You are about to be entertained by some of the biggest names and showbiz. For the next hour and thirty minutes, this program will present in person such bright stars as... Louis Calharn, Jack Carter, Florence Desmond, Jimmy Durrani, Martha Ray, Fran Warren, Meredith Wilson, and my name darlings is Tallulah Bankhead. The National Broadcasting Company presents, The Big Show. The Big Show, 90 minutes with the most scintillating personalities in the entertainment world. Brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time as the Sunday feature of NBC's All Star Festival. And here is your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Bankhead. Well darlings, these Sundays are really getting to be a struggle. In the first place, the rehearsals on this show are called by a director who I'm sure despises me. He deliberately created a new hour of the day which he calls 10 a.m. Have you ever heard of it darlings? Of course not, how could you? And he tried to tell me it was quite popular. Goss. Well to give you an idea of what I have to go through to get here on time, I brought today's page for my appointment calendar. Now you listen to this. 7 a.m. open eyes. 7.01. Close them again for five minutes more sleep. 9.30 a.m. open eyes. 9.35. Smoke a hearty breakfast. 9.45. Shave. Shave? Oh yes, that impossible person in the next department with that revolting electric razor every morning at the same time. And I just know she does it to annoy me. Probably a television actress. 10 o'clock rehearsal. At 10.30 open eyes. Well, you can close them, Tallulah. Jimmy, good evening. Jimmy darlings, you look very nice today. And why not? I woke up on the right side of my nose. Well that's quite a feat. They were there too. You know, Tallulah, it's my daily routine that keeps me so beautiful. Every morning when I get up at the Astor Hotel, I steps over to the window and open. There's Broadway. I inhale. Where's Broadway? I... Exhale. That's what I do when I'm looking for the lines. I exhale. I exhale. There's Broadway. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Yes, darling, yes. No wonder the streets are all torn up. Every morning I take off my pajamas. Shocking pink. The pajamas, not me. And I slips into my dressing gown. Lavender blue, not the dressing gown, me. It's a genuine and ported raglan sleeve. A Chinese silk dressing gown that grows on you. The silk worms refuse to lay off. They're still working on it. That's right, Tallulah, strong union. They should hang by the rope who wrote that. Then I take four giant steps to the shower. When I want hot water, I turn down the cold water. When I want the cold water, I turn on the hot water. First time I ever saw a tub with cross-eyed faucets. Now, Jimmy, how can you stand there with a straight face and... Quiet. Tulu, Tulu. I admit with my equipment it's hard to do. Now, after my shower, I put on my custom-made underwear. The kind that never wears out. I know, darling, strong union suits. That one crept up on me. Keep on with your story, Jimmy. You're in your underwear. Get going. Where can I go in my underwear? Oh, Jimmy, I wish you'd come back to the subject. I'm so confused. You know how busy my Sundays are. I find it difficult to keep track of what's going on. Lucky for you, I'm here, Tulu. What you need in this show is a junior mistress of ceremonies, and that's me. Ha-ha, look, junior miss, this is a big job. You have to handle such great stars as Marlene of E3, Ethel Merman, Gloria Swanson. I can handle them. And such great stars as Ezio Pinza, Charles Boyer, Clifton Webb. You handle who you like, I'll handle who I like. But, Jimmy, I don't think you're right for the job. Of course I'm right. You've got high-class stars. You need a high-class character like myself to introduce them. I'm the equal of those big stars, maybe more equal because... Now nobody snubs the randy unless they don't understand just what high-class stuff is all about. My heritage is not well known, and high society should pay attention while I let the news get out. Some people boast about how old their family is. Well, I want to tell you something. My family is so old, it's been condemned. You've heard of Henry VIII and good old Louis Cotard? I'll inform you of my title. And please, folks, no applause. I'm James V, descendant from a long line of the rannies. How do you do? I'm James V, the idol of my uncle and my aunties. And how are you? Well, there's a lot of James in history. Look back through your courses. There's Jesse James, home James, and James don't spare the horses. I'm James V. When I walk in, I'll get a royal greeting. Oh, what a meeting. They should appreciate my position and my brain. Nuts and I'm big. Quiet in the function, I'm a hip. Always eating olives and swallowing the pit. I'm James V. So let's have no laughter. I was named after a fifth of Champagne. You know, my title gives me a social position. I'm forced to uphold. Nobody out snubs the ranny. If someone looks down his nose at me, I look down my nose at him. Notre Dame playing PS 22. I don't want to put on airs. The rannies always had two swimming pools. One for swimming and one for rinsing off. He snuck that one in on me. Why, the rannies were famous before Fulton invented the fish market. The rannies were popular before Edison invented the electric bill. The rannies were distinguished before Washington invented the cherry tree. My family goes back so far, not only can I tell you all about Adam, I can also tell you about Eve. Yes, I'm James the Grif. So let's have no laughter. Of course I was named after a fifth of Champagne. Yet not a fifth of Champagne. Applause As always, the incomparable Jimmy Durante. Thank you. Toulouse, may I return the compliment and say that I think you're incomp... You're incomp... You're incompatible too? Well Toulouse, when do we start mastering the ceremony? Hello Toulouse, Brad Morris. And darling, what are you going to sing for us? Well I thought I'd sing... Stop the music, hold the dialogue. If I'm the assistant emcee, I've got to check the routine. Can you take care of all the engagements on the show, Jimmy? And the weddings too. Now let me see where I put you down on the list. Oh, finally had a pair of glasses I could read. Oh, here it is, D. Jimmy, D for Warren. D for doll. I got a million of a million. See you later. Toodaloo. D for doll. Ah, Doreenie, you're the new glamorous and un-presentable Toulouse Bonkham. Toulouse, guess what? What are you going to sing, Fran? I had my picture in Parade, the Sunday Picture Magazine. Oh, that's an odd title for a song. No, Toulouse, Parade is a news magazine. It had a picture of me last week. You've heard of Parade. Heard of it? Darling, I am Parade. What's your song, Fran? Till I Met You. Oh, yes, Meredith Wilson's new and lovely ballad. That has blasted them into such a big hit. Hit, Meredith Wilson, if you please. There were bells on the hill, but I never heard them ringing. No, I never heard them at all till I met you. There were birds in the sky, but I never saw them winging. No, I never saw them at all till I met you. And there was music, and there were wonderful roses. They tell me in sweet fragrant meadows of dark and dew there was love all around. But I never heard it singing. No, I never heard it at all till I met you. There were birds in the sky, but I never saw them winging. No, I never saw them at all till I met you. And there was music, and there were wonderful roses. They tell me in sweet fragrant meadows of dark and dew there was love all around. But I never heard it singing. No, I never heard it at all till I met you. This week, with proper pride, Metro Golden Mayor premieres at Radio City Music Hall in New York. It's newest and most certainly one of its finest moving pictures, the Magnificent Yankee. We on the Big Show, darlings, are happy to share this pride. For we feel that here is a picture that every American must see, must delight in, must learn from. We are proud too tonight that we can premiere a portion of this picture and welcome its star, Mr. Louis Calhoun. Mr. Calhoun gives us a brilliant portrayal of a man who, after more than three-quarters of a century of service to his country, could find no worthier beneficiary for his entire fortune than to name sole heir to his last will and testament, the nation he fought and lived for, for these, our own United States of America. Here is Mr. Louis Calhoun in his fine portrayal of Mr. Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, a scene for MGM's great new picture, the Magnificent Yankee. From the time Oliver Wendell Holmes first came to Washington from Boston to assume his place as an Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court, the Magnificent Yankee was responsible for three famous institutions, his world-famed dissenting opinions, his fatherly regard for the annual succession of bright young secretaries sent him by Harvard Law School, and his unswerving love and devotion to his wife Fanny. Our scene opens in the Washington home of Oliver Wendell Holmes on Sunday evening in March 1921. His wife Fanny, wearing her eighty years as gracefully as the judge, yet betraying an heir of suppressed excitement, lends him a hand with his white tie. You know, the man who invented the bullseye mirror ought to be fried in Hades. Hold still, Wendell. I'll fix your tie. Woman, we've been dining out at pot houses for a good many years without all this fuss and feathers. Why do I have to get myself up in this tailcoat and boil shirt? Why, darling, didn't I explain you're eighty years young today, and I'm going to show you off before someone else thinks of it. You don't mind, do you? Woman, you are a dangerous and beautiful creature. That's what you say to every pretty woman you meet. That's perfectly true, but with the rest of them, I never mean it. Now, don't keep me waiting. Oh, oh, there's one thing more. Yes, my lord. I do not wish to take you out on the false pretenses. I want you to know that I do not feel... Eighty. Well, I should hope not. I certainly should hope not. Well, I'll wait for you in the library. Well, Drake, my secretaries don't work Sunday nights. What brings you back at this hour? Oh, I was just passing, sir, and I suddenly remembered these papers. I meant to bring them over this afternoon. Oh, that's all right, my boy. Everything in order? Yes, sir. Well, good evening, sir. Hold on there. Where are you off to all tugged out like this? Some woman got you in tow, too. Oh, no, sir. I'm just on my way to a little party with some of the boys. Lucky dog. Yes, sir. Good evening, sir. Another of my sons. Ready, my dear? Great heavens, woman. How on earth did you get in here without my hearing you? Oh, it's nothing. Just a little trick I've been setting up for your birthday. All the New England witches knew how to do it. You are a witch, you know. The loveliest it ever was. Come along now. Let's get out of here before I make a fool of myself over here. In my own house, too. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Mr. Justice. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, sir. Happy birthday, sir. Well, I'll be blowed. The chain gang. Every one of my secretaries since the beginning, one for every year since I've been in Washington. All twenty of you, eh? And you've come down here from all over the country just to watch an old man turn eighty. Well, I don't quite know what to say except thank you. Thank you, my sons. Well, look here, Fanny. You ought to blame for this. Sure. Is that all you can say on an occasion like this? Speech. Speech. Well, all right. But if I don't come up to expectations, remember, you asked for it. When I was a boy, I was better at this kind of thing. I had to be whether I liked it or not because my father always liked to have witty people about him, especially at the breakfast table. So if I said anything good, father made sure that I got an extra helping of marmalade. I have not been able to face that darn stuff in the sin. But if ever a man wanted to earn a bit of marmalade, I do tonight. You've been pretty good boys, you know. Some of you have turned out to be pretty important pumpkins, and I couldn't be prouder of you if you were my own sons. Well, you are, you know. You are my sons in a way. You're my sons at law, you might say. I'm sorry. Even my father couldn't have inflicted a worse pun than that. Oh, I wish I had something special to pass on to you fellows at a time like this. I will say this. I have always had the idea that when I got to before score, I could wrap my life up in a scroll, tie a pink ribbon around it, put it away in a drawer, and go around doing the things that I always wanted to do. But I'm just beginning to see once more that the good fight is never over. When you've taken one trench, there's always a new firing line just beyond. And that's as it should be. Don't ask me why. All I know is a man must go on charting his course by stars he has never seen, must keep searching with a divining rod for springs he may never reach, because, well, that's enough of his preaching. Fanny, how are we going to cheer these fellows now that Mr. Bostead's moral tornado has become the law of the land? It's all a means. The champagne is cooling downstairs. Oh, it's all very legal. We've had it for years. Very well. Gentlemen, in that case, we'll drink to the United States of America and a new firing line. And it's next Chief Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes. Sorry to disappoint you boys. White is retiring, but the president wants a conservative, and I think Taft will be the man. I'm old. Besides, I never did understand ambition for high office. Oh, it's not to be despised if it comes your way, but the real challenge of life is to try to touch the superlative entirely on your own. No outsider can help you. The approval of friends is welcome. It gives you confidence. It gives you hope. But don't you youngsters hope for the wrong thing? Fanny, do we get anything to go with that champagne or do we forage in the neighborhood for our supper? Silly, we have a wonderful buffet already downstairs and a wonderful cake too with 81 candles. What's the extra one for? That, my dear, is for you to go on. Go along, children. I'm hungry. And you, why, no, are thirsty. Wendell? Hmm? Oh, coming, my dear. Coming. Wendell, it doesn't really matter, does it, about being Chief Justice? No, not really. But just for a moment, I caught something in the boys' eyes. You know, they might have liked it. Fanny, I felt like a father who had let his sons down. Well, they're not my sons. They're just a fresh lot of young scamps from Harvard listening to me now, drinking my liquor and singing about how good it is to rejoice when you're young. But they don't know, Fanny, the real trick is to rejoice when you're 80. Fanny, what the devil am I talking about anyway? I'm sure I don't know, Wendell. And if I did, I wouldn't tell you. Well, let's go down, my dear, and join our sons. Louis, Louis, that was beautiful. Thank you. Louis Calhoun, come over here with me, darling. How are you, sweetie? Louis, stop bowing. Oh, hello, hello, Tallulah. Hello, darling. Of all the great stars who have appeared on this program... Yes, Tallulah. ...you are the tallest. No, no, I was just joking. No, darling, you really were superb in that except for the magnificent Southerner. The magnificent Yankee? There is no such thing as a magnificent Yankee. Surely there must be some good Yankees. The only magnificent Yankee I can think of is Joe DiMaggio. And I wish he were a magnificent giant. Pause! Tallulah, darling, you are a magnificent woman, even though you are standing in front of me again. You never used to mind that in the old days, Louis. Darling, in the old days you could stand in front of me and the audience could still see me. Forgive me, Louis, a performer must never stand in front of another performer during a scene. I actually know that. After all, I've been in the theater as far back as I can remember. As far back as anybody can remember, darling. Well, Louis, do come back and be on the show again with us next Monday, won't you, pet? Would you do the show on Sunday? Yes, darling. You're the same old Tallulah. Older? No. Oh, Louis, I'm not going to stand here pairing words with you. You are, after all, one of the theater's most accomplished actors. I don't care what anyone says. What do you mean by that? Well, you know how actors talk around soddies. I mean, really ridiculous, darling. I mean, someone referring to you as the road company Basil Rathbone. Well, I know. I mean, I know that you're above paying attention to that kind of a small talk. Why, of course I am, just as I know you are when they refer to you as the road company. Don't you dare, Mr. Halle! Excuse me, Tallulah. Yes, Jimmy? I understand Louis Calhoun is on the show. That's right, Jim. Have you met our guest? Hello, Jimmy. Oh, hello, Mr. Rathbone. Tallulah, when this Calhoun bum gets here... Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, this is Mr. Calhoun, the Mr. Calhoun, who is starring on Broadway now in King Lear, one of Shakespeare's greatest tragedies. The story of children's ingratitude towards a father who was willing to give them each not only his love and paternal affection, but all his world of goods, only to have them turn him out of the house and drive him into the forest where he loses his mind and finally dies a broken, pitiful figure. That sounds like my favorite radio program. Life can be beautiful. Tingle-ling, tingle-ling, tingle-ling, what fun to hear the spade go tingle-ling. Tingle-ling, tingle-ling, tingle-ling, they set your heart a-tingle. Tingle-ling, tingle-ling, tingle-ling, I love to hear our laughter mingle-ha-ha. Oh, oh, flying through the snow. Tingle-ling, tingle-ling, tingle-ling, the fowl have got their snow-quests dancing. Tingle-ling, tingle-ling, tingle-ling, what fun to hear them dancing. Tingle-ling, tingle-ling, tingle-ling, what fun to hear them dancing. You have been listening to Meridith Wilson in the big show Oxfam Chorus, and now I'd like to bring my time. This is NBC, the national broadcast company. Every man we know and fly. In a cotton candy land, a frozen charm. And the way this way is the thing and the... The big show. This is the national broadcasting company, Sunday Extravaganza, with the most scintillating personalities in show business. The big show, the Sunday night feature of NBC's All-Star Festival, is brought to you by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. By the makers of Anisyn, for fast relief from the pain of headache, urinus and neuralgia. And by your local Buick dealer, who introduces the new 1951 Buick this coming Saturday, January 20th. Don't miss seeing the new 51 Buick. The big stars on this program are Louis Calharn, Jack Carter, Florence Desmond, Jimmy Durante, Martha Ray, Fran Warren, Meridith Wilson and the big show orchestra and chorus. And every week, your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable, Tallulah Bankhead. Yes, darling, this is the big show. To which every week, two or three hundred of the biggest names in show business listen. You thought I was going to say they were on the show, didn't you, darlings? I fooled you. Well, the funny thing is that many performers, most of them my friends, do listen to the show. And why not? It's the only chance they ever get to turn me off when I'm talking. As a matter of fact... Excuse me, who plays Tallulah Bankhead around here? Oh, I do, darling. And I imagine you're the poor little man who plays Jack Carter. So this is radio. Me, I'm a television boy. When I come on stage, they can see me. In radio, I'm just a voice without a body. Jack, that's radio. It happens to everybody. I'm just a voice without a body. Honey, with your voice, you don't need a body. Thank you, baby. Don't thank me, Tallulah. Tallulah Bankhead has become a national institution. Why, you're the Hopalong Cassidy of radio. I'm flattered. I think. Hopalong Cassidy, what program is she Mrs. of Ceremonies on? Now, it's a new thing now. Why, when kids come into my house now, they pull out their guns and they go, Ah, darling. Oh, that's what they're doing. Believe me, the whole town is Tallulah crazy. My wife is taking cold shots on account of you. Oh, I'm so sorry, darling. Did you have a bad cold? What are you talking about? She's trying to catch a cold so she'll sound more like you. Well, it is gratifying to know that your wife is a fan. Not only my wife, Tallulah. I walked by the Sixth Avenue delicatessen the other day and the smoke tongue in the window was singing, Give my regards to Broadway. A voice without a body again. I went into my favorite restaurant and they have a Tallulah sandwich named after you. No coaching, please. What kind of a sandwich is it? A triple decker, naturally. Oh, naturally. The Tallulah sandwich. Plenty of ham, a big tomato. And plenty of lettuce, darling. You know, Tallulah, the funniest thing is that right across the street in this restaurant is another restaurant that's copying your sandwich. Of course, it's not as good. Smaller ham, smaller tomato, and plenty of crust. Don't you dare mention a sandwich on this program! Now look, here's the point of the whole conversation. Oh, there is a point. Oh, yes, I admire you, Tallulah. Now, how do I get to be like you? Oh, my darling, you couldn't get to be like me if you lived to be a hundred years old. Oh, I don't, I don't, I want to be as talented as you are, not as old as you are. You keep that up, Buster, and you'll never get to be as old as I... Oh! I'll probably never get to be as old as you are if I have another year like 1950. Of course, I can't complain, 1950 was swell to me. I got my own show on television, on NBC, Saturday night. I love television. How else can you get into Betty Grable's home once a week, huh? Of course, really, it's hard work. But 1950, looking back, was a wonderful year. So many things happened. Brooklyn lost the pennant again. Margaret hit a wrong note, so Harry sent one. And of course, they had the new bathing suit in 1950 called the Bikini, spelled backwards as Ibn Ibnik, and... Oh, have you seen them? I saw one girl on the beach