unemployed. The Seal Book. The Seal Book. The Seal Book. Once again the keeper of the book has opened the ponderous door to the secret vault, wherein is kept the great seal book in which is recorded all the secrets and mysteries of mankind through the ages. Here are tales of every kind, tales of murder, of madness, of dark deeds, strange and terrible beyond all belief. Keeper of the book, I would know what tale we tell this time. Open the great book and let us read. Slowly the great book opens. One by one the keeper of the book turns the pages and stops. Ah, the strange story of three people who ventured into a long lost cavern, a cavern cursed by the ancient Aztecs. A tale called I'll Die Laughing. Here is the tale I'll Die Laughing. As it is written on the pages of the sealed book. It begins in one of the big old houses on Knob Hill in San Francisco. John Dayton, a huge fat middle-aged man, is laughing at a story that Dr. Smith, his personal physician, has just told him. Oh say, Doc, that's a good one. I'll remember that. You'd better remember the other things I told you too, John. I will, Doc, I will. Thanks for dropping in. That's quite all right. Bye, John. Bye. John, was that the doctor? Yes, dear. What did he say? Did he think the dizzy spells you've been having were serious? Oh, of course not. He said I'd live to be 90. He just told me to stop working so hard at the office and learn to take things easy, that's all. You have been spending too much time at the office, John. Well, I'm thinking of taking a vacation. A long vacation. Now, please excuse me, dear. There's someone upstairs in the study waiting to see me. John, who is that horrible-looking old man waiting up there for you? Well, I'll explain that later, dear. Oh, say, when Harvey gets here, send him right up to the study, will you? All right, John. Yes? Oh, Harvey, come in. Hello, Laura. John phoned. Said he wanted to see me, is he in? Yes, he's upstairs now. Laura, listen, is it about us? Oh, no. He doesn't suspect anything. This is about something else. He has a perfectly weird old man up there with him now who... Yes, I know. An old prospector named Gippy Gordon. I sent him to John. You sent him? What do you mean? Well, this Gordon came to the office last week. John was out, so I talked to him. He told me a ridiculous story about a lost Aztec treasure in a secret cave in New Mexico. I knew it was just the kind of thing that John would love, so I told Gordon to come and see John here at the house. And I warned him to be sure not to mention having spoken to me. But why, Harvey? I want John to decide to go looking for that treasure and to take us along. I don't understand. Darling, John is like a boy in many ways, but he isn't a complete fool. If he finds out about us, we'll both be out in the cold. You ought to lose this lovely mansion and all the things you enjoy so, and I'd lose my job as lawyer for the John Dayton Enterprises. Oh, I wish we could make a clean breast of it. Tell John we love each other and that... And live in a garret someplace on love and a crust of bread. No, Laura, it wouldn't work. No, no, I suppose not. What are we going to do? Suppose something should happen to John. An accident, say. Harvey, you don't mean that... Hello, Harvey, is that you? Yes, John, I'm on my way up now. Well, hurry up, old man. I've got something mighty interesting for you. Right away, John. Harvey, this is Gimpy Gordon, the prospector. Gimpy, this is Harvey Lewis, my legal advisor. How do you do? Howdy, Mr. Lewis. Harvey, I've just paid Gimpy here $5,000 for a map showing the location of a buried Aztec treasure in a haunted cave. What? Yeah. I'd better sit down on that one. Well, where is this treasure? Well, Harvey, you've heard of the Devil's Cavern, haven't you? Tremendous cave mentioned in early historical records of the Southwest, but apparently lost for the last three or four hundred centuries. Why, yes, I have read something about it. Supposed to have miles of winding passageways in which a man could wander for weeks without finding a way out. That's the one, and I found it. Well, the gist of the story is this. In 1554, a Spanish looting expedition led by a nobleman named Dominguez had acquired a great wealth of jewels and gold figurines, which Dominguez put into three small brass-bound chests. I see. Go on, John. Well, this treasure just made Dominguez greedier. A story whispered to him by an Aztec priest led him to Devil's Cave, and Dominguez and his men entered the cave only to find out they'd fallen into a trap. Well, the Aztecs attacked them, and all were killed but Dominguez. He found his way into a great central cavern about a half mile from the entrance of the cave, and in that cavern there's a natural shaft, like a well. The Devil's Well, that's the name of it. It bubbles and gurgles in a way to drive a man mad. Take it easy, Gimpy, take it easy. Well, Harvey, Dominguez reached this Devil's Well, and when the Aztecs closed in on him, he threw the treasure into the well and leaped in after it himself. So the priest sealed up the cave and put a curse on it. A curse? Oh, come now, John, you don't believe in that. No, it's true, it's true, Mr. Lewis. The curse was that nobody who went into the cave to get the treasure could ever get out again alive. They was doomed to die there. I see. But you say you went into the cave and came out again alive, so it can't be much of a curse. Oh, what it is, Mr. Lewis. It killed Pedro, my Indian, and it's still after me. I wouldn't go back there again if it was worth a million. But assuming your story is true, how could anyone find their way into the cave and out again? There's a string marking the route, Mr. Lewis. Two months ago, me and Pedro found the entrance. We tied the string to a rock and went in, letting it unroll behind us. Took us a week, it did, to find our way to the big room where the Devil's Well is, but we made it. And then what happened? Well, I had a hundred foot rope and some big hooks. We fished around in the well for the chests, and by and by, we drew one of them up. You actually fished up one of the treasure chests? Yeah. It was about so long and so wide and six inches high. I shook it and we could hear the jewels rattle inside of it. Where is it now? What happened to it? Well, when Pedro seen the chest, he grabbed for it and tried to push me into the well. Well, I ducked and Pedro got hold of the chest when all of a sudden he fell over into the well with it. What did you do? Oh, I run for it before the cave and the well could get me, too. I followed the string back and I didn't stop till I was outside. All the way I heard Pedro calling to me for help. And now, now whenever I hear the well, I hear him, too, calling to me, still calling to me. Well, Harvey, that's the story. And making all due allowances, I think it's well worth investigating, don't you? Hmm. See, it is an interesting yarn, John, and I think it would be a lot of fun to look into it, whether we find any treasure or not. Good. Then we'll do it. You and me and Laura. It'll be a vacation for all of us. No, no, no, no. What is it, Gimpy? What's the matter? He looks scared to death. The devil's well. I hear it again. It's calling me. Oh, come now, Gimpy. You're letting your nerves get the better of you. No, no, no. I hear it, I tell you. Listen. We don't hear a thing, Gordon. It's just your imagination. No, no, no. I hear it. I hear it. Gimpy. Gimpy. Help me. Save me, Gimpy. It's there. Well, I hear it. And Pedro's calling to me. I hear it. Oh, nonsense. It's just your imagination, Gimpy. It looks as if he's going to faint. Gimpy. Help me. Save me. That's Pedro in the well. He's calling to me. John, grab him. Good grief. He's dead. And now to continue the story as it is written in the sealed book. The doctor's examination showed heart failure to be the cause of Gimpy Gordon's death, not an ancient Aztecs curse. In spite of the tragedy, John Dayton went ahead with his plans with undiminished enthusiasm. Laura, his wife, protested, but Harvey added his persuasion to John's, and at last she agreed to go on the treasure hunt with them. A week later, they were ready. John's car loaded with all the necessary equipment. Harvey, I've hardly had a chance to speak to you all week. Before John comes and we start out, you must tell me, what are you planning? Why, Laura, darling, we're just going on a treasure hunt, an expedition from which I expect to return with a fortune. A fortune? From a lost cave? You're not serious. No, but I am. It'll be a fortune that I can claim for my own after we return. A very beautiful fortune. You, my dear. Harvey, you don't know what you're saying. But I do. It's the only way out. It's what I had in mind when I sent Gimpy to John in the first place. I've been thinking for a long time that John would have to have an accident. Harvey, I'm afraid. You mustn't be. Just leave everything to me. I'll know what to do when the time comes. And when we get back, we'll be able to be together always. Yes, yes, I know. But suppose someone suspects. No one will. After all, on an expedition of this kind, accidents are bound to happen. No one will be able to prove a thing against us. And just imagine how Gus Wilson and Duck Arnold will look when we invite them over and show them a couple of chests full of old Aztec jewelry. Their eyes will pop right out of their heads. John, for heaven's sake, stop laughing. I can't stand it anymore. Oh, what do you mean, stop laughing? Why, Laura, what's wrong with laughing? I like to laugh. And when I die, I hope I'll die laughing. Well, if you don't stop it, John, I'll die. After that, all three were silent as they drove. The afternoon of the second day, they turned off the highway and carefully following Gimpy's chart, threaded their way through a series of narrow canyons until they reached a spot between two towering cliffs. Beside a great black rock, gaped the dark mouth of a cavern. John directed the unloading of the car, then he led the other two a few feet into the mouth of the cavern until he found there the end of a slender white string that led into the cave, losing itself in the darkness. Look, there's the string. Well, was old Gimpy Gordon telling the truth or not? Certainly looks as if he was. We're not going to explore the cavern now, are we? Let's wait until morning. Oh, nonsense, my dear. Now is as good a time as any. Harvey, you and Laura, go ahead with your flashlights. Laura can carry the rope and you carry the food. And I'll bring the grappling hook. All right, John. Ready, Laura? Now, wait just a second. I ought to try this little special device I brought along to make sure we don't get lost. A bottle with a sprayed top and a colorless liquid in it. Why don't get it, John. What's that for? I told you. It's to make sure we don't get lost. Now watch. I'll spray some of the ink in this bottle on the wall of the cavern. There. Now I've sprayed a spot on the wall. Now, shine my flashlight on it. Well, I don't see a thing. That's because the ink is a special invisible type. You see, the ink only shows up when you look at it through special glasses. Now, here, Harvey, put on these colored glasses. All right, John. What do you see? George, you're right. The ink has a greenish glow when you look at it through the glasses. You see, it works. I'm going to use this bottle to spray the ink on the walls of the cave and it'll mark the proper passage. Oh, John, you always have to amuse yourself with something silly like that, don't you? It isn't silly. It'll give us a double check on the right route so we can't get lost. Now, you two start. I'll bring up the rear and every ten feet I'll squirt a little of this stuff on the wall. Then we won't have to worry about Gimpy's string. Uncertainly, the little party groped its way forward through winding passageways that opened constantly into dozens of other passages. They would have been lost in no time but for the slender white string that led them ever deeper in the echoing depths. Half an hour later, they came out into a great chamber far below the surface. Huge stalactites hung from the ceiling, glistening damply in the beams of their flashlights. They advanced a little way into the underground chamber and put down the ropes and other equipment they were carrying. A low gurgling and moaning of water echoed through the cavern. That's the sound Gimpy mentioned, Harvey. It means we've reached the Devil's Well. Look, over here. A round opening in the floor of the cavern. Yes, this is it, all right. John, be careful. Don't worry about me, Laura. You stay there with our equipment, if you like. Say, water isn't gurgling anymore. No. Oh, but Gimpy said it came and went. Must be an underground stream causing it. Say, Harvey, shine your light down here. Let's see how deep it is. Hmm, a hundred feet at least. And to think there's a fortune down under that water. All right, George, before we go back, what do you say we drop the grappling hook down and see what we can find, huh? Now? Yeah, sure. All right, John, I'll admit I'm kind of curious myself. Harvey, get me the rope and the grappling hook, will you? We may bring up one of those chests the first try. Of course, John, it won't take a second to try our luck. Laura, have you got the rope there? Yes, right here. Harvey, you're not going to do it now? Yes, yes, I am. There's no sense in waiting. We'll be out of here in 30 minutes, free to live our own lives just as we wish. Have you got that rope yet, Harvey? It was tangled, John. I'm bringing it now. Just keep your nerve, Laura. It'll be all over in a minute. All right. Here's the rope, John, and the grappling hook, too. Oh, fine. Just give me a hand with it. Harvey, what are you doing? Just giving you the rope, John, but not quite as you expected. Yeah. Now try to move your arms. Well, I... You've bound my arms to my sides, Harvey. What's the meaning of this? I'll tell you what it means, John. It means that you're about to die. Die? Have you gone crazy? You fool. Why do you think I arranged this silly treasure trip anyway? You arranged it? Why, I arranged it. That's what you think, but you're wrong. Old Gimby Gordon came to me first with his ridiculous story, and I passed him on to you. I knew it would give Laura and me the opportunity we needed to get rid of you. Laura, is this true? Are you in this with Harvey, this murder plot? Harvey, hurry. Please hurry. Oh, so it is true. You two brought me here to kill me, and I thought... What a joke on me. You won't think it's a joke for long. Look at him just a minute. You're going down in that well, John. The story we'll tell is that you got tangled in the rope, tripped and fell in. If anyone comes to fish out your body, John, it was an accident. If anyone comes to fish up my body. Oh, that's a joke, Harvey. You don't know how good a joke