From Hollywood, Colgate Tooth Powder for a breast that's sweet and teeth that sparkle presents the Mel Blanc Show. My wife's percolator top is cracked, I've got to take it to Mel Blanc's fix-it shop. From Colgate Tooth Powder for a breast that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you Mel Blanc in his own fix-it shop with Mary Jane Croft, Errol Ross, Jill Kearns, Victor Miller in his orchestra and Mel himself playing those delightful characters Zuckey and Dr. Krabs. The star of our show, Mel Blanc. A lovely autumn morning in Mel Blanc's town, population 7,500. Pardon me, population 7,501. The postman Mr. Snoop is making his morning rounds, the baker Mr. Brown is putting his rose in the window, and in Mel Blanc's fix-it shop Mel is just about finished fixing Drugga Simpson's penny weighing machine. Is the weighing machine all fixed, nephew? Yeah, Uncle Rupert, I believe I'll try it. Hmm, must be something wrong. Why, what does it say you weigh? 17 pounds. Do I look that thin? Why don't you read the fortune anyway? Oh yeah. If you are a woman, you'll marry a man. If you are a man, you'll marry a woman. If you are married, try another penny. Oh, I forgot to push this lever up. Now I'll try it again. Oh, that's better. 120 pounds. What's the fortune this time? You are kind, understanding, friendly, considerate, gentle, and you make enemies too easily. Oh, here comes that gossipy pipsqueak of a postman, Mr. Snoop. I'll go out for a walk, Melvin, if you don't mind. Okay, Uncle Rupert. Hello, Rupert. Goodbye, Snoop. How do you mail? Hello, Mr. Snoop. Got a letter for me? No. Do you expect me to write you one? Oh, I didn't mean a letter from you. Oh, well, just a second here. Oh, first of all, I want you to mend my mailbag. It's all bursted out to the seeds. Oh, sure, I can do that in a minute. Any mail for me? Let me see here. Hodgkins, 805 North Elm Drive, Blodgett, 807. That's the third notice Blodgett's got from the library. Why don't you return that book? You know, I've got a good mind to go up to Blodgett and mail it for me. Any mail for me? Oh, let me see here. Simpkins, 809. Oh, very interesting postcard. Dear Joe, if you've got any more of that black market... Excuse me for saying so, Mr. Snoop. But I thought postal employees weren't allowed to read the mail. Oh, well, that's right, mail. Well, you ain't no employee. You read it for me. Look, Mr. Snoop, any mail for me? Now, stop poking around my letters. Anything I hate, it's an Aussie people. Let me see. Potter, 811. Oh, I see mail. Mail? No, mail. How about buying two tickets to the Postman's Ball Saturday night? Only a dollar a piece. Well, I'd like to, Mr. Snoop, but I gave my last five bucks to my uncle. I don't have a cent. Well, here's your mailbag, all stashed. What's the charge? Oh, nothing. Gosh, I sure could use two bucks for the tickets. I'd take Betty and for once we wouldn't have to spend the evening in her parlor. What's the charge? Nothing. I'd dance with Betty, then I'd go out in the veranda and hold her in my arms, then I'd kiss her and hug her. What's the charge? Two dollars, and I'll take the tickets. Hello, mail. Hello, Betty. Gee, you sure look beautiful. Yeah, all dressed up and no place to go. What do you mean all dressed up and no place to go? Well, I'll take you to the, well, how about, I'll take you home and you can change your clothes. Oh, that's good. We never go anywhere. We spend every evening in my parlor. No wonder Father feels the way he does about it. Well, I hate sitting in the parlor just as much as your father does. You do? Yeah, that love seat isn't big enough for the three of us. Well, anyway, Betty, I've got good news. We won't be spending this Saturday night in the parlor. I've got two tickets to the postman's ball. Oh, mail, this is awful. Because this is one Saturday night, I won't be able to be with you. But Betty, why not? Well, Daddy's expected, oh, wait a minute, here comes Daddy himself. I'll let him tell you. Hello, Mr. Colby. What did you say, Mr. Colby? Yes, it is a lovely day, isn't it? Mr. Colby, may I take your daughter to the postman's ball Saturday night? No, huh? But why not, Mr. Colby? Well, that isn't much of a reason. What? I mean... Oh, now listen here, you dimwit. I'm expecting a very important man for dinner this Saturday night. Betty's got to prepare dinner for him and then entertain him. You're making a regular nightclub out of your place, aren't you? No. This Mr. Fisher can help me a great deal with my supermarket. He's president of the Acme Portuguese Sardine