Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents, Claudia. Based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself. Have a Coke. And now, Claudia. Mmm, oh it's so nice going to bed early. Not so early anymore, it's after ten o'clock. Oh, is it that late? My goodness, feels earlier. It was earlier when we started. Oh, there are always so many last minute things to do. Good night to the baby, good night to mama. Oh, it's early-ish. The longer you talk, the longer you'll take and the less early-ish it'll be. Oh, you're so right. So right, darling. But never fear, I'm getting there. Remember the story of the turtle and the rabbit. It happens it was a tortoise and a, you got me confused now, and a hare. Tortoise and a hare? You certainly must have gone to a very snooty school on a sea tortoise and hare. Sometimes I think you never went to school. Oh, I did though, had to. You never know it. I know. No grammar, no math. You hardly ever read a book? I hardly ever had the time. That's a poor excuse. I know. For instance, now is the perfect time to read a book right now. Now? Right now. You're not sleeping in bed. No, that's exactly what I mean. I don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what I'm talking about. No. Has it ever occurred to you that reading in bed is one of the greatest luxuries of all time? Frankly, no. Yeah, I thought it might. What's so wonderful about reading in bed? I prefer sleeping in bed. So I've noticed. The trouble with reading books, David, is that either they're so much like life that it's silly to read them, or they're not enough like life. That's silly too. That's your conclusion. It is, after years of deliberation. Very interesting. In spite of it all, as soon as I get into bed, I'm going to start reading. You mean tonight? I mean tonight. Oh. If you want to sleep, you can go ahead and sleep. Is your light burning impossible? I'm too delicate. Since when are you too delicate? Since now. I always thought you could sleep through earthquakes. Well, that's something else again. Oh, I see. You can sleep through earthquakes, but not through my light burning. What's so amazing about that? That's marriage. I have to give up reading in bed because my wife can only sleep through earthquakes. Oh, David, you're so pathetic. All right. Read in bed. See if I care. I intend to. I intend to. Fine. I brought my book up just for that reason. Good. The good light by my bed. It's a mild night, and it's still early. Early-ish. Early-ish. Now my book, my pipe, and my matches. Oh, don't forget your ashtray, darling. It's right next to you on your bed table. Thank you very much. I'm all set. Well, have fun. I will. Oh, David, you can borrow my pillow if you're going to set up all night. Aren't you going to bed tonight? Essentially. I just want to finish my nails first. Besides, I sleep straighter without a pillow ever since I was a baby. You don't say. Yes, I do. Mama's idea. Growing posture or something. You'll help yourself to the pillow, David. I don't mind. I've got it all ready. You comfortable, darling? Yes, I am. Thank you. Perfect. Well, I know you don't like to be disturbed when you're reading, so I'll say goodbye now. Much obliged. Goodbye. Goodbye. Now to turn the light on. What's the matter? The light didn't go on. Did you turn it on? Of course I turned it on. That's how I knew it didn't turn on. Oh. What did you say? You're up. Would you look down behind the night table, right over there, and see if the plug's in all right? Yes, sir. I can't find where the... Over to your left. There. Oh, I see. I see. No. No, no, the plug's in fine. Switch the switch again, why don't you? No light. Of course no light. That's the flip that switches it off. Now, here now, I'll switch it again. It's having still no light. Maybe the light's burnt out. Now, why should it be burnt out? I buy the best brand. Exorbitant, too, I'm telling you. The best brand or not, they do burn out. Matter of fact, this one is so burnt out that it's disappeared. Where to disappear? Now, that maybe you can tell me. Me? How should I know? Because I think you know. Well, that's very touching, darling. But because you think I know is not enough of a good reason, enough for my knowing, David. My closet, remember? Your closet. What's your closet got to do with anything? The light in it? It has one. It had one, and it burnt out. Which just proves what I say. No matter how good a light bulb you buy, they burn out like smoke, poop. Like smoke, poop. Now, get back to the point. That's it. That's the point. When my light burnt out in my closet, what did you do? What did I do? What did I do? Let me see. Counted to ten. What else? Uh, I put another light bulb in. That was clever. I'm not going to have you breaking your neck climbing around your closet without a light bulb. I don't climb around my closet, but that's beside the point. Now, just tell me. From where did you get the light bulb that you put into my closet? From the shelf over the broom closet in the kitchen. Are you sure of that? David, what are you hinting at? Merely that I went there to get a light bulb, and there weren't no bulbs. There weren't? No, there weren't. So? So? Oh, all right. I will confess. I will tell everything. You took the bulb out of my bed lamp and put it in my closet. I did not. What? I took the bulb out of the lamp in the guest room because we had no guests. Very logical. Of course. Never waste a bulb on no guests. But then Mama had to use the guest room to sew some drapes or something, and there was no light. Go on. Oh. David, you never read in bed before? Mama knew that? Of course not. How could Mama know that? That's exactly my point. You were going to make sure that I never read in bed, right? You prefer Mama to ruin her eyes sewing with not enough light, I suppose? What have Mama's eyes to do with my reading in bed? Everything. Oh, I give up. I give up. What? Why? In case you're interested, I'm going to read in bed tonight if it's the last thing I do. Well, darling, nobody said you shouldn't. Hey, David, why are you getting up? You can't read in bed sitting up. I'm merely going to get my light bulb out of my closet and put it where it belongs in my night table. Uh, David, I wouldn't do that if I were you, darling. I told you I do not climb around in my closet. I don't need a light in it. I never use it. I know. That's why I took it