You've heard Mel Blank as the happy postman. Hello Mrs. Burns. Here's your name. This is my Mrs. Burns, remember? She's mine. You've heard him as the famous train caller. Hey, leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azultha, and Toot-a-Munga. You've heard him as the lovable character Zookie. Well, in the picture shop, I'm the president of the... president of the... I'm the vice president of the... I'm the treasurer... I sweep out the place. You've heard him as the famous Warner Brothers cartoon character, Bud Bunny. Yeah. What's that, Dad? Now hear him as the star in his own show. Hello, Mel Blank's Picture Shop. You bend it, we mend it. Now let's drop in at Mel Blank's Picture Shop. Ladies, does your husband's blood boil when you ask him to fix the electric coasters? Does he act bored when you ask him to mend the ironing cord? Does he threaten to go home to bother when you put him to all this bother? Well, does he? That's what I thought. You can put him into all this if you get to know Mel Blank, who can make anything run smoothly, except his romance with Betty. Gosh, Betty, we always seem to be fighting. Now, I'm not really fighting with you. I love you. Don't you know that when two people are in love, there's bound to be a little fighting. Joe Lewis and Mariela weren't in love very long, were they? Oh, Mel, you're such a fool. Oh, thanks, Betty. Gosh, you know I mean well. I know it, but you kept me waiting three hours last Saturday while you were fixing Mrs. Allen's lawnmower. Well, it was a big job. But you weren't satisfied just fixing the lawnmower. You had to trim the hedges and mow the lawn. And then... Yeah? What did you charge her? Fifty cents. The idea of charging anything like that. Well, honey, these people just have to get used to paying through the nose. Well, that's what I mean. You see, you're just not a good businessman. Take yesterday's job on Mrs. Nelson's baby carrier. You were paid specifically to fix the hood. But no, you weren't content. You had to change the wheels and the tires and the colors. Is there anything you didn't change? I didn't change the baby. Oh, Mel, now I'm serious. Now, look, my father discovered a leak in the water heater, and I think I talked him into letting me fix it. Oh, that's swell, honey. I'll get my kit and go right over. No, not so fast. He's coming over here himself. He still only has half a mind to hide. Oh, that's all right. I've never been hired by anybody with half a mind before. Oh, Mel, don't you see? This is your chance to improve us. Oh, don't worry about us. Your father and I have a perfect understanding. You do? Sure. There's nothing he wouldn't do for me, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. That's the way it's been for five years. We hadn't done a thing for each other. Oh, darling, look, instead of just fixing the leak, convince him you're the one to do all the repairs around the house. Oh, that's easy to say, but every time your father opens his mouth, I put my foot in it. I mean, well, all I know is somebody's foot is in somebody's mouth, and, well, it's not comfortable. Oh, your trouble is you're not firm enough. When you're talking to him about the house, stand up to father. You're right, Betty. That's the spirit. I'll stand up to him and say, listen, Mr. Colby, your foundation is loose. Your frame is out of shape. You should do something about that bay window in the front. Honey, that's wonderful. Boy, is he a mess. No. Oh, I mean the house. But anyway, if your father tries to interrupt me, I won't let him get a word in Edgewater. Oh, darling, here comes father. Now, don't forget to search yourself. He's burned. Don't worry, honey. As soon as he walks through that door, I'll be on him like a tiger. Mr. Colby. Well, what is it? Would you be put out if I told you there's something wrong with your house? I've been trying to put that certain something out for the past five years. Any luck? I mean... Father, that's not fair. Mel's really got some wonderful ideas. Well, let him get to the point. You forget I manage your supermarket. I'm a busy man. Now, what do you intend doing to my house and why? Well, first thing, I'd remove that tall, skinny thing you see as soon as you enter. What's wrong with Mrs. Colby? No, I mean that old fashioned hat rack. Oh, nonsense. Father, this is such a good time to pick the house while Mother's away visiting and Cousin Guffy's due any day for her yearly visit. Oh, your mother's... Cousin. What? Please. Well, ever since your mother and I have been married, dear Cousin Guffy has been coming to the house in September and hibernating until April. Gosh, September till April. All the months with an R in it. Is she a cousin or an oyster? Oh, ho, ho! That's a good one. Oh, I'd give anything to keep that woman away and you, you want me to fix the place over for her. Please, Daddy. Oh, all right. Make up an estimate. I'll be back around noon. In the meantime, you go to the house and fix that lease. Okay, Mr. Leak. Goodbye, Mr. Colby. Goodbye. Come on, Daddy. I'm tired of you, darling. I'll see you later. I'm coming, Father. Goodbye. Boy, I guess I told him. Now I've got to show him. Oh, Uncle Rupert. What is it, nephew? Sorry I'm late. Took me a little longer than usual combing my hair this morning. Well, you still haven't got it on straight. I must do something about that crack in the mirror. I'll get my pot in the wrong place. Listen, Uncle Rupert, we've got to fix a leak in Mr. Colby's hot water heater. Now, will you take Zookie and get over there in the pickup truck? The pickup truck? I'd like to see you get rid of that thing. But why? Well, I could pick up much more in the shiny new station wagon. Oh, cut it out. Hey, now look, when you're through with that leak, be sure to tidy up the cellar, mop up the floor, and wash the window. Shall I put a big red bow on the oil burger? Yeah, put a big red bow on the oil burger. No, look, Uncle. Why do I have to go? Why can't your brilliant assistant Zookie take care of it? Uncle, I don't want Zookie to go over and ball things up by himself. I want you to help him. Oh, you want me to help Zookie ball things up? Oh, stop kidding. Now get going, will you? Okay. Well, Zookie, Zookie, come here. We have a little job to do. I'm all a bit tired of. I'm completely tired of. I just don't hide myself. Come on, let's get going. Zookie, if you work real hard, someday you may be a partner in the fix-it shop. Me? A partner? Oh, that would be wonderful. I couldn't afford it. Now look, Blank, I'm in a hurry. Just what is it you want to do to my house? Well, Mr. Colby, that door that leads to the back porch, that should be put on the entrance to the parlor so people can get a little privacy. So you and Betty can have privacy. A lollidobble. Lollidobble. Hey, what? Oh, pardon me, Mr. Colby. Make it snappy. I'm in a hurry. Oh, yes, sir. Hello, Mel Blank's fix-it shop. You bend it, we mend it. Mel, this is Uncle Rupert. I'm at the Colby house and I wanted to check up on what we were to do here. Well, Uncle, I told you what to do. Betty, Mel's plans look too complicated. Oh, no, it's easy. All you have to do is take that door off the back porch and put it on the entrance to the parlor. Then knock out that small window over the sink and make it larger. Anything you say, Mel. Goodbye. Huh? Oh, goodbye, Uncle Rupert. Now look, Mr. Colby, this is really a very simple... Okay, I just can't believe that Mel wants us to change those doors. And Mel knows what he's doing. You know, someday he's going to be a captain of the industry. He'll be a lieutenant, a sergeant. He's going to have a door marked private. Looky, I'd better get on the phone again and check. We can't afford to make any mistakes on this job. Mel Blank, this is John. You've ended. We've ended. Melvin, your voice has changed. Oh, Uncle Rupert, this is Betty. Mel's busy. Do you know what Mel wants to have done in your house? Oh, yes. He's just discussing with Father. He wants to take the door off the back porch and put it in the parlor and make the kitchen window bigger. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. Well, thanks. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hey, did you find out what we have to do? Yes, and I don't understand it, but Mel and Betty say that we have to change the door from the back porch to the parlor and put a big window in over the sink. Well, let's get busy. We really have to knock this place apart. Oh, boy. This ought to be fun. Now, here's Dave Cavanaugh, Clio. Well, Mel seems to be getting nowhere with his plans for Betty's father's house, but through a misunderstanding over the telephone, Uncle Rupert and Zucchi have literally torn the Colby house apart. Neither Mel or Mr. Colby has any idea what's happened. Hey, this ought to be good. What is it while I listen? Gosh, Betty, it'll be swell if your father lets me make these alterations on his house. Yes, John. You know, honey, when I was working on the plan, I got to thinking of the homework we're going to have some day. Thank you, John. Uh-huh. And a funny thing. I saw an ad in the paper offering just the kind of a deal for us. It said, two-bedroom honeymoon cottage near Transportation and Shopping District, a unit heat, unhampered view, forty dollars a month. Oh, well, that sounds too good to be true. Where is it? 916 Pine Street, Ketchikan, Alaska. What are you telling? Oh, seriously, I've been thinking of a cottage like that ever since we first met. Do you remember the first time you met? Do I? Do you remember the first kiss? Yes. I can still feel it burning on my forehead. I didn't want to sweep you off your feet. Oh, well, darling, I think this is the turning point for you. Yeah, after I tie up this job, there'll be bigger ones. And before you know it, I'll get a cash register. Yeah. You know, you'll have to learn to blow your own horn a little bit. What do you mean? Well, when you're working at our house, put a sign up. This renovation job by Mel Blank. Oh, yeah. Sure, everybody takes credit for his work. For instance, when an artist is through, he always signs his name. Whistler, Michelangelo, Rembrandt. Yeah, and Kilroy. Why, everybody who sees that sign will go around saying, that job is Mel Blank. That's Mel. Gee, that sounds great. That's Mel. Hey! Zuchiyah, are you sure you know how to fix that water pipe? Why, do I? I was a top-ranking shooter in the school of Pfitler, Pfitler, Pfitler. I was the highest rank in engineering, engineering. I was the class valedict, valedict, valedict, valedict. Why am I a dunce? As I see it, all that's needed is a couple of new washers. Well, no, no, that won't work. There's too much pressure. I'll have to bend the pipe. Go ahead and bend it. Can you bend it by yourself? Oh, you would. And now watch, I'll just see if they pull a little like this on the rear end. Yeah, the rear end. Really? Yeah. Well, I'll just see if it forces it. I'll just give it a little... Hey, you got a stick of dynamite in the house. Zuchiyah, please hurry. That leak is getting the floor all wet. Oh, oh, don't worry about the floor being wet. When I get through with this pipe, the place will look like the Sahara... It'll look like the Mojave... It'll look like the... Niagara Falls. Well, Mr. Colby, what do you think about my plans for your house? Is it all right for me to go ahead? No. No? That's what I said, and oh, no. But why, Mr. Colby? Oh, look, I don't want to argue about it now. You're coming to the house tonight for dinner. We'll discuss it further then. Okay, Mr. Colby. I'll pick you up here in about an hour. Now, you be ready. I don't like to be kept waiting. Okay, Mr. Colby. Oh, Zuchiyah! Yes, Uncle. Well, the leak is fixed, the window is knocked out over the sink, and the door is off the back porch. The back, the back, the back, the back, yeah. Now, I guess that's all we can do today. That's a hole. Oh, you can't. We forgot to put the hinges on the door in the parlor. It'll fall down. Don't worry about the parlor door. We'll put the hinges on tomorrow. But it'll fall down and hit someone. Zuchiyah, nobody's going to touch it. Now, take this stuff out of the truck. I'll pack my things up. Okay, I'm going. Now, that's my hack-a-thon, rich, quiet, wobbly, wibbly, wibbly, wabbly, oh, no. Yes, Zuchiyah? Yes, Dr. Craddock. He wants to see you. Oh, that dog doctor again. What does he want? He wants to see you. Okay, I got it. Hello, Christopher. How's the dog doctor today? Consultant veterinarian, if you don't mind. Woof, woof, woof. What's the matter with you? Nothing's the matter with me. Woof, woof, woof. Just got a catch in my throat. Woof, woof, woof. Could I have a pan of water? Well, what's on your mind? Well, I saw the picture-shopped truck outside and thought you'd save me a trip. I want Mel to fix this dog collar. Anything