Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. And now, Claudia. The paper says it's going to be a beautiful day tomorrow. Clear and brisk and perfect football weather. You really like football, don't you, David? I sure do. It's a man's game. Well, that's not enough reason to like it. It's a very exciting, complicated game. There's a lot to it. There's a lot more to it than meets the eye. I can never see the ball. I'm always looking at the wrong man, the one who doesn't have it. Well, that's called a fake. It certainly is. But it's meant to fool the other team. I think it only fools me. Mama, aren't you jealous you aren't going to the game tomorrow, the big game? Oh, I'm green with envy. You see me throwing you jealous looks? You're all excited about it, eh, darling? You meet a lot of my college friends. We're sitting with my class. What were you, 38 or 39? 39. Next year's my 10th anniversary. Good heavens, how time flies. I'd like to have known you while you were at college. Maybe I should have gone to college. I wonder what I would have been like. You would have been expelled. I could hardly get you to finish high school. Well, college is different. David, please explain to me about football. I thought you knew all about it. Well, I know that the object is to carry the ball down the field across all those white lines, and that one team tries to keep the other team from doing it. And they get turns at it, and every now and then they kick the ball, and that's why it's called football. Well, I think you have a very clear picture of the whole process. I have? Well, then why am I so confused? That is the natural state of your mind. Hope it won't be cold. My feet just die when it's too cold. Wear galoshes. You mean I should meet your friends wearing galoshes? Everybody wears galoshes at a football game. Oh, not I. You don't go to football games. Mama, don't you care what David's friends think of David's wife? Not much. Now, just as leave, they say to themselves that David's wife wears galoshes, then for you to come home with pneumonia. I never get pneumonia. More luck than brains. We'll have a box lunch. If there's anything I hate, it's a box lunch. I love box lunches. They always taste different from food on the table. And coffee out of a thermos, is there anything as good? Mm-hmm, coffee and a cup. You're such a killjoy. I'm not going to a football game with sandwiches tucked under my arm. Who said anything about tucked under your arm? You'll be sorry if you don't let me take a box lunch and you get hungry. They sell hot dogs. I prefer box lunches. They remind me of picnics. They have the point of going to a football game. I don't think you like football. Of course I like football, I think. Claudia likes anything where there are mobs of people and a box lunch under her arm. David, please explain to me about the game. It's dreadful going someplace and being ignorant. You want to know? Well, wait till I get my pipe. I don't seem to have it on. Maybe you left it in the dining room after dinner. Yeah, that must be where it is. I've got a pencil and paper, Claudia. I'll draw you a little picture. He's so excited, Mama, just like a little boy. It's his team that's playing. They're supposed to win. I don't know, I just couldn't get so excited about it, even if I were a man. I don't think you like football. I hate it. So do I. I even hate it in the movies and on the radio. No question of it. It's a man's game. Well, I'm glad you don't like it either, Mama. I don't feel so lonesome. Maybe you'll like it better watching it in person. Oh, no, it's worse. At home, at least I'm warm and comfortable and I don't have to wear layers of clothing. You talk like an old woman. Well, football makes me feel like an old woman. Everybody's shrieking and howling. All I do is worry until the last man who's been knocked down picks himself up. It's so rough. That's why they wear all that padding, so they won't get hurt. David says that... Hmm, I know why they wear all that padding. All it does is make them look so fierce and they get hurt anyway. I'm really not excited about going at all. That is a masterpiece of understatement, but don't tell David. It's months ago that he ordered these tickets, so just pretend you're thrilled. Yes, easy for you to say. You're not going. Thank heavens I'm not. If only it would rain. Stop hoping. You'll only have to go in the rain. They play football in the rain, too? Rain, snow or shine. Why couldn't I have married a man who didn't go to college at all? Are you complaining? Well, I certainly am. Oh, well, maybe it won't be so bad. At least I'll be with David. It'll be fun watching him get all excited. Mama, aren't men amazing? They enjoy things so much. Who enjoys things so much? Men. Don't women? Different things. You have the pencil and paper ready? I have. You know it's swell having a wife who's interested. Just as interested in this sort of thing as you are. You catching cold? Thank you. I couldn't have married one if she'd been one of those namby-pamby women. Hear that, Claudia? I hear it, Mama. A man's got to have a woman who is a companion. Now, come on, darling, I'll explain the game to you. Give me another pencil now. Now, you see, it's not very complicated. Yes, David. Don't you wish you were going, too, Mrs. Brown? Well... Mama, if you're dying to go, why, I'll give you my ticket. Don't sacrifice yourself. Oh, I'm not. It's worth it to me to see you happy. You and David are going to the football game. I shall stay at home and mind Bobby and like it. Why should you have all the fun? Oh, David, explain me the game quick before I say anything I oughtn't to. Right, here, I'll draw it out for you. Now, there you are. Now, there are 11 men on the team. I thought there were nine. That's baseball. Well, how is a person supposed to remember 11 men on the team? They each play a certain position and their tackles and the ends. The ends of what? Just the ends, the left end and the right end. But an end is always two-something, David. Well, it just means that they play the right end or the left end of the field. Oh, there's a right end and a left end. There's a right end and a left end. And where the goal posts are, that's the top and bottom. One thing at a time. Now, there are the tackles and the ends and the guards and the backs. The backs of what? The backs. They play in the backfield. It's too complicated. What backs? The halfbacks and the fullbacks. And the drawbacks? Very funny. What position did you play, darling? The halfback, but I wasn't on the varsity. Halfback. That must be the best position on the team. No. That's