where there were just two handkerchiefs and a prayer, that's all. One girl had one on and all the fellows were standing around planning it with newspapers, trying to make her sneeze. I was just hanging around a Sega Zintide, and I noticed that all the women drivers are out this year like mad. I love those dolls. They get in the car and they get a look in their eye like, you shouldn't be living anymore. I don't mind the way women drive, it's the way they aim that bothers me. They come over from Jersey, they don't even wait until they get to the tunnel. Right over the water they go. And they make it too, that's what bothers me. Of course, Durand is afraid of women drivers. Anytime he's out in his car, sees a woman driver coming toward him, last time he did he saw a woman, he ran out of his car, jumped into a building, went up to sixth floor, ran into a house, hid under the bed. It didn't help, she got him anyway. Traffic, too much traffic. Too many people, where are the cops? Traffic, too much traffic. Too many stoplights, too many stops. Autos crawling down the avenue. Take too long to get where they're going. People waiting for the signal. To get away from the horns that are blowing. Why it's crowded, who allowed it? Can't we stop this jamboree? Cost as much, too many, and too many, much traffic for me. Going uptown, going downtown. It's a one-way street, turn around retreat. Hey, you think driving is a cinch? Brother, I ain't even moved an inch. Hey, look out, man, go faster. Look out for that road master. Look out, road master, look out. I am the new Buick Road Master. 1951, I'm lovely, I'm engaged, I use grease. And just listen to my horn. Specially arranged for the convertible by Meredith Wilson. Specially everything about me is the best. I have mink seat covers. And everybody in me is always gay and laughing. Either rich people are happy or those mink seats tickle, I don't know. And of course my owner is a wealthy boy, Terrence Cartwright. Very wealthy, he has the pie concession on the Milton Berle show. And last week, you know, Terrence was out with a debutante. He was driving in me and he was riding with one arm. And he leaned over to kiss her. All of a sudden I went off the road. I smashed into an embankment, I went up a tree, I turned over six times. I crashed onto the road. She called out of the car and she said, Mother, that's what I call a kiss. But my days are numbered, I am being sold to a used car dealer. You see, my ashtrays are full. Traffic? Too much traffic. Hear that blaring? It's not Fred Warren. Why hear that screeching? Someone's teaching someone how to drive. Why the pupils pouting? Pupils shouting, glory she's alive. Well, one thing, I'm not going to fidget. Look out for that midget. Look out for that midget car. Hey, look out midget. I'm just a little midget auto. At night they don't keep me in a garage. They throw a tablecloth over me and I play canasta. Oh, it's so embarrassing. You won't believe this, but pedestrians hit me. The other day some kids had fire on my roof. The firemen wouldn't put me out. They thought I was an old cigarette lighter. Oh, I tell you, it's awful. I have my good points though. I'm a convertible. I wasn't always, you know, but my owner found a can opener. Those trucks are always driving right over me. I gotta be moving now. Their light just changed. Can't seem to move. Oh, no wonder. There's chewing. I'm stuck under my tire. Traffic. Too much traffic. Too much bumping. Too much stumping. Hey, maybe walking is faster. Well, I think I'll take a stab. Hey, look around for the cab. Hey, taxi. Look out taxi. Watch a taxi. Look out taxi. I'm a taxi. Jack the hack. I'm not lovely. I'm not engaged. I'm hard to get, especially when it's raining. I guess you think I'm stupid, don't you? You know why I talk funny? My boss has got those baby shoes hanging in a windshield. All day long I keep getting kicked in the head. All day long. But I'm a pretty fair guy. If I hit a pedestrian, if I drag him six blocks, I only charge him what it says on the meter. Oh, I only latest equipment, you know. I got smoke rear view mirrors. They weren't that way original, but the couples in the backseat steamed them up, you know. Yeah, I'm a pretty tough guy. If I see a bus coming, I cut him right off. I see another car, I grind the spenders in half. I knock off trolleys. There's only one thing a taxi has to look out for. That's another taxi. Traffic, too much traffic. Can't they stop this jamboree? Cause there's much too many, too many much traffic, Paul B. Look out! Here's a word from RCA Victor. Inch for inch, your best buy in television is RCA Victor 19 inch. Yes, a great many American families have taken this advice to heart and bought the thrilling RCA Victor 19 inch console. Truly the most exciting buy in television. So when you set out for your RCA Victor dealers to become an RCA Victor million proof television set owner, remember that the set you choose will be the very hub of your home for years to come. It'll be the source of a great many hours of exciting home entertainment. So with this in mind, select the model you really want most. And chances are that model will be the Kingly RCA Victor 19 inch console. Inch for inch, your best buy in television. Your 19 inch set will give you in a great big way all the matchless, million proof qualities of sight and sound possible only to the world leader in electronics. Yes, inch for inch, your best buy in television is indeed RCA Victor 19 inch. And with it go wishes to you and your family for all the warmth and good cheer of million proof television by RCA Victor. And darlings, every once in a while show business is enhanced by the success of a performer whose talent is so distinctive, so utterly enchanting that it's almost impossible to describe without hearing and seeing. Such a gifted personality is a dear, dear friend of mine who just came over from England and is currently amusing after dark pleasure seekers at the swanky Versailles nightclub here in New York. One of the world's outstanding mimics, Miss Florence Desmond. Florence, darling. Hello, Tallulah. Oh, Florence, my pet, how good to see you again. Oh, darling, how long has it been that you and I spent that wonderful weekend together when I was playing in London, you remember, and I rented that picturesque old English castle. Oh, it's been quite some time, Tallulah. But that wasn't a castle you were living in. I seem to remember. Well, darling, it seemed like a castle, all those huge rooms. I bet there must have been about 40 rooms. I seem to remember five. A five room castle, don't be ridiculous. The castle was next to the place you rented. Wasn't it the gamekeeper's cottage with the five rooms? It had six rooms. You're mistaken, Tallulah, five. Well, if you're not going to count that other room. I do remember a party we gave, and you remember you entertained us with that, oh, your wonderful impression of that English general. Oh, I adored it. It was an English colonel, dear. Wherever it was, I adored it. I don't know why, Tallulah. I seem to remember you left for the theater to do your play before I did it. Well, if you ever do do it, I'm sure I will adore it. Why don't you do it now, won't you? Why does everybody pick on me on this program? I don't know how you ever thought whether a perfectly good song can be ruined in the hands of the wrong people. I got a crazy idea the other day, and I tried to imagine an old English army colonel doing the St. Louis blues. And I hate to see the evening sun go down. I hate to see the evening sun go down any time, really. That's when I start drinking, and it's bad for me. For instance, last night we had a whale of a party in the mess. It was a farewell to young Karoo. He'd been cashiered out of the army. Bad show. Oh, if I feel to borrow anything like I feel today, heaven help the army. I should think if Karoo feels to borrow anything like he feels today, he'll probably blow his brains out. Wouldn't be a bad idea at that. The first thing that boy can do is to pack his bags and make his getaway. We'd all started with a woman, an attractive little widow with dyed hair. We all knew it, all except Karoo. It was her birthday, and he asked her what she wanted. Oh, instead of replying like any normal woman and saying, oh, I don't know, a box of chocolates, she said she wanted the green eye of the little yellow god. And Karoo got it for her. What she thought she was going to do with it, how she thought she could wear it, or where she was going to put it, I haven't the vaguest idea. They called him Mad Karoo. Oh, he wasn't mad. And trifle impulsive, perhaps, but you, you can't call a fella mad for writing rude words on government house. I've wanted to do it myself many a time. We all hated the governor's wife. Ugly old bag. Too bad about Karoo, he had a great future in the army. Fine family, educated at Eaton, used to row for Oxford. Oh, I'll miss the young scamp. I say, boy, boy, bring me a stinger, will you? Every day you hear more and more about an incredibly fast way to relieve the pains of headache, neuritis, and neuralgia. It's ANASIN, A-N-A-C-I-N. Now, the reason ANASIN is so wonderfully fast-acting and effective is this. ANASIN is like a doctor's prescription. That is, ANASIN contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form. Thousands of people have received envelopes containing ANASIN tablets from their own dentist or physician, and in this way discovered the incredibly fast relief ANASIN brings from pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia. So, the next time a headache strikes, take ANASIN, A-N-A-C-I-N. ANASIN in handy boxes of 12 and 30, economical family-sized bottles of 50 and 100. Ask for ANASIN at any drug counter. Oh, Miss Bankhead. Oh, hello, Meredith, darling. Meredith Wilson. Well, how are you this week, Meredith? Oh, I'm all right, Miss Bankhead. But that story Florence Desmond told about Lieutenant Carew, whew, that was really a pistol. You liked it? Oh, very sad. The same thing that happened to this fellow happened to a fellow back home. Only his name wasn't Carew and he wasn't a lieutenant, but he was cashiered out of the service. Oh dear, here we go again. Oh, he was in the Army. Well, not exactly. You see, he was cashiered out of the service station. He worked for a chain of service stations and wore a uniform and everything, but he was fired for running around with the cashier. Cashier, yes. Oh, it was all very sad. Not as sad as it is now, darling. Well, it gets better as it goes along. Care to bet? Well, sir, Miss Bankhead, let me just tell you about betting. Now, Meredith, darling, please, please, one revolting story at a time. Better yet, let me put it this way. Why don't you play something for us, huh? Well, I'd love to. How about Zing Went the Strings of My Heart? Sounds delightful, darling. Ladies and gentlemen, here is Meredith Wilson and the big show, orchestra and chorus of the gay and enchanting interpretation of a memorable popular hit song, Zing Went the Strings of My Heart. Zing Went the Strings of My Heart. Zing Went the Strings of My Heart. Zing Went the Strings of My Heart. Never could carry it to, never knew when to start. You came along when everything was wrong and put a song in my heart. Here when you smiled at me, I heard a melody. It ordered me from the start. While nature seemed to be in perfect harmony, Zing Went the Strings of My Heart. Your eyes made sky seem blue again. What else could I do again? But keep repeating through again, I love you, love you. I still recall the thrill, I guess I always will. I hope we'll never depart. Here with your lips divine, our raps will be divine. Zing Went the Strings of My Heart. And right now on the big show, we want to tell you about the biggest show in town coming your way this Saturday, January 20th. It's the premiere showing of the new 1951 Buick at your nearest Buick dealers. Yes, the car everybody's been waiting for is coming this Saturday, the new all-star lineup of 1951 Buicks. Make a date to see how Buick's done it again in beauty, in style, in design and in performance. You will see new Buick features, new Buick smartness, a new and even more distinctive Buick look, front to rear, top to tires. The new 1951 Buick is made for thrills, excitement and distinction. Remember the date this Saturday, January 20th, the new 1951 Buick at your nearest Buick dealers. Hey, Miss, who's the traffic manager around here? I'm Martha Ray. I am the MC around here. Excuse me. Oh, Uncle Miltie. You know, I didn't recognize you in that costume. I am not Uncle Miltie, whoever she is. Oh, yes, of course. I should have known. You're Miltie's mother. What a faux pas. I could kill myself. May I watch? Look here, darling, and I use the word darling because they won't let me use the word I'd like to use. I am not Uncle Miltie. I am not Uncle Miltie's mother. I am Uncle Tallulah Bankhead. You're Tallulah Bankhead? Oh, knock it off, kid. You're flipping your lid, old girl. You know, I've been listening to this show, and I know what this Tallulah looks like. She's about eight feet tall, weighs 525 pounds, and is 95 years old. I will tell you now, my dear, coldly and dispassionately, that I am Tallulah Bankhead. Well, I asked you now coldly and just whatever you said. You've got rocks in your head, old girl. How can I make this idiot believe me? Here, listen to this. I'll be singing all the old familiar places. Well, I'm married, too. Now, who am I? Carmen Lamardo. Will you please look at me calmly and try to figure out who I am? Well, the way it sounds every week, Tallulah Bankhead is eight feet tall, weighs 525 pounds, is 95 years old, and... What do you know? You are Tallulah Bankhead. Oh, excuse me. You're not sure or anything, are you? Oh, of course not, darling. It's so reassuring to know that in half an hour I'll never have to see you again. Oh, well, she was, don't get mad, at least not for half an hour. You know, I came to see you because I know you can help me. You see, now, you're a dame with class, and me, I'm a dame. But I'm tired of running around with the kind of men I've been going out with. I'd like to go out with the kind of guys you go out with, those high-class bums. Can you tell me what I should do to better myself? Well, it's the little things that count. Well, most men go out with me because of my brain. You see, it's the little things that count. I'd like to travel with a higher-type crumb. You know, like a manager of an A&P. Or a boss painter. Or a Louis Calharn. Oh, you mean an old high-class boss. I don't know why it is. I make plenty of vacuum cleaner salesmen. But how do you get to meet Hoover? That's a very funny joke. Would you settle for Dewey? Why should I? Nobody else did. Out of the mouth is a baby. Are you kidding? With