else? No, for my new female hound dog from Mississippi. Oh. My, how she handles that big Boston bull who comes to court now. Woof, woof, woof, woof. Funny thing, she won't have anything to do with that big Boston bull. She's juicy, eh? She is. She just won't take any bulls. Now, wait a minute. Yep, and that same female hound from Mississippi is just the same about all other male dogs. Just wraps them around her little paw. Woof, woof, woof, woof. What has this canine Cleopatra got, anyway? They all love her accent, Rupert. Accent? Yep, all she had to say is, woof, woof, you all. Christopher, we were just leaving. Oh, glad you reminded me so much. But remember, horses listen to their maw and never talk to a stranger. You don't hear silver talc, how old, old ranger. Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr. Come on, Rupert. It was well of you to invite me to your house for dinner, Mr. Colby. Oh, we were glad to have you, Mel, aren't we, Father? Uh-huh. Oh, sure, yes, yes, we're glad to have you. Well, let's get into the house where I can relax. I'm tired. Holy terrors! Who tore that hole in the side of my house? Hole? Hole? Why, you... What happened to the window that was in there? Oh, gosh, I don't know, Mr. Colby. I was in the shop all day. Mel, look what Rupert and Zookie did. Oh, thank you, ador-pated, evil-minded, de-witted... Hello, Matthew! It's Cotton Duffy! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, listen, her, too. Hello, Matthew! Well, it's good to see you again, Cousin Duffy. Good heavens! This place is a shamble! You're telling me! Oh, gracious! How long is it going to be like this? Oh, it'll be like this for months, maybe years. Really? You wouldn't want to stay here under these conditions, would you, Cousin Duffy? And why not? Well, I didn't want to inconvenience you, that's all. Oh, I'll be the judge of my own convenience. Yes, Cousin Duffy. I have a surprise for you. This trip, I'm only going to stay six months. Yes, Cousin Duffy. Now, how do I get up there to my room? Right through that new door. Well, isn't it closer to the hall, there? No, no, no. Go right through that new door. Well, all right. I'll see you all for dinner. Oh! Oh! Oh, my goodness! Oh, what happened? Get me out from under this door! Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Cousin Duffy. Matthew Covey! Now, take your hands off of me! You, you premeditated murderer! You, you killer! I've always known you didn't like me, but I never thought you'd try to kill me. I'm getting out of here this minute. I'll never step foot in this house again. As long as I live! We're here, and let me help you. Don't touch me! You, you espionage! Come on! Gosh, Mr. Covey, I'm terribly sorry. Sorry? Why, son, you've been something I couldn't fix for years. You got rid of Cousin Duffy. Oh, Daddy, then you're not angry with Mel. Angry? Why, Mel, my son, you're a Jesus. Gosh, thanks, Mr. Covey. I've never seen you so happy before. You don't seem your old self. Oh, Mel, you're wonderful. I'm deeply indebted to you. Then maybe I can go ahead and make all the repairs in the house? Oh, maybe it's about it, Melvin. The job is yours. Wonderful! Now, how soon can you get me a new window to cover that big hole in there? Oh, it'll only take about six months. Six months? What are you talking about? You mean that I have to live with that big hole in the side of my house for six months? But, Mr. Covey... Oh, you stupid, adult, pained, and lame brain, that was so stupid. He's his old self again. We'll be back in a moment with the Zucchias. We'll be back in a moment with the Zucchias. I'm going to be back in a moment with the Zucchias. I'm going to be back in a moment with the Zucchias. I'm going to be back in a moment with the Zucchias. I'm going to be back in a moment with the Zucchias. Zucchi, I hope you benefited by our experience today. Yes, my lad, everything has a moral, you know. Just what did you learn? Well, I learned that people should stick together, and they should work hand in... And one for all, and all for... I learned if you want to do anything right, do it yourself. This is the Armed Forces Radio Service, the voice of information and education. This is the Armed Forces Radio Service, the voice of information and education.
