The Bakers of Weber's Bread present your all-star Western Theater. You sing along, singing a song. From Hollywood come to all-star Western Theater, starring America's great Western singers, Roy Willing and the Riders of the Purple Saves. Today we welcome a return visit from that great cowboy champion, Monte Montana. Our guest star is that famous, metast comedian of Freeman radio, Jerry Colonna. My name is Cotton Seed Clark and here are the Riders of the Purple Saves. Timber on the road to my lonely soul. Carry me away from the tide of gray. Though I'm feeling blue, I'll roll on with you to the ocean blue, Timber on the road. When the West was wild and woolly and the frontier towns were straggling rows of ramshackle buildings, a visit from a medicine man was a welcome event. For, besides the cure-all, he brought news of the outside world and the glamour of the show business. It was all part of Western community life then, just as Weber's Bread is a part of community life today. Well mixed and well baked, Weber's Bread is enjoyed by thousands of Southern California families. Housewives know that when they serve Weber's Bread regularly, their families are getting the benefit of really good bread. Well mixed and well baked, Weber's is a substantial, enjoyable part of every meal. So buy Weber's Bread when you go shopping. You'll like it and your entire family will too. And now let's take a few moments to go back through the musical years with the Riders of the Purple Saves and blend their fine Western voices to sing one of the grandest of all memory songs, Among My Souvenirs. There's nothing left for me Of days that used to be I live in memory Among my souvenirs Some letters tied with blue A photograph or two I see a rose from you Among my souvenirs A few more tokens Wherein my treasure chains And though they do They're there to give me consolation I felt them all apart And as the years of dawn I find a broken heart Among my souvenirs You listeners of the all-star Western Theatre are in for a special treat today, for we have with our guest one of America's foremost comedy stars of radio and screen, the professor himself, Jerry Colonna. Our guest star is heard with the Riders of the Purple Sage in a comedy story of the West written especially for him entitled, Why Did I Ever Leave Wyoming? From out of the spacious West, blazing a trail swiftly through mountain, plain and stream comes a thundering hoof beat of the great heart filled with wear. Why oh why did I ever leave Wyoming? Why oh why did I ever have to go? Why oh why did I ever leave Wyoming? For there's a share of fact there looking for me high and low and high and low. Go! Go! Go! All right, giddy up there. What do you know, I have my saddle on backwards. Yes sir, Jay Tuckerberg Colonna. I'm a cowboy, fry cook, fighter, wire horse rider, and ride as a windmill fixer. Here's my faithful horse, Silverware. Silverware, say howdy to the nice people. 1847, Rogers. Roy Rogers that is. Folks, I reckon you are folks. I have a story to tell you which I figure might interest you, I reckon. Oh, excuse me please. Hello, Tucker Girl Colonna speaking. No, sorry old man, but I've sworn off, I reckon. No, sorry, never again, I've learned my lesson. I know you need a business, but I can't afford it. Then why don't you go into some other business? But, but, all right, but this is the last time. Then give me two across on their Lobo. Oh, that's all right, don't mention it. Goodbye, Crosby. Professor, how about that story you're going to tell us? Ah, yes, the story. Yes. You know, I forget the day I was born. My father was nervously pacing the kitchen floor. I remember well how he said, gosh, I hope it's a boy or a girl. Finally, the stock flew over my house and gently deposited his precious package in the front porch. The next morning, father went out to get the milk and saw the little bundle. He heard a tiny cry. He peeked beneath the blanket and then fondly said, well, what do you know, a stray cat. Then Ma came out and said, this is your boy. Grab his head. I said, this is your boy. Think we ought to go see Mr. Anthony. Then I began to think of life. Ah, life, life, without it you're dead. But to make a short story longer, come with me back to my early days in my old home state of Wyoming. I fell in with the wrong crowd and as soon as I found myself in Dutch with an Irish cop, that is a tender foot, neat, fast foot, you know. He was a very close friend of the county judge. Hagerberg, colonel. Yes. You're charged with robbing the Wells Fargo office. Step up to the bar. The case will now be open. Sorry, judge, I never touched the theft. Order, order. Well, if you insist, I'll have a short beer. Bailiff, swear to defend them in. You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? I do. What's the matter with you, crazy or something? That'll be all, Bailiff. That'll be all, Bailiff. You may return to your cell. Oh, by the way, judge. Yes. The fellow in cell 13 wants a clean towel under Ginger Ale Center. Shall I get it for him? By all means, I won't have our criminal clientele complaining of the service. And that reminds me, defendant Kelowna. Yes? Where were you on the night of December 31st? Your Majesty, I was sitting up with a thick friend. You should have been with me. I had a wonderful time. Order. When you and your henchmen were making your getaway from the Wells Fargo office, who was driving the car? No one. We were all in the back seat. Kelowna, you're some crazy. Ah, yes, and I'm a little bit wild about bananas, too. You're a dangerous man, Kelowna. Why has it been rumored that your wife caught you cheating a poker? Is that true? I cannot tell a lie. It is true. Did you have an ace up your sleeve? No, I had a queen on my lap. What did she do to you? Oh, nothing much. She just took over, put the soft, lily-white hands to my head, then pushed my ears together. I take it your home life is none too pleasant. Right, it isn't my fault, Your Honor. My wife was always hounding me for money. All the time it's money, money, money. Oh, what did she do with all this money? I don't know. I never give her any. I understand that just yesterday your wife came to you on her knees. That's right, Your Excellency. She took her down on her knees to me and dared me to come out from under the bed. Kelowna, I don't mind telling you. I think you're stupid. Oh, hold on there, Your Honor. I'll have you understand my IQ is 82. 82? Why, Kelowna, you're a moron. I am? Yes. Then I've got a right to be stupid. Well, Defendant Dachauber Kelowna, due to the lack of evidence in this case, I am not going to send you to jail. But for the good of the grand and glorious state of Wyoming, this court gives you 24 hours to leave the state. That is all. My next performance will be at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. So I became a wanderer. I began to roam on and on. Then one day my faithful horse Silverware carried me across the state land into the land of sunshine, California. For just the morning mist with white caps. At 10 down, Silver and I swam into Hollywood, where I registered for a room at the YMCA. It was there that I met those three boys, the riders of the purple matzah ball. Ah, little did I know. Oh, excuse me, please. Hello. Tucker Berkelowna speaking. Hello, Hope. You say you want me to go to Alaska with you on an expedition? Wonderful, Hope. Special job for me? I'll take the job. Goodbye, Hope. What's a lead dog? As I was saying, I met three boys who convinced me that my field of endeavor was the theater. We've got the greatest act you ever heard. All we need is somebody to manage it and see that we're heard in the right places. All right, boys, let me hear you act it out considerably. Good. Come on, let's show the professor what we can do. Give us a pitch, Dean. Timbers! Timbers! Timbers! Timbers! Well, what do you think, professor? Well, your voices have plenty of timber. Now sing the rest of the song. That's all there is to it. Yeah, we figured it was better to have the people wanting more than to give them too much. Not very liberal with your talents, eh? Well, let me hear it again. All right. Timbers! Timbers! Timbers! Timbers! Timbers! Timbers! Now, what do you think, man? Have to prove my right, or it'll go to the dogs. Ben, then what do you suggest? More timber. Now look, I'll show you what to do. Let's sing it backwards. Everything is headed for backward trends these days. Now let me sing it with you. You start at the bottom and come up. Alright. Timber! Timber! Timber! Timber! Ah yes, there's going to be firewood in the cook stove this winter. I believe that improves it. I was just suggesting to play the act up in the redwood country. Ah, we want to stay here and go on the radio. Radio? That's a passing fantasy. It'll never last. I think we