Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. And now, Claudia. You're looking very handsome this morning, Mr. Norton. I return the compliment, Mrs. Norton. You're polite, Mr. Norton. I'm always polite, Mrs. Norton. Except when you're not. Which is never. Where's my hat? On your head. Absent-minded. Oh, so it is, so it is, so it is. You're awfully early this morning. Small wonder I've been getting myself ready since my six o'clock feeding. Your six o'clock feeding. Darling, don't you think you'll be able to learn how to sleep after you wake up? That was slightly garbled, but I'll learn in time. Oh, by that time it'll be too late. We'll be back up in the farm and the baby will have a room all his own. But he'll still have to be fed at six, at ten, at two, at six, at ten. Maybe we can cheat an hour. I'll ask the doctor. We'll do nothing of the sort. We won't tell the baby. But I most certainly do not intend to ruin your health for the sake of his. Nobody's health's being ruined. We're not going into that now. I'm going down to the office. I hate to see you go. Business as usual. Come over here. A kiss from my favorite wife and mother. Business as usual is nice. If I'm in such a generous mood, I might even say goodbye to my son. Oh, I'm sure he'd appreciate it. Well, he better had. It's going to be an awfully hot day. I can feel it already creeping up around me. Well, we'll be getting back up to Eastbrook pretty soon. The mornings are nice and cool up there. And the nights. Oh, David, it's wonderful to have a farm. We can call our own. Except for a few minor financial obligations, it's our own. And I'm glad of it. So am I. Although if you told me six months ago, I'd never have believed you. Then if you'd have told me a year ago that I was going to be saddled with an offspring, I would never have believed you. You weren't even saddled with me a year ago. Look how time flies. I wish it would fly slower. But I'm not complaining. But there, lying in his carriage, is time's greatest gift to us. He's still sleeping. Poor thing. Poor thing. Sleep, young fellow, while you get the chance. Because once you're a man, you will sleep no more. David, stop giving him ideas. Why not? He's giving me some. Move over, boy. Don't be silly. Tell me what you think of your son instead. Let me see. What do I think? He's still awfully small. Small? He's enormous for his age. Well, he's a lot bigger than a sparrow. Hey, Bobby. Whistle. Look at him. He doesn't even know his name. He is not a dog. Dogs are a lot brighter. At two weeks, dogs can walk, dogs can eat. Dogs even know their name. Well, dogs have four legs. Oh, that's the difference. Yeah, certainly. I think it's time you got out of bed, Bobby, and started earning your living. In the meantime, I'll go out and earn it for you. David. What, darling? Babies grow awfully quickly, don't they? What are you leading up to? Oh, I'm not leading up to anything. Not especially. Then what are you leading up to not especially? Well, I was thinking that... Uh-oh. This is going to be good. As a matter of fact, it didn't even take much thought. That's encouraging. David, I think we ought to have some pictures taken of him. What? What's so terrible about that? Everybody has pictures taken of babies. Well, darling, you could go out and buy any old magazine and clip out any old baby picture in it, and it would be just as good. Fine talk for a newborn father. All babies look exactly alike. Oh! Well, I bet you if I lined up ten in a row, ten, you'd never know your son from the other nine. I bet you. I bet you $20. Save your money. Look at him. Two ears, two eyes, a nose, a mouth, two arms, two legs, and a great big stomach, and all babies have that. But his personality! His personality is individual. Well, point out his personality. Oh, sometimes you are impossible. Sometimes I make sense. Well, didn't your mother take pictures of you when you were a baby? She did. Where are they? None of your business. Oh. Can't I see them sometimes? No. I'd love to see them. Pictures of you on your stomach with nothing on. Remind me to burn them. Let's see what you're embarrassed about. You haven't seen the pictures. Well, I let you see mine. You're a girl. That's different with girls. Why? Why? Why? I think it's a ridiculous fetish of our society. If we can't remember what our son looks like, we don't deserve pictures to remind us. Well, no, I never was a picture-taking kind of woman. That's one of the reasons I married you. But I feel sort of like this is different. I mean, if we had other children, it'd be nice to compare them, say, three weeks. Comparisons are odious. Oh. Maybe I'd like to look at them when I'm older. You'll never grow that old. Oh. You talk a lot. But I saw you gurgling over those pictures of me when Mama showed them to you a few months ago. That's because you look so silly. I didn't. Exactly the way you look now, only smaller. Thanks. It's all right. At least you had a good time over them. You might thank me for that. Yeah. Thanks, darling. You're welcome. Believe me, I'm not going to be the kind of parent who goes around showing off pictures of his child. Me neither. Just because you have the picture doesn't mean you have to show them off. Then why have them? Well, why not? Well, do you carry pictures of me around in your wallet? You are nothing to be so proud of. Well, I'm a darn sight handsomer than that offspring of yours. He's yours, too. I admit that. Sometimes I think you haven't got one fatherly feeling in you. Oh, on the contrary. I think Bobby's a pretty nice kid, as kids of his age go. I like him. I'm getting very fond of him. No photograph will ever take his place. Well, maybe you're right. Still, he looks awfully cute lying there on his stomach. Look, darling, if you really want pictures, call up the photographer. There's no hurry. Except for you to get going. You're going to be late instead of early. I'm on my way. See you tonight, Bobby. David, promise you'll eat a decent lunch. I most certainly