it is. But you will. You will. Harvey, make him stop laughing. Make him stop laughing. Now make him stop. Goodbye, John. He laughed. He laughed when you pushed him, Harvey. He always said he'd die laughing, and he did. He did. Laura, put yourself together. It's all over now, do you hear? It's all over. Yes, Harvey, I'm all right. Let's get away from here. Let's get out of here. No! Let's go. And now to continue the story as it is written in the sealed book. Laura and Harvey, with a guilty feeling in their very souls, started back to the entrance of the cave, following always the trail of the slender white string. But their progress seemed so slow, all too slow in their hurry to get away from what they were leaving behind in the Devil's Well. Harvey, hurry. Can't you go any faster? No, Laura, I don't dare to. If I tried to go any faster, the string might break and the... What is it? Why have you stopped? Come to the end of the string. What do you mean you can't have? We're not anywhere near the entrance yet. The string ends here. It's tied to a piece of rock. No, no, it can't end here. It must be broken. Look for the other end of it. Oh, here's the rest of it, neatly coiled up on this ledge. And here's an envelope underneath it. A fresh white envelope. It was John. It's one of John's jokes, that's it. Quick, what does it say? Dear Laura and Harvey, for some time I've known what was going on between you two. It's time you were both taught a lesson. When old Gimpy Gordon came to me with his story, I saw my way clear to do so. And I have worked out a plan. A plan that will be in operation when you read this letter. This is my plan. As we enter the cave, I shall send you two on ahead. I shall follow and remove the string from the entrance of the cave to the point where you find this letter. After we have reached Devil's Well, I shall contrive somehow to slip away from you two, leaving you alone together. Oh no. You will of course follow the string back toward the mouth of the cave. But when you come to the end where this letter is, you will be forced to stop. So John planned this. He wants to kill us. No wait. I shall be able to find my way in and out of the cave by means of the special luminous ink, which I shall spray on the walls as I go in. My colored glasses will enable me to see the ink, where your eyes will see nothing. I shall leave you alone in the cave for twelve hours. And if at the end of that time you can still stand the sight of each other, I shall cheerfully step out of the picture. Oh no. For during those twelve hours, you should get well acquainted with each other's true character. What a beast he is. You ask why I do this. Because Dr. Smith has told me that at best I can hope to live not more than six months. No. And under the circumstances, I don't much care what happens. My little joke on you is all the punishment I care to inflict. At least you'll always remember that a man is not a fool just because he likes to laugh a lot. Signed John Dayton. That's all of it, Laura. Harvey. Harvey, listen. He's laughing, Harvey. He's laughing at us. Oh, stop it, Laura. It's just your nerves. You've got to get a hold of yourself or we'll never get out of here. We never will, Harvey. That's why John laughed when you killed him. That's why he's laughing now. Laura, pull yourself together. He played a joke on us. And now he's laughing. Laughing. Are you fool? We're going to get out of here. I tell you, we are. We're not. We're not. Never in a million years. We are, I tell you, the same way John planned to get out. He marked the walls of the cabin with special luminous ink, didn't he? Well, those marks will lead us out, too, do you hear? They'll lead us out. No, no, they won't. You have to have special glasses to see it. Yes, but we'll go back to the well where we left the equipment and get the glasses. And then we'll be all right. Oh, no, we won't. That's why he's laughing. Because he had the glasses in his pocket when you pushed him into Devil's well, Harvey. He has them in his pocket now. And that is the tale of vile die laughing, as it is written in the sealed book. For days, Laura and Harvey wandered through one corridor after another, seeking the entrance of the cave. John's laughter echoed in their ears, as time and time again they ran into blank walls. Weeks later, a searching party found their bodies lying a scant hundred yards from the entrance of the cave. And now, keeper of the book, before you close the great book, show us the tale we tell next time. This one. Ah, yes. Why, this is amazing. It's the tale of a mad killer who lived alone in a great country house. That is, until two murderers came to live with him. A tale called Design for Death. Be sure to be with us again next time, when the sound of the great gong heralds another strange and exciting tale from The Sealed Book. The Sealed Book, written by Bob Arthur and David Cogan, is produced and directed by Jacques McGregor.
