The Standard of California, on behalf of independent Chevron gas stations and standard stations throughout the west invite you to let George do it. The Empress of Fish Falls, another adventure of George Valentine. Personal notice, danger is my stock in trade. If life's crowding into a corner and you can't find your way out, you got a job for me, George Valentine. Write full details. Dear Mr. Valentine, I am a man who hears voices. No matter where I am, I always hear things, but it's always voices. Yesterday, my fortune teller told me... Oh no. Quiet, Brooksie. Overboard. Yes, but George, there are some more letters and there's a lot of important mail here, I'm sure. Oh yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure too. Everybody's sure. Quiet. Oh boy, did you see that lot? Fish? Three and a half pounds if he was a man. Hey come on, give yours a pull, will you? Yeah. Never mind the risk, Brooksie. Throw him overboard. Why don't you throw Miss Brooks overboard? It's bad luck, women in boats. Oh, it is, is it? Well, why don't you try putting a worm on that hook, Lieutenant? Look, we're doing the fishing, Angel. This is our vacation, not yours. Well, that's what makes me so mad, sitting back there in the hot city. But I knew you'd want to see your mail, George. I knew it was too important to wait and I thought... Oh yeah, sure, sure. You travel 500 miles for a man with three wives. Oh, but listen to this one, George. Listen to this. Dear Mr. Valentine, your name has been given to us as a likely prospect for the fruit of the month. Oh no. Oh, well. At least now that I'm here. Well, you wouldn't mind if I fished with you just for one day, would you? Hey, wait a minute, hold it. I've got something. I'll swing it around. The lines are tangled. Yeah. What you got, George? Yeah, I got something. There's no fish. Come on, pull the boat a little closer. Oh no. Oh, it's the body of a little boy. Yeah. Only it's the first little boy I ever saw with gray hair. Well, that's the body of a midget. Well, he hadn't been in the water very long. 12 to 24 hours maybe. And it's pretty clear how he got there, isn't it? Yeah. Been shot through the back three times. How do you like that? On my vacation. Murder. What's a midget doing in a place like this? Oh, he's getting on in years. Maybe he likes to fish too. Well, I wasn't robbery, I'll tell you that. Huh? He didn't have a wallet or anything, but he still got his watch, a beauty too. Oh, let me see it. Yeah, it's a gold one. Hey, that's the kind that opens up on both ends. Let me see it. There we are. What? His name was Murrow Bender. Read what else it says. Well, it says, to the greatest general manager who ever lived, General Bender, a little bundle of three ring showmanship. Gratefully, Colonel Gerald P. Fargo. Fargo. Fargo Circuses. Yeah. Hey, I know that guy. Looks like our little man here was a big shot, doesn't he? I should hope to tell you. If Bender was general manager of Fargo's, say, Valentine, we better get in touch with his boss, Fargo, right now. Yes, sir. And you'll need a crew out here and a fingerprint man and then... Yeah. Yeah. This is your vacation, remember? Well, I only meant we'd get him started, that's all. We're just going up there to be good citizens. Oh, these small towns. There's a deputy sheriff lives here, but do you think I could find him? No, no. He's gone all the way to the ocean today to fish. Lieutenant, what did you do with the body? I went to the local saw bones. Caused himself coroner, too. I guess he's okay, except he was more worried about the emphasis cold than he was about murder. The who's what? How should I know it's that kind of town? I took a look at the bullet, though. South of 32, automatic, as sure as I'm born. And, Lieutenant, what are you going to do with that bit of information? I'm going to find me a telephone and dump it on the sheriff at the county seat. Now, here, let's try in here. Hello, strangers. One of the fees. Soda, Cone, Sunday. No, no, I just want some change. For the phone? Yeah. I mean, she got anything smaller than four bits? So, yeah, yeah, here's quarter. Quarter? Well, that makes it better. Half a dime to nickel plus 15 is 50. Well, I'm only calling the county seat. Why don't you say so? Give me back the nickel. It's under ten cents. Oh, yeah, yeah, here, sorry. Ten is 20 is five. Now, you got your change, Matt. You're happy. I'm happy. Yeah, well, wait a second, wait a second, wait a second, five, ten. Yeah, yeah, I got it all. Thanks, thanks, sorry. Now, you didn't learn that passing the walnut job in any country school, brother. Yeah, you mean I've been on the hop, play it, Jay? Me? No. I'll tell you a secret about me. Step a little closer, miss. Plenty of room for one and all. Now, watch my nose. Just keep your eye on the nose. A little freckle. Easy, does it? Oh, George is swallowing it. Well, don't worry, lady. There's no danger. There you are, back again. Now, the years, you're just trying to get a life issue. Oh, no. Hey, hey, slow down, Buster. Okay, pull myself