out. Now, think. Darling, think. Where did you put it? Oh, dear. Oh, I wish I could remember. The attic? Now, David, please be serious. I certainly wouldn't go all the way up to the attic for a mere light bulb. Well, maybe you took it out of the closet and put it in the hall, and then when the light went out in the baby's room, you took the light from the hall and put it in Mama's room so you could take the light from Mama's room and put it in the baby's room. David, please stop. You're mixing me up. There's only one thing I want to know, Claude. Of course there is. That is, if you can stop laughing long enough and listen to me. I'll try my very level best. It's very difficult. Yes, I'm sure it is. Darling, you look so idiotic when you try to act serious and you don't feel it. I do know I don't feel serious. Because I love you, that's why. Now, that seems to be your excuse for everything. Well, can you think of a better way? I don't have to. David, it's so nice being married. Just married? Well, to you married. I don't think that flattery can make my mind change the subject. Hey, flattery. I'm still not changing the subject. What subject? My light bulb. Oh, that old thing. Are you still interested? Oh, no, no, I'm not interested. I'm fascinated. I'm very curious to know why we can't have enough light bulbs to go around this house. Well, that's simple. We just happen to have more lamps than we have bulbs. Oh, I see. I see. That's clear. Now, I suppose we can't afford to buy a few more bulbs. Of course we can. Why? Don't you think we can? Then why don't you buy some? I will. I thought the other day when I told you I didn't find any bulbs on the shelf over the broom closet in the kitchen, and you said you'd buy some. Well, David, I said I will. Then why haven't you? Do you think all I have time to do is run around and buy light bulbs for you? I didn't say that now. Well, you didn't say it, but you thought it. Well, I have a lot more things to do than run around and buy light bulbs for you. I have a house to run and I have food to buy and a baby to take care of. Well, yeah, nobody said you didn't. Well, you hinted. I did not hint. Well, you would have if I'd given you a chance. Just give me a light bulb, will you? Well, you would have, now wouldn't you? What? You would have hinted. What do you think? Dope. Darling, you're the best housekeeper under the sun. You are without a doubt the finest mother, the most dutiful wife in the world. But if you don't buy some light bulbs tomorrow, I am going to ring your neck. It's a deal. Shake. It's a deal. Shake. Now let me get up and find myself a light bulb. You mean you still want to read? Yes, yes. Strangers may seem, I still want to read. Some people's is crazy. You can say that again. Where are you going? Put out the light in the bathroom. Then bring it in. The bathroom? Yes, the bathroom. I refuse to bring even the light in from the bathroom. Why? Because too many household accidents happen in the bathroom. As a matter of fact, I read an article the other day specifically. I don't want to hear what you read in the article the other day that specifically says... David, aren't you even impressed that I read an article? I'm overcome. Well, I should think so. David, where are you going? To take the light bulb out of the lamp on your dresser. You can't do that. Who's to forbid me? Me. I mean I. I need that light bulb. You need it all right. What for? How can I do my face without a light bulb? Since when do you have to do your face with a light bulb? I thought you prefer cold cream. David, if you touch that, I'm... What will happen? Well, I'll never speak to you again. Good, good. Oh, the impossible. Selfish stubborn. Don't you care about my face? Your face is fine just the way it is. You don't have to do it, as you put it. Every woman has to do her face, whether it's fine or not. And every other man has the right to read in bed. Every man in the world has that right. I'm going to read in bed. So thank you for the light bulb. I ignore you. That's all I can say. Well, maybe this will force your hand. Maybe in the morning when you get out and hop out of bed and run over and look in the mirror and see your undone face, maybe it'll remind you to buy some light bulbs. I still ignore you. You're very proud of yourself acting like a man, aren't you? Mm-hmm. Very. What are you going to do? What can I do? Go to bed. Toss and toss with an undone face while you bask in the light and read. Oh, well, that feels good. Oh, dear. I wish I knew how to sleep with the light on. David, what book are you reading? What did you say? I said, what book are you reading? You'll see. This is... As soon as I can get this... Oh, heavens, why don't they ever go in? There you go. Oh! David, you all right? What happened? I dropped the bulb. Oh, you didn't get hurt, darling? No, no, I didn't get hurt. Oh, well, then what's the difference? None, except that I want to read in bed. Claudia, was that the last bulb in the house? Oh, let's see, there's a good one, almost brand new, behind the chair and the, uh... Oh, good heavens. But what's the matter, darling? I married a bulb snatcher. Well, David, you could have done worse. Yes, I could have done worse. Oh. I can't think just now. It's too dark. Good night. When you're out shopping, when you're at the movies or the club, you stop at the familiar red cooler and enjoy ice-cold Coca-Cola. If you've remembered to stock up, you can stop right now at the white cooler, your own refrigerator, and get yourself a bottle of delicious, refreshing Coke. Keep your white cooler full of Coca-Cola. It's sure to come in handy. Say, Joe, could I borrow a light? A flame or otherwise, David? No, any old light will do. There, here, take this old flashlight. Oh, thanks. Say, Joe, don't tell Claudia that you gave it to me, or I'll tell you a secret. She'll snatch the bulb right out of it. All right, mums the word. Say, that reminds me, Mrs. Brown is leaving tomorrow, isn't she? She certainly is. On the nine o'clock with me. Well, how's Claudia taking it? So far, like a clam, not a word. But tomorrow's pretty soon. Then we'll see the rest. Good night, Joe. Good night, David. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again tomorrow at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere. This broadcast of Claudia was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola.