Now here's Dick Powell as Richard Diamond, private detective. Diamond Detective Agency, a corpse to fit every pocketbook. Rick? Oh hello Helen baby. Let me sit down. Rick, what's the matter? You sounded like your arches just broke. You got the right idea baby. But your geography is cock-eyed. Are you really hurt Rick? Believe it or not, I was trampled by a herd of horses. Oh Rick, you idiot. Now tell me what did happen. Okay, one horse. You ruined me for life. You went horseback riding? Oh I don't believe it. Yeah, want to see my bull legs? You actually did. Uh oh. It took a girl to get you to ride a horse. Bet it was some slinky blonde. No baby, it was a palomino. And look, let's get off horses. I've had enough to last me. What's with the early call? Early? Rick, did you just get in? It's after eleven. I was dreaming of you baby. You wouldn't have wanted me to stop just to get into the office. It's probably a whole harem. Helen, you've got to stop that peeking. You read the morning papers? They come out in the morning. Now you stopped that. Did you read them? Well, it didn't have a bet down. Why? You in the society page again? Oh, much more exciting than that. The police commissioner's house was robbed of fifty thousand dollars worth of diamonds last night and his gardener was murdered. What? I thought that would fetch you. Better get a paper. The commissioner's statement's written in blood. Yeah, and if things don't wind up fast, tomorrow's statement will be in Walt Levinson's blood. It'll be his case. Now you stay out of it Rick. This thief cuts throats. Oh, yeah, I'm scared. Are you Rick? Well, come over tonight and I'll frighten you at close range. Say eight. I'll practice my knee-knocking so I'll be in good form. And stay in. No night clubs. At the sound of the castanets, Frances can open the door. It'll be me and my knees. See you tonight baby. Bye. Is this the Diamond Detective Agency? Just like it says on the door, come in and close it gently. My Japanese beetle's still asleep. Asleep? He's got a better union. Sit down, Mr. Burton. Finneas Burton. What can I do for you, Mr. Burton? Well, I want to hire you if it's agreeable. For a hundred a day in expenses, I'm pretty agreeable. Well, that's fine. I have a package I want you to deliver to a party in Philadelphia. You can get a messenger for five bucks or if you're hired up, a carrier pigeon for a handful of popcorn. Why a detective? Well, I'm perfectly capable of that. I'm full of judging for myself what I need, Mr. Diamond. Now, here's three hundred dollars. There will be two hundred more for you after you make safe delivery of the package. Why? Why? Three-letter word meaning why you want to pay me for five days when the trip to Philly and back can be done in a few hours. Well, Mr. Diamond, I simply want you to drop everything else and take this job immediately. And that is my reason for the added payment. Oh, all right. I'll take your money. Just as soon as you tell me what's in the package, who it goes to and why it's so important that I take it personally. Why, I can't tell you that. Okay, it's your problem. Now, where did I leave my soap chips? Do you have to know? Of course. How can I do any washing without soap? I mean about this package. Oh, no, no. I can recommend another agency who will do it for twenty-five bucks and no questions. Oh, very well. Mr. Elliott will meet you at the Philadelphia Station information desk at two o'clock today. I will wire him your description and he will make the contact. As for the package, it contains some very valuable papers which Mr. Elliott is afraid his wife will try to intercept. I see. He commissioned me to find the best man I could to bring the package to him. Oh, you must have read my ad. You'll have to leave immediately. Mr. Elliott is very anxious to get the package. You call me at the Aster when you return and I'll send over the rest of the money. Good day. It may be at that. What? Forget it. Burton left the package on my desk with the money. He was a thin guy, had a funny pot that made him look as if he'd swallowed a basketball. He pushed it out the door and waddled after it. When a guy insists on throwing money in my lap, I get suspicious. And when I remembered the robbery of the night before, I got that lousy feeling