Here's another in NBC's great parade of new shows. Now Dick Powell as Richard Diamond, private detective. Hello there, this is Diamond. You know this business I'm in can get pretty silly sometimes. I go along for a whole month and get by on nothing but meals at the automat and a dozen laughs a day. The funny ones usually pay just as well as the tough ones, but eventually somebody starts something that's about as funny as an open grave. So then I put on a long face and start carrying my 38. I don't worry about those times because I don't think about them. I just know they'll be around and I know I won't have to bother about it unless I get my hundred a day in expenses. That's the equalizer. As long as I get that ever loving loot in my little hot hand, Lucifer can walk in with a machine gun and I'll arm wrestle him for the price of a hot dog. Last week I stopped in the middle of a real yoke and realized that I'd been giggling over time. That's right. The cycle had caught up with me and the label on my future had changed from fun time to trouble and no guarantee as to the date of expiration. What started all this? Well one morning on 53rd Street, a couple of guys were just pulling up in front of a garage. This the garage? Yeah. Let's get in. Here comes a guy. Yeah. This is big luck for us. The guy coming is the guy I want. I don't want to should see me yet so you keep talking to him and I'll get out this side. Tell him to look at the motor or something. There's something I can do for you mister. Yeah. Take a look at the motor. It's been missing. Sounds alright. It don't drive like it sounds so take a look at it. Okay sure. Race it once. Huh? I said race it once. He don't hear so well. Huh? Hello Billy boy. Where did you come from? How did you get here? One at a time Billy. I came in the car, got out the other side. You're looking good Billy, real good. What do you want? How did you find me? Can't you ask just one simple question? You get so all mixed up Billy. Love, leave me alone please. Sure Billy, I'll leave you alone. All alone you louse. I'm on detective agency, our 30 day test revealed that not one single case of throat irritation was due to strangling. Oh Rick, you're awful. Oh how can you say that? I'm lovely, I'm engaged, now you steal wool. Oh you idiot. Ah you Pete. Hello honey. Hi. Am I going to see you tonight? Sure, what do we do? You get here about eight, I'll think of something. Oh let's stay in, I've got that awful broke feeling again. Oh is business bad Rick? Well it's pretty bad but it gives me a chance to get some exercise. Yeah I found a Japanese beetle in the desk the other day, been giving me judo lessons. I'll just pretend I didn't hear that. Don't knock it, vaudeville's on the way back. Leave it alone, let it live. Helen. I'll see you about eight. Wait a minute honey, I think I forgot to shut something off, people are running in. Clients? I'll find out. Oh would one of you gentlemen mind dropping a few hundred dollar bills on the floor? Well? I'll call you right back, I don't think there's spendthrift. All right Rick, bye. Bye honey. Well now lads, what can I do for you? Your name's Diamond? Yeah, would you mind closing the door? I've got a beetle that'll break my arm if he catches cold. Hey this guy's screwy boss. Shut the door like he says. You got a beetle, huh funny man? Yeah, I'll bet you eight to five he can throw you. Well if you have got a beetle he must be running around in your head but I ain't got time to find out. You know something, I don't think we're gonna get along. You may be right funny man, it depends. On what? On whether or not you turn the bundle over to me. Look rockerhead, if you're looking for your laundry you got the wrong bin. I don't like the way this guy talks. Well but first we ask him nice. We want the bundle funny man. You just said that. I say it again for you, then if you don't get it I make you understand. Like how? You couldn't point out Clyde Beard in a lion cage. Here it is, now try hard. I want the bundle. I know this will throw you but what bundle? It's gonna be difficult for us. Shut up. Look Shamus, some of my friends think I'm kind of good natured but sometimes I fool them and get nasty. You should be ashamed of yourself. You want to know what bundle? I tell you, maybe you snap out of it. The bundle the dame gave you, the two hundred thousand. Two hundred thousand? Two hundred thousand what? Girdles? That does it. Vern, see why the Shamus is lying. Now wait a minute buster, you go on the muscle with me and I'll tear off your biceps and stuff them in your fat face. Vern. Yeah? Oh nuts, why is it that thirty eight always changes my mind and I want it to be so viral? I'm gonna use this gun unless you tell us where you got the two hundred thousand. Now this is getting silly. No it ain't. It's getting bloody see. Now what's going on? I told you funny man, I want what you got. Well what I got hurts and you're welcome to it. You sure asked for it though. Come on, you save your head from getting squashed and me and Vern save a lot of time where you got the dough. Look I didn't know what you were talking about when you started and I'm just as stupid now. You are that funny man. Vern. Hey wait now. Oh. A gun barrel can cut you up pretty bad. You want to see how bad or do you want to tell us? You think I like the massage? I tell you I don't know what you're talking about. I don't like to be kept waiting you. I don't like it none see. Now you spill your guts or my boy chops you up like hamburger. Open your yap and sing, sing you hear me? Okay but you won't like it. I can't begin to tell you. Close his lousy mouth, close it good. I knew you wouldn't like it. Now funny man you got a wise crack. You gonna still make like a hero? Answer me funny man or I step on your face. Boss. Shut up. But boss. Yeah yeah yeah what do you want? He don't hear you. He's out. Huh? Oh. Well what did you saten so hard for stupid? Maybe you turned him off for good. Nah. He'll be around in a couple of minutes. Then I can work on his ribs. He'll tell us where he's got the dough. Ah I don't know, I don't know. You don't know what? He's got the dough you sure know that. Yeah the dame says she give it to him. You think maybe she crossed you? You think she skipped? I think maybe we better find out. This shamus is pretty stubborn and pretty clean. I think we find out. How? You watch I'll search the joint then we'll get out of here. What about the shamus? Ah you'll make it alright. I want him around for a while. So we find the dough you can put him back to sleep. Mr. Diamond. Mr. Diamond. Mr. Diamond wake up. Ah it's alright honey I'm not coming in. Mr. Diamond wake up. Mm hmm. Oh oh oh. Oh what a nice sweater. How do you feel? Ah a quick comparison might be a garter snake and a log jam. You don't look very comfortable. Why don't you sit up? Afraid my eyes might fall out. Better? Yeah yeah. No any shaggy dog stories I could use a laugh. How did you get like this? It wasn't easy. How long have I been here? I just came in. I was going to call the police when you started mumbling. Mumbling? Yeah she said something like oh it's not so late honey. Why don't I come in for a drink? You must have been dreaming. I'm glad I woke up. She probably didn't have a drink in the house anyway. Pardon me honey but I gotta run some water over my bumps. You don't look so bad considering. Oh considering what? Do people get run over by trucks every day? When you start feeling better I'd like to talk business. Well with business I straighten right up. What's on your mind? Oh that sweater. I want you to guard something for me. Why you're the type that goes bare honey with a switch. Is that supposed to be nasty? Take a guess. I just get mauled up by two gorillas and before they get nasty they mention some dame and some money and you know anything about it? Why should I? Well I wake up and there you are. I thought maybe you'd stop by to see if the boys get a gold star for the work. I don't know anything about it. Now do you mind if I sit down? No no I'm sorry I haven't got anything more comfortable. The termites just walked out of my couch. What do you want guided lover? I can't tell you what it is but it's in a locker at the 42nd street subway. I want you to pick it up and keep it with you until I call for it. I get a hundred a day in expenses and I don't know what I'm doing the fee looks like a skyrocket. It's five hundred dollars. When I pick up the item you get five hundred more and I'll be back in two days. Well I was going to start looking for the guys who gave me this headache but a thousand dollars makes me impatient. You got the key to the locker. Yeah right here. By the way do you work nights Mr. Diamond? Well not in the office. Don't you think I don't know your name? You get the item and I'll introduce myself in two days. And I do keep a drink in the house Mr. Diamond. She got up then and walked out of the room like Eve with half an apple. I put some iodine on my face and headed for the 42nd street subway. All the