Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents, Claudia. Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken, brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself, have a Coke. And now, Claudia. Telephone, Mama. You don't say. Bet you it's David. He's only called you three times today. I know, maybe he forgot to tell me something. Probably call this time to tell you he isn't going to call you again, and to stop hoping. Probably. Oh, you two certainly love spending money on telephone calls. Well, that's what telephones are for. Hello. Is this Mrs. Noton? This is Fritz calling. Oh, hello, Fritz. I thought you'd be David. Where are you? I'm stuck up in New Haven. I come to have the truck fixed, and the man he dodles so I'm not home yet. Well, there's no hurry, Fritz. Yeah, but, Majesty, she must be milked, and I will not be able to be home to do it. She can wait, can't she? Mrs. Noton, a cow, she is milked by the clock. Oh, I see what you mean. So I telephone to suggest you call Jared Tucker and ask him if he has a chance to milk Majesty. Fritz, honestly, you think of everything, don't you? Between you and Mr. Noton, there's nothing left for me. Tell him I milk his cows tomorrow. Now, look, Fritz, Mr. Tucker is a friend. You don't have to make trades with him. I do not like to ask for favors. I should have planned this better. You stop worrying about it, Fritz. We'll manage. Majesty will be milked. May I, if you have a moment, speak to Bertha, please? Of course, Fritz, I'll call her. Just hang on. Now, don't let them disconnect you. I hang on. Right. Bertha? Hey, Bertha, Fritz is on the phone. He wants to talk with me. I can't blame him for that. Fritz is still in New Haven. What is he so slow about? He's not slow. The garage is slow. Thank you, Mrs. Noton. Just hang up when you're through, Bertha. Yeah. Hello. You sound so funny, Bertha. Oh, Fritz, do not waste money on the telephone telling me I sound funny. Come to the point. I will not be home for dinner is the point. What are you loafing with? A nice way for a wife to speak to her husband. You just called me to tell me you are not home for dinner? I would notice that. I called to tell Mrs. Noton to get Mr. Tucker to milk the cow. You want to bother Mr. Tucker with that? He has enough to bother with. I will milk the cow. Bertha, please. Majesty is accustomed to somebody who knows cows. I don't know cows. I milk plenty cows when we were home, even if you do not remember. Remember? How could I forget? I was always afraid the milk would be sour. Oh, funny, funny. Do not bother to be afraid. It will be a relief for Majesty if I milk her. It will be a relief for her to have anybody milk her. It is late. And enough talk. You may loaf, but I have business to attend. Mama. Yes, Papa. I will be home as soon as possible. Save a little dinner for me. I will think it over. Goodbye. Goodbye. Now what are you laughing at? You look so silly with a pail of milk in your hand, Mama. Where would you like me to carry it? On your head. No, serious. He is very becoming, Mrs. Brown. You should always walk around with a milk pail. You know, something tells me that Majesty isn't going to like this. Oh, she is going to like it much better than standing around on milk. Oh, she told you then. It is the first fact about cows, Mama. If you knew anything about them, you would know that. Oh, we will see now. Who knows what about cows. Didn't you know Jared Tucker would be out just today? We wasted a half an hour waiting for him to come home so he could milk her. Oh, well. Hello, Majesty. She is such a sweet-looking cow. Isn't she? The poor thing. What is going to happen to you? I wouldn't wish on a cow. There is nothing to milking, Mama. I don't know why you are making such a fuss. I have watched Fritz and David do it enough times to know that there is nothing to milking. Yes, but have you ever done it yourself? Yeah, one squirt a few weeks ago. Majesty smiled. Hello, you beautiful girl. Yes. Push over, now. Go on, push over. Don't be so rough with her. Listen, I'm not being rough, Mama. She weighs hundreds of pounds more than I do. Somehow it doesn't matter where the cow does it. Why does it matter? How fat they are. Now, if I went around letting myself get fat like that, I'd get nowhere. Oh, start milking. What time is it, Mama? David will be home any minute. How did you know that was why? Simple. He's the only reason you're ever interested in time. Well, I want to get Majesty all milked by the time he gets back. Won't he be surprised? May I point out to you, Claudia, that Majesty is looking at you with a very distrustful eye. Oh, nonsense. Her eyes are limpid with love. I think we ought to call over all the other animals to watch this spectacle. You think Ruby would be interested watching? My dear, you'll scare that pig out of three months of bacon if you do that. Mama, I refuse to let you talk about Ruby as bacon. Now, the pail down, right under the faucet. That's right. Then I have something to sit on. Oh, there's a little footstool over there. Should I get it? Oh, no, no. Good heavens, I'm acting like a handmaid to a milkman. Oh, Mama, Fritz never sits on a footstool. He sits on an inverted milk pail. Oh. That seems to be the style for milkers these days. So you hand me that extra pail, Mama? Yes. You may not know what you're doing, but you're going to look as if you did. If it's the last thing. Now I sit me down. That's right. Majesty, you all ready? Now, Majesty, you're going to cooperate, aren't you? You lovely girl. She'd better cooperate if she knows what side of milk is butted. David says the motion is a little like braiding hair. Well, you never braided hair. That doesn't matter. Braiding's instinctive. Honestly, Mama, you'd think you'd never lived on a farm. Well, I never have, and now I know why. Now, Majesty, take a deep breath. Here we go. I don't see one drop. Well, it takes her a little while to get warmed up. I have all night. Majesty, are you cooperating? Ouch! What happened? For heaven's sake, she swatted her tail in my eye. I see what she thinks of you as a milkmaid. Mommy, you're making me nervous, peering over my shoulder. Go away. Do you want me to go? No, don't go, don't go. Oh. Now, slowly. One, two, index finger, roll it. Milk! Mama, milk, look! Well, that wouldn't be enough to feed a newborn chick through an eyedropper. We have no newborn chicks to feed. Now, come on, more, Majesty. Now that we've started... Yes, Majesty. Ah, she's getting bored. I did this perfectly just a week ago. I can't understand that. The room wasn't built in a day. David even said I had a knack for it. Vee! Another eyedropper. Majesty, you're doing beautifully now. Come on now, just a little more. Come on, a whole bucket full more. Claudia, try that one. The one on the left there. It looks as if it had more milk. They all have the same amount of milk, Mama. We'll try it anyway. What's the matter? What a pretty picture. David, you crapped up on us. That's not fair. I bet you've been distracting Majesty. How distracted does not give milk? Are you two trying to squeeze milk from a cow? Not I. Go away, David. Go on, you make me nervous. Go on, push over. Make room for a professional. I will not. I started and I'll finish. If you start, you'll never finish. Let David. I get pushed out of everything. Fritz is still in New Haven, David. So I gathered. Now come on, push aside girls. And I will have Majesty milked in a jiffy. Oh, you will. Now Claudia, you watch him and see how he does it. Hello there, woman. You don't like being milked by a stranger, do you, girl? There's nothing stranger about me. Now, Majesty, relax. You're in the hands of a friend. You're not doing very well. Draw, friend. Marry or draw, friend. You probably have this girl so upset, she doesn't know which side is up. Why don't you tell her? Easy, girl. Easy does it. You look just like a doctor, just like... There. You see that? Oh, well, I produce that much. And I'm not a professional like you. This is strange. It's very strange indeed. You know, I wouldn't blame her if she were tired of giving milk. Oh, it must be a very dull existence. Oh, terrible. Eat milk. Eat milk. Cows like it. Well, maybe Majesty's changed her mind halfway. Ah, there's more. Two squirts don't make a bucket. David, maybe she's gone dry. Nonsense. She gave 20 quarts yesterday. Well, that's enough reason to go dry. Maybe she's empty. That'll be silly. She doesn't have a sign out saying, no milk today. You know, it's too bad she's not transparent. Then you could see the milk go down like sand in an hourglass. Oh, now, that would be convenient. Look into the matter, why not? A transparent cow. We could make a million dollars on it. Oh, Majesty, please end this torture. Are you empty? Such a dumb law. Mama, now, that kind of talk is enough for her to hold back on us. Come on, David, try harder. Yeah, don't rush me. I'm trying my best. For some reason, Majesty's not milking properly. Maybe you're not milking properly. Yeah. Are you criticizing my technique? No, I'm not. Evidently, Majesty is. I'm as good a milker as anybody in this part of the county, I'll tell you that. No, it's for the county. Mrs. Brown, will you make her shut up? Well, I've tried for 18 years. She's yours now, David. Uh-huh. Yep, yep, there's more. David, the bottom of the pail isn't even wet. I think you're completely untalented, completely. Oh, go away. Ha-ha, it's killing him, Mama, it's killing him. It's going to kill you in a moment. Now, Majesty, concentrate. Now, stop looking at me so innocently. This is not funny. I think it is. My entire reputation is at stake, Majesty. Now, now relax. Yes, relax. Think of spring, think of clover fields and temothy grass. Think of wandering over the pasture. Think of the new cow who is going to spend the summer with you now. Now, milk, by golly's sake, milk. That was beautiful, David. If it were up to me, I'd give you a bucket for that speech. Yes, but Majesty wasn't so impressed. For heaven's sake, everybody's in the barn. Hello, Bertha. I'm looking for everybody. Dinner is ready. I cannot find anybody. I see a light in the barn. What is everybody doing out here? Everybody has to have their hand in the pie, Bertha. Pie? Well, milk. You are milking, Majesty. We're trying to, and she's as stubborn as the Rock of Gibraltar. David says he's the man who knows how to do it. Even David's got no more than two drops. Now, Claudia, hush up. There are times when a husband is not to be teased. But, of course, Majesty gives you no milk. Now, look, Bertha, you're not going to turn against me, too. I'll have you know that I... Mr. Norton, forgive my interrupting. I know you are a good milker, but Majesty doesn't have any milk to give, not even for you. She's not pregnant again. No, but I have milked her already. How far I go? You mean... you mean there's nothing left? Not a drop. Oh, Bertha, you greedy woman. Then Majesty's cupboard is bare. Absolutely bare. Then my professional standing has been restored. Come along, Mother Hubbard. Even a professional can't find a bone in a bare cupboard. The parts of Claudia and David on this program were played by Catherine Bard and Paul Crabtree. And the entire production is supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. There are dozens of ways to make friends with young people, and one is certainly to say, have a Coke. Ice-cold Coca-Cola has become a major part of the good times of teenagers. They go where the Coke is. So if you want your house to act as a magnet for you, keep plenty of sparkling Coca-Cola on ice. And that's your supply right now. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again Monday at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere.