Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents Claudia. Music Claudia, based on the original stories by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. Music And now, Claudia. Music David, David, I hate to wake you up, but I have to, darling. I'm in here, shaving. Your what? Shaving. I've got an early appointment in Connecticut this morning. I know it, and I wanted to have breakfast tired before you woke up even. The best laid plans of mice and men. Hush up. Don't talk so loud or you'll wake yourself up. Hey, what did you say about a mouse? Is our kitchen mouse in the bathroom with you? No, no, I'm all alone. Go back to sleep. I'll get my breakfast at the station. You'll do nothing of the sort. I'm not the kind of wife who lets her husband eat out. What do you think? I'll take the will for the deed. I have to catch the 8-3 to Redberry, and I can't afford to miss it. You won't miss it. I'll be dressed in no time. Darling, please stay in bed. Believe me, it'll be easier all the way around. It's the principle of the thing, though. Oh, where'd I put my mules? This country wasn't built by women who stayed in bed while their husbands got out and went out to hue the soil. This country wasn't built by women, period. I'm not going out to hue the soil. Anyway, you don't hue soil. I'm just catching the train to Connecticut. Well, you're going to catch it with a good breakfast in your stomach. You're in my way. Move over. Say, you're not going to take a bath, are you? I took my bath last night. Just let me wash my teeth a minute. I still say it would be faster if you stayed in bed. Look, don't you want to have breakfast with me? Sure I do, but I also want to get shaved. The lather's getting dry. Nice lather, by the way. Kissing you is like kissing a lemon meringue pie made with lilac. That's the soap. It's not lilac. Or is it? It's lilac. Not too strong, though. Don't worry, darling. Nobody, me, would notice. All right, I'm out. All finished? Yep. For keeps? Yep. Too good to be true. All I have to do is comb my hair. Oh, I thought so. You can have the mirror to shave in one second. Go on, be a good boy. Move over. This apartment seems to be getting smaller in the morning. I suppose you'd like it if I put the coffee on in a kimono. Frankly, I'd prefer it in the percolator. Goop. Also, I'd be glad I don't have to scramble into a girdle and hold up the bathroom, putting on lipstick and ruse. Haven't I told you how glad I am about that? No. Well, I'll tell you now. Come here. That glad? That glad. David, am I really a good wife? Well, you're the best I've had to date. Your coffee's pretty good. What do you mean pretty? What's more, a bride's coffee is usually un-drinkable. David, how long is a bride a bride? Till she gets some sense. I say you're a bride until things begin to go wrong. Then you'll be a bride until you're an old lady. That's very sweet. Optimistic, too. Now run along and fix breakfast. Quick, quick, quick. Scan. All right, all right, all right, all right. Hey, leave the door open while you shave so we can talk to each other. I don't like to talk to each other while I shave. Then you just listen. I like company while I do things. Hey, Claudia. I'm cutting myself to ribbons. What's happened to this razor? Why, nothing. You know I don't shave. Listen, I know you didn't shave with it, but did you use it to open something with? Oh. Oh, what? Come on out with it. Well, there was a little paint on the windows yesterday. Say no more, Claudia. There is one thing in violet to a man, and that's his razor. Never use my razor again, again, for anything, for cleaning windows or anything else. David, you are not talking to me like a bride. I'm talking to you man-to-man. It's an unwritten law. A wife is not to tamper with her husband's razor. How much does a razor cost? It's not the cost. Did you put it before? It's the principle of the thing. Suppose I didn't have another blade. But you have though, haven't you? David, answer. Have you? Yes, I have one that I hid. Then I think you're very inconsiderate to make such a big fuss over nothing. I'm inconsiderate just because I happen, happen mind you, to have an extra blade. I'm in the wrong. Oh, you're the limit. Then why did you marry me if I'm the limit? I guess I like people who are the limit. It's good. David, we almost had our first fight. Do you know it? We came mighty close to it. Is breakfast on the way? Coffee's on. David, do you really want