will eat a decent lunch. Having lunch with Colligan. You'll probably eat Irish, too. I'm having lunch at his club. It'll be good to get back into a man's world, away from this nursery, away from diapers and condensed milk and bottles and safety pins. It's a good thing I don't believe half the things you say. Well, there's nothing a man likes better than sitting down to a man's lunch with another man discussing purely man's business. Now, when Colligan and I get together, all we... Well, Norton, how's that offspring of yours coming along? Oh, him doing all right, I suppose. Now, about your steel contract... Yeah, they're cute at two weeks. Yeah, they're kind of cute. Now, Colligan, I wanted to talk to you about the contract. Have you chosen a name for him yet? We're calling him after my wife's father, Robert. Oh, fine name, Robert. My third one's called Robert. Got red hair, big eyes and freckles. Yes, fine boy. I'm sure he is. Now, if you can see your way clear to give me the date of delivery on the steel, I'm sure... Oh, no, no, what's the hurry? What's the hurry? We've got plenty of time to talk. My first Patrick. My second one's Sean. My third one, Robert. We called him that because when he was little, he had no Irish look about him at all at all. But he sure grew up to fool us. And the littlest one, Kathleen. That's quite a handful. There's nothing like them. I'm sure they're adorable. Now, about the steel specification... Here, here, wait till I get them out. Oh, where did they put that wallet? It's always disappearing in the wrong pocket. Oh, here it is. Here. Here now. Here's a picture of Kathleen when she was three weeks old. Oh, very cute. Cute she was. And prodigiously advanced, too. Born with one tooth, she was. You don't say. Well, had a full set of uppers and lowers before she turned three. Look at that, lying on her stomach. Did you ever see anything so cute? No, I never did. Ah, don't be so modest, lad. I know you're thinking yours is cuter. Not bad, but... I know you wouldn't want to miss this one. It's a picture of Sean in his three-cornered pants. What the well-dressed man... The day they were born, they've wound me. Colligan, 243 pounds, mind you. Wound me around the little fingers. Oh, putty in their hands, I am. There was a fine steak. Fine indeed. Tell me, not in... you have them on four-hour feedings? Yes. Yes, every four hours, all day and all night. Now, I guess we can get on to those delivery dates that I want to set with you. Ah, time for that. Now, these here pictures we took the summer we spent up in Maine. This one here's Patrick. In this here picture we took out on the island last summer. Oh, yes, and here's a picture of me holding Robert when he was all of three weeks old. Fat little boy, wasn't he? Well, he's not much fatter than mine now. By Barney Margonnega, man. No baby was fatter than Robert was at three weeks. Well, in order to take a look at Bobby and see for yourself, that's all. Why, the doctor said to me, this is one of the fattest babies I ever did see. Well, all right. All right, since I have no pictures. You win this round, Colligan, this round. Now, what about the steel contract? There was a lady who specializes in child... education. She said to my wife, that child, I have never seen so fat a child. Well, that was a real nice lunch. Yes, it was. Yeah, not only that. Good man's talk. Whew, might have torment. Stifling. Yeah. Well, I guess I better be rushing back to the office. Can't take too long, I'll let you know. Wait a minute, Colligan, wait a minute, what about that date of delivery on the steel? Oh, I'll call you about it. And man, if you think your baby is bigger than mine, you'll have to prove it. Well, I'll prove it all right. Big Irishman. Just wait, just wait until I get a hold of my wife. I'm going to the nearest phone booth, I'm going to call her up, and I'm going to tell her a thing or two. Hello? Oh, David, hello, darling. What? Darling, you sound so excited. Get that photographer and get those pictures taken. But David, darling, this morning you said you didn't want to have pictures taken. What? What did you say? All right, dear, all right, all right, I'll call the photographer. All right, if you insist, David, I'll call him right away. Honestly. The more I know about David, the less I know about men. Oh, well. Humming. One sometimes gets the impression that certain families have a magic formula for making a hit with the young folks because all the teenagers flock to their houses again and again. If you track down the great secret, it's often nothing more than this. The lady of the house keeps a plentiful supply of coke on ice at all times. She knows there's no better way of attracting the young people and keeping her own kids at home. Mr. King, before you leave, would you like to have a look at the pictures of my four little ones? I'd like to very much. I have a few of my own I think you might like to look at. Oh, I would indeed. You have four of them. Must be quite a handful for your wife. Well, it took her a while before she learned to manage. But the little woman is right good at it now. How is young Mrs. Naughton managing? Well, as much as everyone will let her manage, she's managing very fine. I'm hoping I'll be meeting her very soon. Well, right now she's got enough on her hands. She gets the work done one way or another. One way or another? Well, mostly another, as David will find out tomorrow. But, Gora, what does that mean? It means that baby clothes get washed, bottles boiled, and dinner on the stove as if by an unseen hand. Magic, huh? Not quite magic, but come around tomorrow and you'll find out what Claudia uses instead. I'll be there indeed. Nice to have met you. The top of the day to you, Mr. King. And the top of the day to you, Mr. Colligan. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again tomorrow at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere. This broadcast of Claudia was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola.