From Hollywood, Colgate Toothbowder presents the Mel Blank Show, written by Mack Benoff, with Mary Jane Croft, Joe Kearns, Hans Conrad, Earl Ross, Jill Walker, Victor Miller in his orchestra and starring the creator of The Voice of Bugs Bunny. What's up, Doc? Yes, Colgate Toothbowder for a breath of sweet and teeth of sparkle brings you the Mel Blank Show with Mel playing his new character, Zookie. Hello everybody, hello everybody, everybody, everybody, hi. That's starring himself in person, Mel Blank. Hi folks, ugga boo, ugga boo boo ugga. Want teeth that sparkle and dazzle, a breath that's fresh and sweet? Then try Colgate Toothbowder for the new all purpose Colgate Toothbowder cleans your teeth and sweetens your breath. Yes, this new all purpose tooth powder produces an amazingly rich active foam that's marvelously effective. Every time you brush your teeth with this new all purpose Colgate Toothpowder, your whole mouth feels clean, sweet, fresh. Your teeth regain their natural sparkle. It's been proved in seven cases out of ten that Colgate Toothpowder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. And as for cleaning, you can depend on Colgate Toothpowder revealing the natural brilliance of your teeth. Yes, Colgate Toothpowder, the new all purpose tooth powder does everything you can expect or ask of a dentifrice. Try Colgate Toothpowder today for teeth that sparkle and a breath that's sweet. Colgate Toothpowder. In Mel Blank's Little Town, the custom is that after the picture show, the younger set gathers in Blum's Candy Shop and talks about the picture. In one booth, we hear Anne White saying to her boyfriend, Oh Jerry, did you notice anything different about the movies tonight? Yeah, during one scene, Betty Davis didn't cry. And in another booth, Susan Adams is saying to her boyfriend, Henry, did you notice anything different about the movies tonight? Yeah, nobody got psychoanalyzed. And in another booth, where Mel Blank and his girlfriend Betty Colby are sitting, Betty is saying, Oh Mel, did you notice anything different about the movies tonight? Yeah, I pay for the tickets. Actually, Betty was looking for an opening to bring up the matter of a June wedding. She soon found one and like all women, brought it up in this subtle fashion. Gosh Mel, we've been going together for five years. When are you going to pop the question? Oh Betty, you know your father. If I pop the question, your pop will pop me. Besides, we can't afford to get married. Now, don't you want to have a home of your own and children of your own? Yeah. Now, which one? Well, I can go to the FHA for a home loan, but where can I go to borrow the kids? Oh Betty, it's useless. Your father will never consent to our marriage. He slammed the screen door on me so many times, my face looks like a waffle baker. Well, I want you to ask him anyway. Oh, you know what he'll do? He'll just kick me out of the house. The last time he did, it cost me 10 cents. How come? Well, he was wearing his spiked golf shoes and he punched a hole in my trolley car transfer. It's no use, Betty. But Mel, you make no attempt to get on the right side of father. Why don't you do just one thing that he'd like? Nothing doing, Betty. I'm too young to die. Besides, I've always tried to help him out in his supermarket. Whose idea was it to put black lace panties on the lamb chops to attract the men customers? And I gave him the most wonderful idea he ever had. What was that? Painting his thumb red so it wouldn't be noticed with a hamburger on the meat scale. Well, Mel, this is a very good time to ask father. He's in his best mood today. Someone's coming to buy a supermarket at a big profit for father. I'm afraid. Oh, Mel Blank, where's your get up and go? It laid down and died. But Betty, I'll do it for you. I'll go see your father at the supermarket right away. Hello, Mr. Colby. Mr. Colby, I... Mel Blank, you idiot. You practically ruined my supermarket. What did you do to this cash register I gave you to repair? Oh, gosh, Mr. Colby, I was fixing a slot machine at the same time. I may have gotten the parts mixed up. A slot machine? No wonder every time a woman brings three plums to the counter, the cash register pays her eight nickels. Well, don't worry, Mr. Colby, the odds are still against the customer. Huh? Well, Blank, there's no excuse for