From Hollywood, Colgate Toothpounder presents the Mal Blank Show with Mary Jane Croft, Joe Kearns, Jerry Hausner, Hans Conrad, Earl Ross, the sportsman, Victor Miller and his orchestra, and starring the creator of The Voice of Bugs Bunny. What's up, Dad? Yes, Colgate Toothpounder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you the Mal Blank Show with Mal playing his new character, Zookie. Hello everybody, everybody. Hello everybody, everybody, everybody. Hi. And starring himself in person, Mal Blank. Hi folks. Ugga ugga boo, ugga boo boo ugga. Ugga ugga boo, ugga boo. Ugga ugga boo, ugga boo ugga. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. Would you be more romantic? Oh, I'm sorry, Betty. May I hold your hand? Of course. May I put my arm around you? Uh-huh. May I kiss you? But, Mel. Oh. Pardon me, officer. Do you mind getting up so I can sit next to my girl? Thanks. You can kiss me now, Mel. Well? Officer, haven't you got any place to go? No, I don't have to check in till 9 o'clock. Come on, Betty. Let's walk back to the pixie shop. Oh. What a way to spend an evening. I should have listened to my father and gone out with Willi Murdoch tonight. Oh, Betty. Let's not argue now. You look so beautiful tonight. Oh, thanks, darling. Just like the cover girl on this month's Hardware Journal. That's sweet. Miss Pressure Cooker of 1947. Hey, look, Betty. I'm going to show your father who's better, Willi or me. Tomorrow night, I'm going to really take you out. I'll show you the best time you ever had. That's wonderful, Mel. First, I'll take you to dinner. You'll eat and eat and eat until you'll never be able to look at another Frankfurter. So that's your idea of a good time, Mel Blank. No wonder father liked Willi better. In fact, father may announce our engagement any day. What? Oh, he can't do that. Betty, wheel a lope. Oh, that's wonderful. Oh, no. No, that's terrible. I just remembered his new shotgun. Mel, stop worrying. You know father never shoots anything but blank. That's what I'm worried about. You are a coward. You just haven't any courage. Well, you're right, Betty. I can't figure it out. I'm such a good actor. And when I act like a tough guy, I'm really tough. Why can't I be like that all the time? Oh, you can't even act tough. Oh, no? Listen to this. OK, copper. This is it, say. I'm going to let you have it, say. You got a minute to live, say. Officer, why must you keep following us around like this? I just want to be sure this young lady got you home all right. So long, O'Brien. O'Brien, you see, Betty? He thought I was Pat. No, Margaret. Well, here's your fix-it shot, Mel. I'm going home now. What about the elopement? Well, listen, Betty. We're eloping at 12 midnight, say. You'll be ready, and I'll bring the GAT, say. The GAT? Yeah, the step letter. Well, so long, Betty, say. So long, Mel. I'll be ready. OK, Betty, say. Look for me. I'll be waiting for you. Step up, and oh, hello, Mr. Colby. How are you tonight? Blank, you were out of my daughter Betty tonight, weren't you? How did you know, Mr. Colby? As soon as she came home, she went to the kitchen and made herself a sandwich. Gosh, no wonder Betty told me to stop feeding those squirrels. I didn't know she was hungry. Now listen, you nincompoop. I told you to stay away from my daughter. You don't seem to be getting the idea. Maybe you'll get it better if I mop up the floor with you. Oh, you don't have to do that, Mr. Colby. Oh, you mean you get the idea. No, I mopped up the floor this morning. Now, see here, Mel. Just stay away from the house, and that's all. Yes, sir, Mr. Colby. And don't try to call, either. Yes, sir, Mr. Colby. And don't send any of those girls out. And don't try to call, either. Yes, sir, Mr. Colby. And don't send any letters. Yes, sir, Mr. Colby. And don't keep saying, yes, sir, Mr. Colby. Yes, sir, Mr. Jones. Oh, goodbye. Oh, blank, you have no courage. You're nothing but a jam fish. Jelly's too good for you. Why didn't you talk up to him? Why didn't you say, question, Mr. Colby. I'm not afraid of you, see. I'm tougher than you are, see. And I'll... What am I talking about? He's liable to kill me. Gosh, I'm afraid to elope tonight. What am I gonna do? I know. Oh, Zookie! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, yeah, what do you want now? Look, Zookie, I'm supposed to elope with Betty at midnight tonight. I want you to go over and tell her I won't be there. Now, now, you take the stepladder and you put it up there. Gee, this is romantic. Just like Romeo and Julie, and... Hamlet. And now I'll put the ladder up against the house and I'll, uh, climb up. Uh, gosh, it's dark. And now I'll open the window. Mel, darling, you're here. Kiss me. Whoo-hoo-hoo! Zookie, it's you! Whoo-hoo-hoo! But thanks anyway. Where's Mel? Well, he said to tell you he can't... Can't come. That's it. But why? Betty, what's going on up there? Oh, it's Father. Zookie, is that you? In the me, in the me, in the me, in the me, yeah. What are you doing up on that ladder? Oh, I'm on that, that paint in the house. Get down here this minute! Zookie, did Mel Blank send you here? Well, yeah, he was supposed to elope with Betty, but he was afraid to come. Ah, so that's it. You tell him if I ever see him around here again, I'll break every bone in his body. Okay, Mr. Colby. Gee, poor Mel. For five years, he's been wanting to marry Betty. He'll never get me in my me, me, me, me, me, me. He'll never get me in my me, me, me, me, me, me. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Use Colgate to powder, keep smiling, just prize. Use it each morning and use it each night. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate to powder. The ship of love becomes a wreck when a breath of trouble climbs on deck. Yes, that little breath of trouble, I mean, unpleasing breath, is fatal to romance. That's why it's so important to use Colgate to powder regularly. You see, anyone can be the victim of unpleasing breath. So follow this rule. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate to powder, for Colgate to powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate to powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifrice at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate to powder. Remember to buy it first thing. And remember the name, Colgate to powder, with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate to powder. Now, Victor Miller, the sportsman, and old Buttermilk Sky. Old Buttermilk Sky, I'm keeping my eye peeled on you. What's a good word tonight? Are you gonna be mellow tonight? Old Buttermilk Sky, can't you see my little donkey and me? We're as happy as a Christmas tree, heading for the one I love. I'm gonna pop her the question, that question, do you darling, do you do? It'll be easy, so easy, if I can only bank on you. Old Buttermilk Sky, I'm telling you why, now you know. Keep it in mind tonight, keep a brush in those clouds from sight. Old Buttermilk Sky, don't you fail me when I'm needing you most. Hang a moon above her hitching, pull a post, hitch me to the one I love. I'm gonna hitch me to the one I love, cause you're the one gal that I'm dreaming of. You can if you try, don't tell me no, I couldn't live if you try. Will you be mellow and bright tonight? Buttermilk Sky. Music Applause Mel was too frightened to elope with his girl Betty last night, so he sent his assistant Zuckey over in his place. Betty's father, Mr. Colby, caught Zuckey, and now Mel really is in trouble. But the wonderful thing about Mel is that no matter how trouble piles up on him, he can always concentrate on his work in the fix-it shop. Right now, his clear thinking brain and nimble fingers are meticulously probing at the inner workings of a Swiss timepiece. Gosh, I wonder why I haven't heard from Betty. She must hate me. Swiftly, with experienced fingers, he finds the root of the trouble. If I only had enough courage, I'd go to Betty's father and I'd... Now he gently taps into place the delicate movement of this precision watch. Laughter Ah, now it's working fine. Let's see now, what else was I... Uh-oh, it's that lady killer, Willie Murdock, the new manager of Mr. Colby's market. Hiya, Blank. I just came by to tell you that Mr. Colby says he's going to break every bone in your body if you come near the house. Oh, yeah? Hello, Mel Blank's fix-it shop. You bend it, we mend it. Mel Blank, you coward. But, but... Father has me locked in the house, and if you don't come here at midnight tonight to get me out, I'll never talk to you again. But, but... You better be there. Goodbye. But, but... Who was that? But, but... Laughter Oh, Betty. Well, I gotta go now, Blank. And remember, stay away from that house. Listen, Murdock, I'm not afraid of Colby, see. Tell him I'm getting tough, see. Tell him what I sound like, see. See, see, see. What do I sound like, see? Like a Mexican saying yes. Laughter Oh, here comes Mr. Cushing, your large president. So long. So long. Hello, Mel. Uggah, uggah, boo, uggah, boo, uggah. Laughter Greetings, mighty potentate. Uggah, uggah, boo, uggah, boo, uggah. Well, how are things at your house? Wonderful, Mel, wonderful. Nothing like home life. I got the sweetest, most charming little woman in the world. Mr. Cushing, I never heard you talk like that about your wife. What wife? I just got a new maid. Laughter I want to change this, Broad Mel. The three of us working together hand in hand. Hand in hand? Yes, my wife gave me the back of her hand when she found my hand in the maid's hand. Laughter What a woman. Ha! Laughter Mel, I'd leave her in a minute if she didn't have all that money. Well, you're not the first man to get into trouble on account of money, Mr. Cushing. Money is the root of all evil. Yes, Mel, and my wife has such big fat roots. Laughter All she does is accumulate money, buying bonds, clipping coupons, making deposits, burying money. What's the good of it? She can't take it with her. I know. She's sending it on ahead. Laughter Well, the only consolation I have is that when she does get there, her check won't be worth the asbestos it's written on. Laughter I don't know why I'm standing here telling you all this. It's just that I don't know what it's like. Laughter Ah, you think you got troubles, Mr. Cushing. I want to get married to Betty and Mr. Colby won't let me. Best friends you ever had. Oh, but I really want to get married. Besides, if I don't, my rival, Willie Murdock, will marry her. Willie will marry Betty? Yeah. Best friends you ever had. Laughter Mel, I'm going to give you my last word of advice. Take this from a man who knows. Before marriage, everything is wonderful. Strawberries and cream. And after the marriage? Hives. Laughter Well, I don't care. I got a trunk full of calamine lotion. Laughter My trouble is getting up enough courage to elope with my girl tonight. What's the matter, afraid? Yeah. I can't figure myself out. When I act like a tough guy, I'm so tough. If I could only get that actor to become the real me, then I could go up there and elope. Mel, I know just the man for you to see. Dr. Robert Reamer, a psychiatrist. He'll bring out the tough guy in you. Well, how come he didn't do it for you? My wife got to him first. Laughter Well, here's his card, Mel. I believe he charges $25 a visit. Well, so long, Brothers Ebr. Agh-agaboo, agh-aboo-boo, agh-agah. Well, so long, mighty potentate. Agh-agaboo, agh-aboo-boo. $25? Agh-ah. Laughter Music So you see, Doc, Mr. Colby said if I ever came near the house again, he'd break every bone in my body. Mr. Blank, from what you've told me, I can see that you are reacting neurotically to a normal situation. In other words, you lack the courage to go through with an elopement. In other words, Doc, I'm too young to die. Laughter Now I'm going to show you a series of inkblots. No doubt you've seen the picture, the dark mirror, in which Lou Eyre shows inkblots to Olivia de Havilland in order to determine her sanity inasmuch as she plays the part of twins and is involved in the murder case. Look, Doc, I came here to be examined, not to see a preview. Laughter Now, now, now. Here is the first of the inkblots. What does this remind you of? Um, a lakey fountain pen. Laughter No, no, no, no. Now, look at this blot. Uh, that looks like a sardine stain on a breadcrumb surrounded by buttermilk. Oh, excuse me, I'm showing you the piece of paper I had my lunch on. Laughter Well, we'll, uh, we'll try word association. Now, I'll mention a word and you say the first thing that comes into your head. Red? Green. Stop. Go. Apartment? I'll take it. Laughter Hmm. We'd better attempt to delve into your childhood experiences. Lie back, think, go back, back. How far back are you? Oh, my, my. Laughter Okay, Doc. Doc. Doc, snap out of it. Laughter We went too far back. Mr. Blank, I know just what your trouble is. Frustration neurosis. However, you have to be at your elopement by 12 tonight, so we'd better go now. Oh, but Dr. Reamer, I'm scared. Don't you worry, I'll accompany you to the Colby house, and by the time we get there, you'll be dominated completely by the actor in you. Now, the first thing to do... Crickets Quite straight, Mr. Blank? Yeah. Go ahead. Alright. Hey, Betty, come on down, see. Mel, quiet, father will hear you. Who cares? Let's go, see. Betty, come on down this minute, see. Mel, blank. I didn't think you'd have nerve enough, but this is the end. I've stood enough. I'm not talking anymore, and now I'm gonna... Quiet, Johnny L. Lewis. Laughter Come on, Betty, let's go, see. Mel, blank, I'm gonna break every bone. Just a second, everybody. I'm Dr. Reamer. I can see you all need some personality adjustment. Quiet, quiet, Mr. Colby. Now, if you'll accompany me into the house, I think I can quickly straighten this thing out. Music I think our talk has been most beneficial. Music Use Colgate Tooth Powder, keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. If you're looking for romance, be sure, be very sure that no little breath of trouble, you know, unpleasing breath, will come between you and your heart's desire. Just do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder. For Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, night and morning and before every date. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. As for cleaning, no dentifers at any price will clean your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember the name Colgate Tooth Powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. This is Bob Heston reminding you that Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you The Mel Blanks Show every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blanks Fix-It Shop. Say hello to Halo and goodbye to Delling Soap Film. Get Halo shampoo at any cosmetic counter. The Mel Blanks Show is written by Mac Benoist. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.