo, aga. So long, my important aide. Agaboo, agaboo, aga. Mel, Mel, I just saw Zuckey going over to Bessie. Oh, he's probably going over to deliver my message. Where is he? Over there. Hello, Zuckey. Hello, Betty. How do you like my costume? Oh, gosh, it's a bit beautiful. It's a little, it's a, it's also a bit, uh, uh. I like your costume too, Zuckey. Oh, it's a fan, it's a fan, it's a fan. You're welcome. Hey, uh, Betty, Mel told me to tell you he's not coming. He's not coming? I don't believe it. Well, I cross my heart and hope to, to, to, to, to, I swear on the stack of the B, the B. It's the truth and nothing but the, uh, uh, uh. Ask him yourself, he's standing over there. I smell a rat. No, no, he's dressed like a cow. A cow? Yeah, he's going to test you. He's going to make believe he's somebody else to see if you love him or not. Oh, I suppose he didn't want you to tell me that. Yeah, that's right. So you better not listen. I guess I, uh, I guess I, uh, I, uh, I, uh, I, uh, I, uh, I, uh, I. Zuckey, what are you trying to say? I spilled a bean. So, that's it. Well, Zuckey, I'm going to show Mel Blank who can play at that same game, you know. Oh, here comes Mel Blank. I better go. I'll see you later, Zuckey. Ah, madam, I must talk to you. You intrigue me. You have such a mysterious look on your face. Your eyes say yes. Your lips say no. And your nose says maybe. How dare you talk to me? I never saw you before in my life. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Count de la Hing. What's your first name? Come. Come in. Thank you. Don't mind if I do. See how easy I get along with you women? My real name is Lafitte. And for you, I climb the deepest river, swim the highest mountain. You mean swim the river and climb the mountain? No, no. For you, I do it the hard way. Why do we stand here talking? Do you know what lovers are doing in the Eiffel Tower? Yes. Do you know what lovers are doing in the Champs Elysees? Yes. Do you know what lovers are doing in the Rue de la Paix? Yes. Soutalor, what a terrific eyesight. Oh, but I'm disappointed. I thought you'd take me in your arms and hug me and crush me to you. Just a second. Don't you have a boyfriend? Oh, nothing to speak of. That's the boy I went to school with. You went to school with? Yes. Kiss me. I want to graduate. High school or college? Oh, you American girls, I'll only like someone proposes to you and right away you think he wants to get acquainted. Well, Betty, I see you struck up a friendship with someone new. I'm glad it's not that idiot Mel Brank. Thank heavens he isn't even here. Oh, Father, meet a distinguished visitor to our fair, the Count Lafitte de Lafitte de Lafitte. Please, that time you gave me three feet. Did I hear you mention the name of the Blank? Yes, he runs a fixer shop here. He's the town's tinker. What's that you said? I said he's the town's tinker. That's what I thought you said. That is very odd. In France, the Blanks are a very big name. They are in the front of the French Houssou. Really? St. Pémon. In fact, the first three pages are blank. Mademoiselle, marry me. I am a lord. I will make you a lady. I'm her father. What about me? I'll talk to the king, but I don't think he can make you a lady, too. What did you say? Excuse me, I've got to go. Lafitte does not know I am here. Very well. Mel, I was watching you. I think you were overdoing it a little. You mean because I kissed Betty's hand? No, because you kissed her father's hand. No, Professor, I got very nervous. It looked like Mr. Colby was beginning to catch on. This idea is not working. I'm sure Betty loves me. Mel, I have one more character for you to do. If Betty can resist that she really loves you, you have to do it. Remember, Saint-Pierre never won fair. Professor, I resent that. Betty is much better looking than Lafitte. Betty, you suppose that man was really a French count? I think so, Father. He kissed your hand, didn't he? Yes, and the teeth marks are still there. Here comes the young man, Betty. I think I'll leave you. Hiya, babe. You know, I could go for a dame like you. All right, why don't you? Well, what do you want me to go to? Drugstore, grocery? Boy, you sound tough. I bet you got plenty of girls. Girls? Oh, you mean girls. That's not what we mugs call them. Ever hear of a tomato? Tomato? No. Try it with bacon sometimes. Makes a terrific sandwich. Scott, you're the toughest guy I ever met. I'm tough, all right. Feel this muscle. Gee, what a muscle. That's only the thumb. Now feel the other finger. I'll bet you got a skirt in every town. Yeah, but I'd feel more comfortable in pants. Hey, yeah, you got any boyfriends, babe? Yes, just a little squirt named Mel Blanc. You know, you're a beautiful thing. What a picture you'd make. You should be framed. Oh, pardon me. I'm this girl's father. You're quite a picture yourself. You should be hung. Clam up, Grandpa. Go back in your cage. Somebody throw this seal of fish. It's twelve o'clock. Everybody on that. Now I'll see who you are. Take off your mask. So long, I gotta be going. Why? If I don't leave before twelve, I might turn into a pumpkin. Oh, no, you don't. Mel Blanc. Uh-oh. Pumpkin pie. So you see, Betty, the whole thing was Professor Potschnick's idea. Mel, when you tried to imitate a gangster, I could hardly keep from laughing. Well, you had me fooled too, Betty, especially when you wore that Spanish costume. The way you showered me with kisses. Spanish costume? No, I never wore a Spanish costume. You didn't? Oh, and I thought I was fooling you. Well, there was one time when you really did, when you made love to me as a Russian. Betty, I never made believe I was a Russian. You didn't? No. Why, that double-crossing Potschnick. Even though you don't suspect it, a little breath of trouble, I mean, unpleasing breath, may have caught up with you. It may be the reason you feel out of things, unpopular, even unhappy. So do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder. For Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops the unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifers of any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing, and remember the name, Colgate Tooth Powder, with the accent on powder. New Colgate Tooth Powder! This is Bud Heaston reminding you that Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath of sweet and teeth of sparkle brings you the Mel Blank Show every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you meet in Mel Blank's Fix It Shop. Infantile Paralysis, the Great Crippler, struck at 24,000 victims last year. Act now to help prevent infantile paralysis from claiming more victims. Send your dimes and dollars to the March of Dimes, care of your local March of Dimes headquarters. Remember, Mel Blank at the same time every Tuesday night. This is PBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
