The Cavalcade of America, sponsored by the DuPont Company, maker of better things for better living through chemistry. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is the Cavalcade of America, sponsored by DuPont. Tonight, we present a comedy melodrama, The Cook on the P.T. Boat Rides Home. William Bendix is our star, and our play is written by Frank Gabrielson. All characters and code signals used in tonight's play are fictitious. DuPont presents The Cavalcade of America with William Bendix as Joe Caldwell in The Cook on the P.T. Boat Rides Home. Nick's Diner at Main and Front Streets, January 1942. Hiya, Glamorous. Good evening, Don. What are you going to have? One hamburger special, gorgeous, and a cup of that mud pack you sell for coffee. One special, draw one. And look, Glamorous, tell Joe I want it rare. Tiger meat, Nick. Nick? Where's Joe? Isn't he working today? Well, Joe ain't here no more. Nick's doing the cooking. Joe's going in the Navy tomorrow. The Navy? What's the idea? The Navy? That's terrible. How is it so terrible about that? He's going to fight for his Uncle Sam. That's terrible? Oh, well, I didn't mean that, Nick. Only Joe's the swellest cook in this town. What's the matter with you, Saunders? Shouldn't the Navy eat good like you, huh? Why, sure, Nick, sure. You got me wrong. His swell, he's enlisting. I wish I was young enough to myself, see. How do you want your hamburg rare? Yeah, yeah, only not too rare. Oh, if only Joe was here. He gets them perfect. You want him to spend his last night here so you got hamburgs, huh? You think Joe Caldwell's nuts to spend his last night home over the hot stove? That's the prettiest sound in the world, Sally. What is Joe? A steak broiler. We need about two minutes more on that. Ah, there, the broccoli's done. Say, where's your mother keep her paprika, Sally? I want it for the baked potatoes. I'll get it, Joe. Sure was nice of you to ask me for dinner tonight, honey. It's nothing at all, Joe. No trouble. Here's the paprika. Thanks. This is my idea of heaven, messing around the kitchen with you. Oh, Joey. What's the matter, honey? I don't want you to go away. Oh, I'm coming back, honey. You and me are going to get married. Oh, Joey. And someday we're going to have that place we dream about, Sally Lou. Red leather boots and chromium and a big jukebox. Oh, gee, Joe. You make everything sound so romantic. I thought of a name for it, too. What, Joe? Joe's place. Oh, Joey. Oh, now don't cry no more, Sally. I'm going to be okay. You know, I think I'm going to like the Navy. Will you promise to ride? Sure. I'm going to try and get on a PT boat, Sally. They're all volunteers, practically, and the officers are all college guys. It ought to be a very high class bunch of appetites. And you promise to ride, Joey? Sure. And another thing with the Navy, you go lots of places. There's no harm in knowing how the other half eats. But you got to ride, Joey. You may be off you don't know where. Panama, Hawaii, the South Sea Islands. All right, Sally. Think of it, Joey. The South Sea Islands. All right, Sally. All right. Dear Sally Lu, sorry it's been so long since my last letter, but we've been busy. I shouldn't ought to write now as my ice box needs cleaning. But I got to tell somebody about last night or bust. It was like a bad dream. That's one of them nights when everything went wrong. To begin with, I cook a fine supper for our boat captain, who is Lieutenant Gilling. Only we call him Captain on the PT, which he is captain of, even if he's only a lieutenant. Anyway, I cook him a fine supper and he didn't eat one bite hardly. Not one bite. It made me feel like two cents, Sally. I guess the captain don't realize an army travels on his stomach even in the Navy. Say, that fish looks good cooked. Thanks, Captain. What kind is it? Some kind of tropical fish, sir. Notice how much bigger they are here than home? What's bigger? The tropical fish here, sir. My mother's got a whole tank full of them. There ain't a mouth full in a hundred. Captain Gilling. Captain Gilling. See who that is. Will you call them? Yes, sir. The captain's below. Who are they, sir? Commander on. Oh, the commander. Yes, sir. It's the squadron commander, sir. Yes, yes. I know. Tell him I'll be right up. Oh, he's coming below, sir. There's enough fish, sir, if you want to ask him for chow. Thanks, Colwell. Hello, Commander. Hello, Captain. Sorry to interrupt your chow. Will you join me, sir? Not before tomorrow, sir, those motors were in tough shape. Do any of them work now? Well, there's one motor we can depend on, sir. Well, patch up the other two the best you can and prepare to put to sea with the patrol tonight. Tonight? Well, you won't have much speed, sir. My orders are that every motor, torpedo boat, and the squadron must be off Guadalcanal tonight, ready for action. I take it there's something up, sir. There's a Jap task force somewhere in this area. We expect them to attack during the night. And you know what our naval strength is here at the present moment. Yes, yes, I do. Commander, I wonder if I could get a couple of replacements. Two of my crew are in the hospital. There aren't any replacements, Captain. I see, sir. I'll get busy on those motors. And look, if you can't get your speed up to what it should be, don't risk going in close to fire your torpedoes or you'll never get away. A thousand yards at the inside. A thousand yards, you think, sir? Yes. With an unreliable boat, anything closer could be suicide. I'll remember that, sir. I'll expect you on the patrol then, Captain. We leave Tulaga here at 1900. Yes, sir. I brought you another helping of fish, sir. Some more butter, sir. No, thanks, Caldwell. I didn't eat all this. Say, if Fenson Stack comes looking for me, I'm forward in the engine room. Yes, sir. Shall I keep some fish hot for you, sir? Don't bother, Caldwell. I'm not hungry tonight. And then, Sally, as soon as I get my dishes done, I get in trouble with the engineer. He yelled at me and ordered me out of the engine room, right in front of the Betts brothers, the ones I wrote you, who like ketchup on everything. Why should the engineer humiliate me like that, Sally? All I did was ask him a civil question, and he throws me out. I don't get it. You see, Captain, hard, just like a cat. Is that the best you can do, Hanson? I'm not Thomas Alva Edison, Captain. Turn that thing off a minute. All right. Hanson, I don't care how you do it, but I want all three of those motors in some kind of shape one hour from now. Listen, Captain, I'm not... I know you're not Thomas Alva Edison, but we go on patrol tonight. Two of those motors are in awful shape. They're not in half as bad a shape as those Marines on Guadalcanal will be tomorrow if we don't stop those Jap ships. I don't know what I can do, Captain. I'll do something. Okay, Thomas Alva. I wonder who he thinks I am, Superman? Say, Hansy, listen to this number two motor. Turn her over, Ed. Ain't that sweet? Yeah. Yeah, that's better. Yeah, that will do. Well, that makes two we got. All right, all right, come on. Now let's get the salt water gremlins out of this number three job. Okay, Hansy. All right, all right, start her up, Ed. Okay, Hansy. Wow. Boy, boom, under the butt. Oh, keep your shirt on, Hansy. More helpin' on the ticket. Where's he at? It's right there, Joe. Where? Right there, under the grease. Mr. Hanson, I want to ask you something. What? Can't hear. I want to ask you something. Look, these engines have got to be ready in an hour, Cook. Yeah, but it's important. What? What is it? I can't tell you with that motor going. Shut it off, Vance. All right. Now what is it you want, Cook? What kind of sandwiches would you like on patrol tonight? What kind of what? Sandwiches. Sandwiches? Yeah, on patrol tonight. Sandwiches? Get out of the engine. Get out. But look, Mr. Hanson. Get out! But gee whiz. On top of everything else, we got two guys sick, Sally. So I made some broth out of that receipt of my mother's. Guess what? They never even got it. Gee, what a night. Did you check your tin fish tubes? Torpedo's OK, Captain. One, two, three, four, check. Depth charges? Check, Captain. Now listen to us. Mackie won't be with us tonight. Chablowski's still laid up too, isn't he, sir? Both of them. You know who's wearing quarter stations, do you? Yes, sir. In action, it's Ed Betts, aft on the air-lecon gun. I take the starboard twin mount. Cook takes the port mount. Be sure you let them both know you're taking over for Mackie. I'll tell them right away, sir. Very well. We shove off in five minutes. Cookie, Cookie. Sparks, you seen Joe? Yeah, there he is coming down the dock. Thanks. Hey, Cookie. Who wants me? Where you been? We're almost going to shove off. I took some broth for Mackie and Chablowski. That hospital food ain't so tasty. Did you see him? No, I left it there for him. Some broth too. Papa got a spoonful of that. He'd give up spinach. Sure could use those two boys tonight. Why? Looks like Joe Jitsu's coming to call. Who cares about them Japs? Them Japs can fight, Cookie. How can they fight? They don't eat right. They ain't got blood inside. They got rice. Ah, listen. I take over for Mackie. If there's action, you know your station. Yeah, yeah, that gun there. What's ahead of that? Maybe more than you think, Cookie. Well, I got to tell the captain I'm back. He gave me leave to go. Reporting back for duty, sir. All right, colon. Hello. Engine room calling, captain. Engine room on the phone, sir. Oh, thanks. How are you coming on the motors, engine room? Well, we got them running, sir. Good work, Hanson. But they can't be dependent on us, sir. Well, do the best you can. Stand by to get underway, Hanson. Wait a minute, captain. Who's that calling? It's Mackie, sir, and Chablowski. Mackie and Chablowski. Mackie's got the bandage on his head, see, sir? Hello, captain. We're reporting for duty, sir. How did you two get out of the hospital? The doctor said it was OK, sir. Oh, he did, huh? Yes, sir. He agrees with us that salt water would be very good. Oh, really? You can use this, can't you, sir? We can use you, yes, but... Oh, we feel fine. I'm honest, captain. The only thing I need to feel perfect is to get the jab that nicked me in the dome. Very well. Get to your posts. Fast off! It done it. It done it. What did what, Cook? My mother's broth. It made you well. What broth are you talking about? That broth I brought you to the hospital. I gave it to a nurse for you. Oh, yeah, Joe, yeah. She brought it in just as we were leaving. And you mean you didn't drink it? We didn't have time, Joe. Well, that's my mother's best receipt. Just wasted. Oh, no, no, Joe. They don't waste nothing at the hospital. Tomorrow some poor wounded guy's gonna drink your soup. Don't worry. Now, if I can tell, Cook, it might even be you. Well, that's okay with me as long as good food ain't thrown away. Some night, Sally, the radio man spilled my sork over the whole boat almost. Before that, I caught Ed Betts with his greasy hands in my condiments. Honest, Sally, with my luck, I could bet the sun would set in the west and it would catch in a tree. Hey, Cook, why do you keep the ketchup? Right a minute. I'll get it. How many times do I have to tell you guys not to monkey around my galley, Betts? Well, all I want's your ketchup, Joe. Then ask me for it. I don't want you messing around here any more than you want me in the engine room. Don't be so about that, Joe. We were going nuts over there in the motors. Just the same, when you want ketchup, ask for it. Can I have the ketchup, Joe? What do you want it for? I and Paul want it, not ham sandwiches. Here, take the mustard. With the what, Mustard? Mustard's for ham, take it. But Paul and I like ketchup. I don't care, ketchup ain't for ham. Sorry about the engine room, Joe. We didn't mean to put you out honest. Okay, okay. Anyway, it really wasn't Paul and I that did it. It was Hansy. Let me have the ketchup, Joe. Please? Well, all right, then, if you want to spoil your sandwich. Oh, thanks, Joe. Well, next time ask me for it. Yeah, sure, sure. Look, Joe, don't be so handsy. He didn't mean nothing. He gets excited about the motors, that's all. Trouble with Hansy is he never thinks about nothing but motors. He's got a one-track mind. Well, I gotta take some chow to Sparks. That's a nice tune on the radio, Sparks. Yeah, it's got a good tone, that portable. That's coming from home, ain't it? San Francisco. I ate there once. Good town. You're telling me? I lived there. The best spaghetti I ever had, I had there. It's a real good town, Joe. Here's a sandwich and a couple of hard-boiled eggs for you, Sparks. Thanks, Cook. I knew you couldn't leave your panel, so I brought it. How about breakfast in bed tomorrow? Oh, it ain't you funny. Been on deck, Joe? Yeah. Tried to get the captain to eat his sandwich. He'll kill his stomach. Everything quiet, Topside? Yeah. It's funny. What? It's getting late. Don't it usually get that way every night? I'm talking about the Japs, Joe. Oh. They're coming. I wish they'd come and get it over with. Think they'll attack? How would I know? That ain't my department. Give me your salt, Seller Joe. There. I knew you'd be asking for salt. Can't take an egg without it. But you use too much salt. What's the matter? Stuck? How do you take the top off? Just unscrew it. Hey, what are you doing with that pencil? Loosening the salt up. That dirty pencil, my clean salt. Give it here. Comron calling. Comron calling. Squadron commander, this is it. Sparks, you spilled my salt. Shut up. Rice rats at Coney Island. Northwest. Japs are running Savile Island, Captain. Rice rats at Coney. All parrots. All parrots. It's deploying attack, Captain. Battle stations! Battle stations! Battle stations! Confirm. Confirm. Wilko Bob. Wilko Bob. Wilko George. Wilko George. Rice rats at Coney. Northwest. All parrots. Confirm. Confirm. Wilko Gill. Wilko Gill. Wilko Harry. Wilko Harry. Wilko Jeff. Wilko Jeff. Battle stations! Darn it, Sparks, you spilled my salt. That's unlucky. MUSIC You are listening to William Bendix as Joe Caldwell in The Cook on the P.T. Boat Rides Home on the Cavalcade of America, sponsored by DuPont. Joe, a P.T. Boat cook who mans a gun but loves his pots and pans, is riding home to Sally Lou. Joe had a bad night last night, and he's writing her all about it. Ever have a compliment make you mad, Sally? That's what I had last night. A compliment that burned me right up. The quartermaster and the torpedo man of neither of them not ever said one nice thing about my cooking, except to say it's lousy. Finally last night they both said I was a great guy. For what? For my cooking? Oh, no. Only for doing a lousy little deck job anybody could have done. You should know what happened. Well, here we are at Sleepless Lagoon, boys. There's Savile Island. I don't see no jabs. What do you think, Joe? They have Japanese lanterns strung all over their decks? All I said was I didn't see no jabs. We just hope we see them before they see us. We ought to. They got the moon behind them. If only the darn moon would come out from back of those clouds. Kind of a pretty night at that, eh? Ah, shut up. Will you cook? What's the matter with you, Jawoski? Pretty night I should bust you in a pretty kisser. Yeah, yo and who else, Shrimp? Who's a shrimp? Yo ain't wide enough to bless yourself, Jawoski. Take it easy, boys. Take it easy. Ah, I'm so sorry, Joe. Poor action. I was getting nervous. I can't help it. Ah, that's okay. Yeah, just like when I was a kid and scranton. After school we used to have rock fights. Once we got throwing stuff, I felt fine. But beforehand... Ah, but I can't help it, Joe. My stomach just comes up and shakes hands with my back teeth. Ah, I know how you feel, Jabby. I had that once. Yeah? You? Cookie? I thought nothing ever bothered you. Oh, this once. Oh, boy. It was when I was working at Nick, see? I'm all alone late one night and this fella comes in. Yeah? He looks familiar, but I can't place him, see? He orders a hamburg medium rare, but definitely without onions. Oh, then what? While I'm fixing the hamburg, I remember I seen his picture in the paper. Then like that it comes to me who he is. And boy, I was like jelly. Who was it? Dillinger maybe? No, it was my congressman. He'd heard about my hamburgs and I was scared stiff I wouldn't cook it right. Oh, this hamburg. At that I almost gave him onions. There comes the moon out of the clouds. Now we see what... Look. Look. Japs, cruiser and destroyer brought on the port bow. Cruiser and destroyer brought on the port bow. Stand by to attack. Stand by to attack. Slow down the hunt speed. Engine room, how many rpm's can we make if we have to? 2,000, sir, if the motors stand up. Well, see that they do, understand? Listen, captain, I'm not... Ready on torpedoes tubes. Check, captain. Now here's the plan, Mr. Stack. We move forward at hunt speed, sneak through the destroyer screen, get that cruiser. At what range, sir? 600 yards. 600 yards, sir. Right, what do you estimate our distance now? About 1,000 yards, sir. You men on the machine guns, watch for destroyers. If they spot us, shoot their lights out. All set on the guns, sir. Ready on the port gun, Cook. Okay, okay. Hey, Cookie. What do you want, tubes? Shoot like you cook, kid. You'll kill them all. Why don't you wise guys jump overboard? Distance, Mr. Stack. 800 yards, sir. A little less, if anything. Wouldn't it be a good idea to increase speed slightly, sir? No, our wake would show if we did. These last few yards take forever. Ever notice, sir? Yes, I have, Mr. Stack. 700 yards, sir. There's a destroyer. Say your prayers. I think we're going to get by it, sir. Yeah. This is our lucky night. So far, Mr. Stack. 