How do you do? This is Clyde Brooke. Audacity, again audacity, and always audacity. That remark was made by a very smart young fellow named Napoleon. The same very smart young fellow also said, I would rather have one bad general than three good ones. Now both these maxims apply to the story I'm going to tell you this week. The story of Colonel Thomas Blood. It is certain he had audacity, and how, but his plan, although conceived by him, failed. It failed because he employed too many cooks, I mean generals. One general may be bad, but he will be positive. Three generals may all be good, but their plans may conflict. The other evening I was having a drink with a divisional inspector. He was not on duty, and I asked him point blank what he thought was the most audacious crime that had ever been committed in England. This was something he evidently had no doubt about, for without the flick of an eyelid he replied, the theft of the British crown jewels from the Tower of London. Let me refresh your memory. Colonel Thomas Blood, born in 1618, so to say, was a man with a grievance. He was an Irishman, so I don't suppose it was altogether surprising. But while surprising, and still is, considering the day and age in which he lived, it is that he went to such desperate lengths to avenge what he believed were his wrongs, and still managed to die a natural death in bed. For if ever a man seemed destined for the gullos, that man was Thomas Blood, a point of view which his associates never tired of reminding him. You've asked him for trouble, Tom. You've always asked him for trouble. Ah, that's right. Why don't you just let things be? What's the good of all this scheming and flouting? What's he going to gain for you, except a stretched neck and a quick exit from life? What's he going to gain for me? My estates and the 500 pounds of year income that Charles Stuart and his creatures have stolen from me. Dr. Hides. Let no eagle claim against the King, Tom, and you know it. It's the best part of eight years since you lost those estates. What hope have you been of getting them back now? A man has got to be reasonable about these things. After all, you were given the estates and income in the first place by Henry Cromwell as a reward for fighting with the parliamentary forces. It's only natural that when Charles comes to the throne, he'll take them away from you again. In your position, I consider myself lucky to be still alone. That's right. Think back on some of your comrades. Think how many of them lost not only their worldly goods but their lives. Those estates are mine. I shall have them back by... Ah, there you go again. I tell you, you've not a dog's chance. I'm telling you it's true. Ever since you got yourself mixed up in that futile rising against the Duke of Almond in Dublin and then to Scotland and fought with the Covenanters at Portland Hills, the King's spies have been on your trail. Is it the truth, I'm telling you, Richard. I even heard you whisper that there's 500 pounds waiting for the man who'll betray you and hand you over. Where is your chance, gentlemen? Oh, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom. Here are your fruits. I find hard to believe from your hither. Or I ask you to buy no more. Then take your fruit. Well, don't you blast on the coffee after the grand iniquity and the foot and dinner the sooner causes loss. I'm the only prince that's really determined to get that right thing I tell. You've been promoted to be a fool for your lazy means if you're determined enough. And in holding her ransom against the restoration of your estate, that's pretty nifty to us to be sure. How may I escape capture and hang in, I don't know. I hope it's all right. It will bundle. By who? All of us. We're all anxious. There'll be no mistakes next time, aren't you? That's just it, Tom. As far as I'm concerned, I believe there won't be next time. Then so would I. I may be scurvy and often dirty, but I've still got respect for my neck. And you'll see, you're still my friend. We are, Tom. We are. Very well then. Prove it. But how? If I can put up a plan that is practical, that will involve us in no more than a reasonable risk, and that may ultimately return me my sequestered estate, will it join me? What is it you have in mind, Tom? Nothing is yet. I'm just asking you the question. Should I find such a plan, how far may I rely on you? What do you say, parrot? As long as the risk's no more than reasonable, I'm your man. Richard? Aye, parrot speaks for me too. But mind you, Tom, there's got to be a fair chance of success. No more of these desperate enterprises. I like my life too much to have it suddenly terminated. Very well, gentlemen. That's all I wanted to know. When I've formed the plan, you shall hear from me again. A man of inflexible porthos, this Colonel Blood. The fact that his estate had been seized from someone else in the fell space meant nothing to him at all. They were