From Hollywood Colgate Toothpounder for A Breath That's Sweet and Teeth That Sparkle presents the Mel Blank Show with Mary Jane Croft, Joe Kearns, Hans Conrad, Earl Ross, the sportsman Victor Miller and his orchestra, and Mel Blank the creator of Bugs Bunny. What's up Doc? Playing his new character Zookie. Hello everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody. Hi. And starring himself in person, Mel Blank. Good evening folks. Well, it's Saturday afternoon in Mel Blank's little town and Mel and his girl Betty, like most romantic young couples, are enjoying the movie matinee at the Bijou. Now the show is over and in some dark spot of the theater we hear Mary Jones saying to her boyfriend, We have to go now Frank. Take your eye away. And in the back row we hear Susan Arnold saying to her boyfriend, Alright Henry, the light's too up. Why's that lipstick off your face? And another dimly lit corner of the theater where Mel has been sitting with Betty, we hear Betty saying, Oh Mel, the picture's over. Wake up. So now we find Betty and Mel having left the theater walking homeward and Mel, still under the influence of what he has just seen, is enacting a portion of the picture. I want you Ingrid. I'm going to take you in my arms and hug you and squeeze you and crush you tighter and tighter and tighter. Mel, get away from that lamppost. Gosh, if only I were an actor. The salaries those guys make. Clark Gable, Robert Taylor, Gary Cooper. I'll bet some of them make as high as fifty, sixty dollars a week. Darling, they make at least a thousand dollars a week. A thousand dollars a week? Oh Betty, if I made that much we could live like kings. Eat the best every night chow mein. I'll be. Oh you think I can't be an actor, huh? Look at that picture we just saw, cloak and dagger. Wasn't Gary Cooper wonderful? Gary Cooper, Gary Cooper, Gary Cooper. I bet if his name was Sam Cooper you wouldn't be so excited. What does Gary Cooper do anyway? The girl says to him, Gary, do you love me? Will you take me away with you? Will you marry me? And Gary just stands there and says, yep. Then the minister says, you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife. And Gary says, yep. What a life, twenty five thousand dollars a yep. Oh Mel, now stop showing off and stop dreaming about being an actor. Well an actor makes a lot of money. And I'll bet your father would have more respect for me if I had a lot of money. But that's where you're wrong darling, just be yourself. Let father respect you for your, your. You see I gotta have money. Oh no Mel, no you're all wrong. I know father's beginning to like you, especially since you voted him into your law. In fact he may even announce our engagement tonight. Oh Betty what a feeling. Isn't it wonderful Mel? Yeah, like the time we had a strawberry soda and drank it with two straws. Yeah. And then we got reckless and threw one straw away. Well here we are Betty. Yeah, here we are. Gosh it was a nice afternoon. Yeah, it was. Well, thanks for walking me home Betty. Come on Mel. Come on. Gosh, I think I missed my chance. When she puckered up her lips I bet I could have kissed her. Gosh Betty sure is nice. I can just see Betty and me married, sharing this fix-it-chop. I'm sure we'll be. Mr. and Mrs. Mel blank. In a year or two we'll have some little blanks. A little boy blank and a little girl blank head. Hello Mel. Oh hello Mrs. Adams. What can I do for you? Mel I came over to ask you for a special favor. Will you mind my baby? You mean little Julius here? Gosh Mrs. Adams this is a fix-it-chop. If there's something wrong with a baby I'll gladly fix him. Oh Mel. But I never took care of a baby before. Well look, what if, well suppose... You mean he... Yeah. Well that's what these are for. Oh fine. That's what I'll need. Bibs. I'll be back in a few hours Mel. Don't let anything happen to little Julius. I won't. Oh look he likes me. He's opening his mouth. Ahhhhh! Oh he's putting his little hands around your neck. Tell him to stop squeezing. Oh Mel he's only a year old. That kid's a killer. Well I've got to go now. Take good care of Julius. Goodbye. Oh goodbye Mrs. Adams. Gee what a cute little baby. I love babies. They're almost human. Although this one looks a little silly. Oh gee he must have heard me. Ah the baby's launching for company. Maybe he wants to talk to another baby. I'm going to run. Here, here. Hold the monkey wrench in your hand. I'm going to run. Oh. That's what you get for being nice to babies. Oh Julius I have to put you down back here. Here comes Mr. Cushing my lodge president. Hello Mel. Agagaboo agagaboo aga. Greetings mighty potentate. Agagaboo agaboo aga. I hope you don't mind me saying so mighty potentate but you look a little unhappy. Well I'm having a little domestic trouble Mel. The maid? Oh right I can't stand my wife. You know I'd leave her in a minute. I'd leave her in a minute if she didn't have all that money. I don't know why I'm standing here telling you all this. That's what I've got no one to talk to. Well I think Betty and I are going to hit it off very well together Mr. Cushing. Betty's a fine girl but I can only say what I say to every couple about to be married. Stop. Oh but Mr. Cushing not my Betty. Well go ahead Mel but you'll learn that before marriage everything's wonderful. You're happy. You're in clover. And after the marriage? Poison ivy. Well Mel I've got to be on my way now. Of course you'll be at the lodge meeting tonight won't you? Oh gosh mighty potentate I can't make it. What every loyal zebra should be there and especially you in as much as it was your vote that got Mr. Covey into the lodge and we're initiating him tonight. But Mr. Cushing I can't go I promise to mind Mrs. Adams' baby. I don't care if you promise to mind Mrs. Adams. Now you be there. Ugga booga booga booga. Ugga booga booga booga. But I still don't think I can be there. No you better be there if you know which side your ugga is butted on. Oh this is terrible. I'm supposed to go to the lodge. I've got to mind Julius. Mr. Covey's going to announce my engagement. I wonder what Gary Cooper would say in a spot like this. I know. Yep. Use Colgate tooth powder keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. But don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate tooth powder. A breath of trouble I've been told can make a love affair grow cold. So don't let any breath of trouble I mean unpleasing breath spoil your chance of romance. You'll be wise to do this. Brush your teeth night and morning before every date with Colgate tooth powder. For Colgate tooth powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten Colgate tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more no dentifers at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate tooth powder. Remember to buy it first thing and remember the name Colgate tooth powder with the accent on powder. So take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate tooth powder. Now Victor Miller and the sportsman doing I Feel a Song Coming On. I feel a song coming on and I'm warning you it's a victorious happy and glorious new strain. Oh I feel a song coming on. It's a melody full of the laughter of children out after the rain. You'll hear a tuneful story ringing through ya. Love and glory hallelujah and now. My troubles are gone. I feel a song coming on. Well now is still looking for someone to mind the baby so he can attend the initiation of the future father-in-law Mr. Colby at the lodge meeting tonight. Right now he's exhausted his list of friends we find him working on Betty's kid brother Tommy. Listen Tommy you're my friend aren't you? Look Mel when you mention friendship you touch me deeply. When you mention old times sake you touch me deeply. Now do you really want to touch me deeply? Yeah. Mention money. That's a fine way to talk to your future brother-in-law. You call that a future? Now oh hey Mel look here comes your helper Zookie. Why don't you get him to mind the baby. Hi Mel. Zookie I've been looking for you all day long where have you been? Well I was... Never mind. Just stay here and take care of Mrs. Adams baby. I'm going down to the lodge meeting. Come on Tommy so long Zookie. What happened? Oh gosh it's Julie baby. Oh he's sleeping. I'll sing him a lullaby. Rockabye baby on the tree. I better get down off this tree. What a nice baby. Oh go. Thanks. I like babies. They touch a soft spot in my... Hello Mr. Colby. Hello Zookie. Where's Mel? Oh he went to the lodge meeting a long time ago. He did? Well that's odd. I stopped at Doc Brown's house and he'd left too. That's funny they left without me. I wonder why? Well if you want to ask my opinion Mr. Colby. Yes? I haven't got any. Well frankly I'm a bit hurt. I was going to tell Mel that he perhaps could announce his engagement to Betty. And he didn't even wait for me. Well excuse me Mr. Colby. I've got to get back to the baby. Yes I was going to announce the engagement. Baby? Yeah I love babies. Especially when they're one minute, one minute, three minute, five minute, seven years old. Zookie whose baby is that? Well you see Mel... Mel's baby? Oh Mel's been too kind to Betty. Mr. Colby don't get excited. No wonder he didn't wait for me to go to the meeting. Yes he was afraid to face me. You got Mel all... I'm going down there and break every bone in his body. Oh poor Mel. When Colby gets a whole meal he'll tear him to pieces. He'll rip him up. He'll break every bone in his... Is there a doctor in the house? I now call this meeting to order in the name of the benevolent order of Lyle Zebra. The members will now rise and give the password. A-ga-a-ga-boo, a-ga-boo, a-ga-a-ga-boo. Boo, boo, boo, boo. Brother Blank we have finished saying the password. Oh I'm not saying the password. Brother Miller has the hiccups and I'm trying to scare it out of him. I see. And now Brother Ross will read the minutes of the last meeting. Because the lodge hall was closed for repairs the last meeting was held in the back of Brother Murphy's bar and grill. First time in three years everyone attended. Brother Colby was voted in and in celebration of the event Brother Murphy brought in a round of beer. We quickly dispensed with old business. Brother Blank made a resolution to take a hundred dollars out of the treasury for the community check. Resolution was passed and Brother Murphy brought in another round of beer. At this point Mighty Potentate Cushing made a resolution to dispose of his wife. It was passed unanimously. And Brother Murphy brought in another round of beer. Brother Miller fell out of the window. A resolution was passed to petition Congress to make Murphy's bar and grill a national shrine. Brother Murphy fell out of the window. Another round of beers was passed. The neighbors complained and the meeting was adjourned. Thank you Brother Ross. And now members as you know Brother Colby will be initiated tonight. That's why he was invited late. We will give him the husband and wife initiation which we used on Doc Brown. Brother Blank we call upon you to initiate Mr. Colby. Me? Oh I can't do it. Mr. Colby is just about to announce my engagement to his daughter. And if I give him the husband and wife initiation he's liable to call the whole thing off. Brother Blank you've always bragged about being an actor. This is your chance. Well yeah say that's a good idea. And besides he's made my life plenty miserable. This is my chance to get even with him. He's coming up steps and he's raving mad. Oh give me that wig and that dress. I'm really going to give it to him. Everybody out dim the lights dim the lights. Go out there and make it good Mel. Okay. Where are Blank when I get my hands on... Oh gosh it's dark in here. Well what's happening? Where is everybody? There's nobody here. Nobody but little old me and big fat you. Well there's supposed to be a meeting of the zebras here. Well if you're looking for a zebra you don't want me. I'll just run along. Oh no. No no no don't do that. Stay awhile. What's your name? Lulabelle 5 inch band hose. Lulabelle what a beautiful name. Y'all can call me Miss 5 inch band hose. Golly I just get poop bumpy all over being all alone with a big handsome man like you. Did you say handsome? That's what I said. I said handsome. Handsome that is. Hmm you northern boys are so strong. You all mind if I feel your muscles? My my you got real yankee muscles. Way up north. All around your head. Mind if I call you Muscle Head? A girl like you can call me anything. Oh I bet if you ever took me in your arms you could crush me to a pulp. Lulabelle if I ever took you all in my arms I wouldn't waste time crushing you. No? What would you do? Kiss you. Oh! Well you can kiss me if you catch me. Well here I go. Ow! There you went. Lulabelle you pricked me. Oh no I didn't. I kicked you. Now come here Lulabelle I was just trying to show you some northern hospitality. Well you ain't gonna get any southern comfort from me. Oh well pardon me I gotta leave the room a moment. You wait right here. Here Mel change into these clothes quick. You're terrific. When Kobe tried to kiss you we thought we'd die. Yeah it made me sick too. Okay go on in now. Here's the shotgun. Yeah. Is that you Lulabelle? Well come in. Aha! You thought you'd get away you all huh? What? You've been trifling with the affections of my wife Lulabelle Faganspan Holes. Your wife? Oh what a ghastly mistake. How dare you call my wife a ghastly mistake. I'm gonna take this gun and blow your brains out. Please Mr. Faganspan Holes. Don't you think? I'm a good citizen. I work hard. I support a family. I pay my taxes. When election time comes around I go to the polls and vote. Oh a Republican. That's a last straw. I'm gonna fill you so full of holes you're gonna look like cream cheese. Don't you mean Swiss cheese? No I changed my mind. I'm gonna beat you to a pulp. So if you have anything further to say. What do you mean I can't come in? I'm coming in anyway. Where's Mel Blanc? Zookie I don't see Mel Blanc anywhere. Oh that's him over there Mrs. Adams with a gun in his hand. What? Sure Mel Blanc why I'll tear you limb from limb. Now don't get excited muscle head. I mean Mr. Colby. I've never been so humiliated in my life. Ah da ah da boo ah da boo boo ah da. Hey what is this? What's going on around here? We just initiated you brother Colby and your past replied colors. Well anyway Mel Blanc I've got my own score to settle with you. You the father of this child wife. I'll annihilate you. What? Mel the father of this child? Julius did you hear what that man said? Aaargh. You see Mr. Colby. Oh well Mel my boy I'm sorry. I see it's just been a big joke that's all. Well maybe it's funny to you but Mel Blanc you left my child with Zookie all night. And now look what happened. What? Listen to Julia! Cold Gate Tooth Powder! What's more, no dentifers at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Cold Gate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing, and remember the name Cold Gate Tooth Powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Cold Gate Tooth Powder! This is Bud Easton reminding you that Cold Gate Tooth Powder for a breath of sweet and teeth of sparkle brings you the Mel Blanc Show every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blanc's Fix It Shop. Say hello to Halo Shampoo for naturally bright and beautiful hair. Remember even finest soaps and soap shampoos hide the natural lust of your hair with Delling Soap Films. But Halo Shampoo contains no soap, therefore leaves no Delling Soap Films. Even in hardest water, Halo makes oceans of rich, fragrant lather, quickly banishes loose dandruff and dirt. Halo needs no lemon or vinegar rinse. Say hello to Halo and goodbye to Delling Soap Films. Get Halo Shampoo at any cosmetic counter. The Mel Blanc Show was written by Mac Benoff. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