the one I have to watch. David, you'll have to point out all the halfbacks to me. I can just see what kind of a football game this is going to be. This is getting interesting. Go on. Now, the field is 100-yard long, right? If you say so. And all those lines that go across it. I know. To a bird, that field must look like a big washboard. She's so domestic. Yes. Well, now, those lines are five yards apart. What's five yards? Those little white lines five yards apart? What's so amazing about them? Nothing. Go on. Now, the team that has the ball, what's the team right down here? That's supposed to carry it. They're supposed to carry it for 10 yards. Is that all? That's all. Well, you can't go very far going only 10 yards. Are you listening to me? I'm listening. I'm only trying to be intelligent. Well, stop trying so hard. Yes, sir. Now, a team gets four chances to travel 10 yards. I don't think it'd be much of a struggle to go a measly 10 yards. I can go 10 yards in my eyes shot. Yes, but there's no one trying to keep you from going 10 yards. Well, I should hope not. Now, each team gets four chances to travel 10 yards. Now, each of those chances is called a down. A down. Like a feather. A down like a feather. I suppose it's called a down because everybody's falling on their faces. Down on their hands and knees. Yes, that might be the reason. Now... I hope nobody gets hurt tomorrow, David. I'd hate it if somebody got hurt. Since when are you so squeamish? It seems so silly getting hurt just playing a game. I'm glad you're not playing, David. All I do is worry. Thank you. Now, as I was saying, if the team makes 10 yards in the four downs, they have a chance to make another 10 yards. Is that all there is to it? Well, it's a little more complicated than that. I should think the team who has the ball would win. No. I give up, Mother. I don't blame you, David. Claudia, even I understand. Well, you've lived a lot longer than I have, Mama. Maybe I just ought to wait until tomorrow and explain it as it goes along. David, sometimes they throw the ball. That's called a pass. Because it passes right by the man who's supposed to catch it. Is that why? No, that's not why. David, why don't you just let her find out for herself? Why don't we just take a radio and I can listen to it while the game is going on and then I'll know what's happening? It can't be seen with a portable radio under my arm. It's a rank insult. To who? It's worse than a lunch box. Oh, nice, the telephone. Well, I'll answer it right here at my elbow. If it's for me, I'm home. You always think it's for you. Hello? Oh, yes, oh. Oh, hello, Mr. Cankin. Oh, you're in New York. What are you doing there? No, no, we didn't expect you. Oh, you flew in for the football game. Good. Oh, your team's playing in New York, I see. Well, it's awfully nice of you to invite me, but... Tell him you have a previous engagement. Oh, yes, yes, I like football very much. Oh, you're flying back right after the game. No, I... No. Well, no, I suppose there wouldn't be any other time to see you, but... David, what's going on? Oh, shop, how can he listen to you talking? Well, it's nice of you to ask me. Yes, yes, I accept. I'd be glad to join you. Yes, I do want to discuss that revision on the south ramp for your freight terminal. Yes, I'll... Yes, yes, well, I'll meet you in town at 12 o'clock at your hotel. Yes, that's right. That's a date. Goodbye, Mr. Cankin. David, you what? Darling, I'm awfully sorry, but... David, is it what I think it is? Yes, it is. Cankin's in town. He wants me to go to the football game with him tomorrow. Well, I don't blame him. And it is sort of necessary for business. Yes, yes, go on. So, I just had to accept. You had to? Yes, I... I had to. But you were going to a football game already. Yes, I know. You were taking me. You don't have to tell me. Oh, you know. But I'm afraid I just won't be able to go with you. I'm sorry, darling. David, I understand that you have to see Mr. Cankin. You do? Sure. So, I won't be too disappointed that I have to stay home and... And you have to stay home? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. There's no reason for you to stay home. But I... I want to stay home. Why, I wouldn't dream of going without you. Why, you're all the fun. Darling, you're being a swell sport, but I know how you've been looking forward to this, and you're going to go to that game. David, really, I... And so's mama going with you. I am? Yes, Mrs. Brown, in my place. But, David... No, no, no, no, no. Don't protest. I've watched you all evening. You've just been dying to go to that ball game, and you didn't want me to know it. Now, confess. I won't confess any such thing. Then it's all settled. You girls are going to one ball game together, and I'm going to another with Mr. Carrington, and that's that. Ha-ha, that's that. Mama, did you hear that laugh? He laughs like a demon. He is a demon, what's more. David, must we? It's no use, Claudia. You must, and you'll enjoy it. I suppose we must. David, explain to me about the halfbacks. Now, there are the tackles and the ends and the guards and the backs. Now, the backs are in the back. And the ends are round on the other side. Students of work habits have found that the average person can't keep going at a steady pace indefinitely. And that's as true for you who work at home as it is for people in offices and factories. When you feel the need of a change of pace, go to the refrigerator, get an ice-cold bottle of Coca-Cola, pause and refresh yourself. Any job goes easier when you work refreshed. Mr. King, how would you like two tickets for a very fine meal? For a very fine football game tomorrow. Why, I have two tickets already, thank you. Oh, I thought perhaps that you... Well, I guess there's nothing left to do but Claudia and I to go together. Well, maybe you'll enjoy it. I don't expect to, but I'll try. Oh, why do these things always have to happen to me? Well, these things and a lot more happen to your daughter. Just what do you mean by a lot more? Well, on Monday it's a little matter of a fracas with the telephone company. Oh, dear. It's not Claudia's fault, it's just that San Francisco calls. Who do we know in San Francisco? That's what Claudia wonders too. Will we see you around on Monday, Miss Brown? I'll do my best. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again Monday at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere. The parts of Claudia and David on this program were played by Katherine Bard and Paul Crabtree. And the entire production is supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola.
