From Hollywood, Colgate Toothpouter presents the Mel Blanks Show with Mary Jane Croft, Sandra Gould, Joe Kern, Daryl Ross, Jerry Hausner, Hans Connery, the sportsman, Victor Miller and his orchestra, and starring the creator of The Voice of Bugs Bunny. What's up, Dad? Yes, Colgate Toothpouter, for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle, brings you the Mel Blanks Show with Mel playing his new character, Zookie. Hello everybody, hello everybody, hello everybody, hi. And starring himself in person, Mel Blanks. Hi folks, uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. Well, it's the week before Christmas and all through Mel Blanks' little town, everyone is talking about Christmas presents. In the Williams house, we hear, Anne Brown, I have a notion you're going to get that set of Shakespeare you've been thinking about. Thank you, Mr. Williams. And in the Tucker showroom, we hear, Henry Adams, something tells me you're going to get that automobile you want. Thank you, Mr. Tucker. And in Brillig's department store, we hear, Mel Blank, I think you're going to receive a tool chest for your fixie chop. Thank you, Sadie Claus. So now we know Mel Blank is in the department store. Let's follow him as he presses forward along the crowded aisles with his girlfriend, Betty. What you shoving, mister? Watch where you're going, bud. Hey, cut out the pushing. Oh, I'm so sorry. That's all right, miss. Oh, Mel, isn't it awful, this pushing and squeezing? Yeah, terrible, ain't it? Gosh, Betty, we've been through half this department store and I still don't know what you want. Can't you give me one little hint? Well, there's a jewelry counter. One little suggestion? There's a fur department. Still can't make up your mind, huh? They have some gorgeous wristwatches here. Give me a clue, anything. Gee, this store's as crowded as the five and ten. The five and ten, thanks for the idea, Betty. Well, if a certain someone wanted to give his certain someone something, that certain someone should give her a bottle of French perfume. Does that certain someone get the idea? Mel, Mel, where are you going? He got it. You bet he got it. He doesn't realize it yet, but he's trapped. And like every foolish lover, he runs to get his girl what she wants. Well, I think I have enough money to get Betty some perfume. Ah, here's a perfume counter now. Oh, look at this bottle. Sin flower. A snare that lures unwary men to dizzy heights of ecstasy. Breathless moments of romantic passion. Uncrunchable abandon in soft times. Can I do something for you? Yes, kiss me. I'm looking for perfume for my girl. Well, how much would you like to spend? We have perfume as high as a hundred dollars. What have you got as low as? How about a bottle of this shocking? Is it really shocking? I'll say it is. It was banned in Boston. That's not bad. What else do you have? So he bought the perfume and with a happy, unsuspecting smile on his innocent face, came back to his girl and... Betty, guess what a certain someone got for a certain someone. Well, I hope he got that certain someone one of those new calfskin bags. But that certain someone mentioned perfume. Well, every Christmas I've gotten perfume. Can't that certain someone think of something else? So long, Betty. Oh, did you say a calfskin bag? Yes. Where are you going? To see a man about a cow. Well, here we go, folks. So now he's got to exchange the perfume for a bag. But meanwhile, at the exchange counter... Miss Gibbs, I hope you don't mind our transferring you from the perfume counter to the exchange desk. Miss Willoughby didn't show up. Oh, I don't mind at all. Just remember one thing. The customer is always right. Just say no to everything. Goodbye. Uh-oh, the same girl that sold me the perfume. Oh, she'll never want to make the exchange after all the trouble I gave her. I know what I'll do. I'll pull my hat over my eyes and pretend I'm a Frenchman. It's a good thing I'm such a good actor. What can I do for you? Ah, Eddie. Mon petit. The cash bar is two miles over. Ah, mon chéri. I came to exchange something. My girl does not like this perfume. Wait a minute. Ain't you the same jerk that was around a little while ago? Jerk? Oh, oh, jerk. That is American for jerk. Are you sure that you're French? Not certain. I came from a famous French family of grape crusher. Grape crusher? Oui. My grandfather was the most famous grape crusher in France. He could crush more grapes than anyone. Really? Yes. Of course, Grandpapa wore shoes. But he had to stop. Stop? The King of France opened a bottle and choked on a pair of shoelaces. All right. I'll go along with it once more. What was the name of the wine? You've