From Hollywood, Kogate Toothpouter presents The Mel Blank Show with Mary Jane Croft, Joe Kern, Earl Ross, Hans Connery, the sportsman Victor Miller in his orchestra, and starring the creator of the voice of Bugs Bunny. What's up, Doc? Yes, Kogate Toothpouter for Breast is Sweet and Teeth is Sparkle brings you The Mel Blank Show with Mel playing his new character, Zookie. Hello everybody, hello everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, hi. And starring himself in person, Mel Blank. Hi folks. Ugga ugga boo, ugga boo boo ugga. Ok, Nat New Year's Eve is a big night in Mel Blank's little town for the loyal order of benevolent zebras holds its annual combination gala meeting and dance at the lodge hall. All over town, young girls anxious to please their boyfriends are asking them what favorite dress they would like them to wear. In the Addams house, we hear boyfriend Henry saying, Susan, why don't you wear the blue dress with a low back? And in the Brown house, boyfriend Tommy is saying, Barbara, why don't you wear the pink, um, you know, the strapless one? And in the Colby house, where Betty Colby has asked her boyfriend Mel Blank what he would like her to wear, Mel is saying, Betty, why don't you wear that green Mackinaw? It's going to be chilly tonight. Well, Betty selected a dress and now we find her with Mel having stopped in at the fix-it shop before going on down to the zebra meeting. But what kind of talk do we hear from Mel? Goodbye, Diane. You're a beautiful girl, but you have to go. The time has come when we must part. If you remained here any longer, it would be just a mockery. This is the end. The end, Diane. Mel, it's only a calendar girl. Don't take it so serious. Well, it's easy for you to talk like that, Betty. You're a woman, but Diane wasn't just an ordinary calendar girl. No. No, this was a five-year calendar. And on her nose, you could tell the temperature. Well, Mel, life is cruel. You might as well face it. So put up this new calendar. Fine thing. A picture of the White House. Oh, well, I think it's very nice with president Truman sitting out on the lawn. Who gave it to you? Oh, can't you read? Pocznik, the piano teacher. Says play the piano, become president in 10 easy lessons. You too can be the life of the Democratic Party. Oh gosh, it's late. I got to go down to the lodge hall and rehearse my pageant. Oh, I thought you had already rehearsed. Yeah, but now I have to play old man William's part of Father Time. Wasn't he going to show up? No, I gave him a scythe to rehearse his part. Now he's got a job mowing lawns. Well, I'll play the part myself. Maybe I'll impress someone with my acting. Oh, there'll probably be big people in the audience. Who knows what might happen to me? Mel blank. A star is born. Oh, Mel, here comes father. Oh, shooting star. Hello, Mr. Colby. Why, hello, Mel. How are you? Happy New Year. It's a pleasure to see you. Oh, gosh, Betty, I could have sworn the man who just came in was your father. Of course I'm your father, you nincompoop. Well, maybe it's a wise child. Well, that's more your same sweet self, Mr. Colby. Yes, thank you. Well, Mel, let's not have any harsh words tonight. I like you. Can't you get that through that thick, stupid skull of yours? I like you. Well, you don't have to tell me, Mr. Colby. I'm still black and blue from the last time you like me. Why, Mel, my boy, how can you say that? Last time you were up the house, didn't I offer you a drink? Yes, and before I knew it, you had me halfway to the medicine chest. Well, that's what I keep my bourbon. Oh, that's a funny kind of bourbon. It had a label on it for external use only. So isn't it about time we started for the meeting? Just a moment, Betty. There's something I want to impress on Mel. You see, Time Magazine always picks out a man of the year. And similarly, our lodge always elects a zebra of the year. Now, I want you, Mel, as a close friend of mine to cast your vote for me and get some of your close friends to do the same as a close friend of mine. Oh, but Mr. Colby, I... Oh, listen, Blank, I'll break every bone in your... Oh, please, Mr. Colby, not that close. Look, I'll tell you what I'll do, Mr. Colby. I've got to memorize my part in the pageant, but I can send Zuckey out to campaign for you. Oh, planet idea. What an honor. Valdry Arbuthnot Colby, zebra of the year. Oh, Zuckey. Oh, it's late, Father. We better go. Hello, Betty. Happy 1950. 1950? Yeah, I can't say 1947. Now, look, Zuckey, we want you to go out to all the members of the lodge and tell them to vote for Mr. Colby as zebra of the year. Yes, that's right, Zuckey. Now, suppose I'm Mr. Jones. You knock on my door and I, as Mr. Jones, say, why should I vote for Mr. Colby? Now, what do you say, Zuckey? Well, I say because he's a very... He's a smart... He's a kind of... He's... He's... Would you mind repeating that question? For what for? Well, because it's been such a long time since I heard it. This is ridiculous. Mel Blanc, if I'm not elected zebra of the year tonight, my first New Year's resolution will be the Chobar for my house. Now, all I can say is that you'd better do something. All right, come along now, Betty. Gmail, you've got to rehearse your pad. You've got to get votes for Mr. Colby. All I can say is... All I can say is... Happy New Year! A girl who's cute enough to cuddle shouldn't have a breath of trouble. No, indeed, that little breath of trouble, I mean, unpleasing breath, has made many a girl unpopular, many a man, too. Don't let it happen to you. Just do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder, for Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifrice at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing and remember the name, Colgate Tooth Powder, with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Powder! And now Victor Miller and the sportsmen salute the New Year with Zippity Doo Dah! Zippity Doo Dah, Zippity-ay! My, oh my, what a wonderful day! Plenty of fun time in my way! Zippity Doo Dah, Zip-Zip-Bunny-ay! Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder! It's a true distraction! Everything is satisfaction! Zippity Doo Dah, Zip-Zip-Bunny-ay! Wonderful feeling, wonderful day! Zip-Zip, Zip-Zip, Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip! Zippity Doo Dah, Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip! What a wonderful day! Zip-Zip, Zip-Zip, Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip! Zippity Doo Dah, Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip-Zip! Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder! It's a true distraction! Everything is so satisfaction! Zippity Doo Dah, Zippity-ay! Wonderful feeling, wonderful day! Tonight is a big night for Mel Blank. The loyal order of Benevolent Zebras is holding its annual New Year's Eve meeting and dance. The highlight of the evening will be a pageant of 1946 in which Mel will portray all the characters. Right now we find Mel in his six-it shop just about to close up and leave for the meeting. Mel Blank, tonight is going to make you a great actor. Someday you'll be on Broadway, your name flashing in lights. The M goes on and the B goes off, the E goes on and the L goes off, the L goes on and the A goes on and the M goes off and the T goes on, and then all at once the whole thing flashes on, nibbles-clank! Hey, wait a minute, that's not right. Well, if it isn't Mr. Cushing, my lodge president. Hello Mel, uh-ga-boo-uh-ga-boo-uh-ga-ga! Greetings mighty potentate, uh-ga-boo-uh-ga-boo-uh-ga! How come you're going to the meeting alone? Where's your soulmate? Mel, if you mean my wife, the word is stalemate. She's a little late, Mel. I left her at the beauty parlor getting a mud pack. A mud pack? Well, they say it's a great aid to beauty. Only temporary, the mud has to come off. Well, how can you say that, mighty potentate? Your wife has beautiful, uh, uh, oh, she's got lovely, uh, she's got very nice, uh, isn't there some way they can get that mud to stay on? Mel, I don't mind her not being beautiful. After all, a woman her age. Now, Mr. Cushing, don't exaggerate. Your wife told me herself she was only around 40. Yeah, but it's her second time around. Is she really that old? Mel, most people have to read about American history in books. Not my wife, she's an eyewitness. You don't believe she's old, Mel, listen to us stand up sometime. It sounds like the door opening on inner Sanctum. I can never understand why you married her, mighty potentate. Neither can I. You know, I'm married to the only woman in the world who listens to the radio and talks back to Gabriel Heda. What a marriage. My wife and I have nothing in common. We don't like the same books. We don't care for the same food. We don't like the same movies. Yeah, you're not even the same sex. Gosh, it's late. We better be going down to the meeting. Mr. Cushing, do you think Mr. Colby has a chance of being elected zebra of the year? Who can tell? You know, I was the first one to be elected for bravery and action. I showed unequal daring, courage and fearlessness far beyond the call of duty. What'd you do? I said no to my wife. The campaign almost cost me my life. However, there was a very minor reason for my election. By the way, Mel, do you think you'll have a good pageant tonight? Well, I hope so, mighty potentate. Oh wait, I've got to put out the lights. Gosh, it looks like I'll have to play all the parts myself. Very exciting. You know, I'm reviewing it for a zebra newspaper and if I like it, I may give it four strikes. Well, I'll be in my car, Mel, while you stay about the going full blast. Gosh, everybody's here, Mr. Cushing. It's a real turnout. Oh, hello, Mel. Hello, mighty potentate. Uggah boo, uggah boo boo, uggah. Hooray, Mr. Colby. Uggah boo, uggah boo boo, uggah. Mel, the members are casting their votes. I hope you did your part. Oh, don't worry, Mr. Colby. I know which side of my uggah my boo is buttered on. Oh, Mel, here comes my wife. Oh, hello, Mrs. Cushing. Uggah boo, uggah boo boo, uggah. Hello, Mel. Uggah boo, uggah boo boo, uggah. Hello, Angel. Well, I see you're here too, uggah. Ah, very nice of you, Momma Lorenzi. Well, thank you, Angel. You're looking wonderful, Angel. Oh, let me take that off. There's still a piece of mud on your face. Oh, thank you, Momma Lorenzi. I'm going to join the ladies. Goodbye, Angel. Probably went over to put the chill in the punch bowl. I don't understand it. How come you were always calling her Angel? Just anticipating. Well, I've got to start the meeting, Mel. I hope you're not nervous. Oh, I'm all right. I now call this meeting to order in the name of the loyal order of benevolent zebras. Members will now rise and give the password. Uggah boo, uggah boo boo, uggah. As you know, the ballot is cast, and in a short while a new zebra of the year will be elected. In reviewing zebra activities during the past year, I think every member will agree that our meeting of November 5th was the most outstanding. To help refresh our memories of that evening, Brother Ross will now once again read the minutes of that meeting. Proceed, Brother Ross. Ahem. Because the lodge hall was closed for repairs, the last meeting was held in the back of Brother Murphy's bar and grills. First time in three years everyone attended. Brother Colby was voted in, and in celebration of the event, Brother Murphy brought in a round of beers. We quickly dispensed with old business. Brother Blank made a resolution to take $100 out of the treasury for the community checks. Resolution was passed, Brother Murphy brought in a round of beers. Resolution was passed, Brother Murphy brought in another round of beers. At this point, mighty potentate Cushing made a resolution to dispose of his wife. It was passed unanimously. And Brother Murphy brought in another round of beers. Brother Miller fell out of the window. A resolution was passed to petition Congress to make Murphy's bar and grill a national shrine. Brother Murphy fell out of the window. Brother Jones made a resolution to pick up Brother Murphy. Resolution was defeated. Another round of beers was passed, the neighbors complained and the meeting was adjourned. Thank you, Brother Ross. And now fellow members, we come to the highlight of our evening. Brother Blank appears in a New Year's Eve pageant which he wrote, directed, produced, and has to act in himself. Music. Blank marches on. The news of the past year, 1946, has seen through the eyes, ears, nose, and throat of a zebra. In Detroit, Michigan, Walter B. Chandler, eminent industrialist says, Folks, I can safely say that with the presence of lie of raw materials proceeding unabated, it is my... The lies we made open within six months each in every man, woman, and child in this country will have an ample supply of bubble gum. Earlier this year, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor arrived in New York. Besieged for an interview, the Duke said, I say, Brother Blank, Brother Blank, where else? No statements. In Chicago, the Duke said again, Oh, I say, where else? No statements. But when the Duke and Duchess returned to England, the Duke finally said, I say, where else? We was wrong. A few months ago, price ceilings on food were removed. A month later, a senator speaks with a typical American housewife on the White House lawn. Madam, now that we all removed that OPA from food prices, what do you all have to say? Get off the grass. I'm eating it. In September, Joe Lewis, defending his championship, knocked out Tammy Moriello in the first round. A little while later, in a restaurant, his friend Rochester said, Waiter, bring me a Tammy Moriello egg. The waiter asked, what's that? To which Rochester replied, Two minutes and nine seconds. And now the climax of the year takes place at the United Nations meeting. The Russian delegate stands up and says, Granish, Pazduk, Mazlo, Poezza, Prazhnashny, Koyats, I'm going home. The audience gasps with astonishment. Reporters rush to their typewriters and the French ambassador says, Sure, you say you are going home. Says the Russian, Granoia, Mazduya, Kozlova, Prazhnashny, Voish, Kloblya, why not? It's time for lunch. And so old man 1946 says, Eh, good-bye. And young 1947 says, What's up, Dad? Thank you very much, Mel Blanc. And now the moment we've been waiting for. The votes have been tallied in the election for zebra of the year. And I have a startling announcement to make. The result is a tie. Every man voted for himself. Mel Blanc will never come up to my house again. Just a moment, President Cushing. There was a ballot stuck on the bottom of the box. It's some illiterate scrawl. Well, that must be my handwriting. Oh, let me see now. C-O-L-B. I believe it's for Mr. Colby. Then Mr. Colby is elected zebra of the year. Members, please hello to zebra of the year. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now Mr. Colby, that you have won the highest honor of our lodge during the coming year. You alone are privileged to utter the sacred zebra call. You may begin now. Call, zebra, call. Ze! Call! Ze! Call! Ze! Gosh, Betty, this is a wonderful way to start the new year. Everything turned out just right. Now we can sit here and my father anytime we want to. Betty, as long as the year has started out so well, I'm going in right now and ask your father if we can get married. Good luck now. Gosh, Betty, I'm afraid your father's taken the zebra of the year thing too seriously. Why, what's the matter? I just saw him in the kitchen eating oats. Oats? Oh silly, those are Quaker oats. Everybody eats oats. From a feed bag? Well good night folks and a happy 1947 to y'all. You're so gay, you're so powdery, keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. You know, anyone can be the victim of a breath of trouble. I mean, unpleasing breath. It happens to thousands without their knowing. Robs a girl of romance. Hurts a man's business and social standing. Don't gamble with your popularity. Follow this rule. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder. For Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifers at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing and remember the name Colgate Tooth Powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. This is Bud Easton reminding you that Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath of tweet and teeth that sparkle brings you the Mel Blank Show every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blank's Fix It Shop. You can buy a yellow shampoo at any cosmetic counter. Ladies, the plain truth about fats and oils is that there is a terrific shortage. So save it and sell it to your butcher. He now pays higher prices for the waste fat you take to him and every pound is urgently needed. So do fill a tin and turn it in. The Mel Blank Show is written by Mack Benoff. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting Center.