his, and by his thunder he wasn't going to let any upstart steward keep them from him. I like to think of him pacing his little womanly inn, where he was hiding against the king's men, swishing his rapier against imaginary enemies, tugging impatiently at his moustache, thinking up schemes, analyzing them, rejecting them, until at last there came the great idea. It was daring and on the face of it madly reckless, but its very boldness was a factor that might enable it to succeed. To think with Colonel Blood was to act. He merged cautiously from his inn to buy a few necessary items of clothing, and then... Etsy! Etsy! Thunder, where the devil's that devil's? Here I am, sir. Such a pleasure. Another flab in the wine. I want to talk here. Now come inside. Dear maid, trust yourself alone with such a huge room, Colonel. Ah, stop being coy, girl. You didn't come here. Shut that door. We're leaving with your orders, aren't we? Listen here, Betsy. You see this? Aye, I hear it too. Ah, there's four crowns there. It's yours for our trifling service. Now, what do you say? Oh, that's very good trifling of my affections, you mean. There are severe affections for the stable, boy. Now, I'll tell you what you have to do. You see these clothes? Yes, they are, sir. They're all gallant Captain Blood Grogor's own creature. Temporarily, yes. I'm going to change into these, and I want you to go straight up to your room and put on the best things. What for? We're going out together. A provincial passing, and his young wife. Where? To the Tower of London. Have you ever seen the crown deals, Betsy? No. Then you shall have that privilege within the hour. No, what are you plotting up now? Don't ask questions, girl. I've no mind to land myself in trouble. There'll be no trouble so long as you behave sensible and do as you're told. Well, what am I told to do? I'll explain all that on the way. Off you go now, Congress. An hour later, Mr. Talbot Edwards, keeper of the Crown Jewels in the Tower of London, was entertaining two visitors, as charming a pair as he had the pleasure of meeting for many months. This is the strong room where we keep the jewels. Mind your ways you come in, sir. There's no way to type with them, I'm afraid. Oh, well, I don't know, Mr. Edwards. Oh, for excited I can hardly wait. Patience, my dear, patience. Oh, you don't touch it. Yes, John. If you'd be so kind as to permit me to go back to these cabins. There they are, dear lady. Oh, so beautiful. Crown, although except not forgetting the odds in the end, of course, Sydney rings and so on. They must be worth a fortune. Yes, indeed. Mind you, they're not really what they used to be once. In King John's time, it is said, they formed the most priceless collection in the world. Then, of course, he went and lost them in the wash. Most careless of them, I must say. During the Civil War, the king had to pawn several of the best pieces to pay his armies. And when that scoundrel, Cromwell, came to power, he seized most of what was left. You can imagine there wasn't much for our present king. God save his noble soul. Oh, sure, you'd keep them under one, Mr. Edwards. A necessary precaution, I fear, sir. There are desperate men in this city who would not fit a tickly hand in these jewels if they were given half a chance. Oh, surely not. Aye, ma'am. There's no version of the wickedness that exists in London. But surely, even if they were able to steal them, it would be impossible to get them past the gateway and the guard. I can't imagine anyone would be so foolish as to try. If the prize is big enough, sir, then I mean we'll try anything. Yes, I suppose that's true. Oh, hey, what's the matter, my dear? Oh, it's nothing, John. I just feel hanged. It's the entire deprova in the small room. I'll be all right. Oh, please, my dear, please. My soul has been fainted. Water, put some water. Yes, of course. There's a couch in the next room. Shall I help you to carry it? No, no, no, I can manage. This way, please. The last ride, I'll put it down here. Part of this fortune. Water, if you please, sir. Yes, yes, certainly it will. I'll bring my wife and daughter. They'll know what to do. It's all this stuff. They do find me clothes when they're wearing clothes. It's quite fair. Can I offer to an intern? Not at all, my dear. You're perfect. You should be on this stage. Shh. Here they come. Blood's plan worked well. By the time the parson and his young wife, now happily recovered, left the tower, they'll want terms of a warmest friendship, not only with Mr. Torbert Edwards, but with his wife and daughter. So what could be more natural, that four days later the parson should turn up again, this time alone. How pleasant to see you again, my dear sir. And you too, Mr. Edwards. I think I had to call once more to say how grateful my wife and I are for your kindness the other day. Oh, sir, we were glad to do what little we could. Tell me, is that goodlady your wife at