way down I kept thinking about those two mugs who'd worked me over and for the life of me I couldn't guess why. I didn't know it then but if I could have guessed it probably would be for the life of me. I reached the subway and went down. I found the locker, opened it, reached in and pulled out a small black leather bag with a lock on it. Out of curiosity I tested the weight and finally decided I must be guarding a sack full of spiderwebs. I tucked it under my arm and turned to go but sometimes things don't always work out the way you plan them. Okay Chalmers let's have the bag. Oh what am I ever gonna make eagle scout? I should have smelled something hell over. I'm in a hurry. If you're wisecrack you get dead. Give me the bag. Where's your friend out collecting heads? I guess I gotta kill you. Well guess again here's the bag. Okay I should make a hole in you just because you ain't honest. You had the dough all the time. You mean in that bag? Oh now don't tell me it ain't in it. Well if it is Buster it's all in one bill. Feel the weight. Hey it is too light. Why you lousy no good gumshoe. This time I don't play around. If Frank wants that dough you're gonna show me where it is. Oh I wish you'd get yourself a twenty two of those big guns Mcdents in my bag. I'm gonna count three and you're gonna tell me where the dough is or I'll kill you all over the place. You couldn't make it a hundred could you? It's so much fun when you pass fifty. Be funny. You're only killing one guy. One? This never happened when I went on extra closing. Two? Oh now wait a minute Lord. You look. It's your last chance. Drop it Byrne you're boxed up. Hey who's that? The Marines. Why you dirty... Rick, Rick are you all right? Oh Walt I know you're bashful about these things but you're gonna be kissed. Oh now stop that. Modus have your boys keep the crowd back. All right all right keep back. What about the gunner? You shot him good lieutenant. Well I'm glad you noticed. Now what about him? He's dead. How did you find that out? Twenty questions? Oh yeah well I guess we saved your life this time. Well I hope I can do the same for you sometime sergeant but science will hate me. Oh now don't you start blubbering again Modus. I couldn't stand it. Go get the wagon like a good boy. Okay lieutenant. Now what's this all about Rick? Believe me Walt I don't know. How did you get here? We got a call from a dame about ten minutes ago. Said you were coming down here and some guy was gonna kill you. Well well well. Now don't you well well well me. I want to know what this is all about. Let's get on the headquarters and I'll tell you just what I know. Rollie you coming? You mean you're going to cooperate? Certainly. Oh Oldess. What's the matter Walt? I feel a little faint. Would you mind helping me up the stairs? I think I've been working too hard. Walt and I left the subway and headed for the fifth precinct police station. On the way over I told him about the girl and about the two hoods who had worked me over in my office. When we reached the station he shoved the rogue's gallery at me and I started going through the miles of photographs. Well the guy we shot in the subway was one Vern Geronda. Small time torpedo but we can't find out anything else. Can't you find the other one in any of those pictures? Well I've looked through them all. All I know is his name is Frank. Maybe he hasn't got a record. Here try this stack. Dates back to the year one. Well you can bet on one thing Walt. The girl who called you was the girl who was in my office. She was the only one who knew I was going down to the locker in the subway. But how did she know this Vern Geronda was going after you? Well she must have known he was going to tail me and that he was after something. Something that could have been in that black bag. It was a plant because she knew it was empty. I think she'd planned that when this Vern caught me with an empty bag he'd get rough enough to shoot and if you were there you'd have to stop him. You mean she wanted him dead? Well that's my guess. Dead or in jail but out of the way. That two hundred thousand's probably behind it. Well you find something? Yeah. This is the other guy who came into the office. Yeah let's see. Hey what do you think you're doing? What's the matter with you? This is the man. You're crazy. Now you listen to me if you're trying to start one of those routines again. Oh now wait a minute. You asked me to pick out the hood that was in my office and this is the boy. A little younger maybe but you know darn well I wouldn't make a mistake on identification. This is screwy. This is ridiculous. Where's my bicarbonate? Oh what is wrong with you? Rick that's Frank Purcell and he's been dead for two years. Dead? Oh wasn't he the guy who went over a 50 foot cliff with his whole gang? That's right the car burned. The only guy they didn't find in the wreck was Billy Crump. He disappeared completely. Well this one got out of it too and stayed around long enough to pay me a visit this morning and his first name was Frank. It's impossible. The boys chased them right after the hold up and shot out one of their tires. Watch the car go over and saw it turn. Didn't they knock over the payroll at the Martin shipyard? Sure got away with two hundred. Two hundred thousand dollars. Lieutenant. Huh? Oh yeah what is it? On that killing down at the garage. That that guy was just identified as being one for armed robbery. Killing? Yeah pretty bad. Somebody shot up a guy that worked in the place. Who was it? His name was Crump. What? Yeah Billy Crump. He stuck up some shipyard about two years back. Oh shut up. I was only telling you. Okay okay what else honor? He has a wife, lives on 64th street, apartment 205. That's all. Don't just stand there you apple head go get the car. Oh oh yeah little thing. Come on Rick. I'm waiting. All right. All right I apologize. Oh you really don't have to Walt. I was as confused as you were. Was? But you're not now? No I don't think so Walt. But let's get over to see Mrs. Crump. She can do a lot of straightening out. I hope Mrs. Crump is in. Oh I forgot to tell you lieutenant. She calls herself Stuart. Mrs. Edna Stuart. What? Yeah her husband used her alias instead of Crump. Oh well that's all right sergeant. Maybe when you start pounding a beat again you'll think of those little things. Uh 205 wasn't it Walt? How about it sergeant? It was 205 wasn't it? Oh yeah lieutenant 205. That was it. I remember. I might make a few more. Shut up. Hold it down. I'm sorry. Hold this. Yeah lieutenant. Shut up. Here it is Walt. I'll give it a knock. Go ahead. Hmm looks like no score. Try the door. Why Walt without a warning? Now don't you start that again. If Frank Purcell is still alive we're going to grab that 200 grand. We've got to work fast. Besides I'm not trying the door. You are. Well it's open, unstained and honest. I suppose you'd like me to tell you something. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? I suppose you'd like me to trip you just so you can say you fell in by mistake. Aw come on. Pick up your big feet Otis. That would be hard even for Sampson. Oh yeah. Now you listen to me wise guy. I'm getting sick and tired to do. Oh holy cow it's a body. Rick, how about it? Quite. Mrs. Crump. Mrs. Crump. Mrs. Stewart. The girl in my office this morning no difference. I figured she might be the one in your office when I heard Crump had a wife. She must have had the 200 grand and Purcell killed her for it. Well, you can bet the cash wasn't in the apartment because she was too smart to keep it here. There are no signs of a struggle. And the way she's lying, she was probably sitting at this desk. Right and pat on the desk, Lutton. Keep your paws off of it. She was writing something. Went through to the bottom sheet. Numbers. Otis, start casing the place and have a conscience when you pass the icebox. Okay, Lutton. Too many numbers for a phone. Walt, Walt, what are we looking for? Purcell and the 200,000. Okay, now we don't know where Purcell is, but that 200,000 had to cool off until Crump could spend it. So? Now, where would be the safest place to keep that much cash? The numbers. Safety deposit box. You have just won yourself, Sergeant Otis. I should cut my throat first. Now, it's a cinch Purcell has gone down to the safety deposit box. Eh, I found a couple of plane tickets, Lieutenant. And it looked like they'd started to pack. Yeah, let me see them. Ah, two for Mexico City and good for the first. That ties in. Would you mind whispering in my ear, or am I asking too much? Walt, when Mrs. Crump came to my office, she made it very clear she'd be back in two days. That's the first of the month. I don't know how long she'd been there before I woke up, but she was interested in my office and she was coming back in two days. Now, if she wanted to hide something, the best place would be somewhere that had already been searched. Uh, Otis, you think you could dig up a safety deposit box under the name of Crump or Stewart? Here's the number. I can