being an idiot. That's fine, Mr. Colby, then you don't have to make any apologies. I... Mr. Colby, I came down to ask you if I could marry Betty. And if you let us get married, we'll name the first child after you. Arrf. Well, that's a nice name for a kid. Arrf, Blank. Arrf. Oh, why? Oh, why bother about you? I've got bigger troubles right now. What's the matter, Mr. Colby? Well, I'm supposed to sell my supermarket to the owner of a big grocery chain. And I thought I'd have it repainted to make it look more attractive. But the painter's cost is outrageous. He wants to charge me an arm and a leg. Gee, the president asked everyone to cut prices. He ought to just charge you a leg. Well, it's plenty depressing. Seems I've had nothing but trouble. Sometimes I think that I haven't got a friend left in the world. But if I die, nobody'd put flowers on my grave. Don't say that, Mr. Colby. I'd be glad to put flowers on your grave. Why? Ah, I didn't mean it that way. Say, I've got an idea. I'll paint your supermarket. Ah? I'll start right away and I'll do a good job. Didn't I paint your car last year? Yes, and I remember the job you did. You painted it all yellow. Everyone thought it was a taxi cab. Oh. So humiliating. How much did you make? About $95. Never mind! Oh, my God. Mr. Colby, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll paint your supermarket for nothing. Why, you jack... You jack of all trades. Well, my boy, you can do it, uh, for nothing. Mr. Colby, it's as good as done. I'll get my assistant Zucchi, and as soon as you close up the supermarket for the day, we'll start painting. Uh, gee, Mel sent me over here to start painting the supermarket, but I don't know anything about painting. This bucket is too thick. I'll stir the little... I'll put the... I'll add the turpentine... I can't get the lead out of my paints. Hello there, Zucchi. I just stopped by to see how things were going. Well, thanks, Mr. Col... Col... B. Thanks, Mr. B. Let's see what you've done. Zucchi, what are you doing to my supermarket? Oh, I'm painting it, Mr. Col... What kind of blue did you use? It's California... California... Smog. Why, I never saw anything so atrocious in my life. What kind of color combination is that on the ceiling? Well, it's green, red, and... Yellow, black, and... It's purple, orange, and... Don't ask me, I'm color blind. If I get hold of Mel, I'll break every bone in his body. Meanwhile, get that brush and cover the blue. Use amber. Oh, not that amber. Oh dear, this is terrible. Give me that phone, Zucchi. I'll call that Mel and really tell him what I think of it. Hello, Mel Blanks Fix-It shop. You bend it, we mend it. Mel Blank, you idiot, you sent Zucchi down here and he's ruined the place. Mr. Colby, the paint job can't be that bad. It can't. You know the bird's eye food I sell? Yeah? Well, the birds just closed their eyes. I told Zucchi I wanted one of the walls plastered. Well, what'd he do? He poured two quarts of Kentucky cavern over it. Well, Mr. Colby, I'll be right down to fix it. You come down here and I'll break you in two. Okay, then both of us will be down. Goodbye. Gosh, I better get down there. Hello, hello, Mel, Mel, old boy. Hello, Hartley. Gosh, is it drizzling out again? No, Mel, it's merely thousands of women drooling because they've just seen great being, adorable me. In fact, Mel, old boy, I'm such a darling chap, I could put out the lights and sit on my lap. Look, Hartley, I've got to be going, but I can't take this. You must think you're the most beautiful man in the world. Mel, you've heard the saying beauty is only skin deep. Yeah? But I'm the only man in the world made entirely out of skin. Hartley, what makes you think you're so wonderful? Mel, old boy, that's what I'm told. In a recent survey, it was definitely proved that although doctors preferred camels, the nurses preferred me. In fact, at the nurses' college, I was voted the man most likely to be fluoroscoped. Hartley, how can you make up such wild stories? Make them up? Well, last week, the fashion editor of the magazine, debutante, came to me and said, who is the most beautiful, most ravishing creature in the world? I want that glamorous person to pose for an ad. What'd you do? What did I do? I posed. And when the editor looked at me, he just stood there and said, quote, unquote. But he didn't say anything. Naturally, Mel, I'm too beautiful for words. Wait until you see me in my next ad. I'm posing in a Van Heusen shirt. I can see why, Hartley. From the front, you look like a Heusen, from the back, you look like a van. Oh, Mel, you befuddle me. In fact, I'm so bee, I could fuddle. So it gives me great pleasure to tell you that because of the way you messed up that painting job in Mr. Colby's supermarket, Betty is giving you the brush. When the girls heard this, they cried, but I'm going to be my own June bride. So long, Mel. How you seeing me? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Gosh, not only am I in trouble with Mr. Colby, but now Betty is mad at me. Well, I'm going right down to Colby's supermarket and face him. Well, go ahead, Blank. Are you a scared rabbit? Who, me? Me. What's up, Doug? Use Colgate's tooth powder, keep smiling just right. Dazzling teeth and a breath that's sweet. Isn't that what you want, what everyone wants? Good. Try Colgate tooth powder, the all-purpose tooth powder. It's lively, rich foam, bubbles around your mouth, leaves your breath so fresh and sweet. In seven cases out of ten, it's been proved that Colgate tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. And when it comes to cleaning your teeth, Colgate all-purpose tooth powder gives dazzling results. Yes, Colgate tooth powder reveals the natural brilliance of your teeth. So for teeth that sparkle naturally and a breath that's sweet, try Colgate tooth powder. Use Colgate tooth powder. Now here's a tune you should remember. Victor Miller and his orchestra play Cecilia. Music Music Music Music Music Music Music Music Music Well, back to Mel Black. Mr. Colby has a buyer for his supermarket, so Mel, in an effort to help him repaint the place so that it would look nice, sent Zucchi over. But Zucchi did such a bad job that Mr. Colby threatened to break every bone in Mel's body. Is our hero Mel afraid? Is he hiding out somewhere? No. Right now he's in his fix-it shop making plans about the Colby matter. Shh. He's on the phone. Hello? American Airlines? When does the next plane leave for Brazil? It's all filled, huh? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Well, do you have to take so many coffee pots? What's available? Only Siam, but the trip must be necessary? Oh, just a minute. Someone else wants to talk to you. Hello, American Airlines? The King of Siam is expecting me. I must go at once to see the King of Siam. Who this? This is Anna. They hung up. Gosh, what am I going to do? Oh, here comes my lodge president, Mr. Cushing. Maybe he can help me out. Hello, Mel. Greetings, mighty potent hate. Ugga ugga boo ugga boo boo ugga. What's the matter, Mel? You look worried about something. Oh, Mr. Coby is mad at me because he says Zucchi made his supermarket look like a horrible eyesight and a disgraceful mess. What's he complaining about? I've been married to one for years. Oh, there you go about your wife again. Mel, she's still arguing. She's always complaining. The other day we had an argument and she said, John, you're slowly digging my grave. What'd you say? Nothing. I went out and bought a steam shovel. You know, Mel, when I married my wife, her eyes were like two limping pools. And now? Well, they're still like two pools, but her nose is like the diving board. You know, Mel, her nose is so long that for years no one ever noticed that she had two front teeth missing. But this morning she forgot to put on her makeup. Mel, she's got so many lines in her face it looks like the score pad in a gin rummy game. Oh, your wife isn't that bad. Hello, Mel. Mel, there are two. There are many different kinds of perfumes. Which is a Chanel number five, Irresistible number seven, Temptation number nine. Well, I'm putting one out for my wife. What's the name? Sorry, wrong number. What a woman. Last Sunday we went out to the beach and she got coy with me. She said, Oh, John, let's play games. John, bury me in the sand. Come on, John, bury me. God, what a temptation. Well, right now, mighty potentate, your worries are small compared to mine. If only there was some way I could improve the looks of Colby's supermarket. Very often, Mel, a person thinks something looks beautiful because he's been talked into it. My wife's father developed lockjaw, convincing me. But how can I talk Mr. Colby into it? He'll break my arm if I even come near the place. The man who wants to buy the supermarket is coming tonight. Wait a minute, Mel. Why talk to Colby as yourself? Put on a smock and a false mustache and go as a French interior decorator. Yeah. I can take off the hat I'm wearing and put on a beret. Say, that's a great idea. Thanks, mighty potentate. Well, I'm glad to be of assistance. Well, Mel, I've got to be going now. Where are you going, mighty potentate? Well, Mel, I can do one of two things. I can go to the movies and see the farmer's daughter. I can go home and look at the cow I married. Oh, boy. Gosh, that was a wonderful idea the mighty potentate gave me. Now to get the costume and pretend to be a French interior decorator. I don't know, Mr. Colby. So far you've shown nothing to make me want to buy this supermarket. Even if I were interested, the ridiculous color scheme would frighten me off. How did you paint these walls? By throwing eggs into an electric fan? But, Mr. Ross, this place is a gold mine. I've got some business secrets. Business secrets? Yes, but wait a minute. Who is this odd-looking chap in the beret entering? Pardonz-moi, Mel. I happen to be strolling by, and I could not help but admire this beautiful place. May I come in? Oh, yes, of course. I noticed by your accent you're French. Well, as you say in France, bonjour, mon ami. As we answer in France, crape-sous-ette à la carte. Pardonz-moi, did I hear you say this supermarket was beautiful? Oui, but oui. And who ought to know more than I? For I am the famous French interior decorator Pierre Eclair. Pierre Eclair? That's an odd name. And Eclair is something that has soft custard filling and is mushy inside. Well, we all can't have big morses. Ah, how I hate to live in France and my family. You know my sister, he is in France. My brother, she is in France. What about your parents? My parents? It has taken a trip to England. Most of all, I miss my girlfriend, Yvonne. Ah, they is beautiful. I can just see her now. She lived on the bank of the river. Sane? No, but I had a lot of fun with her anyway. I came here to decorate some big homes in Hollywood. I just finished the furniture for Rita Awerth. Does she have nice upholstery? Are you kidding? Ah, this place is the most beautiful I have ever seen. And I know for I have painted most everything. The Eiffel Tower, the Place de l'Opera, the Rue de la Paix. Rue de la Paix? That's a street. You paint streets? Only the white line. But in France we have a marvelous system for painting white lines. What is it? We get a good humor man right down the middle of the street with his vanilla dragging. And to make a green line, we do the same thing, only we use pistachio. One week on the Rue de la Paix we had thousands of flat tires. How did that happen? Too much nuts in the burnt almond. You sound convincing, Mr. Eclair, but I think this supermarket was painted by a moron. No, no, no, Mr. Colby had nothing to do with it. What? Why did you, Mel Black? Please, Mr. Colby. Mel Black, I'm going to break every... Gosh, Betty, I never do anything right. Your father will never let us get married. Well, Mel, let's elope. Elope? Gosh, Betty, you and I married. Yes, I can just picture our first child. He'll take after both of us. Yeah, the looks will be Colby and the brains will be blank. I mean, the brains will be Colby and the looks will be blank. Either way, that kid is behind the eight ball. This is Mel Black saying thanks for listening. Good night and the via, the via, that's all, folks. This is Rod Winston reminding you that Colby Juice Bottle for a breath of sweet and teeth of sparkle brings you the Mel Black show every Tuesday night at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Black's Fix-It Shop. Say hello to Halo Shampoo for naturally bright and beautiful hair. Remember, even finest soaps and soap shampoos hide the natural luster of your hair with Dulling Soap Film. But Halo Shampoo contains no soap, therefore leaves no Dulling Soap Film. Even in hardest water, Halo makes oceans of rich, fragrant lather, quickly vanishes loose dandruff and dirt. Halo needs no lemon or vinegar rinse. Say hello to Halo and goodbye to Dulling Soap Film. Get Halo Shampoo at any cosmetic counter. And help us at the same time every Tuesday. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
