Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. And now, Claudia. David, before we go down to breakfast, there's something very important we have to discuss. I want to discuss Gertrude and how to tell her she has to leave. I can't hear you. I said there's something very important we have to discuss. Oh, can't I wait until I've finished shaving? You can wait that long, but not much longer. Are you still shaving? Taking awfully long this morning. Claudia, for heaven's sake, how do you expect me to do my chin while I'm talking? You don't have to talk, just answer my questions. Oh, forget about that. What was that? None of your business. Honestly, when you shave, I can hardly understand you the way you talk. David? David, you haven't cut your tongue off, have you? I've compounded, compounded you. Can I come in, or are you coming out? I am coming out. Now, what is your question? What was my question? You mean you don't remember? Now, let me see, let me see, let me see. I did have a few on my mind. Well, don't strain yourself, my bride. I'm not a bride anymore. I'm your son's mother, remember? Oh, when I look at you, it's hard to believe. When I listen to you, it's impossible. Skip the compliments and get dressed. It's getting late. And please don't retard me with talk. Not another word to retard you? Worth my time. Except to say this one weekend back in the farm has done you an awful lot of good. Oh, here you are. Your face is nice and brown, circles are gone from under your eyes. You have a nice, relaxed look. You look beautiful, at least to me. Well, skip the compliments and throw me the shoehorn. All right. I guess I am easy to please when it comes to husbands, dear cat. Oh, good cat. Thank you. David, I know you're in a hurry, you don't want to talk, but would you mind discussing something important? Well, not when you put it that way. Now, start discussing. Gertrude. Gertrude? Gertrude? Gertrude, what about Gertrude? You know about Gertrude. You have to tell her we can't keep her on. Oh, so we do. We better tell her today, too. It's only right to give a person notice, isn't it? Only right, only right. I just don't know how to tell her about Fritz and Bertha coming up on Friday. Just tell her that Fritz and Bertha are coming up on Friday and that they're the only help we'll need. Oh, it's not so simple. Oh, I'm drunk, but call her by name. Well, Gertrude speaks English, doesn't she? David, please be serious. But I am. I am not. You're pretending it's not an important problem, and you know deep in your heart it is. What is the problem? You simply have to tell Gertrude that we have acquired a permanent couple and that our services are no longer necessary. You know perfectly well it's impossible to tell somebody like Gertrude to leave when she's worked so hard and been so loyal and taken care of the place and the dog and the cat and the rooster while we were in New York having the baby. While you were having a baby. Well, we, David, I just can't tell her we have somebody to replace her. Well, that isn't a pleasant job. It certainly isn't. It's miserable. I'm very fond of Gertrude. You know, she's terribly bossy and she scrapes all the paint off the walls, washing them so hard. She makes us eat things we hate because they're healthy, but even so I hate telling her. But darling, we'll just have to. We can't possibly afford to keep Gertrude as well as Fritz and Bertha. No, we can't. We can hardly afford to keep Fritz and Bertha without Gertrude. I know that. You don't have to tell me that. I never expected to acquire Fritz and Bertha, but they were sort of like orphans the other night. Pretty lucky for us. I think so, but life is certainly something. What's the matter with life now? Throw me a... throw me to my belt. Getting you dressed is like playing basketball. Here, catch. You made a goal. Good. Thanks, you know, we're a pretty good team. Now, now, tell me about life. Well, not so very long ago you and I were sitting here in this very room worrying about hiring Gertrude. If she'd work for us, if we could bribe her into helping us out for just a few hours a day. And now look at us, doing about how we're going to ask her to stop helping us. I consider this much more a problem of human relations. So do I. It's an awful problem. I hate to hurt her feelings. Darling, you'll find a way to tell her. I've never known you at a loss for words before. I've never been in a spot like this before. You know, firing people is an awful lot harder than hiring them. That's because you're you. There's a cinch to hire you as my husband. I wonder if I could ever fire you if I so desire. Just say the word and I'll pack my bags and leave. Stop joking, darling. Please help me out. Too late. I'm fired and practically ready to go down for breakfast. I just want to brush my hair. Maybe I should do it this way and just say to her, Gertrude, my husband and I think you've been simply wonderful. You think you've worked much too hard and you ought to take yourself a vacation. So here's ten thousand dollars to go on a little trip to Europe. You're generous this morning. Only we don't have ten thousand dollars. We don't? No, we don't. If we keep Gertrude and Fritz and Bertha, we never will have. So maybe I should say, um, Gertrude, Mr. Naughton and I are broke, stony, cold, broke. Stony. We'd love to keep you on, but we simply can't afford it. Right. The baby's going to do the housework instead. Oh, great. Except she'll find out Fritz and Bertha out here and then our goose is cooked. We could introduce them as relatives. I don't think Fritz and Bertha would be flattered. No, I guess they wouldn't. Oh, if only I could find a decent reason, like she breaks too many dishes or she doesn't work hard enough. Oh, well, I guess I'll just simply have to tell her the whole story. Oh, well, I guess you'll just simply have to... Oh, shut up. I wish you didn't have to catch that train this morning. I wish you could hang around and give me some mental support. Mental support isn't what you need. It isn't. What you need is this. That kiss made me feel like a superwoman. I could look Joe Lewis in the eye and challenge him to a fight. But, uh, Gertrude's eye? No, no. Then on to breakfast. Hey, how's she so quiet? Mama must still be asleep. Mama probably has the sense to stay asleep until you've dealt with the good Gertrude. I'll fix the breakfast. That's a good way of getting rid of her. She'll come in and look at her kitchen and get so discouraged that she'll quit. No such luck. Gertrude isn't the quitting kind of female. Oh, I'm depressed. Oh, cheer up, darling. In a few hours it'll be all over. I bet I'll never do it. Well, I was thinking you folks had all gone to sleep. I was about to come upstairs and pour cold water on you, Mr. Norfolk. Gertrude, look who's here. Aren't you early today? Well, I had a lot on my mind, so I thought I'd come over and get going early. Good morning, Gertrude. It's good to see you this morning. Sit right down to breakfast. Things are whipping along in the kitchen. I'll bring in the cold codfish cakes and soothe you through with your juice. Cold codfish cakes? Oh, eat them this morning without grumbling, David, please. Codfish cakes. It should hurt her feelings, and I won't dare to hurt them again. And prune juice. It's good for you. So does the codfish. It gives you brains. Then you can eat my portion. You need them worse than I do. For once I agree with you. All the codfish cakes in the world wouldn't give me enough brains for this morning. That's something about Bertha. Her idea about breakfast food is lamb chop. Shh! You want Gertrude to hear you? Gertrude never hears anything. She's so busy with her work. Is it terrible? If only she were lazy or had a vice or something I could pin my fingers on. No, she has to go and be a perfect gem. I just can't forgive her for it. Well, I see you like the prune juice. Thought it might be good for a change such a pretty color. And so full of vitamins. So it is, isn't it? My late husband always drank prune juice. That's an optimistic thought. I'll bring in the codfish cakes and the coffee. You like ketchup with them? I like anything with them. I'll take the ketchup if she'll keep the codfish cakes. David, for heaven's sakes. She has a wonderful disposition. Always happy, never grumbling. At least I could think of someone to pass her on to. Gertrude wouldn't do for anybody but us, Doc. True, true. Now she won't even do for us. Oh, we are so ungrateful. They are pretty, ain't they? Nice and browned up. Here are yours, Mr. Norton. Four of them? Big man like you. Well, if they ain't enough, I got more hot in the kitchen. Here's yours, Mrs. Norton. Thank you, Gertrude. Thank you very much for making codfish cakes this morning. Think nothing of it. Think nothing of it. Gertrude always likes to surprise you. Now I'd like to have a little talk with you folks for May. Oh, dear. Well, Gertrude, what's on your mind? Well, I'm not the kind of woman who's short on words. This morning, though, I'm kind of hard put to it as to how to say it. You can say anything you like to, Gertrude. I just want to tell you, I think you're swell, folks. You and Mrs. Norton and your mother and the baby. Well, that's very sweet of you, Gertrude. A baby in the house is kind of nice, too. Yep, I sure do like them. Well, that's good. This is a mighty pretty house to work at, and it's a pleasure to sweep it and dust it and clean it up. Not much work at all. Well, not for somebody like you, Gertrude. Yes, I sure do like working for you folks, so... Yes, so? Mrs. Norton, I don't know just where to begin. If it's a raise, Gertrude, because of the baby, then I suppose we'll have to give it to you. A raise, Mr. Norton? David, could we afford it? Afford it or not, she's worth it. Yes, she is. Oh, I wouldn't be asking for a raise, Mr. Norton. Then it isn't that. No, ma'am. The fact is, well, you see, well, I guess I might as well jump in with both feet. My niece's mother died Tuesday last. Oh, Gertrude, that's a shame. I'm sorry to hear that. Well, it was an awful pity, kind of tragedy too, but one of those things. She lived in Pittsburgh. Oh. And? You mean they want you to... You mean you want to... Leave and go to Pittsburgh? Well, I don't exactly want to, but my duty's calling me. Well, of course, in that case... We're going to be brokenhearted. Oh, well, I sure would love to stay. But you can't. But I can't. A person can only do what they can do, can't they? What's that again? Oh, Gertrude, it's an awful shame you have to go. But don't you worry about us. We'll manage. I sure do. Thank you, folks, for being so nice, not acting put out at all. Well, this isn't the sort of thing that would put us out, not today. Well, I'm relieved to hear it. I sure didn't look forward to having to tell you this this morning, but I said to myself, Gertrude, come straight out with it. Get it off your chest. The Nortons will understand. You flatter us, Gertrude. And we envy your courage. Well, I'd better get you a coffee. You don't want to miss that train, Mr. Norton. Oh, life is queer, ain't it, the way it decides things for you. Yeah, life sure is queer. Which goes to show you, half the time we worry, it's for nothing. You know, David, it makes me think. Life has a way of sort of working out everything all by itself, and working it out fine. Better even than I could. Now to eat these divine codfish cakes. Pass the ketchup, Mrs. Norton. Pass the ketchup. With the children at home, summer lunches aren't just a pick-up snack from the refrigerator. You have to plan ahead a bit. Here's one plan that makes lunch fun for the whole family. Spread a picnic meal on the porch or in the garden. You'll have a real picnic atmosphere if you include ice-cold Coca-Cola. It's so simple. No glasses to wash, no fuss or bother. Just open the welcome bottles, hand them round, and everyone will lunch refresh. Yeah, Mr. King, I sure am sorry to leave the Nortons. It's mutual, Gertrude, mutual, believe me. Maybe I could come back and visit sometime. Oh, that would be real nice. Of course we'll keep in touch through my friend Alvira Cook. Alvira Cook? Oh, she's the mailwoman, isn't she? Yes, she is, and a right good one. Oh, we've all met Alvira, and as a matter of fact, we'll be seeing her when she comes around tomorrow. You don't say? Well, I'll be here. Well, that's good, because to Claudia's dismay, she'll bring a... Oh, well, since you'll be here, you'll find out tomorrow. So long, Gertrude. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again tomorrow at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere. These broadcasts are adapted for radio by Manya Star. And the entire production is supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola.