Company. And do you know anything more impartial than getting Portuguese sardines? Yeah, getting the sardines out of the can. People come to my supermarket all day and say, do you have Portuguese sardines? Do you have Portuguese sardines? And all day I say, no, no, no. Well, I can't stand it. I can't stand it. You hear? Mr. Colby, let go of my neck. I'm not a sardine. Well, if this Mr. Fisher is so important, you should really be alone with him to close the deal. So why don't I take Betty out to the dance? Betty stays home Saturday night. Well, what about me? Well, you can go to the dance. Well, thanks for changing your mind, Mr. Colby. I haven't changed my mind. Now listen, Mel, if you show up at my house or within five blocks of my house Saturday night, I'll... Don't say anymore. I've got an imagination. All right, then use it. Come on, Betty. Well, I'll be with you in just a minute. Well, goodbye, Mr. Colby. Yes, it is a nice day, isn't it? Oh, gosh, Betty, this is awful. I sure killed our Saturday night date. This was going to be once we wouldn't spend it in your parlor. Oh, Mel, you know, Father. Father talks big. Betty, Father is big. Now, Mel, you listen to me. I'm inviting you to the house Saturday night, and if you don't show up, you don't have to show up ever again. Goodbye. Bye. Gosh, Betty's father says no. Betty says yes. Oh, I'm just a pickle in the middle. You know, anyone can be the victim of a little breath of trouble. I mean, unpleasing breath. It happens to thousands without their knowing, knocks them down socially, makes them unhappy. So be on your guard. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder. For Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentiflux at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing and remember the name Colgate Tooth Powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Tooth Powder. Well, here it is Saturday night. Mel still doesn't know whether he's going to use those tickets to the postman's ball. Betty says Mel had better come up to the house or else. And Betty's father, who is trying to get a shipment of Portuguese sardines, says Mel had better not show up or else. Anyway, right now Mel is in his fix-it shop talking to Betty's little brother Axelrod who has just entered the shop. Well, what's new, Axelrod? Good morning, Mel. Is my father mad at you? Well, how do you know? Did your father say anything about me personally? Well, I didn't hear anything. You didn't? No. Of course, whenever he starts to talk about this, he makes me leave the room. Hmm. Well, how about Betty? Same way. While she was preparing dinner, she kept talking to the chicken and calling it Mel. Well, that shows how much she loves me. She said to the chicken, if you don't come up tonight, I'll... Well, then what'd she say? Nothing. She just dropped it in the boiling water. How? Well, so long now. Oh, so long, Axelrod. Gosh, what a mess this is. If I don't go to Betty's house, I'm a boiled chicken. If I do, I'm a dead duck. Uncle Rupert, I can't figure out why Mr. Colby doesn't like me. Well, you read the fortune on your card. You're kind, gentle, observant, tolerant, and you make enemies too easily. You mean I should try to make a friend of Mr. Colby? My boy, when I first met your aunt, I said to myself, I must make a friend of that woman. And what happened? That was the worst decision I ever made. Maybe I ought to try it anyway. Why don't I go up there to Mr. Colby and be his wife? Well, here comes that pompous Mr. Cushing, the president of your lodge. Well, hello, Brother Mel. Agaboo, agaboo, agaboo, aga. Greetings, my depotentate. Agaboo, agaboo, agaboo, aga. Well, just stopped in for a second to remind you about the next meeting of the benevolent order of loyal zebras. I'll do my best to make it, my depotentate. It's an honor for you to ask me personally. Not at all. I like to get around among my zebras. Say, why are you moping around like this? Why, when I was a young man, do you know what Saturday night meant to me? I already took a bath, Mr. Cushing. You wouldn't understand. Well, I can see you don't want to talk, so I'll say so long. Agaboo, agaboo, aga. Aga, agaboo, agaboo, aga. Well, now, wait a minute. Anyone who gives the password like that is a worried zebra. Now, tell me, what's wrong? Well, I wanted to take Betty to the postman's ball, and Mr. Colby wouldn't let me because he's entertaining the president of the Acme Portuguese Sardine Company. And he wants Betty to... Well, you don't mean Mr. Fisher, do you? Yeah, do you know him? Why, of