this mouth? You know, I've got a big problem for a girl of my sex. I've got to get my hooks into a real classy-type creep. Well, then I think I'll have to introduce you to Louis Calharn. Oh, it'll be love at first sight. Me married to Louis Calharn. I can see it now. Louis Calharn and me sharing the same laundry chute. Why don't you sing and get whatever is bothering you out of your system? What would you like to sing, darling? That old black magic. Well, that's the only way you'll ever get to marry Louis Calharn, darling. Black magic. She's a doll. Blue, blue, blue. That old black magic has me in its spell. That old black magic that I feel so well. As I see fingers up and down my spine. The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine. The same old tingle that I feel inside. And as that elevator starts to rise down and down I go. All around I go like a leaf that's caught in the tide. I should stay away but what can I do? I hear your name. Oh, I'm all aflame. Aflame, aflame. Aflame, aflame. That only your kiss can put out the fire. For you're the lover that I have waited for. The maid that fate had me created for. Every time your lips meet mine. Baby down and down I go. All around I go in a sting. Love in the still me. Under that old black magic called love. I should stay away but what can I do? I hear your name. And I'm all aflame. Aflame, with such a burning desire. Only your kiss can put out the fire. For you're the lover that I have waited for. The maid that fate had me created for. Every time your lips meet mine. Baby down and down I go. All around I go in a sting. Love in the still me. Under that old black magic called love. Ah Martha darling, that was divine. Now let's see darlings, I better give the darling little stations all over the country a break. Huh? Lulula? Yes Jack Carter? Watch with the station break bit. The station break bit? Oh let me put it this way, I'd like to ring your chime. Darling, ask me anything but my chimes I give to no man. Oh Lulula, before you ring your chimes I'd like to mention that this portion of the program was brought to you by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television, by the makers of Anisyn, for fast relief from pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia, and by your local Buick dealer, who introduces the new 1951 Buick this coming Saturday, January 20th. Don't miss seeing the new 1951 Buick. Well Ed, if you can be a name dropper, so can I. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company. This is the big show, and here is to Lulula Bankhead. Tonight on Broadway darlings, there's a fine revival of a comedy playing to capacity. It is that renowned classic by George S. Kaufman and Edna Ferber called The Royal Family. Tonight we're bringing you a scene from the play, in which I portray a member of a famed theatrical family, Julie Cavendish to be exact, and Urkel Hearn plays the role of my brilliant but incredible brother Tony. So, the curtain is up and you meet some of the members of the Royal Family. Good heavens, Miss Julie, you're dripping wet. Take your shoes off. I'll get your warm mules. Oh, thank you, dear. Where is he, where is he, my brother Tony? Roaming the house like a caged lion. Miss Julie, your coat is ripped. The entire population of New York is standing on our doorstep, howling for a glimpse of America's foremost screen lover. In the meantime, they take what fortune sends, and it just so happens to be me. Here now, slip these on. Oh, good Julie, so thank you, thank you. Oh, what a day this has been. I had to get out of the corner, you don't dare drive up. Oh, my dear Debra, you should try playing a matinee audience made up entirely of sea lions. They came in wet to the knees and never did dry off. They spent the first act taking galoshes off and the last act putting them on. You know, my dear, I looked out once during the last act and couldn't see a face. And coughing, coughing. I think they had a cheerleader. Lincoln couldn't have held them but the Gettysburg address. Oh, there you are Julie, did you get my passport? A peg on your public, Tony. I'm a battered wreck. Julie, the passport. Have you got the passport? Oh, shut up, Tony. I'm not over my matinee. Dinner at the usual time, Miss Julie. No, no, no, no, hold it a while, Della, please. Mr. Gilbert Marshall phoned. Oh, oh, darling, oh dear, I forgot to call him. He said he'd call here. Oh, good, good. Della, the dress shop says your dress is all red. Oh, dress me hang, my boat sails at midnight. What have you done about my passport? Tony, my love, your distinguished producer, Oscar Wolf is getting it. Oh, he is? Why didn't you say so, thank heaven. He's been pulling all sorts of wires. He's been in and out of my dressing room all afternoon. Everybody's been in and out of my dressing room all afternoon. Compared to my dressing room, Grand Central Station was a rustic retreat. Reporters and process servers and subsystems. Listen, Julie, how soon will Wolf get here? Oh, I don't know. Oh, right away. And he's bringing the money for you, too. I kept your reservations and I paid for it. By the way, you neglected to tell me that you were roughing it across in the Royal Suite. I can't travel as a stowaway. How a battleship for all I care. But remember, I'm a working girl. What do you do with all your money anyway? You go out to Hollywood with a billion dollar contract and you buy a pink plaster palace for 150,000 and I sell her a proscini for 20,000, Hispana's squeezer for 25, a camp in the Sierras for another 50,000. You were sunk a quarter of a million dollars before they ever rolled a camera on you. And as soon as they start to take a picture, you knock out the director and quit. Oh, it'll blow over in a month. That's why I want to get away. Why, why, why do you have to go to Europe? What are you going to do to get there? I am going to bathe in the pure beauty of Athens. I want to lose myself in that black forest of the barrier. Oh, I don't know where I'm going. Anyplace where it rains all the time. All right, brother, go to a pang-o-pang-o. But attend your own hostel. What's that, somebody at the door? Keep calm, keep calm. They can't get up here. No, carry. You think I better put some furniture against the front door? Well, you have to go out sometime, don't you? They can't keep back the Queen Mary up to our house. No, I'll get out all right when the time comes. Well, what is it, what is it, Bella? Oh, one of them reporters tried to get up in the service elevator, but they got him. That crowd still standing around down there in the wet snow? They're certainly the mob of them, Miss Julie. Looks like a bigger crowd than the time Mr. Tony got his first divorce. Don't tell our faithful retainers to man the battlements. Blot fire on them if they try to stall. Yes, sir. I don't have much time, Julie. I'll have to get aboard early if I'm to dodge the crowd. About that passport! Who says you have to get on a boat? Maybe I am naive. A million reasons. I feel like it. I want to get so far from Hollywood and sunshine. I never want to hear camera again. Or stage either, for that matter. You can have it. I'm through. Oh, through. You've been saying that ever since you played Little Lord Falkeroy. Oh, but I mean it this time. That's why I'm going abroad. Give me two years in Munich with my violin under Russia, and I'll show you what the stage means to me. I can be a great musician, or I may go away into India and study Hindu philosophy. It's the only real thing in the world. You wear just one garment, you know, a long white robe. That'll be restful. The stage. I'd rather spend ten minutes in the cathedral at shot. I don't give a... What are all these letters? They've been here all day. What are they? Stop shouting. It's your veil! Why didn't you say so? Throw it in the trash. Look, look, brother mine. You're not fooling me about why you're going to your cathedral. And violin and long white garments. It's this woman you're running away from. Else why was she on the same train as you? Oh, I'm not afraid of her. I gave her the slip in Chicago. Just the same. That's why you're running away. Now don't lie to me, Tony Cavendish. Well, suppose I am. I'm not afraid of her. Then what is it? It's that blankety blank process server she's got after me. Which blankety blank process server? The breach of promise suit. Breach of promise? Yeah, it's $200,000. That's why I'm getting steak cooped up here. You don't think I'm afraid of reporters, do you? But if they ever clap that paper on me, I can't say no. $200,000 for breach of promise. Assault and battery on his director. Probably another $100,000. And breaking your contract with the picture company. I guess half a million will cover it. Well, it's worth it. Dad, that sunshine. What did you ever promise this movie actress is worth $200,000? Oh, she claims to have some letters. I didn't want her in the first place. She was that director's girl. That's why he got slaw. That's the process server. Oh, Daddy. Who is there? Miss Cavendish, this is Gilbert Marsh. Oh, it's Gil. Let him in, Gil. Let him in. Hello. Gil, darling. Oh, is this a time to entertain people? Oh, Gil, it's so wonderful to see you. Is something wrong, Julie? Can I help all those people on the street? Oh, everything's happening, darling. Oh, but just family, Gil. Oh, you're still sane, aren't you? Aren't you? And solid and reliable and sure. I hope so. Oh, I know. And I was going to be so ravishing on our first meeting. I had it all planned, darling. Oh, let me make an entrance, will you? I say, is it really you, Gil? And after all these years, you say... On to the phone! Oh, God, excuse me, Gil. Hello. Hello. Oh, Oscar, yes, dear. Yes, I'm sure you did, but... Who is it? Who is it? What's wrong? Oh, Oscar, well, of course, yes. You can't say, well, there's no use, darling. There's nothing to it to be. Yes, I know it is. Yes, I know. Well, I'm even very shocked to see the assignment. Don't worry. I'll give a good performance. Well? Well, that was Oscar Wolf. Now, Tony, now, Tony, I don't want you to hit the ceiling. He hasn't got my passport! It is not so vital. You haven't done anything so terrible. You don't know what you're talking about. You'll find out of it. Vital. I get it. If this woman... Oh, don't be so childish, Tony. What can she do to you? You talk like somebody in a melodrama. Now, now, calm down and shut up! Oh, oh, Gil, this is my brother, Tony. What can she do to me? I'll tell you what she can do to me. Tony, Tony, Tony, will you be quiet? This is Mr. Gilbert Marshall, uh, uh, my brother, Tony. John! What the devil kind of jam do you think I'm in anyway? What do you think I blew all the way from California for? The ride? I've got to get out of here, I tell you. That woman's in town by this time. You know what that means? You don't know that polka. Why, I've seen her pick up a thing like this ashtray here, only bigger and heavier. She's a killer. She'll do anything. She just as soon as she was looking at you, she's a pole, you know. She's cuckoo about me, and she knows I'm through with her. Now, if you don't want to do anything to help me, why, all right, you're a devil of a sister. I'm only your brother. Why should you bother about me? But I'm telling you now, if they get me, I'll be all over the front page. And so will you and the whole blasted family. Now, if that's what you want, believe me, that's what you're going to get. What am I doing with this ashtray? There, pleased to have met you, Miss Stiglitz. Wait, wait, what's this about a passport? You know, Tony must get a passport. He can't sail for Europe. All right, that passport gets you an emergency one. I've got friends downtown. When? Have it sent down to the Queen Mary, say, 20 minutes. Better still, I'll take it down myself and smuggle you aboard. Oh, Gil, darling, you're a rock. Good man. We could use a chap like this in the family. Della, Della, where are you? Get my stuff together. We're on our way. Coming, Mr. Tony. Goodbye, Gil, darling. Bless you. Hurry back, won't you? Goodbye, Tony. Get three cabs exactly all right. Carry the stuff out. Put it in the third cab. Gilson, we'll take the first. All set? End of a perfect day, thank heavens. Oh, Tony, Tony, now don't shatter a tug and come back. That's all I ask. Now take care of your sign-off. Keep out of Russia. Why, you have to go to your boat. Never mind, never mind, darling. Goodbye, goodbye. Open the door. Get ready to attack. This is the big breakthrough. They can't stop us now. One, two, three, charge. Remember, it's the guaranteed thrust. Goodbye, goodbye, brother. Goodbye, brother. Oh, brother, for the peace and quiet of Mesa's basins. Well, you're very kind, darling. We share your applause with two fine performers, Martin Blaine as Gil and Miss Nell Harrison as Zella. As for you, Louie Calhurn, I can only say I wish we could do a play together on Broadway. To be in a play with you would be my pleasure, my sweet. The theater is supposed to be an endless, but with performers like you, it could easily be cured, sweetie. You could cure it single-handed, sugar. Hey, Jimmy, get a load of those two sugar-cured hams. Yeah, Martha, there's something going on here that ain't kosher. Let's you and me show them how to really do some acting. Oh, it'll be my pleasure, my sweat. Sweet. Sweet. We can beat them playing the royal family and give them spades. In fact, we'll play it with spades. We'll call it the royal flush. Can it be my sister, Miss Ray? Hey, Goomba, can't we be more than just sisters? How about brothers? Mededith, some acting music, if you please. Julie, I've got to get out of town. Where's my passport? How am I going to get out of town without my passport? You said you was going to get me a passport. I've got two and one passports, and I'm still waiting to get the other one. What am I going to do with two passports? I only need one. Well, they're having trouble with your picture on the passport. They couldn't get that nose on only one. All of a sudden, I need two passports. I'm in a double gelapety. I've got to get out of town, Julie. Where are you going, Tony? Anyplace where it rains all the time. Oh, you're going back to Hollywood, California, John. No, I can't go back to Hollywood. I promised that girl a mink coat, but I got her a muskrat rake cake. Now she's trying to pin the rap on me. Who's the girl, Tony? Only one of the greatest actresses dead or alive, and I wish she were. None other than the one and only Tallulah Bonkhead. She's an actress? Not an actress. Not an actress. You don't like her because once she gave you a hot foot. Why, she can't hold a match to me. She did. Why, when I played Juliet, the rafters shook. And believe me, it ain't easy to play Juliet and run up and shake the rafters at the same