again. Now, paragraph four, section B, rule A of the detective's code of ethics says, quote, upon receiving money to deliver package, detective must never open same. It is unethical. Eh, who's ethical? Well, surprise. No wonder basketball had been nervous. At the bottom of the box were five pretty little diamonds, about 10 grand worth of a guess. Of course, it may have been that Burton thought diamonds should belong to diamond, but my bet was on a frame up. A frame that cost the real heisters 10 grand out of 50. I was aimed to get him a nice picture to fit the frame. Me. Me. Oh, hello, Burton. Something on your mind? Oh, I happened to be in the store across the street and I noticed you hadn't left yet. You will leave right away, won't you? Just as soon as I arrange things, Phineas. Well, remember, it takes an hour and a half to get to Philadelphia. I don't want you to be late. It was just to make sure. You understand. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I understand. You can dribble your basketball home now. Take a park, Skipper. Bye. Burton's call ended nearly all doubts. I was being framed all right, and the trap required my leaving for Penn Station right away. I dropped the diamonds into what was left of a quart of milk I had for lunch the day before, put the bottle on the floor by the wastebasket. Then I took the package, rewrapped it, and went out to hail a cab. I made one stop at a toy shop, then headed for Penn Station. As I entered, I saw a pair of familiar figures. Rick. Okay, what's the gag? I got the tip that even you wouldn't joke about this case. Now, Walt, I might joke about mass murder, but never about the commissioner being robbed. Is he making speeches yet? Yeah, that's okay, Shamos. This is one time when you're one diamond too many. Why, Otis, you're becoming a wit. Ah, lieutenant, he's picking on me again. You deserve it, Otis. Now shut up. Rick, I know the tip was phony, but the commissioner was there when it came in. I had to act on it. Tip? Well, don't be smug. I've got one too, a fifth at Hialeah. Now, don't start that. It was a tip that you were taking the commissioner's diamonds out of town. And don't oh now Walt me. I said I knew the tip was phony, but with the commissioner taking scouts all down the line, I didn't want to... No, no, no, no. Don't apologize, Walt. I know. Come on, Sergeant. Show me a good frisk and I'll recommend you to all my criminal friends. Oh. Eh, he's clean, lieutenant. Now, Rick, let's see that package and then you can go. Oh, no, no. I can't. It's secret. Don't play games, Rick. Please. Oh, all right, but it's going to spoil my surprise. Well, okay. Give me a word it's got nothing to do with this case and I won't bother to open it. I absolutely insist that you open the package right now. But Rick, you know I trust you. Lieutenant Levinson, do your duty. My purity must not be suspicioned. Oh, anything to get this over with. You were, hmm. What? It's only a pair of dolls. You were expecting maybe my gallstones? Oh, dolls. The shaman's place with dolls. Better read the tag, Otis, before your ears get any longer and they draft you for mule team. Tag? Sure. But what did, to my beloved Otis from his Ricky? Rick, now don't be a grouch, Walt. The other one's for you. For me? Oh, no. I'm sorry, Walt. I couldn't resist it. Anyhow, you spoiled my surprise to Otis. It was our anniversary. What? Our anniversary? We ain't even related. Oh, you don't remember. Oh, Otis. Well, Lieutenant, can I go back to traffic? I can't stand much more. Oh, shut up, Otis. Rick, if we weren't such good friends, I'd... Walt, hey, now you're upset. Upset? Why should I be upset? Just because two hoods lift 50 grand in ice from the commissioner? Or because it's dumped in my lap with the murder of the gardener? Or that I'm given 24 hours to break the case and then get a tip that leads me to a friend who decides to play games and wreck my sergeant beyond repair? Now, why should I be upset? Otis, here you are, Lieutenant. But take it easy. That's a second bottle of bike cop today. Walt, you're writing an apology and I make it. I'll do better than that. I'll help you if you'll let me. Well, I can sure use your help, Rick. I haven't got a single lead. You want to look at the corpse first? May as well. Has he got a record? No. The commissioner swears he was honest. Probably stumbled onto the thieves and they had to put him away. How about the rest of the servants? They were all out. The commissioner and his wife were at a party. They'd given the entire staff the night off. But I guess perhaps the gardener returned a little early. Yeah. Well, let's go down and take a look at him. I've got a personal interest that makes me want to crack this case. A client? Rick's client. I'll explain him later. Come on. Here he is, Rick. Nasty cut. How was it made? Well, it could have been a sharp knife, but it's a safer bet that it was a razor. Remind me not to go to his barber. What safecracker's got enough nerve to pull his job, Walt? Well, I've got three guys that could fit the job, but not one of them has ever been known to carry a weapon of any sort, much less a razor. Correction. One dearer. That gardener's playing a lousy joke on us. I suppose this could have been the first time one of them carried a razor. I don't buy that, neither do you. Give me the names. I want to talk to them. Maybe I can get a lead of some sort. Sure. Here they are. And please, Rick, call me if you get anything. If I can find the nickel. Bye. As far as I could see, I had three things to match up. One, the careless barber. Two, the safecracker, who was nerve enough to rob the police commissioner. And three, the reason why I was picked as the pigeon. I gave up the idea of hunting for Burton, the guy who came into my office. He was probably a flunky and not worth running down. So I checked the names I got from Walt. Grabbed a cab and headed for the Bronx. The first turned out to be an ex-con trying to go straight by working in a Bronx hash house. The second was likely, but he'd kissed his wife with a beer bottle and spent last night in jail. At the third address, down in Greenwich Village, I met a landlady with gin-loaded tonsils and a cute mustache. She tipped me that my third prospect, Vincent Mayer, might be playing pinnacle at Pietros, Hey, uh, I thought you were going to tell me something. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hey, uh, barkeep. What did it be, Freddy? Milk. No chaser. Milk? Who makes it? Oh, you mean like from cows. Never carried the stuff. Where can I find Vincent Mayer? Why didn't you ask me, handsome? Well, hello, baby. Now, do I look like a baby? No. My name's Jean. What do they call you? Take your pick. Call me Rick. Nice. Too nice to be hunting for Vince Mayer. He's a bad boy, Rick. Yeah. Well, I'm trying to be a hero. Where is he? In the back room. There. The guy with the light hair. But be careful. Thanks, baby. I'll buy you a palace. 80 Meljo, 20 clubs, 20 spades, and 40 pinnacles. What? No diamonds? Hey. Well, well, well, look who's here. What do you want, Chumus? Vince the Iceman, isn't it? Well, now, let's see. Sing Sing, class of 38. Where's your school tie, Vince? The name is Mr. Mayer to you, Diamond, and privates are not welcome here. It's a closed game. Yeah. Move on. Give me a reason. You want to play dead? Oh, come on, Vince. You're not going to get upset just because I think you robbed the commissioner? You did, didn't you? I told my story to the cops. I'll bet. But you didn't answer my question. And here's another. Who's your barber? You're asking for it, Diamond. I was brought up right. Now, let's get off this cat and mouse kick. I want some answers, Vince. Do you? That's right, Junior. I do. All right. Call him, Joe. Hey, what? All right, Joe. Stop it. Stop it. That's enough, Joe. All right. Now, drag him out in the alley. Vince, can I... Yeah, yeah. OK. Maybe it'll teach him not to get so nosy. But keep that razor in your pocket. I will. Honest. This is going to be real fun. Come on, Chalmers. Here's where I do some road work on your liver. Here, Mr. Diamond. I only wish my brother could see you. When I came to, I was curled up around a round metal object I couldn't see. And I felt as if I was smothered in a mountain of cotton. Getting out of it was like trying to shovel sand with a pitchfork. I finally managed to move and wished I hadn't. For a company of Bengal Lancers began target practice on my side. So I quit trying and lay still for a long moment. Then a voice came fizzing through the cotton at me. Hey. Hey, mister. Are