course, and you should too. Fisher's the grand wizard of the Jennings Junction Order of loyal zebras. We are both imperial caliphs on the executive council. You mean I'm his fellow zebra? I'm his lodge brother? That's right. Go on up there and tell him so and mention my name. Oh, but Mr. Colby said... Oh, Colby won't touch you with Fisher there. Fisher's a swell guy, a man I'm proud to call a zebra. Well, so long, Mel. Just give Fisher the old password. Agaboo, agaboo, aga. Aga, agaboo, agaboo, aga. Aga. Oh, Uncle, Uncle Roper. Yes, nephew? Watch the shop, will you? I'm going to Betty's house and I've got to go upstairs to change. Just a second, Melvin. Here comes Dr. Crabb. Will you take care of the dog, Doctor, will you, Uncle? I'll be right down. All right. Good old Dr. Crabb. He's been taking care of dogs so long he even talks like one. Ah, good evening, my good dog, Doctor. Good evening to you, Rupert. Woof, woof, woof. I've been walking quite a bit and I'm thirsty. Could I have a pan of water? Why, sure. Say, Christopher, don't some people think it's funny when they hear you sound like a dog? Don't believe so, Rupert, except maybe that man at the newsstand on the corner. What did he do? I bought a paper from him and he put it in my mouth. Don't tell me you carry the paper home in your mouth. You know a better way? This is Saturday night, Christopher. We're supposed to be closed, you know. I know, but I thought I'd talk to Mel about a special lock from McKinnals. My little terrier tried to run away. Really? Oh, yeah, but I caught him. I said to him, woof, woof, woof, woof, and he said, woof, woof, woof, and then I said, woof, woof, woof, and he said, woof, woof, woof. I tell you, that dog is sensational. Why? What do you mean? Well, he understood every word I said. Well, thanks for the water, Rupert. My throat feels better already. Well, I'm beginning to sound like myself again. Bye, Rupert. Goodbye. Good old Dr. Krabs. Well, I'm ready, Uncle Rupert. You can get Zookie to help you take care of the shop. Well, wish me luck. Good luck, my boy, and it's very late. You'd better hurry if you want to make the dance. So shake a leg. What do you mean, shake a leg? I'm shaking all over. Oh, everything's working out just fine with Mr. Fisher, Betty. That's good. Yes, he loved the dinner, said it was the softest chicken he'd ever had. How right he was. Eh? Oh, well, anyway, now to carry out the rest of my plan. I'm going to get into a card game with him and let him win some money from me. Let him win money from you? Darn, is that proper? Proper? Schmapper. I want those sardines. If he wins the money from me, he'll be in the right mood. He... Uh-oh, here he comes now. Mr. Fisher. Oh, do you indulge in games of chance? Well, sometimes I do. Ah, good. Then how about a game of sardines? Oh, I mean, get rubbish. I'm sorry, Mr. Colby, but I don't like to play cards. You don't like to play cards? Well, how about Pachisi? Monopoly? Axelrod, you got any chalk? You can even play Posse. Well, thank you very much, Mr. Colby, very obliging of you, but as a matter of fact, there is one game that I do play, but I warn you, I'm very good at it. It's checkers. Checkers? Oh, very good at it, eh? Axelrod, get the board and the checkers. Okay, Dan. Nothing like a good rousing game of checkers, I always say, eh, Betty? Oh, I wonder who that can be. Oh, never mind, I'll open it. Hello, Mr. Colby. Who was that? Oh, a scuster salesman selling vacuum cleaners. Well, let him in, they're very hard to get. No, I was thinking about it, it wasn't a salesman, somebody I don't know, a Portuguese. Oh, I mean, an Eskimo. Oh, I don't know. Oh, I... Oh, dear. I'll get it. Hello, everybody. Oh, hello, Mel. Mel, this is Mr. Fisher. Mr. Fisher, this is my fiancee Mel Blanc. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Fisher. Ugga, ugga, boo, ugga, boo, boo, ugga. What? Well, what do you know, a brother zebra. Ugga, ugga, boo, ugga, boo, boo, ugga. You see, Mr. Colby, Mr. Fisher and I are friends, friends. Oh, I see. Mr. Fisher, here's the checkerboard and the checker. Mr. Cushing sent you his regards, Mr. Fisher. Cushing? Oh, that's the real estate man, oh, a great fella. You know, in our last executive council, he put on a lampshade and imitated Hedda Hopper. I see, I know, I know, I know. Mr. Fisher, here's the checkerboard and the checkers are all set up. Well, you don't have to shout, old man. Yeah, you don't have to shout, old man. I mean, here's the checkerboard all set up. Now, Mr. Fisher, how about playing a game for, say, five