time. They're very bad. I've got to get out of town. Where's my passport? I've got to get out of town. Where are you going, Tony? I'm going to bathe in the pure beauty of Athens. Jimmy, I'm going to bathe in the pure beauty of Athens. You do what you want, and I'll do what I want. I've got to get out of town. Where's my passport? I've got to get out of town. I'll manage it for all I care. You went to Hollywood with a million dollar contract, and you got yourself plastered in a pink palace. It cost 150,000. You spent 50,000 for a car. A Spaniel Pro. A Billie. But you need like a hole in the hood. Hole in the hood. Bye. Okay, if you won't get me a passport, I'm leaving anyway. I'll go where this Tallulah dame will never find me. Farewell, Julie. Where are you going, Tony? There's a little picture theater around the corner. She'll never go there. They're showing all about Eve. Farewell, Julie. Farewell. Farewell, brother. For the peace and quiet of Macy's window. Martha and Jimmy, the Royal Family abdicate in your honor. You were both really... Excuse me, may I speak to you a moment, Miss Bankhead? Why, of course, Mr. Carter, with why the formality. What did you want to talk about, Jack? That's it, Jack. I think I can save you a lot of Jack on this show. You see, Florence Desmond and I have been figuring it out. All the stars you have on this big show. Why the actor's salary is alone, it's running to five figures. Not forgetting mine, darling. Okay, seven with your figure. I asked for that. You asked for that figure? Isn't he dull? No, what I'm trying to say, Tallulah, is that Florence Desmond and I can do this whole show by ourselves. Why, we can be every big star you ever had in these shows. Just Florence and I. It'll save you a lot of money. Oh, you mean just the three of us will do the big show. Just the two of us. Florence and I. She's a better Tallulah than the original. Much better. Could we do a sample for you? If you don't, we'll be five minutes short. Go ahead, darling. Okay, Tallulah Desmond, you're on the air. Ladies and gentlemen, here is your hostess, the glamorous, unpredictable Tallulah Desmond. Well, darling. Hello, darlings. I call you all darlings because you are darlings, darlings. Thank you, Fred. Boy, the most revolting, nauseating story. Don't you dare mention my name on this program. Isn't she sweet? Give my regards to Broadway. Remember me to Howard Square. Why can't that officer stay on key? Boy, you've been darlings, darlings. Isn't she sweet? Excuse me, Tallulah. Why, darlings, it's Fred Alan Carter, darlings. Thank you, one and none. Oh, Fred, that is insanely divine. Yes, Tallulah, and now that you mention it, Florida is cold. Why, it was so cold down there, when I went to sleep at night, I had to slip in between two pieces of hot pastrami. And, darlings, here is Meredith Wilson Carter and a teensy weeny tiny show orchestra and chorus in one of Meredith's teensy weeny tiny arrangements of Dardener. That was divine, Meredith, darlings. Well, sir, now here is Marlene Dietrich Desmond. Hello, Tallulah, darling. Falling in love again Never wanted to What am I to do I can't help it Wherever I go, men, follow me and try not I make such good Venus schnitzel. There is his way. Oh, hey, Tallulah. Edwin Carter. Oh, listen, Tallulah, tonight I would like to explain the story of the opera Carmen, you know. But Ed, I'm going to sing. Give my regards to God. Oh, that's enough, that's enough. I'll explain it up to there. Now, you see, Carmen is working in a cigar factory. Oh, this is wonderful, you know. Now, she's wrapping cigars, and one day she meets a fellow named Guy. Now, Guy and Carmen decide to become brothers, you see. So later they organize an orchestra, which is known as the cigar band. Well, look who's here. Hildegard Desmond the incomparable. I'm going to say, Pa, what to do Darling, I love you dear I do, I do. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Well, and here's Vaughan Monroe Carter. Racing with a girl. I have been your father's balloon. Thank you Vaughan Monroe Carter, darling. And now... Hello, hello. How's every little Inky Dinky Doo? I wanted to do this one. Oh, no, no, no. I do Durante. I said I'll do this one. This is sabotage. Here, I'll do it, Jack. Chida beat, chida beat, chida beat, chida beat, chida beat. Ay-ya, ay-ya, ay-ya. Chida beat, chida beat, chida beat, chida beat, chida beat. What a lurk. I'm practically no old coward. Chida beat, chida beat, chida beat, chida beat, chida beat. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Stop the mimic, stop the mimic. I'm the real Jimmy Durante. What is this, a man and woman imitating Durante? An imposter and an impostatrice. I think it's charming, Jimmy. Are you the real Tallulah Bankhead? I am the only Tallulah Bankhead. Now, Jimmy, and I think it's really wonderful for people to imitate you. There's room in this world for more than one Durante. You know, darling, this might be a better world for all of us to live in if everybody was as warm and as sweet and as lovable as you. If the world were full of Durantes, what a wonderful world it would be. If the world were full of Durantes, what a wonderful world it would be. Every day would be sunny, life would really fumble. So much luck, there'd be no room for trouble if the world were full of Durantes. Think of all the sights we'd see. A football game at the Tournament of Roses, imagine one football and 90,000 roses. If the world were full of Durantes, what a wonderful world it would be. Thanks, Tula, and may I return to compliment and say if the world were full of Tallulahs, what a wonderful place it would be. Every heart in a man would be tripping like a hammer. Their eyes would pop just from seeing so much glamour. If the world were full of Tallulahs, how unpredictable the women would be. I can picture each man just as nervous as a star. And she'd kiss him and say, you're for me, you darling, darling. If the world were full of Tallulahs, what a wonderful world it would be. The Janks would win the pennant, and I'm not trying to be a smarty, and Republicans would all join the Democratic Party. If the world were full of Tallulahs, what a baritone world, what an effervescent world, what a wonderful world it would be. Would be if the world were only full of Tallulahs and Durantes. What a wonderful world it would be. We hope you'll be with us next week when our stars will be Fred Allen, Eddie Cantor, Portland Hoffer, Judy Holliday, Gypsy Rose Lee, Vaughan Monroe, Patricia Munsell, and of course, Meredith Wilson, and the Big Show Orchestra. And until then, may the good Lord bless and keep you. Well and near, or far away. Friends, may you find that long awaited golden day today. Louie? May your troubles all be small ones, and your fortune ten times ten. Lawrence? May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again. Martha? May you walk with sunlight shining and a blue bird in every tree. Jack? May there be a silver lining back of every cloud you see. Jimmy? In your dreams with sweet tomorrows, never mind what might have been. May the good Lord bless and keep you until we meet again. In your dreams with sweet tomorrows, never mind what might have been. May the good Lord bless and keep you until we meet again. Good night, darlings. Listen to the Big Show next week at the same time when our guests will be 104th today. Listen, This is NBC, the national broad...
