Harry horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust, and a hearty hi-oh silver, the Lone Ranger. To this day, the masked rider of justice is famous throughout the western United States as the four crime and criminals. He was the fearless ally of the law in those early frontier days when law enforcement operated in the face of almost impossible odds. With his great horse, Silver, and his faithful Indian companion, Tonto, he risked his life again and again to bring peace to a land that knew only the rule of the six-gun. And now we return once more to those days of danger and adventure. The Lone Ranger rides again. As the Lone Ranger rode by on silver, he said that he was riding to Dawson. Doc Stubbs traveled throughout the west selling countless cases of a preparation he called snake oil. It was, according to his claim, a sure cure for almost any illness known to man. He arrived at last in the town of Dawson. And when he set up his medicine show, settlers came from miles around to enjoy the entertainment and stayed to buy his tonic. The Lone Ranger stood at the edge of the crowd beside his faithful Indian companion, Tonto. He watched the show carefully, observing Doc Stubbs' methods. I'll stand close behind you, Tonto, and if anyone comes this way, I'll be able to conceal the mask. Oh, another asking question. I should have disguised my face so I could take the mask off. Not time for that. I know it. Stubbs will be coming from inside his wagon in just a minute. Isn't that right? As soon as the entertainer's finished. Maybe we get him this time. We're going to try. It's timing which stops. He's robbed people from here to the Mississippi. My good friends and color countrymen, I don't have no intent to occupy all of your valuable time with what I got to say. A few well-chosen words won't take long. Then we're going on with the show again. What I speak for at this time is in the nature of a warning. My vast experience in addressing crowds of people between both coasts of our great country shows me that wherever there's a crowd, there's a risk. Among you here tonight, there may be crooks at work. I mean it, folks. There are strangers here, unknown to any of you. Folks who make your living picking the pockets of others who are listening to what I'm saying. Now be careful, folks. And make sure that your pockets ain't picked in the course of my entertainment. My health talk and consultation service that'll follow immediately. Watch your property, folks. And meanwhile, have a good time of listening to Doc Stubbs' incomparable entertainers. Let her go, boys! Did you see the people, Tyler? No. Many for their heel in pocket. To make sure his money was still there. And that's just what Stubbs wanted them to do. Isn't that right? They're the ones who might be robbed. Ooh, helping Stubbs. I think he has men scattered through the crowd. As nearly as I can figure it out, he lets these men see whose pockets are worth picking. Then has them picked. Well, Sneed, was you where you could watch folks while I made that speech? Yeah. I just got done observing them. I seen a half a dozen that looked likely. But one that was more likely than the others. Yeah? I asked who he was. It's Jim Kendall, boss of the Bar K Ranch a few miles north of you. Mmm, that sounds good. I seen him pummel with a money belt that looked mighty heavy. And this is the time when the cattlemen get paid. Maybe he's got all his cattle money with him. Stubbs, why don't you let me just lift the belt from him? That'd save a lot of bother. No, sir. That's too risky, Sneed. Picking pockets ain't safe. Oh, this ain't picking pockets. It's even harder to take a man's money belt. Not for me. We stick to doing things my way. Picking pockets was all right in the east. But out here, they'd lynch us for it. Now set aside them special medicine bottles. Oh. And make sure you hand some to Jim Kendall. You can point him out to me as I start selling. Now we've got to get ready. The music's most done. Quiet down. Quiet down. That ain't all, gents. We got more. We got more music, more dancing, and more things to show you. But first, I want to take this opportunity to bring relief to them that suffers. Hair to them that's bald. Comfort and health to all the ailing. Folks, right here in this small bottle is the world's greatest discovery. The secret of my famous snake oil tonic was lost since the earliest Egyptian days. On one of my world tours, I found the secret formula, written early Egyptian, on the inside of the tomb of Nebuchadnezzar. Yes, sirree, folks. The thing that my snake oil tonic won't cure ain't been discovered. Aches and pains, colds, lameness, rheumatism, dandruff, stomachache, headache, toothache, neuralgia, asthma, gout, and baldness. Snake oil peps you up. And it's the thing for whatever ails you. How'd Methuselah live to be a thousand years of age? Snake oil. What made Solomon so wise? Snake oil. Well, but men of your intelligence don't need convincing when they see an honest man. All I can say is try it. And if it don't do what it's claimed, your cash will be refunded cheerfully. Jim, Kendall, there's times when I wonder if you're in your right mind. Now, what's the matter, Martha? I wouldn't have minded had you fetched one bottle of that stuff for a dollar. But the idea of toting home a whole case of it. Ten dollars a dozen, Martha. I saved me two dollars. From what the doc said after looking me over, it's just what I've been needing from rheumatics. Ten dollars. But don't you see, Martha, I had to stock up on it because Doc mightn't be back this way at all. He aims to sail for the Orient when he gets to the Gold Coast. I reckon he better have to swim than everyone in this country. Besides, ain't no risk. He said if it wasn't all he claimed, he'd give back the cash. Is that so? Well, let me ask you, Jim. If you can't find him to buy more, how in Tunker do you're going to find him to get back the cash? Huh? Great ginger, I never thought of that. Ten dollars. Just because you got your cattle money, you go and spend it like it's grown on trees. Well, anyhow, if it cures my rheumatics, it'll be worth it. I'm going to try some. Have a try of it? No, I don't want none of that stuff. Say, by ginger, that stuff tastes all right. With a dollar a bottle, it should. Better have a try at it. I ain't got no rheumatics. You got aching feet. Doc said to cure most anything. All the need to cure my aching feet is the chance to sit down once or twice between sunup and bedtime. This is good. I reckon I'll have another go at it. Now, don't you take too much of that stuff. First swig was from a rheumatics. This one is from Aileen Hart. Your heart. Sure. Doc told me my heart weren't so good. I'll maybe have to take the whole bottle before a bid. I've got so many things I'm ailing with. You look like you enjoyed that stuff. Tastes first rate. Better try some. Well, maybe I'd better. There you are. I've got an ache in my right arm. Maybe it'll help that. Sure it will. Maybe I should have got a couple dozen bottles while I was at it. I do declare this don't taste like medicine at all. Ain't it prime? First rate. I've got a notion it'll help Mom considerable, but... Hey, hold on. Huh? You got your cash, ain't you? Sure. Here it is. Right here in the money belt. All right, then. I hear that there were sometimes pickpockets working in a crowd. They wouldn't get me. No siree. That shows how square the doc is. He warned us to see that our cash was safe. Let me have a mite and more of that stuff. I do believe it's helping my ache. Yeah, honey. I'm down where I sleep. You should be gallivanting to that medicine show, Tom. Here. Pour your own snake oil. I'm going to bed. Later that same night, while Jim Kendall and his wife slept soundly, Doc Stubbs and Sneed approached their home. The masked man and Tonto, secretly following the two men, saw Doc Stubbs wait outside while his companion entered. Sneed was gone for only a short time, and when he returned, Doc Stubbs spoke to him. You got it, Sneed? Sure, I got it. There's the belt, and Kendall never moved a muscle. I tell you, Sneed, that snake oil that we give to money men sure makes them sleep, don't it? Sure does. He wore the belt to bed with him, and I had to take it off, but still he didn't start on it. Good. I told him to be sure to take at least a half a bottle before bedtime. There was a whole bottle drained. I seen it. Then he'd sure oversleep in the morning. Stubbs, that stuff ain't likely to poison him, is it? No, nothing like that. That'd be going too far. Now, we got a couple of more places to call on. Let me see. I reckon the next one is Mr. Ralph Jennings. He's got more cash than he knows what to do with. Come on, Sneed. On to Mr. Jennings. Wait, Tuller. Let me go get him crook. Not yet. Him take money, Mel. I know. Steal him from Kendall. Let him go, Kimo Sabe. We're going to stay right here until morning and catch Jim Kendall just as soon as he awakens. The next morning, the entire town was excited by news of the thefts. When Sheriff Lambert arrived at his office, he met Hank Jennings and half a dozen other men impatiently waiting for him. Quiet! I can't hear all of you speaking to once. Let me get into my office and speak one to a time. My cash was stolen. Look here, Sheriff Lamson. We got a thief in town. Boys, have all of you been robbed? Took me for $300. Well, hold on. We got to get some clues to work with. I already got ideas. Who? An engine. Engine? How's that? Now, look. I reckon any man here will tell you that there ain't a lighter sleeper alive than what I am. I'll vouch for that. There ain't but two things. Come into my room at night and not wake me up. One is a kitten. The other is an engine. And I seen a strange engine around town all day yesterday. Sheriff Lamson. The doc. I must see you, Sheriff. Doc Stubbs. Don't say that you've been robbed. I figured this was an honest community, Sheriff. But it ain't. I was robbed of a fortune during the night. Well, that'd be dead ready. How many mores are going to be? Well, maybe I'm wrong in judging a local man, the thief. It might be one of my own boys. An entertainer, a banjo player, skipped out during the night. Now, it might have been him. Doc, I was just telling the Sheriff here that I seen a strange engine around the town yesterday. Ah, that must be it. That must be it then. I done wrong suspecting my banjo player. He must have just got tired of working and took off. An engine, you say? That's it. We must locate him. Hi, there's an engine outside. That's him. Catch him. Grab him, boys. Let's him in here. Go and get him. What's the matter? Come on, we want you, Redskin. Rob us, will you? We'll show you. He's the one. He must be the one. If he is, he'll hang for it. The curtain falls on the first act of our thrilling Lone Ranger drama. Before the next exciting scenes, please permit us to pause for just a few moments. Now to continue our story. When Doc Stubbs entered Dawson with his medicine show, he found out which men had money, sold them drugged bottles of his tonic, then with his partner, robbed his victims while they slept. The Lone Ranger and Tonto had followed Doc Stubbs, hoping to get evidence against him. But in the meantime, Tonto was accused of the thefts and jailed. Our next scene opens in the sheriff's office. Tonto is facing his accusers. Of course you deny doing it. He done it all right, old sheriff. Me not thief. There ain't no white man could get to my bedroom and rob me and not wake me up. You might as well confess, Injun. Me not talk. Look here, Sheriff Lampson. The door to my place squeaks. I just thought of that. That'd wake me up if anyone come here. Lamb boy's got back with the engine's horse yet? No. Taint likely he'd have the loot on his horse. He's got it hid somewhere. Stubbs, suppose you let me question him and you keep your mouth shut. I'm the sheriff here. Oh, the thanks I get for trying to be helpful. Shut up! Well then, Injun, you can make things a darn sight easier for yourself if you tell where the cash is hid and return it. Me not talk. He wouldn't confess to stealing it, not even to save his life. He ought to hang. Will you let me do the talking? Now, Injun, suppose I told you you'd hang if you didn't bring back the cash and go free if you did. No. Now, you're staying there shaking your head, huh? Well, I... Sheriff, I've got to speak with you. Good morning, Mrs. Kendall. And don't tell me Jim's been robbed, too. Oh, Sheriff, it's worth a net. You better come and see the remains. Huh? There's remains? Oh, you're dreadful. I'm afraid he's been poisoned. There's some critter by the name of Doc Stubbs. Stubbs? What's that? I don't know what the critter looks like, but he's so poor, Jim, a dozen bottles of that medicine. Snake oil? Yeah, and Jim took an awful lot of it. More than was good for anyone. I bet that's what brought on the end. There's the Doc there. You. You, Doc Stubbs. You killer. You fake you. You'll swing for this. Now, now, wait. My good lady. I ain't your good lady. I'm Jim Kendall's winner. Oh. What about that, Stubbs? Is there anything in that snake oil that's poison? No, no, no. I, I told Kendall he, he was in bad shape. His, his heart. He won't ever stick in his life. Not till he's seen you. Sheriff, if that's what that snake oil does, I, oh, my sakes, I'll be dying from it. Will you come with me, Sheriff? Come and see if you don't think Jim's been poisoned. You gents will have to wait till I get back. But my cash is stolen. What about my money? All of you wait here and watch the prisoners. Stubbs, you're under arrest along with the Redskins. Me? You can't arrest me. You poisoned my husband. There's a mistake. There's a mistake somewhere. We're holding you till we investigate. Oh, this is no way to treat a visitor in your town. There ain't nothing you can charge me with. There's as much as he is to charge the engine with. I'm in favor of keeping suspects where I can lay my hands on them when I want them. Jail them, boys. Come on, Doc. You heard what the sheriff said. You can't put me in jail. This ain't legal. You can't do this to me. Who says we can't? Come on, Miss Kendall. Go have a look at your husband. We better get the coroner in our way. Listen, Sheriff. Sheriff Lampson. Ain't no use you shouting, Stubbs. He's gone. Oh, this ain't right. I got things to tend to at my camp. My things are unprotected there. What about what's left after the thieving of last night? Now you just sit there and relax. We all been robbed by that cons on Redskins. Where's my partner? Where's Mr. I mean, Dr. Stubbs? Sleed, here I am. Come over here. Oh, gosh, Doc. You're in the Calibus. Come here. I maybe better be getting out. Come here, I tell you. Boys, the least you can do for your friend Doc Stubbs is to let me speak to my assistant manager in private. Go on and speak. We're staying here to guard you and the Redskins. What I've got to say is of a personal nature. It's pertaining to my business. Would you mind stepping back from the door a little? Leave him talk, boys. After all, the Doc gave us a wave of a good show last night. Doc, is there any danger? Listen, Sneed, the main trouble would be in proving the Redskin in here with me stole the things last night. Yeah? What are you inside that cell for? Kendall's heart got him. His wife has an idea it's my snake oil that buys him. Oh, gosh. I can get out of that all right by proving this Redskin a thief. I savvy. Folks all suspect him. Now, if only some of the stolen things could be found in his belongings, that'd clinch it. Uh-huh. Maybe you could find some evidence while the sheriff's at Kendall's place. Reckon maybe I could. I'll go try. The sheriff had left with Mrs. Kendall, but returned in an hour. He was stern as men gathered around him with countless questions. What about Kendall? What killed him? How'd it happen? Now, get to find an hour cash. When'll we get our money back? Oh, quiet down, you bunch of galoots. Quiet down there. Quiet. I'll handle things as I get to them. Sheriff. Sheriff Larson. You can't pay no guilt on me. Who says I can't? What right you got to sell such stuff as that snake oil of yours? Sheriff. Hey, Sheriff. Look what I found. He's got my buckskin money bag. There's my purse. Sneak. Where'd you find that evidence? Quiet, now. Quiet. Quiet here. What's this stuff you got here? Evidence, ain't it, Sheriff? I found it all together by that engine's camp. Hmm. You did, huh? What about it, Redskin? That's not true. You can't lie out of it now, Redskin. Keep your trap shut, Stubbs. I'm Sheriff here, and I'll handle things. Uh, Sneed, you sure that's all stolen goods? Sure it is. How'd you know? Huh? I says, how do you know it wasn't the engine's own property? Oh, well, I just... I heard Jennings and a couple of the others claim them money bags. But you didn't know they belonged to them before you come here, did you? Sure he did. He seen them take cash from them money bags last night at my meeting. Didn't you, Sneed? Yeah, sure. Two things. Well, where's the cash? I don't care about the bag. I want what was in it. Reckon you'll have to make the engine tell you about that. I'll make him talk, Sheriff. Just let him out of that sail long enough for me to get my hands on him. Let me at him. We'll choke the truth out on him. He's guilty. You can see by the grin on his face. I ain't so sure about that. First of all, though, we ain't got something else to tend to. Well, Stubbs, I told you I'd seen the remains of Jim Kendall. Yeah, but... Do you claim this snake oil of yours won't hurt a man? Of course it won't. Not even if a man took a whole bottle of it? I don't care how much he took. Well, you'll have to prove that. Huh? There's a bottle of it. Drink it. What? Take it and drink it. Make the quitter drink it. Me make him drink. Me? Take your own medicine for a change. Let's see how it affects you. But I ain't ailing. You will be if you don't drink it. You take him. Now, listen here, gents. Make him stop. You take him. Look at the doc taking his own medicine. That's the ticket, Stubbs. Drink her down. Show him that you ain't afeard of it. Maybe we better give his partner a bottle of it, too. I won't take that stuff. Look at him travel. But this ain't getting back our money. I'll get around to that. When I get done finding out if Doc Stubbs has been selling poison. Make him drink it, Injun. It's all gone. Now, Stubbs drank it, all right. There's the empty bottle. This ain't right. It ain't legal. It ain't just. I'll have the law on you. I'm the law here, Stubbs. Eh, how do you feel? Oh, I'm ill. I'm a sick man. I'm dying. You, you, you shouldn't. You shouldn't. Couldn't have done it. Has he taken his medicine? You bet he has, mister. Who's the best man? Who's that? Help me, help him. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm falling asleep. Take it easy, boys. This masked man's a friend of ours. How is he, Tonto? Him be asleep plenty quick. Oh. I, I can't keep awake. You, you can't do this to me. All right, men. If you want your stolen money back, come with me. I'll show you the way. Our money back? Do what he says, boys. You need to take orders from him just as if they come from me. Go up this way. Come on, boys. The sheriff and the group of angry ranchers left the office to follow the masked man. They rode towards Doc Stubbs' medicine show, but before they'd covered more than half the distance, they saw a rider approaching them. Hey, that looks like Jim Kendall. It is Jim Kendall. But you said he was dead. I never said nothing of the sort. I said that I'd seen his remains, but I didn't tell you that the remains was the same as Jim has always been. Hi there, Jim. Oh, oh, that's the way. Now, like you said, stranger. Where's Snead? Packing things at Doc Stubbs' wagon. Packing things? Getting set to pull stakes. You better hurry if you want to catch him. But, Kendall, how is it that you're alive? Come on and ride. I'll tell you why we're going after Snead. Get up, baby. Come on, now. Get up. Get up there. Come on. The masked man, see, last night, he had to get proof on him. So when he talked to Jim this morning and explained that the medicine of Doc Stubbs made folks sleep too sound to wake him when they were robbed, Kendall agreed to his scheme. Then I was drunk last night. Sure he was. Why, that medicine? Yep. Then Kendall's wife came for me when I got to his place and found him alive and well. Him and the masked man told me what was what. We made Snead think the medicine was really poison if he took a whole bottle of it. Figured he'd take the loop and the hightail. And that's just what the coyote's doing. There he goes now, wagging it all. Come on, Silver. Come on there, Silver, old boy. We'll catch him before he gets very far. Pull up there, Snead. Let me be. You can't poison me, too. Let me alone. Come on. Gave everything away. Let me be. Let me be, I tell you. Get away from those horses. Put down your gun around. Blast it from your hand. Oh, hold it. Oh, more. Oh. Here comes the sheriff and the men you helped rob, Snead. You're under arrest. I got you now. You can't kill me like what you've done with the doc. Huh? You. What's the matter, Snead? Surprised to see me living? Kendall. Well, that medicine ain't poison, but it's sure a sleep producer. Hand over the stolen cash, Snead. I ain't got it. Come hand it over. It's somewhere in that wagon, and we're here to get it. If you don't want to go back and get lynched with the doc, let's have the stolen cash. Lynch! No, no. Don't take me back. Listen. Listen to me, Sheriff. The cash is all inside the wagon. It's all there, and all the doc stole from every other town is there, too. Take it and let me go. What's in the trunk? That's all we wanted to know, Snead. We won't take you back to get lynched. Yeah? You'll let me go? Not a chance on it. We won't take you back to hang, but we'll sure take you back to keep Stubbs' company in jail after we let Tonto go free. The story you have just heard is a copyrighted feature of the Lone Ranger Incorporated.
