From Hollywood, Colgate Toothpouter presents the Mel Blank Show with Mary Jane Croft, Joe Kearns, Hans Conrad, Earl Ross, the sportsman, Victor Miller and his orchestra, and starring the creator of the voice of Bugs Bunny. What's up, Doc? Yes, Colgate Toothpouter, for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle, brings you the Mel Blank Show with Mel playing his new character, Zookie. Hello everybody, everybody, everybody, hello everybody, everybody. Hi. And starring himself in person, Mel Blank. Hi folks, Ugga Ugga Boo, Ugga Boo Boo Ugga. How you doing? Amazing. the the the and It's a lovely Indian summer night in Mel Blanc's little town. The spirit of romance is in the air and the courting Casanovas are buying favors with which to greet their girlfriends. In the florist shop, Sam Brown is saying, Here's five dollars, give me the best orchard in the place. And in the sweet shop, Henry Jones is saying, Here's ten bucks, give me the biggest box of candy you got. And in another shop, Mel Blanc is saying, I want some flowers and candy for my girl Betty. Here's my money. Okay. Hey Joe, give this guy two days eating a jelly bean. So Mel added wrapped as a gift and presented it to Betty. Right now we find Mel sitting with Betty in her front parlor enjoying their favorite pastime. Looking at the family album. Oh look Mel, here's a picture of my cousin Dottie when she was two years old. Oh what a cute little bathing suit. And here's a picture of her taken seventeen years later. Hmm, still wearing the same bathing suit. Isn't it awful how little girls wear these days? Yeah, terrible. Hmm, Dottie sure is... Mel, turn the page. Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, What are you laughing at? Oh Betty, who's that stupid anemic looking character you're standing next to? Darling, that's you. What a handsome devil. Oh here's a picture of my great grandmother in uniform. You know she served in the Civil War on the southern side. What do you know, a Confederate whack. Gosh, look at Dottie, I can't get over her. Mel, stop going back to that page. Oh, here's a picture of Uncle George Colby and his wife waving goodbye from the ship before they left for France. Who's that big woman waving back? That is the Statue of Liberty. Oh, the Statue of Liberty. Well, well, well. Mel, stop looking at Dottie's picture. What's the matter, Betty? You're a little cross today. Well, I don't know how to break this to you Mel, but father is moving the family away from here. Oh, but Betty, what about your father's supermarket? He's found a buyer from out of town. But where will you live? Well, if the deal goes through, Daddy, he will exchange houses. Oh, Betty, we've got to get married right away. Mel, you've been saying that for five years. Well, I'll buy the supermarket myself. But you have no money. I'll go to the bank and get a loan. But Mel, you have no credit. Then I'll get a GI loan. Mel blank, I refuse to wait another five years. But Betty, I may never see you again. I won't let your father do it. I'll burn the supermarket. Oh, no, there's some man coming up the steps. I've never seen him before. Say, do you suppose it could be the man who's going to buy the supermarket? Well, Dad and I have never seen him. But he's supposed to be here tomorrow. That's why Father went out for the evening. Betty, I've got it. If it is the buyer, I'll pretend I'm your father and kill the deal. But Mel... Betty, I've heard your father yell so often. It's a sin for me to do it. Besides, I'm a natural born actor. See if I don't sound like your father. Mel blank, I'll break every bone in your body. But Father, I mean Mel. See? Come in. How do you do? My name is Billings. Percy W. Billings. I'm here on a matter of business. Is Mr. Colby in? Pleased to meet you, Mr. Billings. I'm Colby, and this is my daughter, Betty. Your daughter? You look rather young to be the father of this girl. Why, she's only 12 years old. 12? She's a rather mature girl for 12. Well, you think so? You should see your cousin, Dottie. Father, get away from that photograph album. I know that I was due in tomorrow, Mr. Colby, but my astrologer told me the stars were more advantageous for our meeting tonight. Aquarius was crossing Pisces, and the best sign for supermarkets is Aquarius and Pisces. Yes, I've seen the sign, A-M-P. Oh, a fellow astrologer. No, I'm much more concerned with the bumps on the head. Do you use phrenology? No, band-aids. Let's get down to business. Daughter, do you mind leaving the room? Mr. Billings and I have a deal to kill. I mean, to make. Oh, nice father, but be careful. Oh, daughter, you can leave the album here. By the way, I hope I didn't inconvenience you by arriving tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow. The stars, you know. Oh, that's quite all right, Mr. Billings. Too bad you didn't get here a little earlier. Why? Because I knew Mr. Beautiful Fire at the supermarket. Supermarket? Yes, everybody in town was there, except Joe Moore, Phil Carr, and Mac Brown. Was it necessary for them to be there? Yes, they're the firemen. Oh, but it didn't matter. The fire went on without them. That must have caused a great deal of damage at the market. What market? Oh, this is dreadful. I came here for nothing. Something must have gone wrong with my horoscope. I knew I should have had another meeting with my astrologer before I left. Oh, hello everybody. I'm home. Oh, Chew-Mail. Haven't you left yet? You, you got home early, didn't you? Who is this man? Oh, that's my son. You've got the oldest children I've ever seen. Children? Pardon me, sir. Who are you? My name is Billings, Percy W. Billy. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I've been waiting for you. My name is Billings. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. My name is Colby. But this man's name is Colby. In fact, he just told me the supermarket burned down. Oh, so long everybody. Where are you going? To put out the fire. Mel Blank. Wait a minute, Mr. Billings. I'm Colby. This man is Mel Blank. The market didn't burn. In fact, I'm selling because I don't want my daughter Betty to see this nincompoop again. Well, I'm confused. There's only one thing for me to do. What's that? I must send for my astrologer and consult with him. Where is the telephone? Right there. Thank you. Oh and mail as long as this is your last visit to my house allow me to show you out personally Oh, you don't have to mr. Colby He's so polite oh What a mess if mr. Billings consults out astrologer and buys a supermarket mr. Colby will move out of town And I'll never see Betty again gosh. What'll I do? I? Wonder if her cousin Dottie has a phone Use Colgate to powder keep smiling just right Use it each morning and use it each night Don't take a chance with your romance Use Colgate You meet a girl and say let's dance, but that breath of trouble says no romance You think you could be guilty of this breath of trouble. I mean unpleasing breath it happens to thousands without their knowing So just do this brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate tooth powder For Colgate tooth powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten Colgate tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth What's more no dentifers at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate tooth powder Remember to buy it first thing and remember the name Colgate tooth powder with the accent on powder Don't take a chance with your romance Use Colgate tooth powder And now Victor Miller the sportsman and blue skies Blue skies smiling at me Nothing but blue skies Do I see nothing but blue skies with blue birds Shaking us all Nothing but blue birds all day long Never saw the sun shining so bright Never saw things that were going so right Noticing the days they're hurrying by When you're in love my my they fly high Blue days troubles all of them gone Nothing but blue skies Blue skies from now on Blue skies smile at me Blue birds riffle us all Well I never saw the sun shining so bright Never saw things that were going so right Noticing the days they're hurrying by When you're really in love my my they fly high Blue days all of them gone Nothing but blue skies Blue skies from now on Well it looks like Mr. Colby is going to sell his supermarket and move out of town with Mel's girl Betty However before completing the deal Mr. Billings has sent for his favorite astrologer And has asked him to hold a meeting at the Colby house Mel is desperately trying to figure out something to do to stop him Right now we find Mel in his fix-it shop talking to Betty's kid brother Tommy Gosh Tommy everything happens to me Do I have to lose my girl? Do I have to do everything wrong? Do I have to be a failure? You don't have to Mel You're just doing what comes naturally Gee Tommy I wonder why your father hates me so much Maybe it's because he tries so hard I just can't understand it Is it because I have no money? Is it because I'm unsuccessful? Is it because I'm unreliable? Tommy say something don't just stand there nodding Look Mel it looks like my papa is going to sell his supermarket to Mr. Billings Now I like this town and I don't want to leave So I got an idea I'm supposed to go down on the train and bring the crystal ball gazer to my house Now wait a second Tommy here comes Mr. Cushing my lodge president Hello Mel Uggah uggah boo uggah boo boo uggah Greetings mighty potent eight Uggah uggah boo uggah boo boo uggah Oh pardon my saying so Mr. Cushing but you're not looking very well Yeah I know Something you ate? No someone I married What an argument we had last night Mel You had an argument with a little woman? Mel she may be little but she's all mouth Yadda da yadda da yadda da all day long she follows me around yapping at me You know Mel it's almost impossible to concentrate on my housework You do the housework? Why don't you put your foot down? Mel the only time I put my foot down is to start the vacuum cleaner Josh your wife sure is tough Tough? She's the toughest woman in the world Mel when we have an argument my wife doesn't go home to her mother She sends me I'd leave her in a minute if she didn't have all that money But I don't know why I'm standing here telling you all this It's just that I don't know who to talk to Well if you think you have troubles Mr. Cushing listen to this Mr. Colby's selling the supermarket and my girlfriend Betty's moving out of town Well is there no way to stop them? Well it all depends on a certain astrologer who's arriving tonight to hold a meeting with a buyer Well Mel suppose someone sidetracks the astrologer You take over as the astrologer's assistant and as such you advise this buyer not to buy Gee that's a wonderful idea How did you ever think of it so fast? My boy after living with my wife for 25 years I've developed a criminal mind Well Mel I've got to go now Where are you going mighty potentay? Well I've got two alternatives They're showing a Boris Karloff picture at the Bijou Or I can go home and look at my wife So long Mel I've got a good idea Oh Tommy yes Mel hey do you want to stay in town for a few days? I've got a good idea I'll see you later I'll see you later I'll see you later I'll see you later I'll see you later I'll see you later Oh Tommy yes Mel hey do you want to stay in town? Oh yeah Well here's how you can do it get a hold of my assistant Zucchi and tell him to meet the astrologer at the train Oh I get it Mel but who's going to look into the crystal ball at my house? Who do you think? What a disgrace Whitmore the mystic two hours late Zucchi can't you get this car started? Well don't worry I'll fix it Now you see you take this wrench here and tighten the carburettor Tighten the carburettor Tighten the carburettor Come on Yogi let's push Hello oh Zucchi Oh Whitmore the mystic is with you? Well where's Mel? He'll be here any minute As the Maharaja Okay good so long Oh father the Maharaja should be here any minute Oh good good although Mr. Billings now that the deal is all said I can't understand why you want to depend on some fake Maharaja to tell you what to do Mr. Colby my man is no fake he is a Harvard graduate his name is Whitmore and his approach is purely scientific Well that's the way you want it Oh that must be him now come in hello Oh Yankov Maharaja he say eee what's up dog? Who are you? I didn't think anyone like you would come You were expecting maybe Maharaja Nussbaum Where is Whitmore the mystic? Oh mystic couldn't come he called Crystal Ball Union they send me Oh this is ridiculous Oh good for you you properly suspicious Maharaja just make jokes actually Maharaja assistant to Whitmore the mystic Well that's different Maharaja this is Mr. Colby Greetings Maharaja can tell Mr. Colby is a seventh son of a seventh son of a seventh son Why nothing of the kind I'm the fifth son of a second son of an only son Well anyway you're a son of a son Now gentlemen please darken room be seated I look in Crystal Ball Maharaja I've called you here to determine whether or not I should buy the Colby supermarket Oh supermarket tough question to answer you asked me about bowling parlor that more up my alley Maharaja Oh oh spirit of other world Maharaja calls upon you I see Uncle George Colby and wife I see grandmother who served in Civil War and I see Who do you see? Cousin Dottie Look here this is preposterous my family dates back hundreds of years What about the Colby who served with George Washington? Me try Colby spirit of revolution come to me I hear him listen Granny struck a strep to her h-muscle what's that? Oh sorry wrong revolution I see him now he's crossing the Delaware with George Washington Washington is standing in the boat and Colby is saying something He is what you say? Down in front Just a second Maharaja you've done nothing but insult my family Why Joshua Colby was in the fife and drum corps in 1776 Quiet the spirits are coming closer closer I can hear it now You can hear it? Yes the spirit of 76 listen Listen Mr. Billings Mr. Billings is this supposed to be a scientific exhibition of crystal gazing? Mr. Colby this is preposterous this assistant has wasted our time completely The deal for the supermarket will have to wait for a more favorable time Goodbye Don't worry Mr. Colby spirit really say don't sell supermarket spirit say young man coming into your daughter's life make fortune His name is Mel Blank oh very good looking What that ugly nincompoop? Careful who you're calling out Careful I mean Maharaja Mel Blank it's you I'm going to break every bone in your body But Mr. Colby Mel darling how do you feel? Oh fine I stopped you from moving away and I established a new record A new record? Yeah that's twice I've been thrown out of your house in one day Mel Blank Mel Blank will be back in just a minute Use Colgate tooth powder keep smiling just bright Use it each morning and use it each night Don't take a chance with your romance Use Colgate tooth powder Could it be that a breath of trouble I mean unpleasing breath has spiked your romance? It's happened through thousands without their knowing Be on your guard night and morning and before every date brush your teeth with Colgate tooth powder For Colgate tooth powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth Yes scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten Colgate tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth What's more no dentifers at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate tooth powder Remember to buy it first thing and remember the name Colgate tooth powder with the accent on powder Don't take a chance with your romance Use Colgate tooth powder This is Mel Blank saying thanks for listening good night and that's all folks This is Bud Easton reminding you that Colgate tooth powder for a breath of sweet and teeth of sparkle brings you the Mel Blank show every Tuesday at this time Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blank's Fix It Shop Say hello to Halo Shampoo for naturally bright and beautiful hair Remember even finest soaps and soap shampoos hide the natural lustre of your hair with Dulling Soap Film But Halo Shampoo contains no soap therefore leaves no Dulling Soap Film Even in hardest water Halo makes oceans of rich fragrant leather quickly banishes loose dandruff and dirt Halo needs no lemon or vinegar rinse Say hello to Halo and goodbye to Dulling Soap Film Get Halo Shampoo at any cosmetic counter Ladies and gentlemen let's talk about the future of you and yours for a moment Do you want to save for a college education for your children? A home of your own? Your own business? A nest egg for your old age? Thousands of wage earners are protecting their futures by buying united savings bonds through the payroll savings plan Remember your united savings bonds are the safest investment in the world The Mel Blank Show is written by Mack Benoff. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System
