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Here transcribed is Richard Diamond, Private Detective, starring Dick Powell. Diamond Detective Agency, we deal in crime, but we're closed now. It's Christmas time. Hello there, this is Diamond. Every year about this time, my business takes a big nosedive. People usually pack up their troubles and start unpacking colored lights and Christmas tree ornaments. So tonight I'm going to tell you my favorite Christmas story, one I always like to tell. A Christmas Carol by Mr. Charles Dickens. Now I'd better explain something first. This version isn't exactly the way you've always heard it. Because of the particular type of characters I usually get mixed up with, this story is written to fit their talents and characteristics. Different from the Dickens original certainly, but we feel that this story could easily happen today, anywhere. Like right here in New York on a little side street just off the Bowery. So now I'd like to introduce our characters. Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge will be played by my good friend and guiding hand of the 5th Precinct Homicide Division. Lieutenant Walter Levinson. Walter! Otis. Shh. The character of Jacob Marley will be played by one of Lieutenant Levinson's most trusted henchmen. Otis, that's you. Huh? Oh, Sergeant Otis Lovelune. Lovelune. Walt. Shh. Oh, sorry. Tiny Tim will be played by our corner newsboy. Hi, I'm Johnny Rollins. Tiny Tim's mother will be played by my redheaded gal friend. Ellen Asher. The rest of the characters will be played by members of the 5th Precinct Police Station. Officer O'Reilly. Officer Leskowitz. Sergeant Miller. The music will be furnished by the 5th Precinct Police Band directed by Patrolman Worth. Hi. And now our version of the Christmas classic, Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol. Once upon a time there was a nasty old guy named Ebenezer Scrooge. He was nasty all right. He didn't like anything, except maybe all the dough he could get his hands on. Scrooge had a little business that he started with his partner, Jacob Marley. The outfit was known as Scrooge and Marley Loan Company. But one day poor old Marley just up and keeled over. So the boys along the big street gave him a nice funeral, and old man Scrooge took over the business. Well, Marley had been dead for seven years, and Scrooge lived alone in his little room over the office, and for a hobby he hated everybody. He had a young guy working for him named Bob Cratchit. Bob had a wife and four kids and made just enough to make ends meet. Scrooge used to ride him all the time. When he got so cold the polar bears complained, Cratchit would turn on the little heater and Scrooge would say, Cratchit, what do you think you're doing? Turning on the heat, that's what I'm doing. My fingers look like popsicles. I don't care if they come in six delicious flavors. Every time you turn on that heater it costs me money. Business is not good, so get back to your work and turn off the heat. Oh, now look Mr. Scrooge, I'm freezing. This pan ain't guaranteed to ride under ice. I'm telling you once more, get back to your work. Okay, but I don't know why you worry about business. Why not just put up a sign and turn the joint into a skating rink? Merry Christmas, Mr. Scrooge. Oh, swell, Merry Christmas, humbug. Humbug? Yes, humbug. My old man didn't like Christmas and that's what he used to say, humbug. Okay, humbug. It's still Christmas and I don't see why you get off not liking it. This is supposed to be the time everybody gets with it. Everything stops, it ain't much good, and you put your arm around the next guy and you tell him Merry Christmas. I'm going to put my arm around you with a hammer in the elute if you don't lay off this goodwill stuff. Look, what's with you? What have you got against Christmas? You show me a way to make a hundred bucks every Christmas and I'll fall in love with it. You want me to be merry? Well, sure. Then go get some of those joyous clients of mine to pay off their loans. Merry Christmas, humbug. Okay then, humbug. But it's still cold in here. Have some icicles but give them back after the holidays. They're my fingers. Music Late that evening, Scrooge went upstairs to his room, the room where Jacob Marley used to stay. It was dark in the little hall and when Scrooge reached for the door, he looked up at the big brass knocker and saw... Music Holy cow. Could have sworn I was old Jake's face in the knocker. Whistle I must be working too hard. So in he went. A little shaky after seeing Jake Marley's face, but he just passed it off his nerves. He closed the door and locked it. Then got a fire going and started to relax. But every tile around the fireplace started looking like Jake Marley's face. Oh, now come on, ass old boy. You've got to get hold of yourself. This is ridiculous. I haven't touched a drop in weeks. He got up and walked around the room a few times, then went back and sat on again. He stretched, rested his head on the back of the chair. From somewhere a bell started to sound. And Scrooge sat straight up in his chair. He heard something else too, something from downstairs. What the? Oh, now what is that? What's going on here? Who's that? Come on, who's out there? And all of a sudden it came right out through the wall. All right, sit still Scrooge. Marley, Jake Marley. Oh no, no, I got to stop eating lobster. It couldn't be. What's with you? Who are you? Jake Marley. Who else? You're dead. The deadest, but nevertheless Jake Marley. His ghost. Oh, you are very sharp today, Scrooge old boy. I don't believe it. You got eyes, ain't you? Yeah, and I got a bad stomach too. That's who you are. Nothing but a bad case of indigestion. You don't think I'm a ghost, huh? Okay, maybe a good scare will change your mind. No, no, no, stay away from me. All right, all right, I believe you. You sold on the idea? Yeah, yeah, but why did you come to see me? Regulations. Every man's supposed to live his life and help his buddies. If he don't do it while he's alive, then he got to do it after he kicks off. Oh, cut it out. Why come to me? Because you're going to end up just like me. Lest we do something in a hurry. I haven't got much time, so you better listen. Oh, oh, I don't want to be like you. I'll listen. Okay. You are going to have three visitors. You are going to be haunted by three spirits. Oh, no. It is the only way you can keep from being like me. When you hear the bells strike one, the first one will be here. Well, I got to be going. You won't see me again, but you remember what I told you. So long, Scrooge-o-boy. Your goose bumps can relax now. Cut it out. After the ghost took off, Scrooge just refused to believe it. Nuts. That's ridiculous. Humbug. Then he climbed into the sack and was soon snoring up a storm. When Scrooge awoke, it was still dark, and the bell from the church on 53rd Street was striking 12. He lay awake listening and thinking to himself. Just a dream. Ghosts. Finally, he dropped off again and slept for about an hour. Then the bell struck one. One o'clock. I don't see no ghost. I knew it was something I ate. All of a sudden, a big light flashed in the room, and the first of the spirits stood before him. Hi, Scrooge. Oh, Jake was right. Were you the first spirit that Jake said had come to haunt me? Yeah. You know it. Well, who are you? Me? I'm the ghost of Christmas past. Yeah? How long past? Your past. Come on. We're gonna take a little ride. Well, where are we going? Just relax. I'm running this tour. Well, let me get my pants. You got them. They're on me. With that, the ghost of Christmas past grabbed Scrooge by the hand, and they both flew out of the window. Scrooge nearly lost his upper plate, but before he could yell for help, he was standing in front of a dirty ramshackle old tenement building. You know where you are? Sure I know where I am. This is where I was brought up. Even the garbage cans are the same. You had a pretty tough time when you were a kid, didn't you? The toughest? I wasn't very big, and the rest of the kids in the neighborhood were. I had more black eyes than a crow. You want to go in? What for? To see your folks. My folks died a long, long time ago. They're there now. Come on. Well, the ghost took old Scrooge into the building and showed him a Christmas years past when he was a child with his family. Sure, it was tough living in two little rooms like that, but Scrooge remembered how wonderful it really was. What's the matter, Scrooge? Oh, I've got something in my eye. You were pretty lonely when your folks, when they... Yeah, you know, there was a young kid that came around earlier this evening and sang some carols. Gee, I wish... Yeah? What do you wish? Oh, nothing. Come on. I want to show you another Christmas. The spirit showed him another Christmas, and still another. And you know, no matter how tough Scrooge remembered his childhood had been, it always seemed that Christmas was wonderful. Then before he knew it, Scrooge was back in his little room, and the spirit was gone. Scrooge was pretty beat, and he climbed into bed and dropped into a heavy sleep. Very peaceful. Huh? What's that? It's two o'clock. Hey, that light in the other room. I got burglars. Hey, Scrooge. Come on in. Who's that? What are you doing in the other room? Come on in and take a look. It's pretty nifty. Hey, what is this? What have you done to the room? Looks like Basie's window. Where'd you get all the holly in the mistletoe? And how did you get in here? Do you like it? Oh, for Pete's sake, a Christmas tree. Who are you? The ghost of Christmas present. Now, don't tell me you don't like the way I fix things up. I work pretty hard. Oh, second ghost. Okay, take me wherever you want to go, but believe me, next time I try the train. Let's go. Now what do you see? I see bright colored lights, people having a lot of fun, kids on sleighs. See that building over there? The one with the big weaf on the front door? Yeah, that's where Bob Cratchit lives. He works for me. Hey, look, there's Bob now. Yeah, going into the house. Up all those stairs to the fifth floor. He's got his little boy on his back. Tiny Tim. Yeah. He got polio last summer. Pretty sick little boy. I know. Bob said he'd need a lot of care if he was ever going to walk again. Come on, let's take a