together. No money in it anyway. Here, have a coke on the house. Oh, thanks. My name's Rubberface, just in case you didn't guess. Hey, look, what kind of a town is Fish Falls? Everybody from the circus? No, no, only 20 or 30 of us. Wasn't, well, there wasn't any two years ago. What happened that time? Bad? This? Oh, I've got a drug store, miss. You ought to see me get the kids here. No, no, we're all sort of retired. At least too old for the one day stand. Oh, I get it. Oh, no, you don't. We're sideshow people. What's that? Sideshow people, weirdies. It's not so easy to find a nice place to retire if you're a lady and got hair on your chin. Oh, you're a man with a battle of bunker hill painted all over you. Only here in Fish Falls you're accepted, huh? Don't kid yourself. People point at other people anyplace you go. This town was like all the rest until the Empress came along. The Empress. Now there it is again. Who in the name is the- Greatest little old lady since Cleopatra bit the snakes. That's who I mean. And don't let anybody tell you different. Name's Merle Bender. What? Don't interrupt, lady. She's got more money and she's got more class. Say, did you see the big castle down the river? Well, that's- Hold it, hold it. Isn't Merle Bender the name of a midget? Midget? Yeah. A man about fifty. Grey hair, heavy shoulders. No, no, no. Merle Bender the Empress. Empress of Fish Falls. A little bundle of three-ringed showmanship. That's who she is. But what was it you desired to discuss with the Empress? That is, what did you want to hear about? About a cold watch. I don't think the Empress would be interested in buying. Yeah, now look, Buster, there's something she should know. I just want to see that- Who are these people, elephant? What are you doing downstairs? Get back up there. I wanted to come downstairs, elephant. Go on. No. I think I'll stay downstairs for a while. What will you do if I- Oh dear. Excuse me, Mr. Valentine. It's difficult enough being a butler and you're so fat you can't even hold a tea service. The inhuman sausage they used to call him. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. She expects me to work with a footman like this. Footman? Well, I should hope to. Golly, what size are they, seventeen? Triple A. I'm almost eight feet tall, too. My name is Elephant, so she calls him Castle. She does? Well, I'm very happy to meet you both. But look, I'm in a hurry and I want- Does this man have a contribution for the hospital, Elephant? What? Oh, oh no, we just came in. Then I think they better go, don't you? I think I'd like you better with them gone. Hey, now wait a minute, lighthouse, take it easy. I believe he's right for once, Mr. Valentine. Look, both of you, quit pushing. Go ask him for it, Dean Stock. Stop it, stop it, all of you. Stop it. All right, come in, young man. I'll give you two minutes. Thanks. Thanks, Empress. My name is Mrs. Bender. Yes, ma'am. My husband was a lion tamer. God bless him. Sit down, sit down. You know, you're certainly hard to see, Mrs. Bender. You don't be insulting. I'm easy to look at. Oh. At least I was once. You're attractive, my dear, if you'd use just a little darker lipstick. Well, thank you. But you see, I- Yes, I know. Your name is Claire Brooks and you're George Valentine. Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, look, we came to tell you- You can tell me about a midget, yes. Yeah. Shorty MacDonald. I knew him years ago in Carnival. He came here just last night. His little car is still out there in the garage. He said he was looking for a place to settle down, wanted me to help him. Did you? Well, I'm very busy just now collecting money for a hospital drive. But of course, I told him to wait. To stay here, we'd find something in a few days. Well, then what happened? That's all. Last evening, he said he was going to take a little walk down by the river. Well, we pulled him out of the river this morning with three bullets in him. But I suppose you know that too. Naturally. Okay, do you know about the watch? Perhaps. Your watch. The one the midget was carrying when he was killed. The one Colonel Fargo must have given you when you were manager of his circuses. Oh, yeah. Those were the days. Well, how did the midget get the watch? Did he steal it? Aren't you forgetting you're on your vacation? And that man with the gorgeous temper who's with you. I suppose he has questions to ask too. Mrs. Bender, would you? Oh, I've seen you out there on the river through my opera glasses, wasting your time using spinners. Look, Mrs. Bender, there's been a murder. Do you think I'm not aware of it? Shorty was a lovely little man. I gave him my watch to take him to town for repairs, that's all. The police of this county will manage quite well without interference. Look, Mrs. Bender, we only want to help. We know. We appreciate what you've done most sincerely. But your two minutes are up now, Mr. Valentine. I hope you catch lots of fish. Goodbye. I know, I know. I got the same treatment. I got the bounce too. And the sheriff? He says he's got his orders and now he's got the case. Thank you and good night. Well, the old lady seems to run this county just like she must have run Fargo Circus with a tiger whip. That's what she thinks. I got a wire in answer to the one we sent Fargo. Here, look. Yes, Lieutenant Roddy, Fish Falls, California. I have never heard of anyone in show business by the name of Merle Bender. What? Who is taking you for a sucker this time? Zine Colonel Gerald P. Fargo. We'll return to tonight's adventure of George Valentine in a moment. Maybe you think your car gets its rest at night, same as you do, but your car's engine is subject to its worst beating when your car is idle. As soon as you cut the ignition, acid-laden moisture condenses, starts to attack internal engine parts. The result is corrosive rust, which causes 80 percent of engine wear. But if you're using RPM motor oil, relax. RPM, a premium quality oil, is compounded to keep a moisture-proof film on all internal engine parts. Even if your car stood idle for days or weeks, an RPM adhering agent would keep this protective film on vital parts. Without this special ingredient, oil couldn't do this wear-saving job. The oil would quickly drain off internal engine parts. So, depend on RPM motor oil, the oil that stops 80 percent of engine wear. Ask for RPM at independent Chevron gas stations and at standard stations, where they say, and mean, we take better care of your car. Now, back to tonight's adventure of George Valentine. You go on your vacation to catch fish. Only instead you pull from the river the body of a midget. You meet a woman who calls herself the Empress of Fish Falls, a woman who pretends to have been a great lady of the circus, a woman who tells you to peddle your papers. But if you're anything like George Valentine, when a real authority in the circus world wires that he's never heard of anyone by her name, you begin to wonder and check around. And so, all you've met is the minority group, the so-called freaks, eh? Well, that's why we came to you, Mr. Grode. You're the town banker, and we thought you would know. You know, we didn't cotton to them much when they first started coming here. It's a small community, conservative and so on. Brother Face suggested that the Empress help change that attitude. Oh, not directly, but of course she knew them, accepted them. And what would be more acceptable than a woman like her? You mean because she's so wealthy? Well, since the Empress has been here, this county has improved itself more than in the last ten years rolled together. Oh, roads, mobile libraries, and now the hospital. You mean she contributes all the money? Oh, she works her time on every committee, a regular dynamo. And I assure you, she's offered to do a bit of underwriting anytime the county fails in its quota. I suppose she banks with you. Well, now, see here, if she was rude to you, I'm sure it was just that she's so busy. This time she heads the committee once again, the position of trust. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what we're interested in is... It's her job to visit the farms or to be at home to accept the money. Now, it's her job to see that... Well, what's the matter? You mean Mrs. Bender is collecting money from people in the county herself? Well, that's the way it's done. It's a rural area. This is the big weekend. Much money? Oh, yes, yes indeed. After all, it's a hospital. Mr. Groat, how do you know Mrs. Bender is what she seems to be? Get out of here. Huh? All of you, you're insulting a noble woman. And you're insulting my judgment of character. I won't be bothered by a bunch of outsiders. Dead. Why, sure, miss. There's nothing I haven't done in my time as a thinker. I haven't a barker, a lumber jim. I was even a rider in the mannequin. Rubber face, I suppose you knew most of the other circus people in those days. Gosh, you make a good soda. Rubber face special for you, miss. Always snap back for more. Well, I mean the people who live here in the town now. You knew them in those days, didn't you? Some of them. The others came from foreign shows, some from Carney. Like that midget got killed short of McDonald's. He was a Carney. Oh? So they switched to vaudeville and a double act. Uh-huh. But, I mean, I suppose you knew the Empress in those days, didn't you? Did I? The Empress? Why? Drink up the soda, miss. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. You got it. And the address is just Billboard magazine, New York City. Yeah, I'll wait. Hello, Mr. Valentine. Well, hello, elephant. I couldn't help hearing. If that is noticing. Friends on Billboard gets you good publicity in show business. What are you doing? Following me? Of course, maybe you don't have friends. Maybe you're just asking Billboard for information about people. It's a free country. I really doubt if you do have many friends prior to your visit. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. It's a free country. I really doubt if you do have many friends prior like that. Why don't you cut the double talk? I never got good publicity, even if I was one of the heaviest in the push-on class. Look at those hands, Mr. Valentine. They're like loaves of bread. Yeah, you look at them. It's a funny thing about fat men, though. They move fast. Wait a minute. Take your hands away from me. Let me go. Too close to hit, Mr. Valentine. You won't pry any more, will you? Hey, my stomach. Stop squeezing. Cut it out, Chrissy Bayer. Cut it out. You'll be all right, Mr. Valentine. I'll find you here in the alley. You'll be all right, but you won't pry, will you? There's a hospital drive going on. You'll leave us all alone. Yes, Mr. Valentine. Of course you will. Well, I guess now you'll buy something's wrong in Denmark, won't you? Even from an outsider? But I don't know, but the fat man might have killed him. Would you try to drink this water, George? No, I'm okay. I'm all right. Yeah, sure, like bologna in a meat press. You just squeeze me around the stomach till I've passed out. Yeah, I'll take that water. Thank you. I've known her for some time, Lieutenant. I've trusted her. Well, you can ask to see the hospital money, can't you? No one else would know she has it there at the house. I suppose they'd think it's in my bank already. The early contributions are. I always felt there was no danger. Her true men there. Mr. Grove, you wouldn't look well holding a sack. Oh, I'm sure. We'll be back here soon. Yes, yes, yes, I'll go with you. Well, that's more like it. Valentine, you able to travel? Yeah, Riley, I'm miles ahead of you. Let's go. Well, what do you think this is, Grand Central Station? I tried to keep them out, Mrs. Bender. I tried to. Oh, the quiet castle. Just what is the need? Well, sorry to come barging in on you like this, Mrs. Bender. Yes, but there's a little matter of money involved. Well, speak your peace, banker. Why, Mr. Grove, I didn't know you associated with outsiders these days. It pains me, Mrs. Bender. It really does. But, well, it was in regard to the hospital fund collection. Oh, but of course. I should have guessed. You'll be pleased to know that I have nearly all of it. I'm within $72 of reaching the quota. Oh, but that's fine. Yes, people have been coming up here all day bringing money, haven't they? Where do you collect it? Your desk there? Get out of here. Get out of here right now. Mrs. Bender, now please. Just that we thought it would be best. I mean, now the money is almost in, and in the light of the murder, not that. But if I move to a safer place, I can open my bank at night. How dare you? How dare any of you come up here suggesting that I... Excuse me, grandmother. But you're a fake. You're a fraud. I'm a whore? You're supposed to be big in the circus world, but nobody big in the circus ever heard of you. Why? You're supposed to be a wealthy woman, but the financial world never heard of you. Mr. Grohl. There was a gold presentation watch with your name on it handy for showing to the yokels to impress them with your importance. What do you mean? Well, I'm afraid it's the oldest confidence game in the world, sister. To move out to the sticks and set yourself up as the grand dom until you and your boys could collect on the big charity hall. But the party's over now, sister. It's time to... Party? Party? I didn't get an invitation. Not so, sir. You're back again. But I'd be glad to show them my tricks. Don't worry. I'll take care of it. I'll do too. I promise. Don't, don't. Stand still, all of you. Yeah, nobody's bigger than a gun. Now, for the last time, I'm sorry, Mrs. Bender, but I'm going through your desk. No, please. I'm sorry. The cupboard was bare, Hello, Tina. Yes. Yes, it's gone. Cash, checks. What do you mean? It's been stolen. I just found out. I've been sitting here wondering what to do. Stolen, huh? Everything you've said about me is true. Except one thing, Lieutenant. I wasn't planning to swindle. It was to help people. Yes, that's true, Mr. Valentine. Mr. Groat is known, of course. He's the only one except for the circus people. You see, I was a thinker of a sort. But then five years I was a wardrobe mistress. Since then, well, I've just been using the things I learned in life, that's all. I've been what I never was able to be in the circus, an empress, even if it's only in Fish Falls. Oh, Mrs. Bender, why didn't you say so in the first place? Oh, don't call it that. I know you thought the sheriff could figure out Shorty's killing without anybody getting wise to your game. But don't you see, whoever took the money knows it, knows what a nice pants you make. You see, even Mr. Groat here began to dodge. And whoever took the money knew about a way to find it, too, and that cuts us down to size. About the size of this room. What? Oh, but the boys are from the circus, my kind of people. There are bad apples in any barrel, Mrs. Bender. And remember your midget friend moved into your house last night. Well, he also moved into the killer's set up. That wouldn't have made much difference if the midget hadn't recognized him as a bad apple. Oh, but no one knew Shorty here but me. Oh, indeed. I'd never met him. Me neither. Now, well, it doesn't make much sense unless one of you is lying. Shorty MacDonald had been in a carnival, and he did a double act in Vordel. And the only double act in Vordel for a midget that I ever heard of is... Low and high. Yeah. The midget and the giant. Now, wait a minute, Empress. There's no reason for everybody to look up at me. The elephant here, he's just as likely as I am. He was the one trying to squeeze the man to death, wasn't he? Yeah, the big boy put me on all right, but maybe he was just being a little overzealous and trying to protect the Empress' secret. He's always like that. He's too strong. He is. Why don't you shut up, Beanpole? Shorty MacDonald wasn't squeezed, he was shot. And can you imagine the elephant here sticking one of those sausage fingers of his into the trigger guard of a pistol? It wouldn't work. He couldn't do it. He couldn't fire a gun. Sure, there's lots of things he can't do that I can do. Things nobody can do that I can do. See, I could fire a gun, couldn't I? But that's the thing. No! You could shoot yours and I could shoot mine and lots of people would be killed! I said put it down! The sheriff would be hearing about it. I don't want to kill lots of people, do I? I'm going to run away, Empress, but I'll take good care of your money. Don't worry. Crazy man. Goodbye, Lieutenant. I'll go out the back way. There's a car in the garage. If the sheriff comes to the front, he can get out the back road. Get away. He won't get away. Let him go. Let him go. Now, don't worry. Getting away is one thing he can't do. Remember, Empress? The only car in the garage belonged to the midget. And it's a midget car. Come on, Riley, let's take him. Well, here you are, Empress. The giant's all tucked away and here's your hospital money. All but that 72 bucks, of course. Seventy-two dollars, oh, yes. Just one moment, Lieutenant Riley. Is it customary for a police officer on vacation to carry a gun? Oh, well, I just happen to have it with me. That's all I can say. Oh, yes, of course. You brought it along for snakes, huh? Lieutenant, I do appreciate your promising to keep my secret, but I'm sure you'll understand me when I say that I still need 72 dollars. The hospital fund? Oh, you mean you... You mean just because I'm in civilian clothes and carrying my gun? Empress, what kind of a blackmailing scheme is this? I said you had a gorgeous temper the first time I saw you. Here's my fountain pen, sucker. George? Why is it that murders always happen to detectives everywhere they go? Everywhere they go? Because life is like the movies, I guess. Yeah, but, George, what I mean is, would you hold this pole? The line seems to be stuck in. Oh, thank you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If you hold this pole, the line seems to be stuck in. Oh, thank you, me too. Oh, no. Yeah, I'm afraid you're right, folks. Yeah, we've hooked onto a fish. You're driving in city traffic. You're on a slight upgrade and you come to a stoplight with a line of cars right behind you. The light turns green and you want to pull away fast. You make it all right, but your car's engine does a lot of knocking. What you want, mister, is Chevron Supreme, the gasoline that gives your car ping-free power. It's specially blended to burn evenly, to give your car better performance under every driving condition. Faster start, smooth, quick pick-up in traffic, extra power on hills. And depend on Chevron Supreme for ping-free power wherever you drive in the West. It's climate-tailored for each different temperature and altitude zone. In fact, for today's high-compression engines, you can't buy a better gasoline. Get it at standard stations and independent Chevron gas stations where they say, and mean, we take better care of your car. Next week, when we come upon George Valentine and Brooksie, as they're doing a little professional snooping in the dark, we'll hear, What'd you find out, Brooksie? Nothing, George. Nothing that would indicate it. But I don't know exactly what I expected to find. Oh, yes, you do. George, what do you suppose he did with her? I don't know, I don't know. He looks like the trunk or hatbox type. And if I'm right, we're going to find her, Brooksie, somewhere. Tonight's adventure of George Valentine has been brought to you by Standard of California on behalf of independent Chevron gas stations and standard stations throughout the West. Robert Bailey is starred as George with Frances Robinson as Claire. Wally Mayer appears as Lieutenant Riley. Let George Do It is written by David Victor and Jackson Gillis and directed by Don Clark. Also heard in the cast were Verna Felton as the Empress, Eddie Marr as Rubberface, Alan Reed as Elephant, Ed Max as Castle, and Howard McNear as Grove. The music is composed and presented by Eddie Dunstether, your announcer, John Heaston. Listen again next week, same time, same station, to Let George Do It. This is the Mutual Dunley Broadcasting System.