ought to produce that play we wrote. We can make some money that way. The play will produce money? I am one of the greatest actors in the world. Well good for you, Cuckleburb. Let's go out into the country, run a barn, and show it there before we try it out in town. You mean you're going to put a play on in a barn? Sure, why not? Well, it's a handy place to lay an egg. Well, what kind of a part can you play, Professor? I am the hero type, myself. Well, the hero of our play is the best looking man in the country. Hear me in. Yeah, he's got big muscles and fears no man. Hear me in. And he never has anything to do with the girls. Reshuffle. If you ask me, I think the smart thing to do would be to try to get a job and quit this time to break into this show business business. The boy has a point there. Let's sit on it. Oh, let's go to the Cheyenne roundup and see the rodeo and then hire out a cop hunter for some ranch in that there country there. Cheyenne? That's in Wyoming, isn't it? That's right. Sorry boys, I can't go with you. You see a Wyoming sheriff is looking for me high and low and high and low and high and low. What does he want you for? Well, I was framed. There was a big robbery. Then suddenly, before I knew it, get out of Wyoming and stay out. And here I am. Well, that's too bad, Kelowna. You know, I sure was anxious to see the big rodeo at Cheyenne. Our old friend Marty Montana is going to be there this year. Marty Montana? Lo and well. Taught him how to ride and handle the rope. Well, why don't you disguise yourself, grow a beard or something? Yeah, that's right. And then maybe nobody will recognize you. Friendly suggestion, boys. I have it. I've always wanted a mustache. That's it. I'll grow a big black mustache. Well, then let's head for Cheyenne. You can grow some lipweed while we're riding through the brush country, huh? Yeah. Boy, that's wonderful. And when we get there, I have an experiment I wish to try out for the pepsilin company. What kind of an experiment? I'm going to brush a cow's teeth with toothpaste. Well, what you going to do that for? To see if she'll give dental cream. So we packed our road to be started off to see our friend Marty Montana in Cheyenne, Wyoming. On the way, I grew the face brush that I still wear today. Gorgeous thing, isn't it? Oh, excuse me. Hello, Kaka Berkelona speaking. Hello, Roy. I'll stick the trigger. Marvelous. You say you taught them how to count the pins? Splendid. Now get them to teach you to count to 20. As our old facelift carried us into Cheyenne, Marty met us at the railroad station. Well, howdy, boys. Welcome to Wyoming. Well, thank you, Montana. It's good to be home again. Oh, yeah. Where's your horses? Oh, they're still on the train. They had tickets to Hialeah. Oh, that reminds me. Excuse me a moment. Hello, operator. Wonderful thing, radio. Give me Big Crosby in Hollywood. Hello, Crosby? Mr. Kelowna, how did that Lobo run in the seventh? Too bad. Should have followed my hunch and not bet. Who won? Trigger. How'd he get into the race? Horvitz's day off at Republic, yeah? Oh, yes. How much did he pay? Oh, you're waiting for Trigger to figure this all mutual over. Who's the jockey? Gabby Hayes? Oh, they want to buy a beer. Well, Splendid. Goodbye, Crosby. Well, Marty, let's be off to the rodeo. Okay, couple of bar. You boys come right along. My car's over here. Hey, that's a fine looking automobile, Marty. What kind is it? Oh, it's a late model. It's a 1910 Stanley steamer. Better late than never, I always say. Well, let's be going. How's the rodeo coming along, Marty? Oh, fine, boy. It's the biggest years in a long time. Marty, watch out where you're driving. Don't worry, Cuckleburr. I got my eyes on the road. Well, put them back in your head and watch where you're going. You know, Cuckleburr, you strike me as a man who's been around horses the right smart. Is that right? Maybe I should probably use some perfume. Hey, look, there's a jackrabbit. I'll see if I can get him. You got him dead thinner, Marty. Well, that's a good shot there, Marty. Why, sure. Thank you, boys. I'm not a bad hand with a six-shooter myself. Didn't know you could shoot, Professor. Oh, one of the best. I'm much better at knife throwing, however. You've been holding out on us, Polona. I didn't know you were the knife thrower. One of the best. I used to take a knife in the hand at a 50 paces, tack my brother's tie from around his neck, but I had to stop. What's the matter? You ran out of ties? No, my brother was a very erratic sort of chap, and one day he lost his head. Well, here we are at the rodeo, boys. Sure is a lot of people here. Never saw such a crowd. Sure is. Everybody in their horses. And I must remember that I am a hunted man. I won't nobody recognize you with that big black mustache. I don't think so either. It makes a perfect disguise. My own mother wouldn't know me. Well, Gerald, my boy, what are you doing back here in this hair part of the cutting tray? Why, Mother, I didn't recognize you with that big black mustache. How's father? I'm all right, son. Been kind of busy here late making myself a new set of teeth out of some baling wire. Ah, this is like old times. Back to my old home state with my mother and father. How's my friend brother, the Stetios? Oh, he was doing right well the last time we heard from the big professor of the school, Murray Vatt. Glad to hear that. Does he study hard? Oh, he don't do no studying at all. They're studying him. Yes, yes. Keeper had a little trouble with him. He almost escaped from his cage twice. Boys, we'd better hurry. We'll be late. I see the people are beginning to move in. All right. Be right with you. I must bid my attendance farewell. Goodbye, Mother. Goodbye. Goodbye, Father. Goodbye. Well, get that over with in a hurry. All right, Marty, I'm ready for the rodeo. Fine, Kalkalberg. Let's cut to the crowd this way. You'll never be recognized with your perfect disguise. Oh, it's a perfect disguise. Splendid. There he is, boys. The father went to judgment out of the state. After him! It's the sheriff, Kalkalberg. I must run for it. My horse, quick! Think I should have gotten on? And so I left Wyoming again with the sheriff on my trail. Excuse me. Hello, Kalkalberg Colona speaking. Hello, Miss Vague. You want to know what became of the three handsome boys? Why do you want to know that? Oh, excuse me, Miss Vague. I didn't mean to ask such a silly question. I haven't seen them in quite a while. But I'll keep you posted. Goodbye. I'm going to go to the sheriff's office. What do you know? The riders are the purple muck-a-ball. Kalkalberg Colona, we've been looking all over the country for you. Did you find me anywhere? Not yet. Oh, shut up, Floyd. We're mighty glad we ran into you. We got a big chance to go on to the show, and we need your manager. I'm your man. When do we work? As soon as we can get there. We're opening Cheyenne, the county. Oh, that's a good idea. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. As soon as we can get there, we're opening Cheyenne next week. Cheyenne? That's in Wyoming, isn't it? It sure is. Sorry, boys. I reckon this is the end of the trail for me. I reckon. You mean you're still wanted in Wyoming? Yeah, but wrong. I'm not wanted in Wyoming. I reckon this is the end of the trail for me. I reckon. We're sorry to hear that, Kalkalberg. I'm already sad about it. I'm already sad. I reckon this is the end of the trail for me. I reckon. Why oh, why did I ever leave Wyoming? Why oh, why did I ever have to go? Why oh, why did I ever leave Wyoming? Because there is someone back there looking for me. High and low and high and low and low. I applied my hand in Cody Wranglin coach for Bunk and Bean. When the sheriff said let's bust a bronc, I shook right in my jean. I climbed up on the saddle and I raked in with my spurs. The next thing I remember, they were picking out the birds. Why oh, why did I ever leave Wyoming? Why oh, why did I ever have to go? Why oh, why did I ever leave Wyoming? Because there is someone back there looking for me. High and low and high and low. Oh, give me back my prairie and my saddle and my game. Where the hills are nice and curvy and the women are the same. Where cowboys all yell whoopee and the laddies say twirl. And timbo wolves yell, Timbo! I knew they'd get that in there somewhere. When they see a pretty girl. Oh, why oh, why did I ever leave Wyoming? Why oh, why did I ever have to go? Why oh, why did I ever leave Wyoming? Because there is someone back there looking for me. High and low and high and low. I used to live in Cheyenne, it's a lovely place to see. You can ride along the rolling plains just east of Latamie. The sheriff almost caught me and that's why I have to roam. He saw me working in the bank and taking samples home. Oh, why oh, why did