try, Southfellow. Now, Walt, if Frank Purcell did kill the girl and then headed for the deposit box, I don't think he found much. And the only other person that Mrs. Crump contacted and that he suspects is, uh, yours truly. Uh-huh. And he'll tail you, or worse. I hope so. But I want ten minutes alone in my office before he catches up. Now, Otis, get going and call me at my place. Right. Now, Walt, I'm gonna walk around for about half an hour and see if I can pick up a tail. Then I'll lead him to my office. I'll get there at, uh, exactly 2.30. You'll get there ten minutes later. I think I'm gonna need help. I still wish I knew what you were up to. Now, as soon as Otis finds that deposit box and tells me that Mrs. Crump was at the bank around 11 this morning, I'll tell you the whole thing. And if I'm lucky enough to stay alive, you'll have Frank Purcell to fill in the details. I left Walt and started walking. If Purcell was after me, he was too smart to let me spot him, so I just kept going until I'd used up the half hour. And I was on my way up to my office. Purcell wouldn't follow right away, so that gave me the ten minutes I wanted. I went in and looked around. Nothing had changed. Desk, chair behind and chair in front. Small closet with sink, hat rack, bookcase. I went to work in the bookcase first. Nothing. So I took the desk apart. I kept going. Closet, under the rugs. Still nothing. I took a breather and tried to reason it out. If I had suspected something in the beginning, where would be the last place I'd look? Something I never used. I didn't have a vacuum cleaner, so that was out. Then I remembered something. Something the girl had said that morning. Do you work nights, Mr. Diamond? I looked up at the big light bulb hanging from the ceiling. A little Walt lost weekend, but it was worth a try. I walked over and snapped on the light switch. Ah, score for Diamond. With the light on, the bulb became transparent, and lying at the bottom, I could see the outline of a large bundle. I forgot to smile because the footsteps coming up at the hall sounded like company. I turned off the light, went over to my desk, and sat down with a very comfortable 38 between my legs. Well, good afternoon, Rocker Boy. Did you forget your bucket of blood? I forgot something, sure, funny man. I forgot to leave you dead. You don't look so unhappy. You tried. I've been getting a big run around all day, so I brought me something to slow things down. You want to see it, or do I keep it in my pocket? If it's a mouse, I'll scream. In this pocket, I got six ways to kill a louse. If you ain't seen a louse, just grab a mirror. Oh, my George, my George. That was a good one. What's the matter? Was the deposit box empty? Oh, you know about that, do you? I figured you was working with a dame. Well, you got a silent partner now. You're right. Last time I saw her, she was speechless. I'm going to do the same for you, funny man, but I make a deal. You say no, or even maybe, and I'll kill you where you sit. You say okay, and I'll let you keep going till you choke on one of your jokes. You tell me if I'm right, and I'll give you a quick answer. You've been after Billy Crump ever since the shipyard robbery because he got away with the money. You finally found his wife, and she got scared. She bought two tickets to Mexico. How'm I doing? Great. You tell a good story. When Mrs. Crump saw all that lovely cabbage, she got greedy. She got a hold of you and made a deal. Yeah, she was a pretty smart chicken. I knock off her husband Billy, and she splits the dough with me. And if I guess right, at 11 o'clock this morning, while you were killing Billy Crump, she was grabbing the 200,000. So that's how it goes. But after we rubbed out Billy, she called and said the dough was planted with you. She wanted the dough herself. She used me to lead you to the subway. Right. Where were you? Upstairs. I figured something was up. Well, nice little plot. You kill her husband, the cops kill you and your torpedo, and bless her little heart, she winds up in the pot of gold. Now, she winds up dead. The dough wasn't in the box, so she planted it somewhere. We saw her coming in here after we worked you over. Now, I think she stashed the bundle here while you was out cold. So, do I get it, or do you die? What are you gonna do about that big, bad policeman outside the door? I'm gonna laugh at him, because he ain't there. Walt, stop snooping. Come on in. Hi. Well, what do you know? You wasn't kidding. This might mean a promotion, Purcell. You wanna turn around and be a good boy, or do you want it the hard way? I stay the way I am. You're in a tough spot, Mr. Copper. If this funny man's a friend of yours, he's gonna get it the minute you try your luck. Rick? Yeah, Walt? He's got a point. I might be lucky and get him just right, but it's a long shot, and if I miss, he'll pull the trigger on you. You're pretty smart for a copper. Walt? Yeah? The way it looks, we could be here all night unless somebody gets shot. That's the way it looks. What do you think, Purcell? Like I said, the cop guns me, I gun you. Silly, isn't it? It'd be a lot sillier if I had a gun. Funny man, that would be a riot. Well, start laughing, pal. You sure ruined that desk. I couldn't help it. With the gun between my knees, I move, he shoots. Had to try it right through the desk. What are you sweating for? Me? I could use you for a shower. How's Purcell? Unhappy. How about it, Purcell? I ain't giving odds. Hey, funny man, you know something? You ain't so funny. Uh, get the phone, Walt. Yeah? Lieutenant? Oh, no. Yeah? I found the box. The crump damn was in the bank at 11 o'clock this morning. I found it pretty quick, huh? Hooray for you. Wait a minute. Rick, you were right about the... Hey, where did he go? Who, Lieutenant? King Kong. Now you get your big fat head over here. Lieutenant. What is it? Okay, if I turn on the side ring. Oh. Here's the iodine and bandages, Miss Helen. Oh, thank you, Frances. Stop squirming, Rick. Oh, honey, I know what's coming when I leave here. I'm gonna look like an advertisement for a snappy funeral. You baby. It's just a little iodine and bandages. Oh, get her. You use enough iodine to stain an elephant. And so much bandage, you could roll up a herd of mummies. All right, then get infected. I am infected. Now, Rick, stop that. Come here. I've had a tough day. I've been beat up, shot at, and been insulted by Sergeant Otis. I... I need some relaxation. I want to play. Uh, should I leave, Miss? You stay right where you are. I think there's a wolf loose. Uh, Frances. Yes, Mr. Diamond? Have you studied your lessons on how to be a private detective? Oh, yes, sir. I'm up to chapter eight. But have you read chapter eight yet? Well, no, sir. Oh, that's too bad. I was gonna give you some first-hand advice on that chapter tonight. Oh. Oh, I'll go read it right away, sir. May I, Miss Helen? Go ahead, Frances. I can't win. Oh, this will be jolly. No, come here, you. Rick, stop it. Get away from that piano. No! You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy. Come on, come on. Well, you know what they say about music soothing a savage beast. You don't like it? You sing something. Oh, what for? You don't even look a little wild. Sing something. I'll get as wild as you want. Oh, now there's a statement. Go on. All right. Little girl, you're the one girl for me. Ruff! Little girl, you're as sweet as can be. Ruff! Just a glance at you meant love from the start. And oh, what a thrill came into my heart. Little girl, with your cute little ways, I am yours for the rest of my days. And this great big world will be divine. Little girl, when you're mine, all mine. Okay, honey, now get wild. All right. Come here. Ah, a little wilder. There you go. And I'd like to ask your opinion. It is in chapter eight that Hamas... Oh. Well, look at that. And I'm not blushing. Oh, I must be getting used to it. You have just heard Richard Diamond, Private Detective starring Dick Paul. Helen was played by Virginia Gregg, Lieutenant Levinson by Ed Begley. Also in our cast were Wilms Herbert, Gene Bates, Robert Carroll, and Ted D'Courcier. Music was under the direction of Frank Worth. Richard Diamond is written by Blake Edwards and directed by Richard Sandville. Now here is Dick Paul. Say, ladies and gentlemen, if you've been enjoying our show, and I sure hope you have, be sure to listen on Monday evenings, beginning October 3rd instead of Saturday. Did you get that? Beginning October 3rd, we will be heard on Mondays instead of Saturdays. And check your local paper for the exact time. Dick Paul soon will be seen in the screen version of the best-selling novel, Mrs. Mike. The Judy Canova Show returns to most of these NBC stations next Saturday in this time period. Richard Diamond, Private Detective, moves to Monday evenings beginning October 3rd. Next week, tune in at the same time for the Judy Canova Show and hear Richard Diamond, Private Detective, Monday nights beginning October 3rd. You're tuned for the stars on NBC.