dollars, huh? Oh, I'll bet you'll get a lot of money. I'll bet you'll get a lot of money. I'll bet you'll get a lot of money. Now, Mr. Fisher, how about playing a game for, say, five dollars, huh? Well, that's okay with me, but I warn you, I'm a wizard in there. Do you mind if I kibbit? Well, why don't you? No, no, not at all, brother zebra. But you better help Mr. Colby there because I won't need it. Okay, there's my move. Hmm, very interesting. I'm trapped already. Oh, wait a minute, Mr. Colby, here's a move you can make. Mel, why don't you close that window from the outside? Mr. Colby, I might fall out of the window and break my neck. That's not a bad idea. Well, Mel, move for me. Hmm, very good. So it puts me on the defensive. I'll try this. Okay, here's our move. And here's mine. That's just what we were waiting for, Mr. Colby. Now you jump this and this and this and this and that's a game. Isn't it wonderful? Yeah, isn't it wonderful? Well, Mr. Colby, that's $30 I owe you. And without my kibbitzing you wouldn't have won at all, Mr. Colby. Well, I know it and believe me, I won't forget it. Mr. Fisher, how would you like to play one game for $30? Win or lose all, I say. Well, that's a game, Mr. Colby. I'll take you on. And I'll help you again, Mr. Colby. Oh, Mel, what's the name of that Chinese laundromat down the street? Oh, you mean so long? What did you say? So long. Oh, too bad you have to go so soon. So long, Mel. So long. Wait a minute, Mr. Colby. Stop pushing. Oh, come now. Quiet down, everybody. I move. There. Oh, Mel. Not now, Betty. Uh-uh, Mr. Colby, here's the move to make. Oh, Mr. Fisher, next time you have an executive meeting, invite me down. I do imitations, too. Do you ever hear Bugs Bunny? Listen to this. Eh, what's up, Doc? Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! I can't even keep my mind on the game. Well, here's a knife. Go and cut yourself. Ha, ha, ha! Very funny. Well, I think that $120 are quite enough to owe any man, Mr. Colby. So I'm going to call it quits. There's your money. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. What's the matter, Mr. Colby? You're not taking this very well. Mr. Colby is what is known as a sore winner. Ha, ha, ha! Oh, you certainly are a card, Brother Zebra. A card in the whole deck. Well, good night, and believe me, it's been a pleasure. Well, good night, Mr. Fisher. Oh, by the way, Mr. Colby, let me say this for you. Everywhere I'm invited, people get into checker games with me and purposely let me win. Who? You know, you're the first man who ever had guts enough to beat me. I admire you. Yeah, that's just the way I feel, Brother Zebra. And by the way, Mr. Colby, I just got in a large order of Portuguese sardines. Now, I don't know whether you know this or not, but they're almost impossible to get. Really? I didn't know that. Oh, but Mr. Colby, you told me that. Well. Well, you called me in the morning, Mr. Colby, and you let me know how many you want. Well, now, good night, and... Agh, agh, aboo, agh, aboo, agh, agh. Oh, what a night, what a night. Mail bank! Yes? Go and take Betty to the dance. Oh, thanks, Daddy. Good night. Thanks. Good night. Come on, Betty. Betty, this is the first Saturday night we won't be spending in the parlor. Oh, guys, won't we have some? This ticket good for one admission to the post. Now... What's the matter, Betty? These tickets are for next Saturday night. Next Saturday night? Uh-oh, back to the parlor again. Young man, whether you're calling on a customer or calling on your best girl, remember this. A little breath of trouble, unpleasing breath, can quickly mark you down. So be on your guard. Do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder. For Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifrice at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing. And remember the name Colgate Tooth Powder with the accent on powder. Oh, Melvin! Yes, Uncle Rupert? Will you please sign this check? What's it for? For $25. But Uncle, we don't owe that much money to anybody. This is for the community chess drive. Oh, we owe them everything we can afford. Give me that pen. Good night, folks. This is Buddy Eastern reminding you that Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath of sweet and teeth of sparkle brings you the Mel Blank Show every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blank's Fix It Shop. The Mel Blank Show is written by David Victor and Herb Little Jr. and was produced and directed by Joe Reins. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
