Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. And now, Claudia. Hey! Hey, you two chefs in the kitchen. Did I ever get my dinner tonight? Mama, that's David calling again. I've lost my voice with this cold. You answer him. Besides, he's your husband. What did I say this time? That is your problem. You're a big help. What? No answer? Why don't you read your newspaper, darling? I have read it. Besides, I don't want to read. I want to eat. You will? When, I'd like to know. I don't know either. He's really very patient, don't you think, Mama? Patient as a man can be when he's hungry. He's usually not very patient. Honestly, losing that can opener would have to happen just tonight. Yes, when we expect company. It isn't just like life. Hey! What's taking so long? It's your turn, Mama. I knew I should have stayed in New York. The Carpenters took so long, David. The Carpenters? What on earth do the Carpenters have to do with my dinner? Everything. Hello. Don't change the subject. In words of one syllable, the Carpenters have made your dinner practically impossible. Mmm, that's nice. They left just before you came home. Would you believe it? I have to believe it. They certainly stayed late. They certainly did. Why don't you go look at the work they did while Mama and I try to open some cans? Cans? Yes, cans. Are we back to our honeymoon days? I am surprised at you, Mrs. Brown. Don't blame me. Blame your Carpenters. Honestly, Mama, he's very difficult, isn't he? No, he's just hungry, poor man. Oh, that explains it. Darling, now listen, you know how uncanful I am as a rule. But tonight we have no time to cook. Then let's not cook. Let's eat out. Oh, we can't do that either. Why not? We're expecting company. That's why not. That's something I wanted to forget. What time are they coming? Practically now. And it's not they, it's a she. No. It's our first company since we've been in Eastbrook, incidentally. Oh, quite an event. Then we'd better hurry. I will open the cans. He's just the man we've been looking for, Claudia. Just the human can opener. Now, would you ladies mind if I simply opened the cans and proceeded with my dinner? Not at all. Proceed. You know, he must be very hungry, Mama, using a word like proceed. He's beginning to look wild around the eyes. Now, please just give me the can opener and then joke all you like. The joke is, ha-ha. We can't find the spare opener. But I don't want the spare opener. Ha-ha. You don't? Ha-ha. Good. Very good. We can't find the spare. I want my can opener. The streamlined, self-lubricating, wall-bracketed can opener, the one I bought myself. I was afraid of that. Go on, get it over with. Show it to him. Come here while I choke you. Oh, wait, David. Now, what did you do with it? Doctor! What did you do with it? I didn't do anything with it. Mama, you tell him. David's pair, the child. One of the carpenters used it to cut a plank, I think. You see how it's bent? I don't think it could open a can in this condition. No. It couldn't even open a grape. I'll buy you another one, darling. Thanks, and I'll put a lock on it. Meantime, it's getting late. Our company will be here and we have five unopened cans for dinner. A pretty mess of things. David, look, why don't you run down to the hardware store on the corner and buy me a can opener? Not a bad idea. Brilliant. Except that the nearest corner happens to be five miles away. It's certainly convenient living in the country. It's a fine restaurant less than five miles from here. If we weren't having company. But we are. You haven't even told me the company's name, or is it a secret? Come to think of it, she didn't tell me. She just called out and said she was a neighbor, and could she drop in and see us tonight? I hope she's worth a can dinner. She's our first real neighbor calling on us. I want to make a good impression on her. Personally, I'd rather eat than make impressions. Now, it's obvious that you two gambling females aren't going to be any help. I will do it alone. Give me the can. Oh, the man to the rescue. Here you are. Now, how are you going to open it? I'm going to open it with my initiative. Mama, watch close. David is going to open a can with his initiative. That I am waiting to see. I will have you know that I am not dependent upon mere mechanical contrivance. That is good, because we have many around. All I need is a screwdriver and a hammer. Screwdriver coming up. And a hammer. And a hammer. Now, the object is to hit the screwdriver with the hammer and make a small hole in the top of the can. In that case, I'd better go get some bandages ready. Oh, I can't bear to look at that poor little can. Well? There we are. Can I open my eyes? Why, nothing happened. Who said nothing happened? There's a hole in the can, right there. It's just a little hole. Too bad we're not eating consomme. Now, this hole is just the beginning. David, now hurry. What time is it? Too late. There's our company. Oh, I'll open the door. At least we don't need a can opener for that. Oh, good evening. Good evening. Come in, won't you? I will, indeed. You're Mrs. Norton? I am, and this is my mother, Mrs. Brown. Good evening. Oh, what a pleasure, Mrs. Brown. And you're Mr. Norton? I am. Come right in. Well, it certainly is a pleasure to welcome you all to our little community. We're very glad to be here. Oh, won't you sit down? No, I never sit down. Oh, dear, no. I have the time for that. But you do now. Please, go on, sit down. Oh, thank you. You too, Mrs. Brown. Mr. Norton. Thank you very much. On which side of us do you live, Mrs. Norton? Me? Oh, dear, I live at the other end of Eastbrook altogether. Oh, I thought you were a neighbor. I mean, I know what you mean. But, although we are miles between us, we are neighbors. I like that. It's a nice sentiment, Mrs. Norton. You are city people, aren't you? We like to think we were. I see. Well, have you heard who I am? I'm afraid we haven't. Well, then, right off, I'll tell you. I am the happy woman. Oh, that's nice, isn't it, David? Yes, yes. Very nice indeed. You sound as if you didn't believe me. But that's only because you haven't heard about me. I guess maybe that's it. I'd better explain to you. Not many places all over this great big country of ours have a happy woman. Now, they may be called by different names, but the spirit and the thought are the same. I've come to welcome you to our happy little community. Oh, ho, ho, ho. Now I understand. Well, then, you're not really a neighbor at all. I mean, not only a neighbor. No, I'm more than a neighbor. I am the representative of all your neighbors in the community. Very convenient for the rest of the community. Am I right? Very. Now, keeping it from anything, I suppose you've had your dinner. Oh, yes. Of course. Of course, as it was. Well, at any rate, I won't keep it a second. Oh, please don't rush off. No, I just want to give you some little gifts and then I'll vanish into the night. Little gifts? No, these are the nicest presents we've had to give away in five years. We picked a good time to move up to Eastbrook, didn't we, David? But we picked a terrible time to have dinner. You know, it's taken you such a long time to move in. I must confess we've all just been dying of curiosity. So have we. Dying of hunger. Now, let's see what I have in my gift basket. I can hardly wait. Darling, would you? Ah, now the first I have is for Mr. Notting. David, for you. Well, I'm ready. Is it? Oh, here it is. Here it is. It's a fuse. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Isn't that nice as I live and breathe just what I want. Well, fuses are very handy. I knew you wouldn't refuse it. That's a good one. I hope the fuse is worth it. Oh, Mr. Notting, this is the most perfect little fuse you ever had. And it comes with a compliment of PJ Mumps. He's our hardware man, you know, in Eastbrook Center. PJ Mumps, I've seen his store. Oh, yes, right next to the hospital. You must drop in. He has an excellent line of hardware. Mama, remember that. And now a present from Mrs. Notting. Or perhaps from Mrs. Brammer. I can't decide. Oh, give it to Mama. Oh, no, by all means to my daughter, Mrs. Oh, just call me the happy woman. Well, for either one of you ladies. Oh, what luck. I have two. What are they? My dear, they're samplers from the knitting shop. The knitting shop? Oh, of course they do. This isn't the whole sampler. It's just the pattern. You do it yourself and you buy all the yarns at the shop. Mama, first thing in the morning. David, you'll come along, won't you? If you'll excuse me a moment. Just remember that I have to go to the kitchen. Oh, no, Mr. Notting, don't be in a hurry. I've got lots more presents for you. David, darling, you can be busy a little later. Oh, then they're so impatient. Oh, now here's a little present for the whole household. Well, you've done quite enough for us already. Really, you have? We couldn't accept another thing. What else have you? Mama, now with the compliments of Mr. Arnold, the very best grocer in town, a brand new chromium-plated can opener. Did you say can opener? That's what I thought I heard. I do. And if you need any cans to open with it, Mr. Arnold, the grocer will be very happy to sell them to you. Well, you thank Mr. Arnold for us. We'll be in to see him, but for tonight we have our cans ready and waiting. No, you're so appreciative and I'm so glad I came. So are we, in spite of your not really being a neighbor. And you've done me a very great personal favor, Mrs. I have? You proved to my wife that the country is much more convenient than the city. I have? Yes, in the city if she needed a can opener, she had to go to the hardware store on the corner, but here in the country the corner comes to her. David, that's true. I have done that? You have indeed. Wasn't that nice of me. Well, I'm so glad we've all met each other and that you like my little gifties. And now if you'll excuse me, I'll climb back into my little car and off I'll go into the night. Well, good night. Good night. And thank you. Good night. Good night, all. Good night. David, she's gone. Now we could go to a restaurant and have a real dinner. Go to a restaurant? Yeah. With this beautiful little can opener in the house, I should say not. Mama, he's mad. On the contrary. I wouldn't dream of insulting our first semi-neighbor who came to call and left such pretty little gifties. You're right, Claudia. He is mad. Well, brandish my trust in you can opener and say, follow me, ladies, to the kitchen. Boom, boom, boo-doo, doo, boom, boo, boo, boo, boo. To be hospitable, any dictionary will tell you is to be friendly, cordial, to receive guests with a generous display of goodwill. But the generosity of spirit mentioned by Webster's and Fung and Wagnall's needn't involve generous expenditures of hard-earned money. A gracious smile and plenty of ice-cold Coca-Cola define hospitality by anybody's standards. Well, that visit turned out to be quite a surprise, didn't it, Mr. King? It certainly was. It wasn't what and who I expected, though. At first we were all a little disappointed that our guest wasn't just a plain guest. But in the end it turned out better this way. Well, things have a way of doing that. I hope you're right. You see, I'm going to be leaving Claudia again on Monday. Going back to New York? Yes, I must. I hope it turns out best for Claudia that way. She's going to be awfully sorry to see you go. I know. I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye at the station, but, well, that's for Monday. See you then, Mrs. Brown. See you then, Mr. King. As I was about to say, every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again Monday at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola, for Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere. These programs star Catherine Bard as Claudia and Paul Crabtree as David. And the entire production is supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola.