Pensions of the following program are transcribed. Here is Dick Powell as Richard Diamond, private detective. Are you Mr. Diamond? Creditor or client? I'm a client. I'm a diamond. I'm glad. It's a little informal, but hello glad. Call me Rick. Oh no, no, no. My name is Julia Bates. Mrs.? Yes, but you don't have to call me Mrs. Bates. I'm a widow, you see. Oh. In fact, it may help our relationship if you call me Julia. Oh, well, here we go again. All right, Julia, you can call me Rick. The fee is 100 a day in expenses. I want you to stay at my house tonight. I said 100 a day in expenses. Oh, the fee is all right, Mr. Rick. Money means nothing. Yeah, well, you think your way and I'll think mine. I'll make out a check right now. No hurry, anytime in the next 10 seconds. Oh, dear. Thanks. Now, about this assignment. Well, it may sound silly, but I'm afraid of the house I live in. Oh, dandy. I said it might sound silly, but it's deadly serious, I assure you. No, I'm sure it is. You see, my husband, Warner Bates, died three months ago. He was a very strange man and believed devoutly in many forms of mysticism. Oh, yeah, yeah. He built this house as a monument to his beliefs and filled it with secret passages and rooms and steps that lead nowhere. Why not move out? I'll be perfectly honest. It's because of the money. Oh, oh, oh. In his will, Warner stipulated I was to live in the house for a period of three months following his death. Three months is up tomorrow. And it doesn't help that Warner is buried in the basement vault. What's he doing, watching Benny's money? Well, he had a crypt built in the cellar and a key, the only key to it was placed in his coffin. What's supposed to happen tonight? Well, let me tell you the whole story. A month ago, I began to hear the strangest things in the house at night. I found food half eaten on the kitchen table. Ever try setting traps? Well, the worst shot came when I went to the cellar a few days ago. I found footprints in the dust, naked footprints, leading to and from the crypt. Maybe you had to take a shower. Oh, please, please let me finish. On his deathbed, Warner swore he'd visit me at the end of the third month, and if he could, take me with him back to the spirit world. Oh, and tonight is the night. Yes. At first, I didn't think it would get me, but, oh, I'm scared, really scared. Yeah, well, now look, baby, let's get off this mystic kick. Who inherits if you don't live up to your requirement? Well, that's just it, no one. That is, no person that the money goes to charities and schools. Mr. Anderson, the executor of the estate, says the will is foolproof, legal, and binding. Either I live in the house until noon tomorrow or forfeit the inheritance. So what you want me to do is hang around tonight and see that Hubby doesn't go death walking. Yes, that's right. You don't have to be there till dark, but, oh, don't be any later than that. Say, six o'clock? Excuse me. Diamond Detective Agency, freewheeling corpses, ask the man who kills one. That's rich. When are you going to stop those awful slogans? Oh, hello, Helen, baby. Got to call you back, got a client. All right. Is she pretty? I don't know. I'm parked behind a curve. What? Oh, forget it, I'll call you back. Bye. Now, Julia, you better go on home. Where's your broom? Broom? Do you think I look like a witch? You don't look like one, more like the good fairy after she'd heard about men. Now, you fly on home, sweetheart, and I'll see you at six. Don't be late. I'll be there with bones on. I tried to uncurl my toes and get my mind on business. Thinking of my spooked client didn't seem to help, but it was business. It was getting pretty late in the afternoon, so I put the office to bed for the night, picked up a bite to eat, and went over to the fifth precinct to keep a coffee date with Lieutenant Levinson. When I walked into the squad room, I spotted Sergeant Otis with his nose and a book. Now, hello, Otis. What's with the book? Don't tell me you're learning to read. Hello, Shaman, how's tricks? The book, Sergeant. What's the book? What book? Oh, Lieutenant's inside. He said for you to go right in when you came. Otis, tell Uncle Richard about the book. Oh, it's just a book. Here, I was trying to improve myself. Well, don't feel ashamed, Otis. You've got a reason to do that. Yeah, very funny. I see. Hmm, the art of graceful dancing. Otis. Well, what's wrong with me dancing, Shaman? I don't want to be no social outcast. Dancing? Well, maybe, but graceful? Otis, you couldn't be graceful even if your feet did match. Tell you what, though, I'll give you a hand. Now, just open your arms and pretend you have a dame. Go on, I'll start you on a waltz. Well, okay. Ah. Da da dee dee dum, wee wee, wee wee. Da da, oh, no, no, no, Otis. You look like an elephant with sprained ankles. Now try again and close your eyes. Ya da dum dee dee dee dee dee. Otis, where's my button? Otis, put me down. What? Oh. Yeah, I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I thought you was a dame. You what? Oh. I mean, I had my eyes closed. I was dancing. Oh, Lieutenant, the shamans talked me into it. Rick, would you mind telling me what you were doing? Saving Arthur Murray Ulcers. Yeah, well, come on in and get some coffee. And Otis. Yeah? Shut up. Shall I pour? Please do. You know how I like mine, Walt. No cream, twelve lumps. I'd better change that. I would think so. Okay, how many? Make it fourteen. Your coffee's stronger than mine. It's not so strong, Rick. Here. Thanks. You better wipe that spot off the desk. The varnish is beginning to smoke. Your jokes aren't any better. You want to stick around for the heart game tonight? I can't, Walt. I've got a client with a house full of spirits. What? The dead kind. With you on the job, there'll be corpses jumping out of every window. Yeah, well, if they start, I'll give you a call. I know, I know. Why don't you give up being a detective, Rick? Play postman or something. Walt, you just don't seem to appreciate my favors. Uh, uh-oh, I'm getting late. It's nearly six. It's a peaceful night, Rick. See if you can't keep it that way. Oh, sure, Walt, sure. This is one night you can take it easy. Uh, give me two more lumps, please. Leaving Walt and heading to the Bates' house, I was feeling as happy as a bird in a hat full of worms. I had a hundred bucks to stall off the landlord, a lovely redheaded girlfriend with curves, and a spooked client with trouble. Everything great. Then the storm began to blow up. It had started to rain when I saw the Bates' house on Temple Street, a big, ugly house straight out of a horror story, with gables and shuttered windows. And as if that wasn't enough, I was met at the door by a butler who was a tiny thing, about seven feet tall and 300 pounds, with a face that looked like a man's. I was a little bit scared, but I was a little bit scared. I was a little bit scared. I was a little bit scared. I was a little bit scared. I was a little bit scared, about seven feet tall and 300 pounds, with a face like the devil with a hangover. Come in. Oh, yeah, I wanted to see Mrs. Bates, of course. You are Mr. Diamond. She left a word with you? I need no word. I am the seventh son. Of a what? The seventh son. Of a... Oh, no. This could go on forever. Okay, lead on. The name is Kane. How's your brother? Well... Forget it. Where's your... Mrs. Bates? In the drawing room. This way, sir. Cozy little mausoleum. What time do the ghosts come out? Usually right after the vampire, sir. Oh, Dandy. I hope they have an early show. Oh, it will be soon enough, sir. The dead are restless tonight. Maybe if I rocked them to sleep, I... Got a rock? Mrs. Bates? Mr. Diamond. Oh, thank you, Cain. Hello, Rick. How do you like my house? Oh, it's lovely. What do you use for doorknobs? Heads? And what's with the big zombie? You didn't mention him. Cain? Oh, he's a fixture around here, but... I get frightened more when he's around than when he's gone. Well, now you take it easy, baby. Come on over and sit down and let me chase those fears away. Oh, that is an idea. Name me a better. Can I fix you a drink? Oh, I think I'll take a glass of milk, sir. Here you are. Oh, now, hey, look, crusher, put a beller on your neck or something. One more surprise like that and you'll be best man at the funeral. My apologies. Your milk, sir. Yeah, thanks, sir. Come on, Jojo, let's get back to where we were. And you, Cain, you... Hey, where'd he go? Rick, Rick, there it is. Yeah. That's the way it starts. Listen. It's the stairs to the cellar. Someone's climbing them. What? Oh, it's probably Cain. You wanted me, sir. Cain? Then who... You wait in here, Julia. I'll go out and get our nosy friends. The cellar door is at the end of the hall. I left Julia looking as nervous as a one-legged man walking a tightrope and took off down the long hall. There was only one door, the one to the cellar. So I opened it and flipped on the switch. I was moving my ankles down the creaking steps when I heard trouble. What the devil? Julia, Julia! Are you hurt? What is it? Rick, Rick, over there in the closet, a dead man! A dead... Oh, no. There's no dead man in here. Not there. But I saw him, Rick, I swear to... There was a man in there. He was all bloody and there was a big knife in his chest. Oh, but you must have been mistaken. About a corpse, Rick, he was there. I don't see... Oh, wait a minute. You know, on the floor, blood stains. You see, there was a man in there. This is blood, all right. But where'd the body go? He couldn't have been moved that fast. Unless... where's Kane? Right here, Mr. Diamond. But I did not move the dead one. No? Where were you just now when Julia screamed? Having tea with a vampire? No, I was in the kitchen, sir. Do not be mystified, Mr. Diamond. Except the fact that you were in a house controlled by the other world. There's been a murder, Kane, and that brings it into this world. Who were you calling? A real-life cop who likes to know about dead bodies kicking around. Lieutenant Levinson, I'm sorry. Walt, Rick. Oh, no. I know that tone. Where's the body? I wish I knew. Come on over to 209 East Temple Street. Wait. What do you mean, you wish you knew? Is there a body there? It's here someplace. Now, don't argue. Get over here. Wait, wait. And hurry. Now, Kane, you can go back to the kitchen, but stay there. Don't roam around. As you wish, sir. Now, Julia, baby, we're going to do some investigating. Investigating? That's right. I got a big yen to see what's in that vault downstairs. And this time, I'm taking you with me. But Rick, it's locked. I hope so, but I'm not making book. You mean you think it may actually have been Warner come back from the dead? And I killed that man, I mean? Right now, I don't know what I think. I wouldn't be surprised to run into Dracula sitting on top of the wolf man. Here's the basement. Hey, who turned out the light? I know I turned it on before. Yeah, that's better. Come on. Oh, Rick, it's cold down here. Oh, hurry, Rick. I'm getting scared. Yeah, I don't like the feel of it myself, but I want to check this vault. See? See the footprints there in the dust? I see them, but I don't believe them. Not yet. Yeah, I'll try the door of the vault. Why, it's unlocked. Yeah, and look what's inside. The coffin is empty. It's empty, all right, and it's open. Are you going inside? No, no, I think I'll stay out here. The light! Rick, who put out the light? It wasn't Edison, baby. We got company. Julia, I told you I'd come back for you. Warner? Hey, what is this? I am dead. You know who I am, don't you, Julia? Yes. Yes, I know it's you, Warner. I'm coming for you tonight, Julia. I will appear at nine o'clock. I better set my watch. Be prepared to meet me, Julia, at nine o'clock. No, no, Warner, no, no, no. Take it easy, baby. Rick, you down there? Oh, hallelujah. Yeah, Walt, turn on the lights. Sure. There, they're on. Rick, what are you doing there? Oh, a flop. I should have known. Well, do come upstairs and join me. We're coming, Walt. Now, what is this all about? Wait a minute, Walt. Otis, help Mrs. Bates into the living room. She's pretty shaken up. Sure, Shamos. Come on, lady. Now, what is all this about, Rick? Now, come on back downstairs with me, Walt, and get your gun out. Somewhere in this cellar is a dead man with a lousy sense of humor. Well, we searched the long cellar but good... while I briefed Walt on the events of the evening. Neither was much of a success. Walt didn't believe me, and our ghost remained a ghost. As we went back up into the living room, I was at a point where I didn't believe the things myself. They couldn't have happened, but they had. Hey, Otis, where did Mrs. Bates go? She went upstairs to pack. Shamos said she was going to leave. Leave? And give up her dough? Oh, for Pete's sake, she can't... Not just because of this ghost house. Ghost house? Oh, this is the wackiest yet. Rick, if I didn't know, you were so... Walt, do I look like I'm happy about these things? I'm at a point where I'm believing in spooks and spirit worlds and dead men who talk from out of nowhere. Yeah, so the Shamos is afraid of spooks. This I'm loving. Otis. I know, Lieutenant, shut up. Did I say that, Otis? Well, no, Lieutenant. What did you want me to do? Shut up! Oh, gee, I wish I had a glass of... A glass of water, Sergeant. Oh, come out from behind that chair, Otis. It's only cane. Who's he? Well, didn't he let you in? No, we found the door open. When we rang and no one answered, we came in. Oh, did you? Hey, Cain, where were you? Did you hear the doorbell? I knew the door was open, Mr. Divald. And I was busy. Like maybe playing ghost? No, sir. Baking a cake. Cake? Oh, swell. Rick, I'm all packed. Will you take me to a hotel? Now, well, Julia, look, you can't leave. Think of the money. Money or no money, I'm getting out of here, Rick. That was Warner's voice, and I... I just don't have the nerve to stay. Oh, but look, baby, you know there aren't any such things as ghosts. Do I? You were in the cellar with me. You heard him. And did you find anybody down there afterwards? Well, no, but... Just a minute, Mrs. Bates. You saw a murdered man earlier this evening in June. You know I did, in that closet. Yeah, well, until I find out who he is and who killed him, you don't leave this house. But, but, but Warner... I'm sorry, Julia. We'll protect you, but you can't leave. Otis, take Mrs. Bates into the library and make her comfortable. Hey, Yeliton, come on, Mrs. Bates. Well... Now, Rick, enough is enough. How could there have been a body in that closet? One minute, not the next. Where did it go and why? How the devil should I know? She saw it, screamed, I ran back, opened the closet, and it was gone. Oh, great. Now, come on. I want a better look at that closet. Well, it looks all right. I wonder how it sounds. Use your gun butt on the walls. Now... Oh, yeah, yeah, this is it. Yeah, but where's the latch? There must be some way to open this section. Try those hooks. Yeah. No, no, not them. Maybe this is right. What? Secret room, just like in the movies. Oh, oh, there he is. Yeah, we found the corpse, Walt. And how he disappeared so fast. Oh, some mess. Blood all over him. Walt, hey, this is no corpse. What? Oh, now, don't start that. No? Well, look at it closer, Walt. It's a dummy. Well, it is. Waxed dummy with blood smeared on it. No wonder I wasn't meant to see it. Oh, this is it. I'm getting out of this crazy house. Corpses that talk, corpses that aren't corpses. I've had enough. This is just plain ridiculous. Now, wait, Walt. Someone planted this dummy, and someone is trying to scare Mrs. Bates out of this house. That same someone is in this house right now. And if he isn't stopped, it may mean her murder. How are you feeling, Julia? I'm exhausted, Rick, but I... We found the body, Julia. It was a dummy. A dummy? Well, then, then there wasn't any murdered man? No, this whole thing is a bluff, even that voice in the cellar. Oh, no, that couldn't be. That was Warner's voice, Rick. I know it was, and he's not in his coffin. I know, baby, and I think that's all phony, too. Now, tell me, who knew of that only key in the coffin business? Just myself, and Mr. Anderson. Anderson? Oh, that's right. You remember, he was Warner's lawyer. Oh, yeah. How about Cain? Did he know of the key? Well, I don't know, Rick. He may have Warner confided in him a great deal. Rick, this isn't getting us anyplace. Come with me. Otis, you stay with Mrs. Bates. Yeah, okay. All right, Walt, what are we going to do, grill the dummy? Go ahead, be funny, but I want to search this whole house. Oh, Walt, this place is a nuthouse full of secret rooms and hocus pocus. It'll take two maps and a Ouija board to get around in it. Well, I'm going to get around in it, and up these stairs is as good a place as any to start. Ow! Hello, Walt. Oh, stairs that lead to a blank wall. Rick, that's too much. Now, would you stop playing games? Playing games, he says. Oh, where is my bicarbonate? Here you are, Lieutenant. Ah! Sorry to be late. Where's the thunder cane, you Mr. Q? Will there be anything else, sir? I don't see how, sir. Not unless Frankenstein drops in for a game of jacks. I doubt if he will. Tonight it's at his house. So... I'll be on hand if you need anything. We won't. Go on back to your embalming. Come on, Walt. You feeling okay? Oh, I'll never feel okay again. Rick, I've stood for your getting me mixed up in some crazy cases, but this night I'll never forgive. Oh, don't quit on me now, Walt. We still have to find that spook and keep Junior from being killed. How? Please, tell me how. Look, he said he was going to appear at nine o'clock tonight to take her to the spirit world with him. Yeah, well, I'll get a squad down here to see that he doesn't. No, no, Walt, wait. He'll never show up if we're all hanging around, right? Well, yeah. The only way we can catch the ghost is for him to show up, right? Yeah, go on. So what do we do? So we pretend to leave, make a big fuss about giving the whole thing up. Then we sneak back in and hide. We wait and see if he shows up and when he said he would, and if he does, we nab him. Case closed. It sounds screwy, but to wind this case up, I'll buy anything. Where do we hide? We'll get Junior to wait in the living room. We'll sneak back and hide in that secret room behind the closet. If the ghost shows, we can grab him as soon as he gives himself away. And I think he'll show. After getting Junior to agree to the idea, Walt, Otis, and I made a big thing about leaving the house. Then we sneak back in and hid in the secret room back in the living room closet. The closet door was open enough so we could see Junior pretending to read on the couch. And for the next few centuries, we waited. We waited for a dead man to keep a date. What time is it, Rick? It's two minutes to nine. If he's going to show, it won't be long. Hey, you think a dead man really can come back to life? If you don't shut up, Otis, I'll give you a personal chance to try. I wish he'd hurry. Yeah. Now it's just time now. I hope Junior plays her part okay. She looks pretty nervous. No, why would she be nervous? She's only waiting for a dead man. Only dead man, Walt, I hope. Now don't you start believing in ghosts. You know there aren't any such things. Rick, the lights went out. Listen. I told you I would come for you, Julia. It is nine o'clock. Oh, please, please, don't take me out. I don't want to die. Rick, that's him. Wait a minute, Walt. I am the dead, Julia. I am your husband. Yes, yes, I know you, Walter. You must leave this house, Julia. No. Come on, Walt. Right, and Otis, be quiet. I will. I know enough not to make any noise. Ah! What was that? Rick, Rick, hurry! Come on, let's grab him. We all took off after the ghosts. It led us on the screwiest chase yet. In and out of the secret passages, upstairs, and then back downstairs again. Trying to lay hands on him is like trying to swat a fly over the piece of string. He finally made a break for the outside door. Then, not to be outdone, I made like a big athlete. Hey, that was a pretty nifty tackle, Simon. Rick, you think you're okay? Yeah, as soon as I get this hood off, I'm going to have a few words of this spook. There, he's out cold. Otis, bring Mrs. Bates in here. Come on, you. Wake up. Who is he? I don't know. Come on, wake up. They put a real ghost out of you. Okay, okay, don't hit me anymore, please. Yes, yes, she is, Lieutenant. Mrs. Bates, do you know who this man is? What? Well, it's Warner's lawyer, Mr. Anderson, the executor of the estate. Sure, baby, had to be. All right, buster, what's the story? Oh, all right, all right. It was the money. If I could get Julia to break the will, I had a dummy charity set up so I could get the estate. He's all yours, Walt. Wrap him up. It'll be a pleasure. Otis, put the cuffs on him. Take him out of here. Yeah, Lieutenant. Come on, spooky. Well, that takes care of that. Hey, what about Cain? He must have known about all this. Of course I knew, Lieutenant. But I did not wish to intrude. Those who interfere with the dead pay their own penalty. Lose their haunting license? Nothing. Oh, sir, my cake is done. Would you like some? It's devil's food. No, thanks. I'll skip it. With nut. Julia walked into the door. Well, of course, Rick. I'll leave you with Cain, Walt. Tell him a ghost story. Feeling all right, baby? Oh, yes, much better. I'm fine now that I know there's nothing to be afraid of. Tomorrow I'll be moving into an apartment. Will you come and see me? We have things to talk over. Like what, honey? Like sharing a mood. You know, just the two of us. With that, she reached up and showed me what she meant with the big smoochie. Oh, I'd have probably stuck around, but I was afraid the house would be too disturbing. I wouldn't have minded having to get up to chase the bats out of the room, but with Cain showing up every time I wanted something, well, that could have led to complications. So I left Walt and Otis to clean things up, bid a not-too-fun farewell to Cain, and went from the house of horror to the one that was full of redhead and the piano. The redhead was wearing a red dress with a new, you know what I mean. Well, did you think you were going to make it? I had a tough case tonight, honey. Thought I might not get away at all. I'll bet you did. Why, Helen, baby, all of a sudden you sound suspicious. Without any effort, darling. Especially when it comes to blondes. Blondes? You mean girls? Girls. Blonde girls with hair like this on your lapel. Oh. And the lipstick on your cheek and the look in your eyes. Oh, you know how it is, honey? Brilliant detective saves clients' life and fortune. She had to be grateful. Brilliant detective. Just keep on making me so jealous of you. In one of these days, the world is going to lose a brilliant detective. No. Someone going to rub out Sam Spade? Oh. What's the use? Oh, now, baby, don't be mad. Come on, let's make... No. I'm upset and I'm unhappy. If I sing, will you be happy again? I don't know. Well, I'll try. I'll sing my real old hit off. I need your love so badly I love you oh so madly But I don't stand a ghost of a chance with you I thought at last I'd found you But other loves surround you And I don't stand a ghost of a chance with you Are you listening? If you'll surrender just for a tender kiss or two You might discover that I'm the lover meant for you And I'd be true But what's the good of scheming? I know I must be dreaming But I don't stand a ghost of a chance with you With you Happy? You sang nice. Do we neck? No. Oh, it's still early enough to calculate show. Well, if I take you to the show? Oh, yes. Okay. What's the show you want to see? Oh, it's a wonderful horror picture full of spooks. The Ghost Talk. Oh, no, no, no. You have just heard Richard Diamond, private detective starring Dick Pops. He's a great actor. He's a great actor. He's a great actor. He's a great actor. He's a great actor. He's a great actor. You have just heard Richard Diamond, private detective starring Dick Pops. Helen was played by Virginia Gregg, Lieutenant Levinson by Ed Begley. Also in our cast were Wilms Herbert, Joan Banks, Paul Fries, and Robert Clark. Music was under the direction of Frank Worth. Portions were transcribed. Tonight's story was written by Herb Purdom and edited and directed by Blake Edwards. Dick Powell soon will be seen in the screen version of the best-selling novel, Mrs. Mike. Now this is Tal Avery inviting you to be with us again. It's the same time next week when we will again bring you Dick Powell as Richard Diamond, private detective. What's on NBC tomorrow? There's great comedy in store for you on the Phil Harris, Alice Faye show when Phil and Frankie go shopping for Alice's Christmas present. And there's excellent drama on Theater Guild On The Air. Tomorrow Richard Conte, Diane Alen, and Shirley Booth will be starred in the Pulitzer Prize winning play, Street Scene, on Theater Guild On The Air.
