Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents Claudia. Claudia. Based on the original stories by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself. Have a Coke. And now, Claudia. What are you going to do today darling? Well, I was going downtown with Mama to get some of my linens monogrammed. Why? No special reason. Just wanted to keep tabs on you. We'll be in your neighborhood. Say, Mama's never seen your office. How would it be if we stopped in and said hello? Sure. Make it about five. I'll go home with you. Wonderful you'll be finished so early. Oh darling, I'm so happy about everything. So am I. I hear the mail under the door. Wait a minute. Not that there's anything too interesting, but you always feel there might be. David, here's something from the Motor Vehicle Bureau. Uh-oh. Darling, is my driver's license? David, don't sit there like a dummy. Say something. I wish I was dead. A minute ago you were gurgling all over the place about how glad you are. That was before you got your driver's license. I don't think that's at all funny. Neither do I. I never felt less funny in my life. I bet all the time you were hoping I wouldn't get it. Darling, I wasn't hoping. I was praying. You still think I can't drive. I know you can't drive. Then how did I pass my test? Because first you hypnotized the poor cop who took you out. And then you scared him to death and then you talked his ear off. And he let you pass to get rid of you. That is unjust and unfair, David. I thought you'd be proud of me. Oh, I am, darling. So proud of you that I'd like to take that license right now, frame it in gold and hang it on the wall. No, I couldn't use it. Exactly. So you couldn't use it. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I am, but Claudia, promise me. Oh, promise me that someday you and I... Claudia, what's the idea of leaving your car in front of my door? I'm not leaving it. I thought we were going downtown. We are to David's office. You haven't seen his office, remember? Yes, but why isn't the car in the garage? Because we're going to use it. You mean we're going to go downtown in it? Yes. Go on, get in the front seat. Don't waste time. Just a minute, please. Who's going to drive? Do you know how to drive, Mrs. Brown? I do not and neither do you. That's what you think. If anybody should happen to ask you, I got my driver's license this morning. Oh. And if the government has faith in me, I should think my own mother would. The government does strange things these days. Claudia, let's take a bus. Nope. I'll treat you to a taxi. Nope. Well, all right, then let's get going. I was always one to try anything once. How did you sit next to me in the front? I might be happier in the back. The back's not so comfortable in a convertible. I don't expect comfort this trip. Now hush up. Don't distract. Now, let's see. The key. Starter. Clutch. The gas. Well, we're off. Not so bad, am I? Anything I might say now would be premature. Why don't we go in a straight line? We are. Motor runs well, don't you think? Does it always make so much noise? Oh, I forgot to shift out of first gear. I'm so busy with other things sometimes I forget. I should think that the general impression of a boiler factory would be sufficient reminder to... Claudia, look out! These women drivers. Did you see the way she cut right out in front of me? Isn't the pot calling the kettle black? What's that funny smell? Like an old overshoe burning. It almost smells like somebody's brakes are burning. Couldn't be yours by any chance. Oh, no. That's one of the first things you do when you start a car. You take off the brakes. You just take... Wait a minute. There. Anybody could forget to take off the brakes. You're safe anyway with the brakes on. Claudia, I don't think we'll make it. What do you mean, make it? We will stop in front of David's office or die in the attempt. That's what I meant. Oh, what happened? Don't be so nervous. Not a thing. I all but knocked my front teeth out. Would you have preferred to have me run into that taxi cab or stop quickly? Well, look at that man coming toward us. I suspect that you did both. Pardon me, lady. Did you see that red light? Naturally. Well, I stopped for red lights. You should, too. I stopped? Yeah, with me running interference for you. Listen, lady, I've been trying to get away from you for three whole blocks. Trying to get away from me? Yeah. Amateurs and lady drivers and me don't mix. I go fast, you go fast. I slow up, you slow up. I stop and you stop on top of me. I think you're very impertinent. Look, lady, you can smash up my fenders, but you can't hurt me with names. Call me anything, but don't run into me, see? I didn't run into you. You backed into me. Claudia, that is using her imagination. I'm awfully sorry about what happened, sir. That's all right, lady. Just let her and me reach an agreement. What kind of an agreement? Are you going down Madison Avenue? Yes, I am. Are you driving to someplace on Madison Avenue? Yes, my husband's office is on Madison Avenue. That's great. Your husband's office is on Madison Avenue, so I guess it's safe to say you're going to stay on Madison Avenue until you get there. Yes, but what possible difference does that make to you? I'm coming to that. Now, here's the way I got it figured out, lady. For the rest of this afternoon, Madison Avenue is all yours, see? It's your own private boulevard as far as I'm concerned. I'm going to pull over to the Cape and let you go ahead. And when you're out of sight, I'm going to leave Madison Avenue and make a beeline to Fifth Avenue, see? Well, here's David's office. You're all in one piece. Any complaints? Personally, I'd rather have my neck broken than be frightened to death. It'd be quicker and less mental anguish. Where do we park? Really, there doesn't seem to be an inch of room anywhere. Honestly, isn't that the worst management? You know, every building ought to have a place to park in front of it. There's just no excuse at all. Oh, good, there's someone pulling out. Isn't that a piece of luck, though? I'll let you know later. Looks to me like an awfully small place to get into. If that car did it, I can do it. Are you sure? It's simple. I've watched David dozens of times. Just pull ahead a little and put the car in reverse and turn the wheel like this and... You... Claudia, be careful. I was very careful. I just turned the wheel a little too much. I'll go ahead and do it again. This. See? I see. You said you could do it again, and you did. Claudia, hadn't you better drive around the block and find a larger place to park in? Really, I've got palpitation. I'm sorry about your palpitation, Mama, but I'm going to park here. Why, you yourself just saw a car come out of that space. I will not be bullied into giving up. I'll just pull ahead again. That's funny. It's almost as if something were holding us. Hey, lady, you're hooked on the bumper, the car behind you. Oh, such a business. What's the car behind me doing there anyway? You've got it right, lady. It's a free country. Look, want I should help you? I'll stand on one of the bumpers and you pull ahead, and then you can go where you're going, huh? But this is where I'm going. Oh, you want to park? When you say so. Well, go ahead a couple of feet, then I'll back your car in for you. Thank you. I can manage all night. Let him do it, Claudia, please. Would you, sir? Sure thing. Okay, lady, we've got the bumpers loose. Slide over. Look, you pull the wheel way over and then swing it back again, huh? See, it ain't so hard. Thank you. Don't mention it. What a beautiful soul that taxi man has. Beautiful soul nothing. There seems to be a conspiracy to humiliate women drivers. I think a man was perfect. Never made a mistake. Never made a mistake. They give a good imitation of it when it comes to handling a car. Don't be fresh. Come on, hurry up, Mama. Slide out and back again into the front seat. Come on. I thought we were going up to David's office. I am, but you can't. Why not? It says no parking between nine and five, so you have to sit behind the wheel. I don't get it. Mama, you are slow-witted. Thank heaven for that. If the driver is sitting behind the wheel, it's waiting, not parking. That's a subtle distinction, but I don't happen to be the driver. I don't drive. How would anyone know? You look quite intelligent. Thank you. So just sit quietly and don't push buttons or step on any pedals now. And if anybody says anything to you, just say, it's all right. What's all right? Everything. Bye. Be back soon. Oh, hello, darling. Just on time for a change. Hello. Oh, good. You're all ready to leave. Yeah, I thought Mother would be with you. She is. She's downstairs. Why? Have her come up. She can't. She's waiting. David, come on. Hurry up. What's the rush? Why is Mother seeing the office? Oh, she'll see it another day. She's waiting in the car. What car? Our car. Come on. Hold on a minute. What's our car doing downstairs? Well, what do you think? Hurry. We can catch the elevator before it goes down. Claudia, I don't believe it. What? That you had the all-fired nerve to drive down here by yourself in all this traffic. I had Mama with me. Well, look, how many tickets did you get on the way? I had no trouble with policemen whatsoever. They didn't even come over and speak to me at the stoplight. Well, how many fenders did you scrape? Not one. Not one. Well, believe it when I see the car. Where is it? Parked. Where? In front of the door. In front of the door. I told you before. It's taking a little time. Put the sink in. Claudia, there is no parking on the street. Do you realize that? Yes, and it's a silly law. What do they expect you to do with your car? Fold it up and put it in your pocket? Now, never mind what they expect. This means a ticket for sure. Now, come on. Let's get it out of there fast. David, stop that racing. We won't get a ticket because I left Mama behind the wheel. All these revolving doors. See, now there's the car right over there. But where? Where? I don't see a convertible inside. Oh, don't be silly. I left it right in front of the building. Right in front of what building? Right in front of this building. Right over there where it... where it isn't. Now, listen, darling. Let's stop joking. Where did you leave it? Right where I'm pointing to. That is not a black convertible you're pointing to. That is a gray coupe with a man sitting in it who does not answer to the name of Mama. I... I know it. Now, try to remember, darling. If you parked the car in front of some building, but not this one, how far did you walk and in what direction after you left it? I just crossed right across the sidewalk. All right, all right. Now, let's understand each other. Your mother can't drive a car, so she didn't drive off in it. Do you think she could have pushed it, David? She's not that good. Could she have been kidnapped? There is no crime wave on kidnapping a middle-aged lady in a black convertible. So, obviously, mother is sitting in the car right where you left her. Now, think back. Think back. Where did you park it? You are talking to me as if I were a moron. And, David, this is serious. Of course it's serious. You've gone and lost the car. Never mind the car. I've lost Mama. Well, Mama can talk and find her way home when it begins to get dark. The car can. But if the worst comes to the worst, we can always get another car. That's what you think. Hey, wait a minute. A taxi driver is calling over to us. Are you the little lady who got her bumpers caught? So you got your bumpers caught. Why, sure. You're the little lady who belongs at the convertible. I backed in here a little while ago. I suppose so. Now, there's no suppose about it. Either you are or you aren't. I am. And this kind gentleman backed the car for you? Don't mention it. It was a pleasure. We're looking for my mother. Have you seen her anywhere? Oh, yeah. I seen her. She was in the car. But the car's gone. Well, sure it is. The cop comes along and tells us she's got to move on and she'll get a ticket. She was in a fix there for a minute, so I parked it around the next block for her. I hope you don't mind. Was there anything else I could do? Because she didn't know how to drive it, lady, any more than you did. Oh! All story material used on this broadcast of Claudia was under the supervision of Rose Franken and William Brown Maloney. Did you ever notice how that youngster of yours is plenty willing, even anxious, to go to the store when you ask him to bring home a supply of Coca-Cola? Maybe in the back of his mind there lurks the pleasant idea of stopping at the familiar red cooler for a little refreshment. Well, it's always a mighty nice idea for anybody to enjoy the pause that refreshes with ice-cold Coca-Cola. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you, transcribed, with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again tomorrow at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying, au revoir and remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola, for ice-cold Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. Thank you.