peek. Hi. Hello, honey. You and Tim have a good time? The best. Didn't wait, Tim. Yeah, Dad. We watched all the kids in the block on their sleds. Mom, will I ever be able to ride a sled? Of course, Tim. Won't he, dear? Sure thing, Roughneck. Next Christmas, you'll be out there doing belly whoppers with the rest of them. Dad, what's the matter? Your eyes are all wet. Nothing, Tim. I just got some snow in them. You want some chicken, Tim? No turkey? No, but lots of cranberries. Okay. Can I sit next to you, Dad? You just bet. Bob, will you say grace, dear? Can I say something first, Mom? Of course, Tim. What would you like to say? God bless us, everyone. What's the matter, Scrooge, old boy? Got some snow in your eyes, too? Tell me something. Sure, if I can. What about Tiny Tim? I can't say for sure. If his old man makes enough money next year to get the white doctor, little Tim will get along just fine. But times are tough, aren't they, Scrooge? Yeah. Now the spirit of Christmas present took Scrooge to many places and showed him a lot of happiness and a lot of misery. And finally back to his little room, and the spirit was gone. I don't know whether I can take much more of this. Then a new ghost drifted in. This was the worst yet. He was really done up for haunting. He was all dressed in black with one arm sticking out and pointing right at poor old Scrooge. This was the last one of the spirits. Scrooge's knees sounded like castanets on a reducing machine. Okay, okay, you don't have to tell me. You're the ghost of the Christmas that hasn't come yet. You aren't really scared, are you? The ghost took off with Scrooge right after him. The city disappeared and Scrooge found himself in the outskirts of town standing in the graveyard. The night was howling like it was mad, and as Scrooge looked down he saw... Hey, what's this? What's this stone? The black spirit stood still and pointed so Scrooge leaned down, pulled away the bushes, and saw it was a tombstone. There's a name here. Ebenezer Scrooge. Oh no, no. Look at this. Believe me, I don't want this. I know I've done wrong, but I'm not kidding. I really know what Christmas means. It doesn't mean just today or tomorrow. It's every day, every day of your life. I swear I'll do better. Only take me away from this. Let me try. Let me try to make Christmas right for me and for everybody else. Please, please don't let this happen. Give me another chance. Well, don't just stand there. Put your arm back in. You'll catch cold. Well, say something. Suddenly Scrooge dropped to his knees and reached out for the spirit. But something happened. The spirit started to shrink, then it collapsed, and when Scrooge looked up... What? My bedpost. My own bedpost. I'm home. Oh, thank goodness. I lived the past, the present, and the future, and now I'm home. Hallelujah. Spirit, wherever you are, believe me, from now on things are going to be different. Oh yeah, and thanks. Paper, get your morning paper. Hey, boy, boy. Yeah? What day is this? It's Christmas. What's with you? Christmas. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I haven't missed it. The Spooks did it all in one night. Boy? Oh, it's you, Mr. Scrooge. How many papers you got? I don't know. Well, here's five bucks. Five bucks. Throw them away and then go have yourself a Merry Christmas. Gee, thanks, Mr. Scrooge. Have a Merry Christmas to you. Oh, boy, say that again. Thanks. No, no, the other. Oh, you mean Merry Christmas? Yeah, that's it. Merry Christmas. Okay, okay, I'm coming. What's the matter with you? Can't you see the store's closed? Look, Mr. The store is... Heaven needs a Scrooge. Merry Christmas, Barney. You been drinking? Not a drop. Well, what's the matter? Aren't you going to wish me a Merry Christmas? Oh, sure. Merry... Sure. Come on in. The wife's upstairs with her mother, but I got a bottle in the back. Look, Barney, I know your grocery store is closed, but you could still sell me a turkey, couldn't you? What do you want a turkey for? You've been eating at the Automat every Christmas for the last seven years. It's not for me. Well, then who's the boy for? Bobby Cratchit. You know, the young guy that works for me. Oh, yeah? How much are you going to charge him? Here, here's 20 bucks, huh? Here's the address. And listen, don't tell Cratchit who sent the thing, okay? Yeah, okay. Merry Christmas, Barney. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Well, old Scrooge went back to his rooms and took an old blue suit out of the mothballs. He shook it out, put a few creases in it, and went out on the street. The old boy was really with it. Everybody he passed, he greeted them with Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. He went to church and gave a large donation, and Father McCarthy and Eliefer got his sermon. Yes, for the first time in his life, Scrooge was having a Merry Christmas and arrived early at his office. If he could just catch Cratchit coming in late, and he did, Bob was a good 21 minutes late. Cratchit! Oh, no. You're 21 minutes late. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, Mr. Scrooge, I had a big evening. Oh, you did, huh? You know what I told you if I caught you fancy-footing it in here late again. Okay, so I'm canned. You think you got it coming? I'm too tired to argue. Jobs are tough enough, and I hate to lose this one, but I'm just too tired. A raise would help, huh? That's the silliest question of the year. Then you got it. It's in the envelope. What? Uh-huh. Maybe after we see how the funds are, we might be able to do something about Tiny Tim. I don't get it. A raise? You want to do something about Tim? I don't get it. Sure you do, Bob. Haven't you heard? It's Christmas. Now go on home. Take the day off. Take the week off. Come back when you feel like it. Merry Christmas! Mr. Scrooge? Yeah? Merry Christmas. And Scrooge really did it. He was as good as his word, better even. He made it the merriest Christmas ever. And later things got better, and he took care of Tiny Tim, and sure enough, Tim was out on his sled the next Christmas doing belly whoppers were the best of them. Every Christmas thereafter, all along the big street, it was said, if anyone knew how to make Christmas merry, old Ebenezer Scrooge was that one. And I hope that can really be said about all of us, just like Tiny Tim said. God bless us, everyone. That's it, Tim. God bless us, everyone. Oh, Rick, that was a wonderful story. Not quite the way Dickens wrote it, but it meant the same thing. Well, thanks, Helen, dear. I thought you were good as Tiny Tim's mother, too, didn't you, Walt? I sure did, and that's no humbug. What in the world was that? It's Sergeant Otis. He's still playing marley. Otis? Yeah, Ebenezer? Oh, cut it out, Otis. The play's over. Go on, call officers Riley, Lund, and Miller, all of them. Tell them to leave the punch bowl and come over here. We're going to sing. Oh, boy, I'll lead off. Jingle bells, jingle bells. No, no, no, Otis, Rick will lead. We can join in later. Ah, lieutenant. Go on, Rick. Otis, stop breathing down my neck. I'm just waiting to come in. Otis. Oh, for heaven's sake. Snow falling down from heaven, making a metal of white. Sleigh bells are ringing, wonderful Christmas night. Jingle bells, jingle bells. No, no, not yet, Otis. Voices that sing Hosanna bathed in a heavenly light. Everyone happy, wonderful Christmas night. Otis, peace on earth, goodwill toward men. Otis, stop crying. Life on earth begins again. Joy in the hearts of children, there in the trees candlelight. All making merry, wonderful Christmas night. Now, lieutenant. No, Otis. Oh, let him sing, Walt. Come on, everybody. Oh, boy. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Merry Christmas, everybody. Right here is where all the men and women who make the camels you smoke would like to wish each and every one of you the happiest of holiday seasons. And right now might also be a good time to remind you that there's still plenty of time to add camels to your Christmas shopping list. Camels by the carton are so easy to give. Camels come in a beautifully decorated holiday package, so handsomely designed that you don't even have to wrap it. Just write your personal greetings on the card that's on the top of every special camel Christmas carton. And camels are such a pleasure to receive. It's the cigarette enjoyed most in America, the cigarette that leads all other brands in popularity by billions of cigarettes per year. So you can't go wrong by giving mild, flavorful camels. How mild, how mild, how mild, how mild can a cigarette be? More camels than seed. Here's Dick Powell with another special message. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, every week the makers of camels send thousands of packs of camels to service hospitals. That's to help show hospitalized men and women of the armed forces that those at home haven't forgotten them. This week's free camels go to Veterans Hospitals, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, and Amarillo, Texas, Nellis Air Force Hospital, Las Vegas, Nevada, U.S. Naval Hospital, Naval Medical Center, Guam, Marianas Islands. Now until next week, enjoy camels. I always do. Dick Powell can now be seen starring in the Universal International film You Never Can Tell. Tonight's transcribed adventure of Richard Diamond was written by Blake Edwards with music by Frank Wirth. Our director was Nat Wolfe. Virginia Greig played the part of Helen Asher, and Alan Reed was Lieutenant Levinson. Others in the cast were Barney Phillips, Arthur Q. Bryan, Jack Crouchon, Joel Samuels, and Jeffrey Silver. Are there pipe smokers on your Christmas list? There's still time to make them a present of pipeful after pipeful of the national joy smoke, Prince Albert. The Prince Albert One Pound Tin comes in a special Christmas box ready to give. There's a space right on it for your personal greeting. Give, Prince Albert. The bite is out and the pleasure's in when you smoke, Prince Albert. It's specially treated not to bite your tongue. The bite is out and the pleasure's in. Listen next week for another exciting adventure of Richard Diamond starring Dick Powell. This is your FBI. The official broadcast from the files of the FBI follows immediately. Stay tuned. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the American Broadcasting Company.