heard of Chateau Martin Vintage 29? Yes. This was Jim Sneakers, 398. Well, now that I have made the joke, perhaps you make with the exchange? I'll do anything as long as you make with these grams. Now, well, you want one slip for a pocketbook, so I better... Well, he got the pocketbook all right. But you've all heard the expression, into each life some rain must fall. Well, here comes the rain. Well, hey, it looks like you were right. First perfume and then a pocketbook. Mel doesn't have the money to buy all that, Mr. Colby. I told you not to let him run around with your daughter Betty. I just can't believe he's a shoplifter. I know just what you mean, Mr. Colby. He's got shifty eyes. He's been running around the department store. He has no money. But we've seen him with perfume, then a pocketbook. Yeah, it's hard to believe he's a crook. But we know different, don't we? Anyway, here's one happy little chappy going back to his girlfriend again. And guess what? A casket and pocketbook? But a certain someone wanted lingerie. We guessed it, didn't we? Well, ta-dum, ta-dum, ta-dum, ta-dum, ta-dum, ta-da-da-da-da-dum. Back he goes to the exchange counter. A pocketbook for lingerie? Can he do it? How can I fool this girl again? I'll have to try another disguise. I'll put the scarf here and change this. Yeah, that'll do it. Get in line, folks, one at a time. Oh, gee, what a mob. Well, what can I do for you, mister? Uh, pardon me, Hood Mom. What? I'm returning my wife's pocketbook. It has a mechanical defect. A mechanical defect? Oh, let's see. Why, the pocketbook opened easily. Aye, that's the mechanical defect. Well, if you're so thrifty, why don't you just send you, why, the Christmas card? Oh, I've got the card now, a bonnet card that does for all the holidays. One card for all the holidays? What's it like? Well, it's a picture of St. Valentine in a Halloween costume with an Easter rabbit under his arm hitting Santa Claus over the head with a firecracker and wishing him a Happy Mother's Day. You win. What do you want to exchange the pocketbook for? Well, I'd like to get my wife some lingerie. Why lingerie? No pockets. Ah, she'll look fine in that long red flannel lingerie. Well, he got away with it again. And now back to you-know-who. Say, I wonder if this is having any effect on him. Oh, that Betty. If she tells me she doesn't want lingerie, I'll scream. Oh, now there you are. Say, while you were gone, I thought of a wonderful thing and certain someone could get me. Lingerie? No, a compact. Ah! Well, so long, Betty. Oh, this is the third time now. Just like a woman can't make up her mind about what she wants. I said the third time now has wandered off and returned with a different package. Well, just like a man can't make up his mind about what he wants. ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? Use cold gate juice powder. Keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use cold gate juice powder. A girl who has a breath of trouble is seldom asked to date up double. Yes, that little breath of trouble, I mean, unpleasing breath, can lose you friends and alienate people. Don't let it happen to you. Just do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with cold gate tooth powder. For cold gate tooth powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, cold gate tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentiflux at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than cold gate tooth powder. Remember to buy it first thing. And remember the name cold gate tooth powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use cold gate tooth tooth powder. And now Victor Miller, the sportsman, and Managua Nicaragua. Babalu, Babalu, pack your rip, take a trip down that Bob America way. Managua Nicaragua is a beautiful town. You buy a hot tienda for a few pesos down. You give it to the lady you were trying to win. But her papa doesn't let you come in. Managua Nicaragua is a heavenly place. You ask a senorita for a beetle embrace. She answers you, caramba, scrumba, barbary toe. In Managua Nicaragua that's no. I have been to many traffic ports. I might include even Brooklyn. If you're ever feeling out of store, I'd like to recommend a look in Managua Nicaragua, what a wonderful spot. There's coffee and bananas and the temperature hot. So take a trip and all your ships go sailing away across the Argo to Managua Nicaragua. Managua Nicaragua, oh, it's really the top. You buy a big sombrero in the neighborhood shop. And then the girls will follow you like in a parade. That's because they want to walk in the shade. Managua Nicaragua, what a wonderful spot. There's coffee and bananas and the temperature hot. So take a trip and all your ships go flying away across the Argo to Nicaragua. Managua Nicaragua. Hooray! You know, folks, you may look anyplace in the country and wherever you go, you'll find that any Jane Doe knows what she wants for Christmas and any Mary Brown knows what she wants. But Mel Blank's girlfriend, Betty, says... I want perfume. No, I want a pocketbook. No, I want lingerie. No, I want a compact. No, I want earrings. But if Betty doesn't know what she wants, Mel Blank, who's been going crazy exchanging these gifts, knows what he wants and he says, I want to kill myself. But like I told you, it isn't that easy. Betty's father, Mr. Colby, and Willie Murdock have spotted Mel and after watching his strange behavior, they think he's shoplifting in the department store. Now let's pick up Mel as for the fourth time he plods his weary ways at the exchange counter to exchange the compact for earrings. Gosh, how am I going to fully exchange her all this time? I've disguised myself as a Frenchman and a Scotsman. Maybe I can be an Australian. No, I can't talk like a kangaroo. Besides, I have an appouch. Well, not much of one. And I got it. Well, what do you want exchanged? Oh, speaking to me, Governor. Oh, I came to exchange a compact. And what's wrong with it? My lady friend doesn't like the lightstike. The kites is right and she wants the grind. What would you like to exchange it for? Neelongs. I mean earrings. Haven't I seen you before? Impossible, Governor. Are you sure you're English? Oh, my sure. Oh, my dear God. Oh, my sure I am. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm English through and through. Why, yesterday I cut myself and bled fog. Well, give me the compact and I'll give you an exchange slip. Now you want earrings. Well, the guy's phenomenal. He did it again. Hold hands, folks. We're going back to... Uh-oh, look out. The bad guys are here. Look, Mr. Colby. There goes Mel with another package. Oh, Willie, it looks like you're right. But who do you suppose he's giving all the other packages to? Well, his assistant Zookie, of course. He must be the accomplice. Oh, that can't be. Why, there's Zookie right now walking over to Betty. Oh, hello, Zookie. What are you doing here? Oh, you. Hi, Betty. I came to buy a present. I came to get a... I'm just window shopping. Have you seen Mel? Oh, he was over... He's on his... He's here. And now where have you been? Well, I'm not telling, but if a certain someone doesn't like earrings, which a certain someone exchanged for a compact, that certain someone is going to faint. Well, frankly, that certain someone would rather have a bracelet than earrings. Hey, Betty, don't just stand there. Help me pick up that certain someone. Now, any other man would be content to lie there, but this guy's a glutton for exchanges, so he picks himself up and back he goes. Gosh, my fifth trip. Somewhere people are happy. People are smiling. I don't have to do this. I can go out on the street and take my chances with the rest of the pedestrian. Oh, there's Mr. Cushing, president of my lodge. Hello, Mr. Cushing. Hello, Mel. Hello, boo-boo-wagga. Oh, greetings. Greetings, mighty potentate. Aga-aga-boo, aga-boo-boo-aga. Well, have you decided on something you want to get for your wife? Yes, Mel, but they won't sell it to me without a prescription. Well, what a Christmas this is going to be. Every woman in the world hangs up mistletoe. My wife hangs up poison ivy. Well, what would you like to have hang in the house? Ha! You know, Mel, last year was the best Christmas I ever had. I decorated the house, I lit up the Christmas tree, invited all my friends and served a wonderful dinner. And my wife made the whole thing possible. She did? Yeah, she was out of town. Mighty potentate, I have my troubles too. This is the fifth time I'm exchanging a gift for my girlfriend, Betty. Mel, no woman can make up her mind. But you know, sometimes that's a blessing. The only reason I'm still alive today is because my wife can't decide on a method. Well, men are different. I never have any trouble making decisions. Neither do I, Mel. But as I told you before, they just won't give it to me without a prescription. Well, come on, Mel, aga-aga-boo, aga-boo-ba-aga. Well, goodbye, Mighty potentate, aga-aga-boo-aga-boo-ba-aga. Uh-oh, there's that tough girl at the exchange counter. I'll never be able to fool her again. Besides, what reason can I get for my girl not wanting earrings? Well, I'll take the beard off this dummy Santa Claus and try. What can I do for you, Santa Claus? You've got to have a better reason than not to exchange earrings. I have. Grown a Santa braia miq vas toj clavic pranje no ears. Ah, haven't I seen you someplace before? Yes. Yes? Yes, that's Russian for no. Well, what would you like to exchange this for? Prostiznish grovni kamanich brokavanich smertovik. Well? You didn't give me a chance to finish. Charm bracelet. All right. Wait a minute. I noticed in my record book these earrings were exchanged from the compact. Uh-huh. And an exchange was made before that. Uh-huh. In fact, five exchanges were made. Uh-huh. I won't be able to make an exchange unless I get an okay from the five people who made the exchanges. Uh-huh. What do you mean if I get the five people to give their okay, you'll exchange the earrings? Yeah, if you can find them. I'm busy now. Next. Oh, what am I going to do now? I got to be five people. I got it. Mel Blank, this is the greatest test of your acting abilities. You're going to be a one-man UNO. Now, where's the phone booth? Oh, there it is. Hello? This Brillig's department store? Give me your exchange department, please. Hello? This is the fellow you just talked to. You want to speak to the people who made the exchanges? Well, I got all five of them with me here in the phone booth. Maybe better talk fast because three of us are turning blue already. Hello? I'm Mel Blank, the fellow who bought the perfume. Sinful hour? Yeah, remember the label? Come with me to dizzy heights of exquisite ecstasy where lovers in the moonlight ho- What? No, I'm dizzy tonight. Hey, there's another fellow. What's the matter with you? You're making me come in this side of the phone booth. What's the matter? What? There was no Italian? What's the matter? You're absolutely right, no Italian. I see that, governor. Ah, bonsoir, ma petite. Come out of there, young man. I'm the manager of this store. Hey, what's the matter? There's that shoplifter. Where are all those packages? Mel Blank, I'll break every bone. Just a minute. I can explain everything, Mr. Colby. You see, I have a lot of things to do. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to go to the store. I'm awfully sorry about what happened. Oh, I didn't mind it, as long as it was for you. Gee, you're pretty today, Betty. I wish we could get married right away. So do I now. Do you really mean that? Do you really, Betty? Oh, gosh, this is the happiest moment of my life. I'll always remember that you said it standing right here by Household Pest Controls, DDT $1.98. Well, anyway, Betty, if a certain someone looks in her Christmas stocking, that certain someone is going to find pajamas. Oh, gosh, now that certain someone's been thinking. And if a certain someone really wants to please a certain someone, he'll get her. Betty, don't say it. Perfume. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I say, may I help you, sir? Yes. I'll have a gallon of this DDT. Can I write it up? Don't bother. I'll drink it right here. Now, blank, we'll be back in just a minute. Use cold cake juice powder. Keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use cold cake juice powder. Keep smiling just right. Keep smiling just right. Keep smiling just right. It's really too bad when a breath of trouble, I mean, unpleasing breath, catches up with a person because it's a distinct social handicap. So be on your guard. Follow this rule. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with cold cake juice powder. For cold cake juice powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, cold cake juice powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifers at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than cold cake juice powder. Remember to buy it first thing. And remember the name cold cake juice powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use cold cake juice powder. This is Mel Blank saying thanks for listening. Good night. And even me, even me, that's all folks. Well, I'm back again. This time Justin Sanders and Buddy have been reminding you that cold cake juice powder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you the Mel Blank show every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blank's Fix It Shop. Say hello to halo shampoo for naturally bright and beautiful hair. Remember even finest soaps and soap shampoo is hide the natural lustre of your hair with Dulling Soap Film. But halo shampoo contains no soap, therefore leaves no Dulling Soap Film. Even in the hardest water halo makes oceans of rich fragrant lather. Quickly banishes loose dandruff and dirt. Halo needs no lemon or vinegar rinse. Say hello to halo and goodbye to Dulling Soap Film. Get halo shampoo at any cosmetic counter. The Mel Blank show is written by Max Benoff. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
