Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents, Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. And now, Claudia. Hey Bobby, come back here. Where do you think you're going, you dope? Now listen here, Master Robert Naughton. What are you giggling about, eh? You stay quiet and you stay where you are. Have to put your bat in your playpen. What did you say, darling? I was not talking to you, I was talking to your son. Be right on, I'm almost through shaving. Well, it's getting late. Hey, stay there, you rapscallion. Papa will spank you. Oh, yes, I know. I look lovely all dressed up. My new shoes, my dress, my pins. Kind of proud of your mama, huh? Are you talking to the baby in baby talk? I certainly am not. Must say though, talking to him's a pleasure. Oh, I know, he can't answer. David, I'm almost dressed, you've hardly begun. You know you're going to make us late to dinner? My making us late would be a pleasant change. I ought to stop rushing you. How about I just let you be late, serve your rights? It would serve to show you how irritating it is. Oh, any little excuse to lecture me. Look darling, your clothes are all laid out in the bed, pants pressed, everything. I'll be ready before you know it. Wouldn't have to miss the early train today just because we're going out to dinner tonight. Socks got a hole in it. Oh, I know. Bobby, don't get underfoot, sweetie, you'll be stepped on. Oh, let him creep around, he's all right. Oh, he'll get all dirtied up, he's had his bath. Oh, he gets all dirtied up, he's a boy. Well, that's a fine excuse, I must say. Bobby, now concentrate. Mommy has to comb her hair, so you sit still while I do it. Do you understand? You hear me? Look good yourself, he hears but he's not impressed. He takes after his father. David, do you know, do you know you're going to have to modify your behavior? How am I going to have to modify my behavior? Firstly, in front of our son you are going to have to treat me with more respect. In other words, you want me to do what you tell me to do in front of our son, is it? Bobby's getting old enough to notice, and you are supposed to be a good example. Yeah, any excuse to get me to do what you want, I know. You guess. Seriously, I am his mother. Now that's a woman for you, always pulling ranks. Oh, Bobby, please stay in one place, don't pull on my stockings. Go ahead, pull on them, Bobby. They're the only vestments I own, sweetie. Just as long as you don't tear them, you just do as you please, old boy. Don't let yourself be nagged by a woman at such an early age. You traitor, you. You and I stick together, Bobby. One and a half against one. Well, I'm used to it. David, are you getting dressed? Now we have plenty of time, don't get excited. Oh, it's lovely to see the foot on the other shoe. Now I'm just going to give you five minutes. If you're not dressed by now, I'm going to leave you. Hey, where's my collar button? Oh, Bobby, listen, please stay over on that other side of the room. Go on, skadoodle, shoe. Papa is having enough trouble getting himself dressed. It's going to make us lazy. Claudia, have you seen my collar button? No, why should I have seen your collar button? Because it isn't here. Well, that doesn't mean I've seen it. Where is here? On the dresser. Oh, is that where here is? I merely asked you if you'd seen my collar button. David, I have to know where it was first so I will know if I had seen it or not. All right, admit it, you wouldn't even know whether you'd seen it or not. That is not the point. Oh, oh, drat. Oh, drat. I could bet a million I saw it right here on the top of this dress. No, we're getting some things now. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Maybe it's fallen on the floor There'd be a good thing for the vacuum today, isn't it? Well, I don't see it down here any place or others get out of the way Bobby. Let me see where could it have gone The collar buttons roll blister little souls. I thought it was a fairy tale about men's collar buttons. Yes, it's true though Would you get out of the way young man? If I ever find yours, I'm going to tie it around your neck Which is exactly where it belongs Don't you have another darling? Of course? I don't have another you think I'd be looking for this if I had another Was it against the law for a man to have two collar buttons man only needs one needs or not I'm gonna buy you a whole dozen tomorrow Baker's doesn't 13 color that's no help to me now and I don't want 13 or 12 David let me fix you something else to wear instead. I won't wear anything else instead It was right here. You probably took it. That's an interesting thought now What would I take a collar button for I wonder just so it would be my fault that we're late Ha so it's your vanity at stake not just a little old collar. Well, it's my collar button. I'll find it here Now listen, let's do this methodically. Yeah It's probably Slipped off the dresser and fell on the floor. That's brilliant. Only it's not oh Now which direction would it have rolled and that's the first thing Did you look over there on the side of the room where Bobby is? No, I couldn't have rolled way over there Hey you Bobby you're down on the floor. Why don't you help look? This is a joke that somebody's playing on me I don't think it's very funny Strangest thing a collar button disappearing in the thin air very queer Yes, Bobby, what is it? Now Bobby, this is no time for you to start fooling. I have to find your father's collar button Hey, what are you coughing about? What's mad? Well, it's not any place on that side of the room. I guess I'll go with my collar hanging out I know to make an impression. David now don't get excited. Who's excited? We'll find that old collar button Oh, look darling. We have millions of other buttons in the house. Won't any of them do? No, won't any of them do David. What? You found it? David the baby. Oh, no, not again Bertha can change him later No, not that your collar button. Where? The baby. David he swallowed it. I'm positive Now what on earth would he do a thing like that for? David don't you understand what this means? I don't get my collar button. That's what this means Oh Bobby, did you swallow it? Come on say something you big dope David I'll bet you that's what it is. I know that's what it is Now Bobby you wouldn't swallow your papa's collar button, would you? You see he's coughing He never made that noise before I don't see how he could have possibly swallowed it He said probably the collar button fell off the dresser on the floor Well I know but the floor Bobby was creeping about. You know babies put everything in their mouths Well now what is it going to... Oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm sure that's what happened. I know Well there's no point in getting upset Getting upset? Yes upset David it's dangerous swallowing a collar button. I just read in the papers the other day where a baby was absolutely almost Well it's not as dangerous as swallowing an open safety pin Well that's a fine consolation that is David listen to him. Have you ever heard him sound like that? Oh sure, lots of times I know you haven't. Darling we have to do something Look darling just because we've lost a collar button doesn't mean that Bobby swallowed it Well we looked every place else. Bobby, darling, you all right? Can you breathe? What do you want me to do? Say something You want me to shake him and see if he rattles? I don't know what makes people joke at times like this Darling, honestly I don't see why you've gotten so upset Bobby happens to be my son Well he's my son too In spite of the fact that he is my son, I'm very fond of him David don't just stand there do something Oh all right I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll pick him up by his heels and dangle him If he swallowed it, it'll come rolling out I don't understand you. I don't understand you at all David listen to him. Listen Does his breathing sound strange to you? Well I can't hear him breathing at all That settles it. I'm going to call Dr. Barry What on earth for? The sooner one catches these things the better You're absolutely convinced that Bobby swallowed my collar Well I'm convinced enough to take reasonable precautions Oh now Claudia Oh Bobby Hey Claudia, he coughed I know he's coughing. He coughed before. Didn't you hear it before? I think you ought to call Dr. Barry right away Last you're agreeing with me Oh right this minute. Hello Operator, operator Oh will you give me Eastbrook 417 please It's an emergency operator David how is he? He's smiling. He's smiling like the cat that swallowed the canary Or the baby who swallowed the collar button Oh hello Dr. Barry Dr. Barry I'm terribly sorry to disturb you at dinner time But the baby just swallowed a collar button At least we're pretty sure he swallowed a collar button No we're not positive but we're pretty sure and he's coughing Dr. Barry what do we do? He just coughed again. A little sort of a gurgle cough No he doesn't seem to have any trouble breathing But maybe it hasn't gone down that far Or maybe it's gone down farther You're not the doctor. Give Dr. Barry a chance Alright Dr. Barry we'll call you back in about five minutes And thanks a lot What did he say? Well he said since we're not sure David I still think we ought to get in the car and drive down to the village just in case I guess we ought to call up the Runnels and tell them we'll be late for dinner Darling I'm frightened Now there's no reason to be frightened Bobby seems to be alright now Here hold him I'll finish getting dressed Is he feeling better? What are you going to use instead of a collar button? I'll hang the collar button David he gurgled again His gurgle doesn't sound any different to me It sounds completely different to me I think...now Bobby sweet you just be still Daddy will take care of everything Everything is going to be alright I just broke a shoelace I'll be ready in a jiffy though David to think we've only had this little baby six and a half months And while actually he's not much more than a nuisance I love him so Oh you'd love a dog too after six months Thanks for trying to act as if you weren't terrified How is he? Same He's not bright enough to know what happened I'll get my cuff links right I'll be ready to scoot in just a minute I wonder why does everything always happen at once? Why does Bobby have to swallow your collar button? Oh now he's crying David now I'm sure that's what happened darling You sure eh? David don't get hysterical Stop laughing darling please don't So you're convinced that Bobby swallowed that collar button? Well look at him David his face is all red Baby's faces are always red when they're crying Why is he crying? Because his face is red David you're not making any sense please hurry His face is red with embarrassment What are you talking about? He's embarrassed with his old man Here my love is the collar button David no where did you find it? In my cuff link box right where it belongs Oh no I would have bet you a million dollars I saw it on top of the dresser Well are you sure it's not another collar button? No I only have one Then you mean he didn't swallow it? Well I never could understand what made you think he swallowed it in the first place What made me think? Well it wasn't my idea Oh Bobby you sweet darling beautiful brilliant baby You'd know better than to swallow a collar button wouldn't you? Why how could your father think you'd be such a dope Look at the expression on that shrimp's face Smiling he knows he's bright don't you sure? And I know we're going to be late and I know who we have to thank for it The baby? No Yourself? No Whose bright idea was it that the baby swallowed the collar button? I just knew it I knew it I knew it I just knew you'd find some way to blame your being late on me Wherever folks have to wait their turn Whether it's at the beauty parlor, the department store, the movies or any public place Those friendly red coolers that offer ice cold Coca-Cola are understandably popular It's easier to wait somehow when you wait refreshed and Coke always provides the pause that refreshes Out of my way Joe out of my way Wait wait wait where are you rushing off to in such a rush? Oh we're practically late for dinner and if we are you know I'll never hear the end of it David do you think you'll ever get any place on time again? No seriously Joe I rather doubt it Say if you had to take a trip for instance and make air time and plane connections and so forth Don't you think you'd do it then? Say that gives me an idea Joe a wonderful idea I wonder if Claudia would like to go on a short trip Well winter is getting kind of long I'll talk to her as soon as I can pick up some travel folders on Monday Say thanks for the tip Joe and so long Not at all David glad to help Every day Monday through Friday Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola So listen again Monday at the same time And now this is Joe King saying au revoir And remember whoever you are whatever you do wherever you may be When you think of refreshment think of Coca-Cola Or Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere The parts of Claudia and David on this program were played by Katherine Bard and Paul Crabtree And the entire production is supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola