Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents... Claudia. Music Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken, brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax. And while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. Music And now, Claudia. Music David. No. No what? All those papers in your hand, they're not... They are. Income tax again? What do you mean, again? Well, you just did it. A year ago. Impossible. It seems like only two months. Your memory plays tricks. A year ago, and we were still living in New York. Two months ago, we were right in this living room. It was right after dinner. Oh, you mean that. Yes, I mean that. So why do you have to do this? Because that was the last payment on my estimated tax, and this is the last payment on my final tax. You mean you have to pay two income taxes? I won't allow it. It's persecution. It's not two income taxes. It's the same income taxes. I mean tax. Now, once and for all, get that through your head if you can. Um, David. What now? Do we have to pay a lot? Enough. Well, even a little would be enough. This is not a little. You really sure you haven't paid it before? Mm-hmm. It seems to me we're always paying income tax. We are. It's funny. I thought we were all through in January. Claudia, look at me. I'm looking. You look tired. I don't want you to look to look at me. Well, you couldn't help noticing, darling. I want you to listen to me. It's all this income tax business that's making you look tired, too. Wait a minute. Are you listening to me? Of course. I've heard every word you said. What? I want you to understand all this in case that someday you have to do it yourself. I never will. You just may outlive me. I don't want to. It's all the same. You may have to. And the way I feel right now, you probably will. David, you feel sick? No, I don't feel sick. I just feel as if my wits are shaky. It's a small wonder, too. Now, Claudia, concentrate. Well, it's difficult when I look at you, but I'll try. Now, look. What I paid in January was the final payment on what I thought was the money I had made this year. Mm-hmm. Now, what I am paying now is... The tax on the difference between the money you thought you'd make and the money you did make. See? You do understand. I just didn't believe I did. David, you made more than you thought you'd make? Mm, a little. Oh. Well, that's not so good, is it? Well, it's not so good about it. Well, I mean, if you hadn't made more than you thought you'd make, we wouldn't have to pay more, would we? So that that would save us money, wouldn't it? No. I mean, yes, but we've still come out with more. Well, all I know is it cost us plenty to have you make more than you thought you'd make. I think next year you ought to try and be a little more accurate so we won't have to pay this extra money. Claudia, this extra money is not a punishment. It is what we owe the government. Because you figured it out wrong. I said it was not a punishment. You mean we're exceptions? Some people pay their tax from their weekly salary. A little every week, you know. That's called a withholding. Oh, and you don't have withholding. Why? Because I'm a partner in an architectural firm. See, I don't draw a regular fixed salary. Oh, too bad, isn't it? So the government wouldn't be able to figure what to take out each week, that's all. I have a drawing account to cover our expenses, and then depending on how much money our firm makes, I get bonuses. I see. I think I prefer withholding. Why? Well, because withholding sounds more like having a tooth pulled out now and then. The way we do it, it's like having them pulled out all at once, isn't it? I see what you mean. And then also every time we get rich because you get a bonus, we're poorer again because of the tax. Isn't that so good, isn't it? You can't be helped. Personally, of course, though I wouldn't tell this to anybody else, I think there's something the matter with the whole business. Oh, you do, eh? Yes, I do. Well, you just keep it to yourself. Oh, I will. Because I only have until midnight to figure this thing out, and that leaves me only four hours. Some people leave everything for the last minute. David, what are you doing now? Subtract the surtax from one, and I'm figuring out my estimate for the coming year. I have to send in my first check for that tonight, too. What was that? I have to send my first check for this year. Yes, that's what I thought you said. Surtax from one. David, it cannot be. I explained to you. I'm not interested in what you explained to me. This has got to stop someplace. Well, it does, just to send... Well, not that I can see. It doesn't stop as far as we're concerned. Tax, tax, tax, that's all I hear. You're always telling me we have to save money, and then all we do is to pay tax with it. Well? Well? You sit there and all you can say is, well? I repeat, well. Well? Well, it's crazy. Save money to pay tax with. It'd be cheaper not to make it in the first place. Sometimes I think you're right. Of course I'm right. Then maybe I can go on with my work, maybe. Surely, go ahead. Go ahead, darling. Thank you, thank you. Subtract the surtax. What amazes me is how you do it without a murmur. From line nine. Claudia, once and for all, income tax is the law. Well, law or not, if you left it all to women, pretty soon you'd see there'd be no income tax. Look, Claudia, we went through this whole thing last year. You paid income tax last year too, so if you can pay it again, why can't we talk about it again? Because there is nothing left to say. Oh, yes there is. Plenty. Well, I don't want to hear it. I know, darling, you're upset because you think there's something wrong with the whole business too. Subtract the surtax. Because you're a man and it's the law, you just don't want to complain. Line nine. The same way you are about traffic regulations, I know, I know. You're implying that because I stop when the light is red and don't make a U-turn when there's a sign that distinctly says not to. You're implying that because of that I'm a Casper milk toast. No, not a Casper milk toast exactly, but ever obedient, let's put it that way. Where is the surtax? Women are, not when they can figure it out more sensibly than the law, which is most of the time, isn't it? They don't mind going through a little trouble to change things for the better. So if it were left up to women in a few years there wouldn't be any income tax at all. Look at the chart. Anyway, not so much. Besides which, women know the value of money and how expensive it is. I wonder where the chart is. So they wouldn't part with it for income tax so readily. Go on. That's all. Women don't mind spending money for things, but for income tax. For where you never see it again? Oh, just ask any woman. Are you finished now? You get my point? Yes, I get it. Then I'm all finished. You're positively sure? Absolutely. Now, let me tell you something. David, I understand all about it. You better get to work. I said I want to tell you something. Tell me later, tell me in bed. I'll tell you now. But you have to fill out all those pages. Well, it'll only take minutes now. Well, light your pipe first. Why? What for? Because I don't trust you. You have that funny look again. Well, there's not a look that lighting my pipe will cure. Well, then what will cure it? Well, you just listen to what I have to say. I'm listening, I'm listening. Do you have any idea, has it ever penetrated your sharp little brain why we have income tax? David, you said you were going to tell me something, not ask me something. Answer me. I still don't like the look of your voice, David. Well, yes, I, of course I know why we have income tax. Why? Obvious why, everybody knows why. Why? David, you always have income tax when you have governments. Why? Stop saying why like that, because you have to pay the people in the government. They have to make a living too, after all. Why else? Well, the government runs things. That costs money too. All right, now you listen to me and shut up. The government regulates the amount of income tax according to what it's going to cost to run the country. Now, you got that? Well, that's obvious. That's all for your benefit. Schools, roads, the army, airplane, all that comes from money raised by taxes. David, you don't have to talk to me as if I were a child. Oh, I don't. You better stop lifting your eyebrows like that or they'll scoot right off the top of your forehead. Now, look, are you listening to me? Of course I'm listening to you. Well, you don't sound like it now. Well, I am. Now, tell me, did you ever hear of the government debt? Who is it in debt too? Ah, then I can take it that you've never heard of it. Of course I've heard of it, but I never took it very seriously. Are you sure? Heavens, everybody owes other people a little money these days. I owe the cleaners. That reminds me, and you owe the bank for mortgage. Now, Claudia, now please don't change the subject. I wasn't. It just so happens that the little debt you disregard so quickly is somewhere in the vicinity of $200 billion. Well, after all, for a big country like... did you say $200 billion? I certainly did. Phew, can't even count that high. $200 billion. Where'd we borrow so much money? What on earth for? We could buy England at that price. It's just an island after all. A great deal of the debt is a hand-me-down from the First World War. Of course, this last one increased it some. Wars cost money, plenty of money, besides there are other things too. Why on earth could we borrow $200 billion? I thought we were the richest country in the world. We had to borrow $200 billion. Heavens, it makes me dizzy. Well, the government borrowed it from us. Who? Us, the American people. All of it? A lot of it. And then, when it couldn't pay it off, it had to borrow more to pay itself the interest on the debt. Do you mean to say, David, in addition to owing itself the debt, the government owes itself the interest on the debt? In a way. Well, whoever does the government's bookkeeping certainly has complicated it. I never let myself spend more money than I could afford. There was no choice, unfortunately. David, listen, did you say the government taxes even more so it could pay itself the interest on the debt it owes? I did. Well, that is even more ridiculous than anything else you've said. Now, if I take $6 from next week's money to pay for this week's bills, I don't charge myself 50 cents interest. Nobody goes around charging and paying themselves interest. Well, nobody does, but the government has to. Why? To keep the book straight. Oh, those poor books. They'll never be straight. Paying yourself interest, a full nonsense. And then taxing us to keep up appearances. The money was borrowed from us in the first place. It seems to me as if we're paying twice or three times for the same thing. Well, what do you suggest? Well, I suggest we forget the whole thing. No more debt. After all, it's just to ourselves. No more interest on the debt? And then, darling, you won't have to spend so much money on income tax. Oh, I give up. It's like talking into a wind tunnel. I know. You're just frustrated because I make sense and the government bookkeeper doesn't. He obviously doesn't keep house or he'd know more about how to manage his affairs the simplest way. Claudia, you haven't seen the chart for the surtax, have you? Well... Why don't you explain all of that to the government bookkeeper? Well, now that I've shown you, it's all just a tempest in a teapot, darling. It could be a lot simpler. Maybe you better do your income tax business, darling. We'll forget about it. I'm trying to do it as soon as I can find the chart to the surtax that refers me from line nine to line seven. Claudia, answer me just one more question. Anything, darling, if it helps you understand better. Is this going to happen every year? The income tax? Oh, the rate the government's going, it'll happen forever. Well, I don't mind the income tax so much, but I'm not sure that I can take what comes with it. Yes, I feel the same way. Thank you, darling, every March 14th, just you and I, all alone together. I guess even income tax has its silver lining. These broadcasts are adapted for radio by Manya Starr, and the entire production is supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. When dad and the youngsters are home for lunch, it usually has to be a big meal. But when mom is home alone, she often just has a hasty snack. Next time you eat a solo lunch, have a Coke with it. Ice cold Coca-Cola gives a company touch to the simplest food. When you lunch with Coke, you lunch refreshed. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again tomorrow at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. That ice cold Coca-Cola is everywhere. Thank you.