you alive? If I'm not, you're an angel and this is a harp. Well, I'm sure no angel. That's a garbage can. So I guess you're not dead. Matter for debate, Jeannie. Oh, help me up, will you? Sure. Here. Can you stand? Practically anything after this. Ooh. Hey, you're hurt pretty bad. Come on, lean on me. My place isn't far. I'll take you there so you can lie down. Best offer I've had today. Lean on, angel. There. Now how do you feel? I never use language like that in front of a lady. Oh, I'm no lady. I'm a waitress at Pietro's. I heard the noise in the back room. When you didn't come out, I took a look. Ooh. Gee, does your head hurt, baby? Like all my relatives who are inside digging for gold. With luck, I can open my eyes and they won't fall out. You know, we might have had a lot of fun together. If you weren't all banged up like this. I'll take that remark up with you later, honey. I'm not usually the kind of guy who runs out on pretty girls, but I only wanted to get my hands on the gonif who tried to kick my brains out. So I took Gene's number, filed it under, uh, for later investigation, and stumbled out into the street. My head was clearing, but it was as slow about it as a dummy doing a striptease. Maybe that's why I didn't notice when I came out of the house that I had two guys for company. Hello, Diamond. Huh? Huh? When Pietro told me Jane had run out, I thought I might find you here. She always goes for guys like you. Well, she has taste. I'm glad you came around. I have a few things I want to discuss with you and Joel here. Ah, hold it, Chalmers. I'll show you how easy it is to get rid of your troubles. Ah, now that's a pretty little gun. Aren't you stepping out of character, Vince? You're supposed to be a smart one. You're getting on my nerves. Yeah? Well, put the gun away and I'll quiet you down a little. You want me to mess him up again, Vince? And what's with you? Come to do your job over again? I may at that. Yeah? Well, you got 32 teeth, sonny. Want to try for none? Why, you... I got some questions I'd still like to have answered. Why was I picked as pigeon? Why me? You're getting a little too smart, Diamond. Now, listen. I know you got wise to burden, so it figures that you still got the package. Now, I got no reasons to give you $10,000 worth of diamonds. I want them back. Oh, Dandy, I've got big news for you, buster. You're not going to get them. Don't make any mistakes, Diamond. I'll use this gun if I have to. Ah, go eat a tombstone. Joel. Yeah, how's your stomach ache? Wait a minute, Joel. Now, Diamond, look, you can have a choice. You bring the rocks to me at Pietro's in the now and we'll forget the whole thing. Or don't. And I'll send Joel with a few friends to call on you. And for the last time. For a few sick minutes, I leaned against the wall, wondering if I wanted to live. One thing I was certain of was that Vince Mayer was never going to get those diamonds back. Or was he? An idea began to percolate in my head to the tune of an old rhyme about a goose in the gander. And I got inspired enough to sit up and forget my aching ribs. When it simmered into a full-scale boil, I grabbed a cab, went back to my office, and got the diamonds out of the milk bottle where I'd hidden them. Then I headed for the village fast. I was soon banging on the door there like a drummer playing bob. So I owe you money. Hold your horses. Well, if it ain't my cripple. I got the bruises to prove it. Come on in. Are you really recovered? What? Oh, no, not that much, Angel. Then? I need some answers. What do you know about Vince and Joel? Not too much. Enough to dislike them plenty. That Vince got me canned for leaving Pietro's to take care of you. That's why I'm back home. I know he's a smoothie, and I think he's a big-time jewel thief. That much I know. How about Joe the dog-faced boy? Oh, him, he's just a punk. I think his real name is Fanchi or, uh, Franchetti, Franchetti or some such thing. Franchetti? Yeah. I don't know why, but they call him Joe the barber. Oh, Joe the barber. Yeah. Isn't that silly? If he cuts hair, he doesn't. But I'll lay eight to one. This guy works on throats. Thanks, Angel. You've tied up my three pieces of hair. You've tied up my three points. What are you talking about? Your friend Vince Mayer lifted 50 grand in ice from the police commissioner last night, and his accomplice, Joel, gave the gardener a shave. You mean murder? On the button. The gardener's throat was sliced from life to death. And now, baby, look. How about you like to earn $100? Sure. Is it legal? Well, uh, no. I'll take it. Now, where is he? Will you tell me where's Rick? I know where I'd like him to be. I'm worried, Otis. Seriously. Rick is in this thing up to his ears. You mean he was in on that job? Don't be stupid, Otis. Of course not. Rick's no crook. But he's mixed up in this case some way, and I'm worried. He should have called me by now. Gee, hope he hasn't tangled with that razor guy. I thought you hated Rick. Oh, you know I was just talking. I know, I know. What a mess. Rick in danger and I can't find him. The commissioner's spouting love all over the city hall. Why, the devil didn't have to be the commissioner's house. You know, it's kind of funny at that. The commissioner himself. You knucklehead. For two cents, I'd... Maybe that's him. Lieutenant Levinson, homicide. Walt, Rick. Rick, I was... Where the devil have you been? I've been taking care of some arrangements. Arrangements? Never mind, just listen. I was picked as a pigeon and some of those diamonds were planted on me this morning. What? I've traced your hoods. They're Vince Mayer and Joe the barber Franchetti. Now, you come to Pietro's in half an hour, you'll catch him with part of the diamonds on him. Rick, what is this? Well, Vince had it figured as a double-barrel gag, Walt. First, on the cops by raiding the commissioner's house. Second, by dumping a few of the rocks in my lap and tipping the police so I take the rap. But why you, Rick? Well, Joe's name, Franchetti. You remember, I sent his brother Tony to sing-sing a few years back. Oh, man. I knew he had a brother, but until now, Joe stayed out of Manhattan. I get it. Okay, what's the play? Well, I'm... I'm gonna take the package back to Vince, give it to him in Pietro's. The girlfriend will be raising so much fuss, no one will notice me. Then as Vince and Joe leave, you nail him with the diamonds. And no alibi for having him. Right. You said half an hour? In front of Pietro's. Take a peek, Angel, through the window. There's my party, the back table. Now, you know what to do. Yeah. I keep yelling till you get back to me. Right? As rain. I'll make it a good one. I got good lungs. Let's go in. Okay, over to the bar. Locker in. There he is now, Joe. I told you he'd show up. Hello, Diamond. You got something for me? That's right, Vince. Okay, let's have it. Hey, what's going on over there? What's up, stupid dame? Yeah, do you want the package or not? Oh, yeah, give it to me. Come on, Joe. Let's scram out of here before that dame brings her cuffs. Yeah. That's an easy way of getting back the ten grand, ain't it, Vince? Shut up. Come on. Take it easy now. Okay, okay. We're okay now. Let's split up. Hold it, Vince. Let's have a look at the package. The cops! Levinson, what are you doing here? The package, Vince. Hey, what are we gonna do? Shut up. You got a warrant, of course. Of course. Otis, take the package. Yeah, I'll take it. You can't arrest me. I don't even know what's in that package. It was given to me by a friend. Now, don't use the term so loosely, Vince. Why, Walt, what are you doing here? Hello, Rick. I've captured a criminal. No. Yes, and he was carrying a package of his loot. Why, I bet it's part of that diamond robbery. What is all this? Dime, you just planted that package on me. Me? My stranger, you're telling a fib. You just know that's downright immoral to somebody. This is ridiculous. The lieutenant, he gave me those diamonds and Pietros not five minutes ago. I didn't lift them from the commissioner. Didn't you, Vince? Well, then I must have made a mistake. You can prove your story, of course. Sure I can. Bartender saw diamonds slipping the package. Oh, now, Vince, you think that Bartender was going to be watching you when a lovely girl is practically tearing up the joint? Boss, the dame yelling, she was a plant. Yeah, but this is a frame-up. Dime, you can't get away with this. Please, don't talk to me. I never associate with common criminals. A frame. You dirty double-crossing copper. Look out, Rick, he's got a razor. Oh, my