Your Coca-Cola Bottler presents Claudia. Music Claudia, based on the original stories by Rose Franken. Brought to you, transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. Music And now, Claudia. Music Ninth floor, please. Ninth floor, me too. Excuse me, please. Just the two of us, huh? Two? And us? Funny the way it goes. When I saw the ad, I thought there'd be a hundred. I'm sorry, I don't... Oh, come on now. Johnson and Growell is for a secretary telephone girl bookkeeper. Sixty bucks. What? Say, kid, you ain't exactly lightning, are you? No, I guess I'm not. It's all right. Sometimes I think you slow ones are the best off after all. The longer you take to do something, the more they think they're getting for their dough. I'll have to remember that. That's one of the things they never tell you in school. Just out, are you? Oh, no, I've been out of school a year. Never had a job, though, did you? No, I never did. You see, I got... I could tell in a minute. You're pretty all right, but you kind of got that bewildered look. No wonder I have. I'm just beginning to follow you. Say, you don't have to get excited. Well, come on. We ain't going to get mink coats scabbing out here. What sort of an outfit do you think it is anyway? A Johnson and Grow-wiler. My last was a writer. You worked for a writer? Worked is right, honey. Do I look for type to do anything else? Oh, I mean, I was just surprised to hear you worked for a writer. That's what I meant. He wrote eight hours a day, five days a week for three years. He wrote them little balloons for the comic books. Oh, I never thought anybody wrote those. Oh, sure, honey. Oh, I know what you mean. He wasn't a very educated writer. His grammar was awful. You wouldn't have thought he'd gone to school at all. I guess there are all kinds of writers. I sure made a fool of myself when I first started with him. I used to fix up his grammar a little. Then he told me to stop. He didn't have no call for good grammar. I suppose every job has little things that you've got to learn. No, they sure do, honey. That's what I like about a new job. Figuring out for yourself what it is that people need and then trying to give it to them. I bet you're awfully good at it, too. There's lots worse than me. Say, honey, this ad calls for experience. What are you going to tell them? But I don't really want to... Tell you what, if they're ready to bite, you tell them you worked for a writer, see, for three years. His name is Hamilton Niblo. Hamilton Niblo? Don't worry, I'll fix it with them if they check up. Oh, but I couldn't do that. That's not right. It isn't fair to you anyway. Oh, see, here, honey, you've got to view these things realistic. That's a nice word, ain't it? It was one of Niblo's favorite words. When he was talking, I mean. You ain't competing with me. That's terribly sweet of you. It's the nicest thing I've ever heard of anyone doing, but I just came up here to... You talk an awful lot, don't you? I'm trying to tell you that... It's all right. I like people who talk a lot. But we ain't got the time right now, dearie. Now, look, anybody's going to hire you ain't going to hire me. I don't see how you know all that when you haven't seen them. Look, honey, in business, the only thing that counts is men. We women work and the men count. Now, there are two kinds of men in business. The men who like business and the men who don't like home. It's amazing how simple things are when you know all about them. The men who like business would never hire you because you don't know nothing. Not now, anyway. And the men who don't like home won't hire me because I'm just what they don't like about it. But they'd be making an awful mistake if they didn't because I think... You're talking, ain't you? And I like that. Now, listen, I'm going in first to chase the joint. Now, you wait right there, honey. I'll be back in just a few minutes. Carlin, is Mr... Well, well, Claudia, you're a breath of fresh air. Oh, Roger, hello. Hello, darling. Say, you look kind of breathless. I am. I've just finished three years working for a writer named Hamilton Niblo. We've been filling all those funny little balloons in the comic books. Bully for Mr. Niblo. An old friend? Haven't even met him. This sounds like a very long story. Maybe you'd better save it for lunch. Oh, I know what that means. You're in the middle of a conference with Roger. I'll stay out of your way. Let me go talk to Carlin. I'm afraid that isn't so easy. Carlin is not here. She isn't sick, is she? Quite the contrary. She achieved the ultimate in health. She's having a baby. She is. Catching. A friend of Carlin's was supposed to come in and take her place, but now she's changed her mind. You mean you haven't had any secretary at all? I mean exactly that, and the tones of horror in your voice express my own reaction exactly. David, what are you going to do? We're going to get a new secretary from the agency. And in the meantime, David and I have abandoned the drawing board for the switchboard. I could have come down and answered the phone and done everything for you. Darling, you're a mechanical genius, I know, and you've tamed the beasts of the jungles and the officers of the law, but you haven't got a chance with that switchboard. David's cut himself off three times this morning, and as for myself, I have lost count. But I am experienced. I worked for Mr. Niblo for three years. Niblo, Niblo, who exactly is this human golf stick? Probably some strange man my wife met in the elevator. Darling, you're so almost right. I was coming up from the elevator... Does Claudia talk to strange men, David? If she really wants to start a conversation, she's been known to run them down in her car. That isn't fair. It was an accident, and I didn't get a ticket like someone I know almost... I think it's a charming habit. I hope that sometime I'll be the strange man you run into. That was sweet. Just for that, I will go inside and leave you two to hatch your plots or whatever it is you were doing a minute ago. We were trying to dissect the switchboard. There's a good magazine on my desk, darling. I'll be with you in about three minutes. I'll be as quiet as a mouse. I won't even think... David, don't let her watch us fumble with this phone. She'll never respect you again. David, are you the kind of man who likes the office or the kind who doesn't like home? I'm the kind who likes you. Oh. What brought on a question like that? I meant the most remarkable person. David, you need a secretary. She'd be simply... David, there's that infernal instrument again. I am going to get it this time. You should see yourself. Goodbye, have fun. Oh. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Oh, nothing happened. You pushed the wrong key. Yes, I know that. Now which is the right key? Hello? Hello? You have to have the two of them pointing up the same way at the same time. Here. I see. Hello? Hello? I know which... Which two? Try those two over there. All right. Hello? Hello? Say, what do you think you have there, an egg beater? This is a monster switchboard. A monitor. I use the word monster advisedly. There is a telephone call somewhere inside it, only we sec can't seem to get it out. Push down that one there and that one over there. Hello? Hello? Hello, Kelly. I'm sure you've been trying to... Yes. Oh, that's fine. Fine, fine. That's splendid. Thanks. Goodbye. Well, well, well, that's a considerable improvement. Kelly thinks he'll be able to get the heating people on the job by next Monday. Excuse me, sir. Oh, yes. You. You certainly came in at an opportune moment. Thanks. Now you better push that one back up again, flip this one over, otherwise next time you're going to cut yourself off again. Why didn't someone tell us that a little earlier? They shouldn't let you men near a switchboard and typewriters. All a man has to do is write three words on a typewriter and it'll never be the same again. I'm inclined to agree with you, madam, and I'm very grateful you happened to law. Oh, sure. Say, what happened to Johnson and Growwiler down the hall? They put in an ad for a secretary and when I hustled up there, the place is locked up tight, like a speakeasy after the cops. Say, this ain't a bad office you got. Nice view. Oh, but it sure is a mess. It satisfies its purpose. Don't you even put your coat on a hanger? These hooks are murder on coats. You are hanging up my coat. I ain't going to use it for a dust bag. You are moving our papers. Please be careful with those. They're important. Oh, sure they're important. Last Thursday's Times. You don't want that, do you? Oh, here's your checkbook underneath it. I bet you've been looking for it all morning, ain't you? I knew it. Really, young woman, we're perfectly able to take care of this office. Oh, sure. Listen, mister, the man isn't born yet who could take care of an office. What's the matter with your girl? Is she sick? She left us. She's having a baby. We've asked the agency to send us a new secretary. Killian and Norton. Nice names. What are you, draftsman? I'm not sure whom this concerns, but we happen to be architects. Oh, is that so? I never worked for an architect. Well, it's a highly specialized profession, isn't it, David? Some of it is. Don't tell me it's so specialized you don't like to make money. Rarely, young woman. I don't mean to be fresh, but as far as a secretary goes, nothing's very specialized. She's got to know who you don't want to speak to and how to write good letters, and she's got to like the people she's working for. I think I could get to like you. You're a secretary? I'm awfully sorry, but we've already asked the agency to send someone out. Besides, we can't afford to pay very much right now. Oh, that's bad, but it ain't serious. The money don't matter as much as the way people feel about me. I'm not altogether sure we could qualify under those terms. They're a trifle too mystical. Kellyan and Norton, good morning. Mr. Kellyan? May I tell him I want some? One second, please, and I'll look around for Mr. Kellyan. Which of you is Mr. Kellyan? I am. You want to talk to him, Mr. Kelly? I certainly do. Just a minute, please. Here's Mr. Kellyan now. Hello, Kelly. Yes. Yes, we did get one in a hurry. Well, um, Mrs... McBride. McBride. When you say money isn't serious, how little does it have to be before it gets serious? How much were you paying the last girl? The last girl? 55. Oh, but she'd been working here for years, I know. I like this place. I like a place that's small, and I like to start with a couple of people who think they don't need me. I'm starting at 45. Uh, 50. I said 45. All right, you win. When will you start? I'll be back right after lunch. Well, I guess Kellyan and Naughton have a new secretary, Mrs. McBride. You've got a lot more than that, Mr. Mc... Mr. Naughton. Hey, you just wait and see. So long. So long. Yes. Okay, Kelly, I'll hear from you then about the heating as soon as you find out yourself. Right. Goodbye. I, uh, see you got rid of her. Mrs. McBride? Mm-hmm. Yes, I got rid of her till after lunch. How's that? We, uh, we have a new secretary. You took her? That... that? Why, she isn't the type at all. We've... we've never had such an aggressive person in here before. She'll stir everything all up. She'll put everything away where we can't find it. She'll do all the... Uh, Roger, do you ever think maybe we need a little stirring? Well, we hired her, but we don't have to keep her. No, of course not, of course not. But, uh, we've got a hunch that she'll work out. Oh, I'll believe it when I... There's Kelly again. Now, um, what did she say to do? Here, you push these two out there. Hello. Hello. Now what? I've lost it again. Claudia, ready for lunch? Ready. I just ate a death. Hello, hello. Oh, this infernal machine. Now what do I do? Why don't you push that one? Everybody's an expert today. I might as well try it. Hello. Hello. Oh. Hello, Kelly. See, David, it takes a woman to run an office. I gave up ten minutes ago. We just hired a secretary. Oh. Well, I wish you'd met the one I did in the elevator. She was marvelous. Really? She would have been a sensation. Really? Well, um, ours is a sensation, too. You just wait till you see her. This broadcast of Claudia was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. How differently you greet guests at different times. If there's plenty of coke in the refrigerator, you beam in relaxed fashion, so your guests beam right back. They feel at home. And when you trot out that tray of ice-cold Coca-Cola, is it ever welcome? How's your supply? Better order a case so you can give your next guests a cordial welcome. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you, transcribed, with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again tomorrow at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For ice-cold Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. His Auntie dissolves like a