two-minute eggs? They're so wishy-washy. I like them wishy-washy. You can drink them. They go down quicker. Look, darling, I'm in a hurry. Let's skip the eggs this morning. You will not? You can't go to Connecticut without eggs. Nice eggs like I'm cooking? Are you putting your tie on yet? No. Tell me where you are. What's it to you? Nothing to me, but everything to the eggs. Look, I've timed you for a week now. I put them in after you got your tie on, and they're just right when you come to the table. Eggs are cooked with a clock, not by a man's tie. Anyway, I'm nowhere near my tie. I'm only up to my socks. My, you're slow. At the moment, I have one brown sock and one blue sock. Best dressed men are wearing them the same color this season. But you must have taken them from the wrong pile. Are there two piles? Yes, because some of your socks have holes in them, so I make two bundles. Even so, darling, with socks, you roll them up in pairs that match. Not just any two unrelated socks that come into hand. Don't be silly. They're rolled up that way because they don't match. Eureka! What happened now? I found another blue sock. That was clever of you. There's a hole in the toe. Naturally, you took it from the wrong bundle. Sweetheart, darling angel, I could joyfully ring your neck. David, I think you really mean that. Oh, don't let's fight over little things. Or big ones either. Yes, let's don't. I'll count to ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I would still like to ring your neck. Well, ring it. That was nice. I like you to ring my neck. That's all the time I have to ring necks this morning. I wear the whole. Oh, you'll feel uncomfortable all day. I know. Let me find you another pair. I haven't got time. I'm catching the eight-three. Toss me my tie and hustle with that breakfast. It's ready. No, stop joking. I'm really in a hurry. I'm not joking. It's ready. I always put everything out the night before. Even the table, Sam. I'm surprised you don't make me eat my breakfast the night before. Say, you know, it would give us more time in the morning to have breakfast behind us. I think it would be better just to let things go along in their old humdrum way. Look, darling, you're underfoot like a puppy. Now, scat, scat, scat. Scat is for cats. I wonder what's for dogs. I never thought of it. Remind me to figure it out tonight. Now, come along to breakfast. Doesn't the coffee smell good? Yeah, it smells pretty strong. Oh, David. What? It's boiled away. Well, never mind, darling. It's all right. But I do mind you can't go off without coffee. I'll add water. I don't like coffee with water added. You'll never know it. But I do know it. I just have my eggs and cereal. No cereal. It's prunes this morning. Prunes. I did not get married to eat prunes. Mama told me to give them to you once a week. They have iron or something in them. That is the first nasty thing your mother has ever done to me. I just wait until I see her. Just wait. Then what will you eat? The eggs will be enough. Here, I'll... They're hot. They just came off the stove. What do you expect? Hey, hold on. These eggs aren't soft-boiled. They're hard as rocks. Oh, David, they passed the two-minute stage. That's putting it mildly. They're practically ready for college. Here, let me cook you some more. It'll only take a minute. I need two minutes. Look, darling, I have to go. I have to go on. But you can't go on an empty stomach. You would be surprised. Goodbye. David, come back. You haven't kissed me. I haven't time. But David, promise me you'll get breakfast at the station. That's what I wanted to do in the first place. Claudia, what is the matter with you? Nothing, Mama. Don't tell me nothing. I don't like the way you've been acting all afternoon. Oh, shopping makes me a little tired, I guess. Since when? Come on, out with it. What's bothering you? Nothing. What did you and David quarrel about this morning? Mama, how'd you know we had a quarrel? Whose fault was it? Your fault. My fault? There is one thing I will never do. Cause any trouble between you and David. Oh, what are you talking about? He adores you. He thinks you're just about perfect. Except for prunes. Oh. The prunes were only the finishing touch, though. It was really his socks that started it. Socks? He should have taught me to darn socks better, Mama. Darning gets me, Don. I've absolutely no talent for it. How do you know? Have you tried it? No, I haven't gotten around to it yet. What do you expect? Have you got a darning egg and darning needles in the house? I've got regular eggs and regular needles, and that's good enough for any sock. Mama, look! Don't get off the subject. Look at what? That pet shop. There's a monkey in the window. Mama, quick, come on. Stop pulling at my elbow. I am not interested in monkeys. What I am interested in is buying some darning cotton to patch up your marriage. Wait a minute. Just look at him, can't you? Isn't he fascinating? I fail to see anything fascinating about an ugly little monkey. He is, though. Watch him swing. Look, look, look. Look at him, Janice. I'm so proud of you. Look. I do not like monkeys. They're dirty and they're homely. Of course they're homie. That's what's so cute about them. I'm going in the shop a minute. You're going to do nothing of the kind. But you see, there's no law against just looking around. There ought to be. Claudia, come back. You go buy some darning cotton. I'll meet you later. You're not fit to be trusted in the pet shop alone. Wait for me. I'll go in with you. Oh, Mama, look over there at those puppies. Oh, couldn't you just eat them? No, I could not. Come along out, Claudia. The place smells terrible. Oh, all pet shops smell terrible. Well, what can I do for you, ladies? A nice little puppy? What kind of puppies are those? Well, those are very fine puppies. They're, well, as you can see, wonderful puppies. Their mother was a nice puppy, too. Oh, they're adorable, but I can't seem to place the breed. Well, like I told you, Miss, they're just puppies, and they're going to grow up to be just dogs. You know, some of the best dogs there is is... well, it's just dogs. My husband wouldn't like a small dog, but I am interested in the monkey in the window. Oh, that's a nice monkey, that is. Do they like good pets? Depends if you like monkeys. Some people like monkeys. I just saw once in the old day the picture actress. She likes monkeys. My daughter isn't a picture actress. Besides, I heard that monkeys bite. No, this here monkey only bites men. He likes ladies all right, but it's funny how we just don't like men. All David would need would be to come home after the prunes and be bitten by a monkey in his own house. Now, come on, let's go. Hey, Mama, wait a minute. Do you think there's any chance that those puppies might grow up into big dogs? Well, lady, that's anybody's opinion, but I'd say they'd grow up small. Looking at them, you sort of get the idea that a cock of spaniel is about their biggest ingredient. Then I won't even get friendly with them. Oh, of course, one of these might. No, no, no, I guess not. Lady, you wouldn't want a really big dog, now, would you? Sure, have you got one here? Thank heavens. Not here, I mean, but out of my place in Long Island, I've got a great dog. What kind of a great dog? Lady, there isn't any use describing this dog I'm speaking about. He's got to be seen to be appreciated. Why isn't he here? Well, no, he's sort of too large to keep in the shop, but I could bring him in. We wouldn't dream of troubling you. I would. Would you bring him in? Well, sure I would. No trouble at all. It's only across the river. You two ladies come back tomorrow, and I guarantee you'll fall in love with him. Oh, please do. If you're sure you don't mind. Claudia, are you utterly mad? What on earth would you do with a great big dog in a tiny little apartment? Patch up our marriage. Try some donning cotton instead. Oh, it wouldn't be half as exciting. David and I need a pet of some kind, something alive and living to bring us together. In due time, and God willing, you'll have a baby. That's alive and living. Can't you wait until then? Oh, we'd have to wait too long. But we can have a dog tomorrow, Mama. He's just across the river. All story material used in this broadcast of Claudia was under the supervision of Rose Franken and William Brown Maloney. When you have young folks in the family, you just can't tell when they'll be trooping home with their pals. But you sure can tell that they'll be heading straight for the refrigerator to get out the frosty bottles of Coca-Cola. Now that there's more Coke available, keep your ice box stocked up. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again tomorrow at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir and remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For ice cold Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. Yeah.