arm. Now, don't cry, Joe. This is for you. Wow. What a punch you got, Chalmers. Well, that does it. Come on, Vince. Otis, load that killer into the car and pick up that razor. Yelter. Want a lift, Rick? No, thanks, Walt. I'm going to go home freshen up. Yeah, you looked like you could use it. I left Walt and headed for my apartment, where I grabbed a stomach full of vitamins and planted myself under the hot shower. It felt so good, I fell asleep. And if Walt hadn't phoned, I'd have probably become the only man in history to drown in the shower. Walt shocked me wide awake with the news that he was holding a thousand-dollar reward for me. I gave him my nicest thank you and made a mental note to drop by and give half of it to Jean to make up for her losing her job. Around about 8 o'clock, after I'd taken care of dividing the reward, I steered for 975 Park Avenue, made it with no trouble, and rang the bell to Helen's apartment. Oh, good evening, Mr. Diamond. Miss Asher's expecting you, sir. She's in the library. Thank you, Frances. How's your health? My health, sir, is very good, thank you. Well, now, this may come as a shock, but Frances, about the money I owe you... Oh, don't fret about it, sir. I'm going to pay you what I owe you. You're going to? Oh, dear. Perhaps I'd better sit down. Oh, my word. There, there, Frances. Rick Dove, is that you? It ain't Tom Swift, baby. Come on in the library. Oh, okay. Do you know good, my dove, I'm a cripple, a battle-torn veteran. I don't want your muscles, Rick. I'm blue and I want you to sing to me. Oh, Helen, baby, I don't want to sing. Rick, I'm blue. I need cheering up. Now, be nice and sing. Well, okay, honey. How's this, huh? I can see No matter how near you'll be You'll never belong to me But I can dream Can I Can I pretend That I'm locked in the bin Of your embrace For dreams are just like wine And I am drunk with mine I'm aware My heart is a sad affair There's much disillusion there But I can dream Can I Can I adore you Although we are oceans apart I can't make you open your heart But I can dream Can I Now, there. Still feeling blue, baby? Oh, Ricky, come here. Ah, here I am. Oh, now I'm contented. You in my arms, my bills paid off, and my bills... Oh, for Pete's sake, I forgot Francis. Francis? Rick, what are you talking about? Come with me, I'll show you. Now, there he is. Francis, Francis, you all right? Oh, yes, sir. I think so, sir. Rick, will you tell me what's going on in my own home? Well, honey, I paid Francis off in the shock of having to give back my gun and badge, undid him. Oh, well, are you feeling better, Francis? Not very much, Miss Asher. It's that badge and license. Will you miss them that much, Francis? Well, sir, to be very honest, there's a waitress in a tea shop down the street with whom I've been, if you'll pardon the expression, having a fling. Francis, you? Oh, that's not the worst, Miss Asher. I'm afraid I've been a bit of a fraud with her as well. In fact, with several of the waitresses there... Now, wait, wait. Where does my badge and license enter into it? Did you hock them for crumpets? Oh, much worse, Mr. Diamond. You see, to all the waitresses of Miss Tupingham's tea shop, I am Richard Diamond, private detective. Oh, Grant! You have just heard Richard Diamond, private detective, starring Dick Powell. Helen was played by Virginia Gregg, Gene Tatum, William Conrad, Tom Avery, and Bob Carroll. Music was under the direction of Frank Worth. Tonight's story was written by Herb Perdom and edited and directed by Blake Edwards. See the Richard Diamond picture story in the December issue of Movie Stars Parade. Dick Powell soon will be seen in the screen version of the best-selling novel, Mrs. Mike. Now, this is Eddie King inviting you to be with us again at the same time next week, where he'll again bring you Dick Powell as Richard Diamond, private detective. Music Listen tonight to NBC for a star lineup of entertainment. Every Saturday on NBC, you can hear such stellar programs as Hollywood Star Theater, Ralph Edwards' Truth or Consequences, Your Hit Parade, A Day in the Life of Dennis Day, The Judy Canova Show, Grand Old Opry, and Songs by Morton Donnie. There's a whole program of interest on NBC, so keep tuned here. The story to death with Fred McMurray is next on NBC.