600 yards, sir. Well, here's good hunting. Ready on the number one torpedo. Ready on the number one torpedo, sir. Fire one. Fire one. Ready on the number two torpedo. Ready on the number two torpedo. Ready on the number two torpedo, sir. Fire two. Fire two. Look at him run. That's straight and normal. Ready on the number three torpedo. Ready on the number three torpedo, sir. Fire three. Fire three. Ready on the number four torpedo. Ready on the number four torpedo, sir. Fire four. Fire four. One of those fish ought to hit. Should take them about 35 seconds to travel that distance, sir. Well, it's 30 seconds now. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. I guess we missed on the first two, sir. It begins to look like we missed on all four. Hang on, boys. We're going home. Hard to starboard. Full speed ahead. Shoot out their lights. Shoot their lights. Cook, shoot for their lights. Shoot for their lights. That's it. Is that how you mean? Cook shot their lights, sir. Cook shot their lights, sir. I had a boy cookie. I had a boy cookie. You're a great guy. I'm such a great guy, Toops. Why don't you eat my pie crust? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? All this beginning to kick off. The engine room says the motor's starting to go, sir. Go below, Stax. See what can be done. Yes, sir. I tell you, you've got to do something, Hanson. It's impossible, sir. But that destroyer that's after us can make more speed than we can. I can't help it, sir. Well, I'll go tell the captain. Yes, sir. Mr. Stack. Mr. Stack, the port man. The gun been knocked out. All right, I'll take a look. Guns are gone, eh, Caldwell? Yes, sir. You hurt? All okay, sir. Good. Excuse me, sir, but could I ask you a question? Yes, what is it? Well, I know you know plenty, your read and all that. Well, what is it, Caldwell? In your opinion, where would be the best place to open a restaurant? Well, how in the name of jumping Judas do I know a restaurant? Of all the idiotic... What's the good word in the motor? Good word is lousy. Do you think it's funny? I'm sorry, sir. I'm laughing at the cook. The only thing that's worrying him now is where he can open a restaurant. Well, he'll have a choice of two places, heaven or else. Just because I read, he thinks I should know everything. Ever read how to get away from a destroyer in ten easy lessons? Well, as a matter of fact, I did read something about a destroyer, sir. It was with an English motor torpedo boat. What about it? They cut in front of the destroyer, sir, and shoved a depth charge right under his nose. Well, if it's good enough for an Englishman, it's good enough for me. Let's go. If we miss, sir, we get rammed, you know. If we've got to get it, let's get it attacking, Mr. Stack. Yes, sir. Set a depth charge for 50 feet, tubes. Depth charge 50 feet, sir. Stand up to drop depth charge. Aye, aye, sir. Gunners, gunners, shoot for the destroyer deck. Knock out the machine guns. Sir, may I go after Tellowen to drop the charge? Go ahead, Stack, and good hunting. Go ahead, Stack, and good hunting. Joe, Joe, Joe, look. We're heading right for the destroyer. So what? We haven't any torpedoes left. What are we going to do? Hit them with our fists? Ah, the captain knows what he's doing. Not if he's trying to ram a destroyer with a PT boat, he doesn't. Maybe we're going to do something with this depth charge. Stand by on the depth charge. Standing by, sir. Standing by, sir. Look at the destroyer, sir. It's going to run us down. Drop the tubes. Drop the tubes. It worked. It worked. We hit him, sir. We hit him. He's hurt. Give me a hand here, Joe. Hanson Stack's been hit. This is a P.S., Sally. It is two hours later. I took time off to clean the ice box. Also, to take some broth to Hanson Stack, who is in the hospital today. He felt fine after he drank it. He said we should open Joe's place in Tokyo. You think he was kidding, Sally? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, Sally. Thank you, William Bendix. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll hear again from Mr. Bendix in a few moments. Before we do, we would like to tell you what Lamont Dupont, chairman of the board of the Dupont Company, said today in commenting on the country's all-out production for the war effort. Mr. Dupont said, quote, Time certainly have changed in the chemical industry since the First World War. Then we were making little else than explosives and considered ourselves mighty busy. Now we're beating the First World War records by wide margins and making a greater variety of chemicals besides. The quality of the explosives is higher, the cost to the government is lower, and the safety and manufacture is setting all-time records. Dupont-operated plants alone are turning out greater quantities of military propellants than the entire American explosives industry did at its peak in 1918. But for every man in these plants, we have another man working in other plants, making dyes, rayon, nylon, plastics, synthetic rubber, yes, hundreds of other products, which are as necessary to the war effort as gunpowder or TNT. The great change that the passing years has brought is evinced by these chemical materials, which were developed for peacetime uses and now have been conscripted for wartime needs. Without them, the present war could not be won, and not a few of them were non-existent in the last war. The chemical scientists had not thought of nylon in 1917. It wasn't even a word. Yet every pound of nylon we can make today is doing the work for many vital military purposes that silk, which no longer is available, had to do in other wars. We did not know how to make synthetic rubber in the last war, and with a natural rubber supply cut off, we needed more than almost any other material for our military airplanes, trucks, and jeeps. American chemists and engineers have provided neoprene for us in recent years and adapted Buna to American use. Synthetic rubber is giving service now on American military vehicles at home and abroad. There was only one small factory in the whole United States making rayon in 1917 and 1918. Rayon then was totally without military value. Today, in contrast, it is needed for heavy-duty tires, for machinery packings, and a good part of the population is clothed in it. As to dyes, in 1917-18 we had trouble in getting dyes even for our postage stamps and paper money, because the Germans controlled 90% of the supply. Now the industry is making all the dyes required for military and civilian purposes. The plastics industry was still in its infancy during the First World War. Its principal development has come about in the past dozen years. Plastics are used in every military plane that takes the air. Greater developments are still ahead. We expect greater changes than any we have known. The public is looking for new things, more and more of them, and incidentally, it isn't going to be disappointed. As a people, we have developed an unprecedented degree of faith in the power of science to remake the world for the better. The chemical industry must maintain a discreet silence as to any accomplishments since the war started, but this much can be said. Science has a good chance to succeed in doing what the people want, thus providing better things for better living through chemistry. And now, Cavalcade star of the evening, William Bendix. Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Inasmuch as the character I played on tonight's Cavalcade was a lad who knew his food, and inasmuch as every one of us today should know our calories and points, I'd like to urge all of you to see the United States Department of Agriculture's new stage presentation, It's Up to You. It opens here in New York in a couple of days, and soon it will play throughout the country. Your local papers will announce the time and place. I've seen a preview. It's a splendid presentation of a problem every American will want to share so that the men behind the guns will get the best first. Thank you. Music Older than the United States itself is the United States Coast Guard, which in time of war has the tough assignment of convoy duty, landing troops, and anti-submarine patrol. Our play next week is about the Coast Guard. It is called Submarine Asterne, and our star is the popular screen player, Ray Milan. Music Be with us again next week when Cavalcade presents Ray Milan in an exciting drama of the United States Coast Guard, Submarine Asterne. The orchestra and musical score on tonight's Cavalcade were under the direction of Don Vouris. Cavalcade is pleased to inform its audience that William Bendix, star of our play tonight, will soon be seen in the new Paramount picture, China. This is Clayton Collier sending best wishes from Cavalcade's sponsor, the DuPont Company of Wilmington, Delaware. Applause This program came to you from New York. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