I ever leave Wyoming? Why oh, why did I ever have to go? Why oh, why did I ever leave Wyoming? Because there is a sheriff back there looking for me. High and low and high and low. There he is, men, cut him off the path. I'll get the rope. You got it, little beaver, it's the posse. Let's hit the trail. Applause Thank you, Jerry Colona. Heard with our guest star today were Leora Thatcher as maw, Joe Forte as the judge, and Johnny Paul. Four willing, Al Floy and Jimmy Dean as themselves. Jerry Colona will return to our microphone in a few moments. Music Well, there's one in every cow camp, a cow puncher who can make the other cowboys laugh. In the old days, when opportunities for entertainment were few and far between, a cowboy with a sense of humor was a valuable addition to a ranch. He helped keep the men happy. Today, Weber's bread can help keep Westerners happy, too. For Weber's bread, served regularly, is a big step for mealtime satisfaction. Well mixed and well baked, Weber's bread has that firm, even texture, that golden brown crust, and that distinctive flavor that make it blend well with other foods. At breakfast, lunch, or dinner, your entire family will enjoy Weber's bread. So buy a loaf of Weber's bread tomorrow. You'll see it at your grocers in the familiar Blue Gingham wrapper, and you'll like it. Music And now here is Four willing returning with our guest, our Jerry Colona. Applause It's been a lot of fun and a real pleasure having you as our guest, Jerry. Thank you, Four. I've been one of your listeners for a long time, and believe me, it's a pleasure taking part in your all-style Western theater. Not only to sing with your boys, but to keep company with my good friend, Monty Montana. Say, I believe you and Monty do a lot of riding together. That's right. I spend most of my time in horseback when I'm working. By the way, Jerry, I heard you say that you taught me how to ride and use a rope. Well, I, like this, see, I was... Well, to show you my appreciation, Jerry, I'm going to do something for you. I'm keeping a string of wild braima steers out of my place for a friend of mine, and in return for what you've taught me, I'm going to teach you to ride every one of them. That's an idea, crazy as f*****! Applause Again, thanks to you, Jerry, for being our guest today, and to you, Monty Montana, for visiting with us again. Here they are, folks, men of the West from out of the West with a real song of the West, the riders of the Purple Sage, singing your request song, Cool Water. Cool water All day I've faced the barren waves Without the taste of water Cool water Old Anne and I, with throats burned dry And souls that cry for water Cool water, clear water People who can dance, don't you listen to them dance He's a devil, not a man, and he spreads the burning sand with water Then can you see that big green tree where the water's running free And it's waiting there for you at sea The nights are cool and I'm a foolish star The pool of water is cool, cool water But with the dawn I'll wake and yawn and carry on To water Cool water, clear water People who can dance, don't you listen to them dance He's a devil, not a man, and he spreads the burning sand with water Then can you see that big green tree where the water's running free And it's waiting there for you and me The shadows sway and see the sage tonight we pray for water Cool water Like me I guess he'd like to rest where there is no quest for water Cool water, clear water People who can dance, don't you listen to them dance He's a devil, not a man, and he spreads the burning sand with water Then can you see that big green tree where the water's running free And it's waiting there for you and me Cool water, clear water Thank you very much, folks. This is Foye Willing speaking for our outflow, Jimmy Dean and all of the Riders of the Purple Sage. Thanks so long and thanks for being with us again this week. Resting alone, singing a song On Hollywood, you have heard your all-star Western theater starring America's great Western singers, Foye Willing and the Riders of the Purple Sage. Today we welcome the return visit from that great cowboy champion, Monte Montana. Our guest star was the famous comedian of radio and screen, Jericho Lona. My name is Cotton C. Clark saying much obliged for keeping company with us. This program came to you from Columbia Square. K.M.X. Los Angeles, the voice of Hollywood.