home? Let's know where she's visiting those days today. Oh, what pity. My own wife has asked me to bring along this trifling gift for her. Perhaps I can even be of your charge. A pair of white gloves. That's exceedingly kind, I must say. Oh, small suggestion, I dare say. Nothing more. Let's say no more about it. Mr. Edwards, would you think it amiss of me if I were to broach a rather personal question? Not at all, sir, not at all. I couldn't help noticing the other day the considerable beauty and goodness of your daughter. I suppose you'll be giving serious thought to getting her married soon. Yes, indeed. As she meets the age. I trust I don't approach this matter too bluntly, but is she promised to anyone yet? No, sir. Splendid. Let him know needs be to proceed. I have a note for you, Mr. Edwards. A worthy young man who has just come of age and has succeeded to a nice landed estate. I am seeking a wife for him, just as you are seeking a husband for your daughter. You've heard of her? Yes, yes, very plainly. And how does the idea appeal to you, sir? A worthy young man, you say? Oh, yes, most sober and reliable. And a landed estate? Quite a considerable one. In Buckinghamshire, to be precise. Is he, is he, sir? Most interesting. Most interesting indeed. Of course, I realize you'd need to meet the right person for my arrangement, but I dare say that could be arranged. Oh, don't say that at all. He's coming up to London next week. Would you like me to bring him here one day? Should be very deeply honoured, sir. Splendid. Shall we say a week from today? It will be the ninth of May. It should be honoured that. I know that your wife and daughter will be meeting him too. What time of day do you think would suit them best? Soon after breakfast, I imagine. But before they settle down with their household chores. Shall we make it seven o'clock? Is that too early for you? Certainly not an excellent time. I shall no doubt be two other uncles of his. We've been his drug guardians, you know. Oh, you leave word at the gateway that you are to be passed through, haven't you? Yes, yes, of course, my fair friend. Well, with this admission, I'll take my leave until one week from today. Colonel Thomas Blood had every reason to be pleased with himself, as I'm sure you'll agree. So far everything had gone exactly as he planned. Admittedly, the most dangerous parts still lay ahead, and his confederates didn't exactly share his airy optimism when he outlined his proposal to them. But Colonel Blood was too determined a man to let a little quibbling opposition stand in his way. What's the matter with you two? I thought your men had courage, not chicken hearts. There's a difference between courage and full-hardenedness, Tom. Aye, that's right. It's too chancy a scheme for my liking. There's nothing chancy about it. It can't fail, I tell you. But won't the old man be suspicious when we tell him our nephew's been delayed? Why should he be? I tell you, I've got him eating right out of my hand. And how about the guards at the gate? How are we going to get the jewels past them? You can't conceal a crown and an orb and a scepter in your pockets, you know. We'll attend to that when the time comes. And even if we do get them away, how do you propose we shall dispose of them? Where do you imagine we'll find a buyer for stolen crown jewels? I've no intention of seeking one. What are you going to do with them, then? I'm going to hold them as ransom. My estate's an income against the return of the jewels. And that's not going to be easy either. Who are you going to get to conduct the negotiations? And where are you going to hide the jewels in the meantime? You needn't concern yourselves with that part of it. All I want you to do is to help me get them in the first place. Frankly, I don't like the idea at all. No, neither do I. A few weeks ago, old gentleman, you protested your friendship towards me. To test your sincerity, I asked whether if I could submit a practical plan involving no more than a reasonable risk that might ultimately return me my stolen estates, you would be prepared to join me. You've heard my plan. I ask you now, are you my friend or aren't you? Are you with me or not? Well, since you put it that way... All right, Tom, we're with you. Really, Wildon? Let's stop arguing and start arranging your details. Really, you know, one can't help admiring this man, Vlad. One can't help feeling that such enterprise, such single-mindedness, and dogged determination are entitled for some reward. Anyhow, let's move on a few days, to 7 a.m., on the 9th of May, 1671 to be exact. And if you think that's an odd hour for such an essentially social call, then may I remind you that 17th century London was by no means the effete place it is today. Vlad, still dressed as a parson, duly presented himself at the par with the two other pseudo-uncles, introduced them to the highly flattered Mr. Edwards, and then proceeded to apologize for the non-arrival of the prospective bridegroom. Upon my word, you'd think it was his wedding today that Trev was taking with his clothes. I kept warning him he'd be late, but it made no difference. But at last, Mr. Edwards, we decided to come on ahead. Ah, so much fuss and bother over a few garments. I've never seen you... You're too hard on the boy. He always has been. Very nonsense. He'll be here within the hour, and it's only natural he should want to look his best on such an important occasion. I warrant your wife and daughter will be glad that they're respite to pay more attention to their own interests, eh, Mr. Edwards? No doubt, no doubt. Women, you know, always fussing around with clothes and fowls. Oh, well, it's no matter. The day's early. Quite. And in any case, the slight delay may be older than good. In what way, sir? I've a son, Talbot, who's been fighting in Flanders. I've heard word that his regiment has returned, and I'm expecting him home this morning. Indeed. Then why are you a rest in time? Eh, what'd I just say, sir? I say, I hope he arrives in time. Yes, indeed. So do I. A fine young man is my son. You'll like him. Could I get you gentlemen a flagging of something while you're waiting? No, no, we never indulge, do we, cousin? No, certainly not. Then perhaps we might do a short walk on Tower Hill. I think not, sir. Thank you. No? Well, then, if you really feel you must entertain us, Mr. Edwards, though I assure you there's no need. I've been describing to my cousins here the calm jewels. I rather fancy they might like to see them. I most certainly would. So would I. I'm told they're quite unique. Well, strictly speaking, you know, it's outside visiting hours. But surely, Mr. Edwards. Yes, indeed. Circumstances alter cases, as they say, though I won't see the harm in one little peep. That's very kind of you. Without a doubt, my dear sir. Step this way, gentlemen. Mind the heads on the doorway. This is where they've kept them. This is the strong room. I see why they call it so. They've been shot for the week and they've never been out through these walls. The jewels are over here, gentlemen. The casket's always locked, of course, when it's not on view. Sir, if you'll just permit me to open it, by all means. The key sticks a little sometimes. Here we are. Look at them. Now, look. What? Put them up, can't you? Do you think anyone heard you? No, of course not. Now, come on, let's get to work. Turn off that wire. That's what I'm trying to do. Oh, here, let me help you. That's got it. Where's the old man coming to? I'll soon fix him. I don't know. You're burning soon. I didn't know there was going to be any killing. I was only wounded. I had to shut him up somehow, didn't I? Richard, you go outside and keep watch in case anyone comes. Keep a special watch for young Edwards. He was one factor we hadn't bartered for. And try to look as casual as you can. If the sun does come, what shall I do? Keep him outside till we've got clear. Off you go now. All right. Come on, parrot. Every second's precious. We never hold these things. They're too big. Give me that crown. I'll see if I can cut it flat. I can manage the wire by the way, but what about the septum? Well, I have to break it into halves and stuff it on your britches. There. That's fixed up hard anyway. I'll be able to get that under my jacket. How are you feeling about that septum? It's no good. It's too solid. Well, I'll have to file it then. It'll take too long. Stop arguing. Hold that end while I get to work. Hold it firmly, you fool. Hurry, Tom, hurry. I'm doing the best I can. Who's that? Oh, it's all right. Johnny Richard. What's the delay? It's this cautioned septum. You'll have to leave it. What do you mean? Someone just crossed the guard. He's coming this way. Young Edwards, do you think? Yes. Come on, let us go. But the septum! Never mind about the septum. Come on, Tom. Unless you want his daughter to be caught. Please, Tom, hurry. All right. Just pass him on the way out. So remember, walk by quietly and calmly as though nothing were amiss. Don't attempt to hurry you out of all kinds of suspicion anyway. Oh, you're quite sure you can't see the crown in my jacket? Quite sure. You got the offer? Indeed I have. Very well then. Come on. The first touch and girl's voice. The day very nearly got through. They came opposite Young Edwards on his way to the keeper's house. And that in a civil and casual good morning. He seemed quite unsuspicious. Continuing with a leisurely pace, they passed under the shadow of the gateway. And nodded amicably to the guards as they went by. None of them had been clear. But by now Edwards had reached the house in sudden late. Stop! Stop! Stop right there! Come on! We'll have to run for it. Every man for himself. Yes, sir. Come on. Stop! Stop him and end of the cave! Unhurt as he was, Richard managed to escape in the crowd. Toastley Post parrot finally threw away the hindering orb and he too managed to get away. But Kermie Blood was not so lucky. He actually managed to mount his horse and dig in his spurs. The animal reared and slipped on the greasy cobbles. Horse and rider fell and in a moment Blood received. News of the outrage spread rapidly through the city. And the middle hour the prisoners took to the city. The night was dark. The night was dark. The night spread rapidly through the city and the middle hour the prisoners still bearing the marks of his arrest was brought before the King's advisor, Sir William Waller. Well, Colonel Blood, so you've almost tipped yourself at last, eh? Ah, you shall pay dearly for this little piece of villainy. Their jewels have been recovered, haven't they? Yes. And the old man will survive? I believe so. Then what worse can you charge me with than attempted robbery? To lay hands illegally on the crown jewels is treason, my friend. And the penalty for treason is death. Unless you're prepared to be reasonable, of course. And what do you mean by reasonable? A full and free confession might help you a lot. We should require the names of all your accomplices, of course, including the woman. I've nothing to say. Oh, come, Colonel Blood, you've never been troubled by scruples before. What can you lose? If I make any statement, I shall make it to one person only. Who's that? The King. The King? Really, my dear sir, do you think he'd be bothered with you? Very well then. I shall say nothing. Now look here, Blood. I've said I shall say nothing. And he stuck to a truth, despite blandishments and threats and promises. Not one word would he utter except before King Charles. At last, as Blood had hoped, the King learned of the prisoner's stubborn behavior. And as Blood also hoped, it made his majesty furious. So you talk to no one but me, eh? Very well. Why not? Have him brought here, Waller. But your majesty, he's a desperate man. He won't be armed, will he? No, sire, but he... And my attendance will be, I presume. So where's the danger? Let him, Waller. I'd like to meet this Colonel Blood. So you're the notorious Thomas Blood, eh? My name is Thomas Blood, your majesty. And if being notorious implies him for me, I beg to disown the label. Oh, come, fellow, come. You'll not deny you tried to steal the crown, George, will you? It were foolish to deny it, sire. And you don't regard that as an act of infamy? No, sire, since my object was not to steal, but merely to regain what is rightfully mine. You mean your sequestered estate St. Ireland? Yes, your majesty. And for the sake of a few acres and a pile of masonry, you were prepared to risk your life? Many men have risked their life for a crown before now, sire. I seem to remember an occasion when you yourself were involved. At Worcester. True, true. The point's well taken. Demi, I like you, Blood, you've spilt it. They tell me you have stultishly refused to give the names of your accomplices. Yes, sire. They are my friends. That's loyalty. I like that too. I could wish you were as loyal to your father. But I am, your majesty. I have no evidence of it. I could have killed you once, sire. Indeed. Two months ago, you were bathing in the Thames of Battersea. Oh, yes. Yes, I remember. I was desperate because of my grievances, determined on revenge. I stood no more than twenty feet from you as you were swimming. I had a loaded pistol. Why didn't you shoot? I couldn't, sire. You were my king. Is that the truth, Blood? Could I lie to your majesty? Let me prove my loyalty. Ask anything of me you like. Give me a dagger. Give me a punch it into my heart. Anything. Would you tell me the names of your accomplices if I asked you? That is not fair, sire. Would you? Yes, but I beg your majesty not to ask me. Have no fear, my friend, I shall. Why, tell me, Waller, with the misjudging firm of Blood, have you been listed once and charged against him with fraud? Really, sir? Charged with fraud? That's what I said. And those are stakes that were taken from him in Ireland. I'll see if he gets them back together with their end income. Yes, my lord. Those are my orders, Waller. Yes, sire. How can I thank your majesty enough? Come and see me sometime at court, and I'll be amply repaid. But give me due warning, won't you, so that I can put away my valuables in face-keeping. Ha ha ha ha ha! The End And that, believe it or not, was the end of the story. Thomas Blood became a favorite visitor at court, and for nine years as he walked through the streets of London, people pointed him out with awe as a man who had stolen the crown jewels but suffered no punishment for his crime. Now whether such audacity is a virtue or not, I do not know, but I do know that for once in this series I am delighted to report that the criminal got away with it. Well, it's over now, but I'll be back again soon to tell you some more of the secrets of Scotland Yard. Meanwhile, this is Tribebrook saying goodbye, and certain trees. The End
