Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents Claudia based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke! And now, Claudia. La la la la la la la la la la la la. Why you so gay mama? Why not? Good reason why not. I wish Mr. Paradiso would hurry and get here. Contractors can be so slow, especially if anything needs fixing. He'll be here any moment now. You've been saying that for the last two hours. Claudia, it's not such an emergency. It isn't. The back porch sagging like an old sock. It's already almost time to meet David at the station. That late? Just tonight, when it'd be easier to stay home, we're driving out to dinner. We could stay here. There's a steak in the icebox. No, David's been planning this for you, and we can't disappoint him. Anyway, I love driving way out in the country. Why is it I wonder that every time you talk David into leaving the car at home, life gets complicated? Come on, mama, let's go out into the driveway. Maybe that'll lure Mr. Paradiso faster. It's taken an idea, but I'll try anyway. Oh, listen, take your pocketbook. So as soon as Mr. Paradiso gets here, we can fly off to the station. I knew we'd end up flying. Oh, poor David. The one part of the house he didn't think needed immediate fixing up was the back porch. Well, maybe it's not too serious. With a house, anything wrong is serious. With your budget, anything that costs any more is tragic. How right you are. Hello, Rooster. Sweet. Isn't he, mama? Adorable. Is that Mr. Paradiso? Hello there. Hello, Mr. Paradiso. Came as fast as I could get away. I hate to think of your coming slow. Hello, Mr. Paradiso. Hello, Mrs. Brown. Good to see you up here. Good to be here. Now, let me see. Excuse the call. You said the back porch gave way. Let's have a look at it. How did it happen? Any extra weight? A mama is going down the back stairs, Mr. Paradiso. Don't you dare blame it on me, don't you? And they gave way. That's all. Come now, Mrs. Norton. Your mother looks like a very light-stepping woman. Oh, it's not mama's fault completely. Well, we'll have a look at it. There it is, the left corner. Oh, sagging is right. The whole porch looks as if it were going to sit down. It is going to sit down. What's the matter with it? Well, I have a good idea, but I'd better pull away this latticework and give it the once-over from the inside. You're going underneath? Is it safe? It better, baby, because here I go. Stand back, Claudia. I think it's going to happen to me, mama. Oh, David's going to be so disappointed. He's so hopeful he wouldn't have to touch this side of the house. Well, Mr. Paradiso, what do you see? Yeah, just what I thought. What do you see? Yeah, that's just what it is. This is just like going to the dentist. I'm afraid of that. Of what? Of exactly what's happened. The corner post and the columns are rotted through, so they call that. Oh, no. And they just don't look any too healthy either. Oh, dear, Claudia, you look as if you understood. Don't be silly. I'm not the wife of an architect for nothing. I've absorbed. What about the studs, Mr. Paradiso? You've absorbed, and I am impressed. Shh, shh, shh. Go on, Mr. Paradiso. Well, Mrs. Naughton, we're going to have to tear down the whole back porch and start brand new. Lay a new foundation, put in new column posts. That's a major operation. It is indeed. Poor David. Every time he comes back home, his dream is a little more of a nightmare. David, see, Mama, we've got to get to the station. Mr. Paradiso, can we just leave the porch sag overnight? I'd rather not. I think we ought to keep it jacked up till we tear it down. You mean jacked up with a jack? Well, that, of course, is the best and simplest thing to use if you have an extra one around. You can have the one out of our car. You have two? For heaven's sakes, why do we need two? Well, you have four tires on a car. Very funny. Oh, look, we've got to hurry. I'll give you our jack, Mr. Paradiso. Claudia, you know David has told you never to take the jack out of the car. This is an emergency. Our house is teetering. Besides, we're not going to need it. Well, how can you be so sure, Mrs. Naughton? We had a flat tire last week, just a few weeks ago. So I don't expect we'll need another for quite a while, do you? Well, that sort of prediction is not in my line, Mrs. Naughton, but the odds would be with you. Then that settles it. We'd better hurry, too, Mama. Just help yourself to the jack, Mr. Paradiso. Mama and I have to meet David at the train. I hope he isn't going to be too upset. Oh, I hate to have to tell him about the poor... And that's about all Mr. Paradiso said, David. That's all? What more did you want? Darling, you're not upset, are you? Oh, not at all. You see, Mama, I told you he'd be upset. I didn't expect him to be exactly hilarious about it. Maybe we shouldn't have told him until after dinner. I think this was better. Now you won't be so extravagant about dinner. Are you two ladies having a good time talking about me in front of my back? Wonderful, aren't we, Mama? Well, you can stop worrying right now whether I'm upset enough. I've got a new philosophy. Tell me. I could use some. From now on, I'm going to expect the worst. Anything. Anything better than that is going to be a pleasant surprise. But I'm never going to be upset again. How's that? Trouble is there never is a pleasant surprise. You, too, are just a couple of gloomy gussies. Let's talk about something pleasant. Mama's right. Where are you taking us for dinner? Gus? To a very pleasant little inn I used to drop in on when I was a carefree young lad. Quite a few miles out into the country toward Danbury. The middle of nowhere? Sounds awfully pleasant. I'm starved. Doesn't the air smell wonderful? Smells of air. Nice and fresh and sweet. Take a deep breath, Mama. If you allowed me to sit in the back seat, I might be able to. Don't tell me you'd rather breathe than be sociable with us. It's a hard choice, isn't it? The woman has a salty wit. Hasn't she, though? Oh, David, look. Look. See? Look at that poor man there by the side of the road. He has a flat tire. Eh. Well, it won't take him long to fix. All the same. It's no fun. There are other things that I prefer to do besides fixing a flat tire, but it's really no great calamity. No. How do you like this back road I'm bringing you on? Oh, it's beautiful, isn't it? Wonderful to have a car. And chauffeur. Chauffeur. And such a chauffeur. An evening like this makes up for everything, including the sagging porch, an open car, sunset, driving my family out to dinner. I like being part of your family, David. Nice to have you as part of our family, Mrs. Brown. Me, too. Oh, David, life is so perfect. When people let it be. Let's ask laddie. Always. Roll, roll, roll your car. Come on, Mother. You're both fools. Nice fools, but fools. Roll, roll, roll your car. Gently down the road. Roll, roll, roll your car. Gently down the road. Gently, gently, gently. Rattling. David, did you hear something? What's the matter? Why are we stopping? Yes, I think I heard something. Is it something with the car? A flat tire. David, it can't be. Are you sure? I will be in a moment. It can't be, David. We had one just a few weeks ago. That's a fine reason, but it doesn't work that way. Well, is it? There's a left front tire. And just when everything was going so perfectly. Well, nothing left to do but change it. I'm certainly glad I had the spare gone over last week. Honestly, it's not fair. A flat tire and a sagging porch all in the same... Mama, what will we do with the jacks under the porch? It's too late now to remember. You better tell David. Your mother, you hold my coat. It'll only take me a few minutes. Mama, I can't tell him. Why not? I don't know how. Just tell him. What are you two whispering about? Will we whisper? All right, all right, all right. You weren't. We weren't. There's a good thing I'm such an expert at changing tires. That's all I've got to say. Well, you're going to have to be very expert, David. Well, I don't need your help, thank you. It's much easier to do it alone. I think you might need someone to hold up the front of the car, though. Sweet of you to offer, dear, but you and Mama just stay seated where you are. You coward. I just don't know how to tell him. Do you want me to? No, Mama, no. Now, wait. Oh, poor David. He's going to be so terribly disappointed. That is hardly the word to describe how he'll feel. But you would lend the jack to Mr. Paradiso. It's awfully easy to say that. No, no, that's wrong. You might as well tell your husband before he tells you. He's finding out. Mama, it's your fault. Why did you let me? Why did I? Well, you didn't stop me. Oh, here he comes. I can't find the jack. You can't? Well, that's queer, isn't it? Did you put it inside the car here, now? Me? No, no, no, no. That's not where I put it. I remember seeing it just yesterday. I saw it today, just this afternoon. Mama, if you tell him... I'm only trying to help. Say, now, what's going on here? Go on, Claudia. The worst he can do is to wring your neck. Well, I don't see why you're blaming me. It wasn't my fault the back porch had to sag. The back porch? And we had a flat tire just three weeks ago. You know we did, David. Go on, tell me everything. David, listen, lightning is not supposed to strike twice in the same place or in the same day. Is it? Claudia, are you trying to tell me... Yes, David? ...that you took the jack out of the car... David, the back porch was sagging. ...and the jack is holding up the back porch. Is that it? Oh, darling, you're so bright. How do you guess? Don't try flattery, please. Didn't I? Didn't I? Didn't I? Don't get excited, David. I never tell you to take the tools out of the car. This was only a jack, David. Heavens, grant me patience. Why can't women leave things alone? David, listen to me. What do you love most, our house or a silly old tire? That has nothing to do with it. Nothing, except I love the house. And if it's a choice between a house and a tire, well, I'd jack up the house any day, wouldn't you? Well, I... I knew you'd agree with me, darling, and that you'd have done exactly the same thing yourself. I would have. Of course. And it's only right. So, David, you don't have to be embarrassed or apologize to me, not in the least. No, I don't. Not even for having lost your temper. My... What? I didn't lose my temper. One, two, three... Mama, what's all this arithmetic? I'm counting while David does not lose his temper. Mother, give me my coat. David, what are you going to do, walk? I am not. I'm going to take my pipe and I'm going to sit down and smoke it by the side of the road. But I'm hungry. Well, that's just too bad. We're going to wait until that lucky man who had that flat tire comes along. I know him and I know he had a jack. And I also know that he does not have a wife. You too. One, two, three... Bum-dee-dee-dee, bum-dee-dee-dee. If you worked in an office or a plant instead of at home, you'd step over to that familiar red cooler for an ice-cold Coca-Cola when relief time came. Just because you make your own hours and your own work rules, that's no reason to deny yourself a little refreshment now and then. You'll be all the fresher for an ice-cold Coca-Cola and a little relaxation. Try it and see. Say, Mr. King, how long do you think they're going to have to sit by the side of the road? Not too long, I trust. You heard Claudia say she was starving. If my wife ever took my jack out of the car and didn't tell me. I know. Me too. But then it's not very often that the back porch caves in and you get a flat tire the same evening. Still, I think the Norton's are safer eating dinner at home. That's exactly what they do tomorrow night. I understand they have a new maid. Gertrude. That's right. She lives just down the road a piece. Is she working out well? In some ways, yes, and in some ways, no. But if you come around tomorrow, you'll find out whether Claudia and David think the yeses outweigh the noes. Well, whether Gertrude stays or goes, I know it'll be fun, so I'll be here tomorrow. So long, Mr. King. Goodbye, Mr. Paradiso. As I was about to say, every day Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again tomorrow at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere. This broadcast of Claudia was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola.
